Home on the Strange: Lest No One Speak My Name

Lest No One Speak My Name

Sponsored by John Cochrane

To Anna Cochrane, my wife, for everything she does for me and our family.

The Script For Today's Comic!

#8
Lest No One Speak My Name
(8 panels)

Panel 1:
(Still in the computer room from last time. Tom is still irritated.)

TOM: "So if you don't think your readers are particularly bright, why are you posting cutie shots of yourself to attract sex-crazed teenagers?"

KARLA: "For the power."

TOM: "What?"

Panel 2:
(Shot of the little LJ "user" logo, repeated across the panel, perhaps with names underneath.)

KARLA: "Well, you see, I don't think of them as 'friends.' They're more like my personal slave pool."

Panel 3:
(Each of the little LJ "user" logos has transformed into a slobbering guy or an unattractive bisexual woman, each of them thoroughly white trash, nerdy, or creepy old.)

KARLA: "You see, if I give them enough pictures, they begin to think that they are my close friends… The fools! And thus I can use them."

Panel 4:
(A person at a keyboard is tearing at her hair as a swarm of tiny people from the previous panel come streaming out of her screen and fly about her face like gnats or bats.)

KARLA: "Right now, I can just aim my fans at people who piss me off, sending them to post incoherent insults at my command. A word, and seventy people will head over to anyone who annoys me, bombarding them with emails."

Panel 5:
(Overhead shot of the capital, the streets swarming with zombie-like LJ Karla followers, tearing the guns out of the guards, turning over cars, and generally causing chaos.)

KARLA: "But with enough cleavage shots, my followers will grow. Eventually, I will have a battalion of worshippers at my feet, doing my bidding, and I will stage my takeover of the government!"

Panel 6:
(Karla, back in the room, throwing her head back and laughing maniacally at Tom as Tom backs away.)

KARLA: "MWOO HAH HAH HAH HAH!"

Panel 7:
(Karla quietly returns to her computer, leaving Tom to stare at her in mild panic.)

Panel 8:
TOM: "I fear you."

KARLA (cheerfully): "Keep it to yourself, or the Army of Karla will erase you from living memory." 2036

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Ferrett Says

The faithful here should note that we’ve had a shirt available for the past three weeks, but no context to put it in. The finality of that context has arrived today – and now you can purchase a T-shirt to show off your aspirations of world conquest!

The comic today is noteworthy for two reasons:

1) In my notes for the Battlestar Galactica strip, I said that it was a really bad idea to have Roni draw an army. Note that the Roni Draws an Army count is now up to two. And she’ll draw more.

This week.

2) If I were a really sleazy Web comic author who was whoring for PR, I might do something silly to try to attract LiveJournal’s attention – like, say, picking the bloggers I thought had a really good connection with their audiences in a blatant attempt to get them to mention the strip. Fortunately, I would never ever do such a thing.

And if I did do such a thing, I wouldn’t be kicking myself that I forgot to put in the lovely Cleolinda, who has a bigger audience than the other people combined and is link-happy. Because God forbid I should be both desperate and stupid.

That said, I was AFK over the weekend, so I didn’t tell you the funny thing about the last comic – mainly, that all of the comments that Karla received were actual comments, snipped and stolen from a “hot chicks” LiveJournal community. They may not have been drooling over Karla specifically, but they were ogling a busty redhead. Witness the charm.