var EXtitle = "AGC's Old Evil Campaign: Part 2"
var ljpost = "235396";
var tablewidth = "300";
var text1 = "| This is NOT a 'Real D&D Excerpt', in fact unlike all the other ones, this is a decidedly UNREAL and totally FICTIONAL excerpt, covering some of the Old Evil Campaign from Another Gaming Comic. The characters are from a period in the history of AGC (the times before AGC #1), but following the conventions of my D&D Excerpts, they will all be refered to by the names of their in-game characters, except for the GM. Of course, if you've read AGC, you should have little trouble guessing who is who... Please note also that this game is played under the fictional '2.5 Edition' of D&D, which blends many properties of AD&D 2nd Edition with a little 3.0, and a lot of creative leeway. |
The evil party has been forced to work together by an ancient chaos god called Naraxus as penance for raiding his ruined temple. They must dethrone benevolent God-King Amamensis from a nearby nation within a month or their bodies and souls will be destroyed by the elder deity. Last week, they succeeded in killing half of the king's powerful bodyguards, the former adventurers known as the Opal Guardians. Closer than ever to achieving their goal, the Player Character villains nevertheless have little more than a week to take their target down.
Levinson: We're all here, so let's get going. Remember, the reason we're starting early is because we'll be breaking early when my daughter gets into town.
GM: So you're leaving right at seven?
Levinson: Not necessarily. She said she'd give me a call as soon as her flight lands, so we may have a little longer if her flight is delayed by that stupid storm.
Baron: The de-icing normally doesn't take all that long.
Levinson: Right... anyhow, it's scheduled to be in by seven though.
GM: Okay, you guys did pretty well last week, from the looks of things. You killed the Opal Paladin and Assassin, and as far as anyone knows Baron Von Schtandholdt and Archdeacon Levinson are actually the heroes who rescued the tomb of the King's father. The tomb itself has had most of its traps expended, and it's treasures (which you chose not to steal) are being guarded by a squad of elite guards and some of Amamensis' priests.
Pyrov: 'We should totally get that treasure now. Without the hero-type guys we could take that place in no-time.'
Baron: 'That would be imprudent. Even though Amamensis appeared to buy our story, I'm sure he is still half-expecting someone to try that, and I'll bet his forces are ready for it. Besides, your team did not penetrate the inner sanctum, so there me still be powerful defenses.'
Pyrov: 'Well how were we supposed to get in with you guys attacking us? You had way better goons too...
Ingvar: 'The point wasn't to reach the sanctum, Pyrov, the point was to gank the Opal Guardians. He isn't criticizing the job we did.'
Baron: 'No, you two performed the role of bait quite admirably.'
GM: [Baron's elf servant] 'The Great Baron Von Schtandholdt's plan worked flawlessly, as always.'
Pyrov: [under breath] '...fireball upside the head...'
Levinson: 'We need Amamensis out of the picture first. Until then, the tomb is drawing off some of the priests who might otherwise be defending the palace.'
Baron: 'Now all that is left is to plan our final move. We need to brainstorm every possible advantage we can gain against the King.'
Ingvar: 'Now that two of them are dead, it is doubtful that anything we can do would trick the remaining Opal Guardians into being separated from Amamensis now.'
Baron: 'I may have a way, but I agree, it's unlikely. We should focus on how to overcome them and the large number of guards and lesser casters that will assail us in the throneroom.'
Levinson: 'We are still under the assumption that we can gain another audience?'
Baron: 'Yes. If Amamensis still trusts us, we have but to ask. If, on the other hand, he has refuted our story somehow, this so-called Benevolent King will let us in anyway, if only as a pretense to question or arrest us.'
GM: Sounds like you guys need to brainstorm some. While you do that, I'll meet each of you in the kitchen one-at-a-time to go over your progress for the week. Pyrov, I'll start with you.
Pyrov: Sweet!
Levinson: Are you saying Pyrov had an actual plan of action?
GM: It's an Evil campaign. Everyone has off-table actions. Come on, Pyrov.Leaving the others to their plotting, GM and Pyrov went into the kitchen, and due to the miracle of hindsight, we are privvy to their conversation.
GM: Now you didn't have any off-table actions, so I thought I'd give you a chance to act a little on your own.
Pyrov: I had actions, I told you, Pyrov wanders around and burns some faces.
GM: That really doesn't tell me much. Can you describe your murderous wanderings?
Pyrov: Sure... um, I wait almost a whole day after the tomb thingy, cause Baron and Levinson kept on going on about 'laying low', and 'not be seen', and crap like that. But Pyrov lives to burn faces, so his patience ran out. I go out the first couple nights, sneaking through the city's alleyways to find stray peasants, and I behead them with my very skilled use of Burning Hands.
GM: Behead them? With an AoE spell?
Pyrov: Sure, it's a small AoE. Plus, if I'm willing to spend a spell on one-shotting level zero peasants, I can prettymuch choose how to apply its physics or special effects, right?
GM: That is generally allowed, yes.
Pyrov: So I focus my blast to basically burn their heads off.
GM: Lovely...
Pyrov: EVIL! HAHAHAH! Anyhow, I have to maintain my reputation, right? So I do that for a few nights, kill like half-a-dozen people a night, and I can escape using Invisibility if any guards come after me.
GM: Well, it's not that hard for you. Anything else you want to do, Jack the Ripper?
Pyrov: Then, when I get tired of such petty villainy...
GM: By which you mean Serial killing.
Pyrov: Then I'll cast Fire Shield and walk into a bar in the bad part of town.
GM: You just walk into a bar?
Pyrov: Yep, I'll walk right up to the bar, sit on one of the stools and gauge their reactions.
GM: Everyone stops and stares at you, due to the wispy flames. It's hard to tell if they recognize you by reputation, because being a flaming hobgoblin is probably enough, but the barkeep is frozen in place, staring at you, a look of terror in his eyes.
Pyrov: I'll just sit there - no, I'll calmly signal for him to bring me an ale!
GM: The bartender pours you an ale with a shaky hand, and deposits in front of you, saying nothing, and not looking for payment. Then you see him glance at something else briefly.
Pyrov: I'll turn to where he looked.
GM: A man near the door stops, it looks like he was trying to sneak out, but being caught he freezes.
Pyrov: I sip my drink, then set it down and walk towards the door. 'Planning to warn the guards?', I ask the guy.
GM: Petrified, he nods no...
Pyrov: 'I hate heroes... FIREBALL!' Nobody survives!Having accomplished all that, Pyrov returned to the table, and Baron joined GM in the kitchen. Ever since the initial set-up of the campaign (raiding the temple of Naraxus), Baron had set his sights on procuring the imfamous and notoriously suicidal minor artifact, a Deck of Many Things. After the first week, he researched tomes taken from the ancient Chaos God's temple to find another ancient Naraxian site hidden beneath the capitol city, and penetrate some of its traps. Being stopped by an enchanted seal, it was now time for him to try the breaching magic he had researched during the down-time.
GM: You stand before the glowing seal again. You know that if you try to breach it and fail, very bad things could happen to you...
Baron: I'm confident in my research bonuses. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I'll walk into the seal.
GM: As your body crosses into the seal, you are struck by blistering pain over your entire body, and you feel almost frozen in agony, barely moving forward - it feels as though that single step will take minutes.
Baron: Nevertheless, I'll continue pushing forward, enduring the pain.
GM: The pain intensifies the longer you are in it, you can feel your skin burning, being sheared off your fingers and your face, and it's starting to feel like the foot in midstep will never touch down again...
Baron: And yet I persist. I'm committed to my course of action, and I won't pull back now.
GM: Finally, after what feels like hours of torment, your foot touchest the ground, and suddenly the pain ends. You look down and see your fingers are in fact uninjured.
Baron: Yes, well I'm familiar with the works of Frank Herbert. In that context, pulling back would be foolish.
GM: I suppose. Well you've penetrated the inner core of the lost temple, beyond which your research revealed nothing. It's a 15 foot diameter round chamber, and at the middle is a square pedestal. On the pedestal lies a chessboard, with pieces of white crystal and blood-tinged ruby arrayed in starting positions.
Baron: Classic. Which army faces me?
GM: Actually, the board is sideways relative to the doorway, so neither one is obviously yours. There appears to be a tiny inscription on the pillar facing you, in that Naraxian script you deciphered for the tomes. You can't read if from near the doorway.
Baron: I can't attain the Deck if I don't deal with the obstacle, so I'll walk right up to the board.
GM: As you get close enough, you find the inscription says 'A wrong move will cost you', and even as you read it in your head a circular Wall of Fire encircles you and the board. This isn't like Pyrov's wall spell though, this is an Epic level Wall of Fire. Rather than made of flames, it's smooth and blotchy yellow-white like the surface of the sun.
Baron: And probably instantly lethal. I'll move over behind the red pieces.
GM: Predictably, a white pawn moves on it's own. King's pawn to E4. Disconcertingly, the wall shrinks inward an inch.
Baron: There appears to be a move limit on this game. Hmm, chess is a game of logic and strategy. The rules describe every possible situation that can arise... I reach out and swipe all the pieces clean off the board.
GM: The Wall of Sun pulses towards you... then vanishes, and the chess board splits in half, falling off the pedestal to reveal a well worn deck of twenty-two cards within it.
Baron: Play chess for a god of chaos, really?
GM: It's so hard to use puzzles with you guys. There seems to be no gray area between 'impossibly difficult' and 'childsplay'.
Baron: What about Pyrov?
GM: He doesn't enjoy them, he just gets frustrated. So, you finally have your deck of many things. How many cards do you choose to draw?
Baron: This is where I whip out those special arcane scrolls of Augury I had scribed for me. I cast the first scroll and ask 'What will be the result if I draw a single card?'
GM: So cheap... [GM draws a card from the deck of real cards he is using to represent the Deck of Many Things, and sets it aside face down after comparing it to the chart] 'Weal.'
Baron: Then I cast another, 'What will be the result if I draw two cards?'
GM: [examining the next card, then setting it beside the first] 'Woe'.
Baron: Blast. Some of the negative effects are so dire that I cannot risk them - especially in the full 22-card deck. This whole exercise may have been a waste of time, for a single card. Still, I will draw one, and see what I have earned.
GM: You gain a level.
Baron: Haha! Perfect, the ultimate result. All is well, and I will see that I gain in the end from this whole Naraxus affair.Baron returned to where the others were plotting, and Ingvar took his turn. Without going into as much detail, Ingvar's plot to become a vampire had not gone so well. He had learned in the previous week that there were only two routes to such power, the first being a great ritual which would take him far too long to get together (for the scope of the campaign), and the second, simply being 'turned' by another vampire, was too risky for his taste, since he would be totally at the vampire's mercy beforehand (it could choose to just kill him), and even if he succeeded, he would be mystically bound in the service of that vampire. He was forced to change his villainous focus to simply procuring a couple of useful magic items, a Chime of Interruption and a potion of Treasure Finding.
Finally, Levinson took his turn with GM. With a great deal of specificity, the Archdeacon manipulated his growing crime syndicate in varying enterprises, having expanded into the capitol of Tavaris. In addition to using everything from theft of holy artifacts down to simple rumors to weaken the other local temples and steal more followers for his new (to the area) Church of Holy Insight. His real aim, though, was to build up a loyal cadre of followers and have them ready for action by the next week's session (even if Levinson himself should die in the main battle, he intends to make a spectacular comeback with his regeneration and his army of minions). In the meantime, his syndicate has garnered him a significant advantage in wealth and minor potions and scrolls, relative to the other characters. Wealth can't buy everything though...
Levinson: Then I'll head to that rare scroll dealer I found last week, and I'll buy a scroll of Creeping Doom.
GM: You can't buy a scroll of Creeping Doom.
Levinson: Why the hell not? My money's good...
GM: He doesn't have one.
Levinson: He's a rare scroll dealer.
GM: It's a max level priest spell, they aren't that common, especially in scroll form. And I don't need you casting it to wipe my campaign's final fight.
Levinson: It would have a pretty hefty failure chance for being so far above my level...
GM: It would also have a fairly hefty SUCCESS chance, which could wipe my boss fight. You can't have a thousand-damage swarm of bugs.
Levinson: What a gyp...
GM: It's not a gyp! It's game balance! BALANCE!Levinson, for all the uproar, did not appear overly disappointed, and probably didn't think he could get away with a scroll of Creeping Doom, but had tried anyway.
Levinson: Whatever. I guess I have only one other thing to do then... I have my men watching Pyrov, right?
GM: Yes, at least they're trying.
Levinson: Where's he sleeping?
GM: They think he's sleeping in the Temple of Corelon Lathelian, possibly in the tower. It's only a suspicion though, because he turns invisible in that vicinity late each night, and he could actually be doubling back and heading elsewhere.
Levinson: No, turning invisible before heading to his rest spot is already pretty devious for Pyrov, and sleeping in the elf temple would take some real balls. He'd love that... so one night, after they report him stealthing around there, I'll have that low-level mage follower cast Invis on me, and I'll sneak up to the tower...
GM: Your glamored armor looks like cloth, but it still makes noise like full plate. You'll have to roll your move silent...
Levinson: Don't be silly, I get up outside the tower with my Lev boots. Do I find him sleeping
GM: Yes... he's asleep and helpless. What are you going to do?
Levinson: Oh, I don't want to hurt him. I cast Dominate on him.
GM: Ow... well we'll have to see if he saves before we continue.
Levinson: Well if he fails his save, I command him to continue acting normally, except that he cannot harm me.
GM: That's it?
Levinson: For now. It does last over a week though...GM and Levinson headed back to the table, the issue of Pyrov's save now making a HUGE difference in how the campaign would play out from here.
GM: Alright, we're almost done. Pyrov, I forgot one other result of your off-table actions, can you come back for a sec.
Pyrov: Okay... did I kill somebody important? Hehe...They retired to the kitchen, and after a brief moment everyone heard Pyrov bellow 'WHAT?', after which there were a few very quiet minutes. Then, with all the individual business done, they both returned to the gaming table, Pyrov not giving away anything, but clearly quite pissed off about something...
GM: Alright, have you guys settled on a strategy?
Ingvar: More or less. I think our plan is to kill the King.
GM: That... doesn't sound much like a plan.
Ingvar: Ya, that's about how far we've progressed.
Levinson: 'Look, I have managed to get an infiltrator among the palace guards. He knows at least some of their contingency plans.'
Baron: 'Well done, considering how little time we've had, I had almost discounted infiltration as an option.'
Levinson: 'Call it a conversion then. The allure of Vecna is hard to resist. Anyhow, I believe that opening up with a pair of Wall spells should cut off most of their reinforcements.'
Baron: 'They had better be Walls of Stone or Iron then, or else the King may make very efficient use of his limited casting levels by dispelling them.'
Ingvar: 'Hmm, if you truly can cut off any reinforcements from outside the courtroom, it becomes a stand-up fight. Properly buffed, if we focus down the Opal Mage quickly, we should have a good chance.'Suddenly inspired, the villains quickly put together an order-of-battle to take down God-King Amamensis. And so later that day, Baron Von Schtandholdt and Archdeacon Levinson requested another audience with the King, purportedly to discuss another threat from their divinations. Using a scroll, Pyrov cast Alter Self to mimic Baron's dwarven servant (throwing the dwarf's cloak over his own magic one). With Baron's elf servant also in train, Baron cast Invisibility on Ingvar, and they headed brazenly through the palace as though they belonged there.
GM: Just as the last time you were in the palace, a half-dozen guards escort you and the steward towards the throneroom, when one of the guards calls a halt: 'Where is that coming from? I am certain I heard heavy armored steps back there...'
Levinson: [thinking quickly] 'I'm afraid I am a little noisy in my armor.'
GM: [the guard] 'What armor?'
Levinson: 'These may appear to be simple Archdeacon's robes, but they are in fact glamored armor. Watch', and I deactivate the glamor, so they can see my black full plate.
GM: And does your black full plate have any markings?
Levinson: What am I, stupid? Even under the illusion I'm not wearing any actual Vecna symbols. Vecna is the god of freakin' secrets. My god would not aprove of such stupidity.
Pyrov: So wait, Levinson's armor is illusioned? Isn't that against the Treaty?
Ingvar: If you had actually read the treaty, glamored armor is one of the exceptions listed under clause 14. Unlike Invisibility, it does break the specific limitations on illusions, but we eventually agreed to allow it, mostly because Levinson is so attached to it.
Baron: There is a certain advantage to wearing armor when one appears not to, but it is nowhere near as disruptive as most applications of the illegal school of magic. Let's keep moving, we've only a limited time today. I want Amamensis dead by 7pm.
Levinson: Yes!
GM: Okay, well the guard is very surprised by your revelation, but appears to buy it. It does seem to explain the phantom clanking produced by your invisible warrior.Levinson: 'Now, if you'll allow, it will just take me a moment to robe myself again, and so to appear fit for your King's court.' I begin some phony casting motions.
Baron: Then I pull out a scroll and cast Mass Suggestion on the lot of them.
GM: Well that changes things. What's your suggestion?
Baron: Merely that we pause for a moment to prepare ourselves for their King's august presence, and cast a few little spells to improve our confidence. However, I also suggest that they give us and the King some privacy later on, at my request.
GM: Alright... a little complex, but still within the scope of Suggestion. But one of them passes his save. He doesn't know what's going on, but he knows it's wrong...
Pyrov: Can I kill him?
Levinson: I don't want to risk breaking the hold of Baron's enchantment on the others. I'll just Dominate him.
GM: Okay, that works. He's your puppet, while the rest of them see no reason not to wait a couple moments for you guys to buff yourselves. | Baron's being really dubious here, as he doesn't actually have a scroll of Mass Suggestion. If required to account for it later, he would have indicated that it was another scroll that he pulled out, and that he didn't say he cast the spell from the scroll, only that he (A) pulled it out and then (B) cast the spell. All of which simply because he doesn't want the others to know how many 6th-level spells he gets per day now that he gained an extra level from the Deck of Many Things. |
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Ingvar: I'll pull a dagger out from under my cloak and set it on the ground at my feet.
GM: As soon as it leaves your posession it becomes visible.
Levinson: Good, now we know where you are to buff you. I cast Prayer.
Baron: I Stoneskin myself.
Pyrov: Do you want Haste?
Levinson: When it takes a year off your lifespan, that's when you know it's REAL magic.
Baron: The throne room is huge, I'd wager that we'll need the movement speed. Remember to target my servant and Levinson's new slave with any AoE buffs.
Pyrov: I cast Haste!
GM: I gathered.
Baron: I Stoneskin Levinson.
Levinson: Protection from Good, 10' Radius.
Pyrov: Fly!
Baron: I Stoneskin Pyrov.
Levinson: Bless.
Baron: I Stoneskin Ingvar.
GM: Any other buffs in the book?
Levinson: I think we're done for now...
Ingvar: My potions have shorter durations, don't want to waste them in the talking.
Levinson: 'Alright, I've wasted enough of your time. Let us hasten to the throneroom.'
GM: [the guard] 'Yes, lord.'GM had described the throneroom on their previous visits, so they cut quickly through the flavor-text this time. High vaulted ceiling, high windows between the archways, King Amamensis atop his large cobra-shaped golden throne, flanked by the two remaining Opal Guardians... and more guards than before. Then again, before there were twice as many heroes protecting the king. The God-King himself looked quite unhappy.
GM: [to Baron] Are you letting your servant lead?
Baron: If you will...
GM: [the elf servant] 'Great King Amamensis, milord the humble Baron Von Schtandholdt requests audience, along with fellow seer Archdeacon Levinson.' It would be improper for the King to respond directly to a servant, so the steward replies: 'God-King Amamensis, son of Akramensis the third of Tavaris, grants you audience, recalling your assistance in defending his father's pyramid.'
Baron: 'Thank you, Great Amamensis. I'm afraid we have seen an even greater danger...'
GM: [the King, his tone abrupt] 'Does it involve the hobgoblin pyromaniac who was thought to have died with the Resistance, yet who destroyed an inn last night?'
[All look over at Pyrov who simply arches an eyebrow, neither denying nor admitting to the crime]
Levinson: [recovering very quickly, though giving GM an evil look that screamed Why the Hell didn't my men tell me about that?] 'We slew one hobgoblin mage in the tomb of Akramensis the third, but now that you mention it, we only fought the one, and there were said to have been two greenskin wizards in that attack at the marketplace over a week ago. If for whatever reason they were not among the Resistance attackers, then the second masked villain - the spellcaster - may still be about as well.
GM: [the King] 'Then you were mistaken when you reported the Resistance destroyed.'
Baron: 'I apologize, Lord. We slew all who fought against us, but in the heat of battle we forgot to account for the other rumored members, assuming they were among the dead. Fear not, we will finish what we started that night.'
GM: The sandy-bearded man in ornate Opal Guardian robes at the King's left hand (to the right of him from your perspective) flinches as if he wants to strike out at you across the room.
Ingvar: They know - it's fightin' time. I chug my Potion of Super Heroism.
GM: [the King] 'As Dallal's reaction has given away, he feels that things are not as you have said. Though I have trusted his instincts and divination for many years, I allowed you here to explain yourselves, yet your words are like vipers, twisting this way and that. I ask you plainly, Baron, Archdeacon: did you kill Zargon and Teral?' Of course, your elf jumps to your defense, [elf servant] 'Why dost the Great King accuse my honorable master of such crimes, after all he has risked in your service? Surely the justice of the God-King of Tavaris...' Amamensis cuts him off though, [the King] 'I asked your master a simple question, he need only answer truthfully and justice will be served.'
Pyrov: Oh crap, does he have Zone of Truth then?
Baron: One would assume. 'King Amamensis, we came here today because an ancient deity of chaos, long thought dead, is plotting your downfall. Tell me that your own seer has not warned you of the return of Naraxus.'
GM: At the mention of that name, Dallal shudders and looks to the King. Obviously, your words have struck home, however the gaze of Amamensis does not waver, focused sharply on you. 'Dire portents, which I indeed have heard. But you have yet to answer my question. Did you kill my Opal Guardians in the tomb of Akramensis?'
Levinson: 'We did not come before you to be accused of treason, o' King...'
GM: [the King] 'Yes or no?' The guards are getting restless, and Hammurash the Opal Weapon Master has drawn his spear....
Pyrov: Wait... dude's called 'the Weapon Master' an he whips out a freakin spear? A pointy stick?
GM: His spear is an eight-foot mithril shaft covered in ornate runes, tipped with a foot-long triangular-cut fire-opal that appears to burn from within.
Pyrov: So it's a shiny stick?
GM: Just for that, I'm describing all his attacks in detail.
Ingvar: I'll down a potion of Invulnerability. Obviously it won't stop his magic stabbing-stick, but 2 AC is 2 AC.
Baron: I'll turn to Levinson, 'This outcome was predictable. If we had been thinking ahead, we would have ensured that at least one of the others struck a killing blow so that one of us could answer.'
GM: Are you saying that in-character?
Baron: Why not? Our refusal to answer under a Zone of Truth is equivalent to an admission of guilt. There's no Fifth Amendment in Tavaris.
Levinson: Or any other D&D world of which I am aware.
Baron: 'Guards; leave us.'
GM: The guards under your suggestion spell bow, turn and move back out into the hall. At this, Amamensis is finally unnerved, 'What is this? Where are you going?' One of them answers 'To grant you some privacy, milord.'
Ingvar: Since they haven't mentioned me lurking invisibly in the room, they clearly don't have See Invis running. Once the guards start moving and making their own armor noises, I'll try to get close to the mage's side.
Levinson: Well, if we are getting started, then I'll rush across the room with my hasted speed and cast Stone Shape to seal off the side door my infiltrator warned of. But I'll mentally command my Dominated guard to draw his sword and appear to threaten Baron. When the other guards arrive, I'll have him pretend he's attacking us as well, hopefully in the chaos they won't clue in right away.
Baron: I cast Wall of Stone on the entrance as soon as the guards reach the hall. I'll cover three-by-three squares.
GM: You do realize that there are still a dozen guards around the throneroom, in addition to the Opal Guardians.
Baron: This is the best opportunity we'll get, with our escorts gone and most of their reinforcements cut off. Pyrov?
Pyrov: I'll toss off this smelly dwarf-cloak...
GM: Well they can see your nice cloak now, but you still look like a dwarf until Alter Self wears off.
Pyrov: Maybe they can't see my glorious hobgoblin countenance, but they'll always treasure the embarassment of geting murdered by a flying freakin' dwarf! I fireball the King and the two oval guys for 33.
GM: Opal. Dallal the Sorceror saves for half, King Amamensis saves and resists all the remaining damage, and Hammurash the Weapon Master fails...
Pyrov: Sucka!
GM: Though even suffering full damage fails to make any visible impact on him. He has a lot of hit points and an iron resolve.
Pyrov: Whatever, he's hurting on the inside.
Ingvar: You mean internal bleeding, or did your flying dwarven fireball hurt his feelings?
GM: Anyhow, I'm not treating this as a surprise round, since as you stated they clearly realized you were guilty. But I'm giving you guys the initiative because you're the villains, and you are more pro-active.
Ingvar: Then I'd better get started on the stabbing. Dallas can eat my Hasted Superheroic four attacks per round with effective Thac0 of 2.
GM: His name is Dallal. I'll just tell you to save time, he has an AC of -1.
Levinson: Wow, hardcore for a wizard...
Ingvar: 'But PATHETIC before the might of Ingvar!' Take 23, 16, 19 and 17!
GM: He weathers your blows like rain against a statue.
Ingvar: Aww, Stoneskin? That's such BS...
GM: YOU have Stoneskin. You ALL have Stoneskin!
Ingvar: They'd better fix that in the next version, because it's a bull**** spell. Seriously...
GM: In any case, it's their turn. Dallal turns to you, now that you've made yourself visible, sticks a finger right out at you and casts Chain-Lightning, which hits you for 44, then arcs to Baron for 38, Levinson for 32 and Pyrov for 27 before being grounded by the fountain. Each of you can try to save for half.
Pyrov: How much to the stupid elf?
GM: Baron's servant? He wasn't targeted. He actually hit the deck the second the first spell went down and Dallal, being a good-guy, chose not to zap him.
Ingvar: Actually, you should have asked before rolling for all the other guys. I take no damage and the spell fizzles - it arcs no further.
GM: D'oh. Fine, nobody takes damage.
Baron: 'Chain-Lightning? How original...'
GM: [Dallal] 'All the 'creative' Level 6 attack spells are crap. Death Fog? Otiluke's 1000gp/casting Inferior Cold-Based Chain-Lightning?'
Baron: 'True enough; criticism withdrawn.'
GM: Hammurash looks torn, he'd like nothing more than to impale the traitorous nobles, but Ingvar's sudden arrival drew his attention, and he knows he has to get you off the Opal Sorceror. The Weapon Master...
Ingvar: Eats two charges from my Stoneskin?
GM: He charges you with his gleaming jem-bladed spear with a force that could impale a rhino, followed by a leaping stab right in through one of the eye-holes of your grim armored mask...
Ingvar: Thus eating two charges from my Stoneskin.
Pyrov: Ooh, describe again how he ate two charges of Stoneskin with his fabled stick-mastery!
GM: Amamensis contemplates dispelling your flight spell, but you'd only take 10-15 damage from the fall, so instead he summons a scarab.
Levinson: Ha, Summon spells... How big is it? Four, five hit-dice?
GM: Well, it's a Huge beetle, occupying a two-by-two square area, but realistically it's about twice the mass of a full-grown african elephant.
Pyrov: So more than five HD?
Baron: How is that possible? My spells indicated his caster level to be no more than seven or eight.
GM: That wasn't a true casting, it was an innate ability. Witness the royal symbol of Tavaris; the Silver Scarab.
Baron: Well crap.
Levinson: That's what you get for assuming the King followed normal advancement rules! What do we do now? That thing's got to be too big to reliably dispel!
Baron: I'm thinking.
GM: While you're thinking, the regular elite guards split up. Half swarm in on Levinson, while the other half go after Baron.
Baron: How tiresome and mundane of them.
GM: Mundane as they are, they get 3 attacks per 2 rounds and any roll hits your Stoneskin. This round they hit you and Levinson for a total of six charges each, but next round they'll get twice as many attacks.
Levinson: Gah! Why did you have to fly off, Pyrov! The crap-goons are wasting all our defenses!
Pyrov: Hmm, I can't be sure, but I probably took to the air so that some crap-goons wouldn't waste my defenses.
GM: On the plus side, they don't seem to have noticed yet that your mind-slave is only fake-attacking.
Levinson: Hurry up and kill them all, Pyrov!
Pyrov: Hold on, you told me the order of battle was first kill mage, then kill peons. We haven't reached step two yet.
Levinson: Step two's going to be my boot up your ass if the guards eat all my charges then I get beat-on by the beetle or the fighter!
Pyrov: Dammit, I'm torn between my desire to thwart you and my desire to demonstrate my superior superiority by owning everything.
Levinson: If you think about it, you aren't really torn...";
var table1 = "Pyrov: [an expression of realization quickly turns into anger, then resignation, then back to his normal overconfident stance, trying not to give away that he was Dominated by the evil Archdeacon] Ya, you're right. ARCANE NAPALM!
Levinson: What?
Ingvar: Huh?
Baron: From Beholder Issue 118? Interesting...
GM: Oh ya, that one you ran past me. Okay.
Pyrov: Flames arc down from my palm across the entire battlefield, creating one 5-foot-radius burst...
Levinson: That's it?
Pyrov: PER-CASTER-LEVEL! HAHAHA! Each one hits like a fireball, and lights the targets on fire (even if they saved against the initial blast). On their next turn, they each either have to spend a full round action trying to put it out (DC 15), or burn for another 5d6. Here, GM, pass me the battlemap.
GM: Okay, but make your pencil marks really light so I can erase them easily, we've hardly started and the graph paper's already half-smudged and barely legible.
Baron: We should seriously have a battlegrid with miniatures to track these combats. Pencil on graph paper is a travesty.
GM: I spend enough just keeping up with the books, I can't afford an army of figurines.
Pyrov: There you go, eleven little atomic napalm blasts. And no, it's not a meteor swarm - overlapping areas don't increase the damage. So take 39 for the initial round.
GM: No, and if they did, I wouldn't have approved the spell. Let me see here... wow, ya. While avoiding allies, your pinpoint barrage actually hits every single enemy on the field. Oh wait... it looks like you hit the elf servant.";
var table2 = "This spell actually exists in 3.5 Edition, I found in in the Spell Compendium under the name Firebrand, and I think it's a pretty good 5th level spell. Sure it takes two rounds to do 15d6 (or 13d6 at CL 9), but the area allows you to hit prettymuch the entire battlefield with pinpoint friend-or-foe recognition, and even targets who save against the initial burst (unless they evasion) have to either voluntarily lose an action or they take the followup 5d6 with NO save. Plus, the way it processes, you can Firebrand two rounds in a row and not lose any of the damage. It seriously should have had napalm in the name, though...";
var text2 = "Pyrov: Oops.
Baron: 'Oops' my ass, you even managed to avoid Levinson's pawn.
Pyrov: You're right... 'HAHAHAHAHA FRY YOU LOUDMOUTHED ELF ****ER!'
Baron: I can assure you that as little as he may actually care about his servant's life, Baron Von Schtandholdt considers it gravely disrespectful to destroy his property. It will not be forgotten.
GM: Well the soldiers attacking Baron and Levinson are pretty hard hit, but they all survive. The beetle and the Weapon Master seem unperturbed, the King saves and with his fire resistance he takes nothing, but his mage Dallal (who failed his save) takes a relevent amount of damage.
Baron: Very well, I'll cast Chain Lightning, striking first the warrior, then the King, the mage, the beetle, then most of the enemy soldiers.
GM: How original...
Baron: Well you had a solid point. I can't afford to wait all day for my enemies to die of Death Fog. What time is it by the way?
GM: It's only 3pm, we still have plenty of time. Alright, nobody MRs your spell, and although the beetle is actually immune to electricity, that specifically doesn't stop the spell from arcing according to the PHB description. The main three all save for half, and four of the burning soldiers actually die. Levinson?
Levinson: I'll drop a Blade Barrier with a 30-foot radius centered... pass me the map... here [draws a fairly precise circle lightly in pencil, such that it hits a couple of the guards next to him, but also hits Dallal, the beetle, and surrounds Ingvar with the King and Opal Guards such that they would take a whole lot of automatic damage should they try to get out].
GM: That kills two of the guards on you, and Dallal saves but still takes a bunch. The beetle takes full damage - I'm not even going to roll a save because it would have to dodge a good 10-feet either way to get its fat chitinous butt clear of the perimeter. However, while it does take full damage, I'm going to allow it to get clear and pick a side - it won't take automatic damage on its turn.
Ingvar: Don't forget my turn... I should probably be at the top of the initiative order because I went first.
GM: Oops, sorry about that. Still, I'm not going to worry about it too much, since we have this fight pretty much broken down into your team first, the enemies second.
Ingvar: True. As long as I don't get Time Walked I guess it doesn't matter. Well, Dallal has taken a lot of magic damage, and he still has half a Stoneskin spell on him, so rather than waste another round knocking off charges, I'll turn my unholy drug-infused turbo-attacking fury on the Weaponmaster.
GM: You'll find that he has an armor class of -6.
Ingvar: Wow, that would be really impressive impressive if I wasn't operating with nearly a 20-point bonus to hit. Well, if he's got Stoneskin, I knock off four charges. Otherwise, I'll make some rolls...
GM: Roll away.
Ingvar: Really? Dallal you lazy self-buffing bastard, not even boosting his friends, tut-tut. In that case I hit three times, take 18, 21 and 20.
GM: With a flourish, Hammurash brings up his spear shaft and parries away the first blow (reducing the damage by half), then from his counterattacking stance he answers each of your strikes with a quick kick or spear-butt jab. For each attack you hit him with, you take 3 points of bludgeoning damage.
Ingvar: Hmm, he's got a little more going on than just plain-old '2 attacks per round', huh?
GM: That's why they call him the Weapon Master. Unfortunately for you, those little 3-damage hits don't even hurt you.
Ingvar: They don't... [realized what GM means] ...aw dammit.
GM: Yep, you just lost three more charges of Stoneskin. And now it's the bad-guys' turn... wait, you're the bad guys, so I guess it's the good-guys' turn. I'm just too used to being the bad guys.
Baron: Anyhow...
GM: Anyhow, King Amamensis is going to go first this time, since we're effectively just doing party initiative. He leans over in his throne and touches Dallal with a Cure Critical Wounds, then he sets the Huge Silver Scarab upon Baron. It looms over you and chomps down with massive jaws and...
Baron: Eats a single Stoneskin charge?
GM: Well yes, but you are also now affected by it's Aura of Justice.
Baron: The bug has an 'Aura of Justice'? That seems like a stretch...
GM: The Aura gives you -3 to all saves, and any spell you cast in the Aura grants all targets +3 to save against you. The aura has a 20' radius, and the bug is actually 10-feet tall, so from where it now stands, it's affecting Pyrov as well.
Baron: Interesting how it sounds as though that ability does something, yet in practice it doesn't because we aren't going to stick around.
GM: We'll see. Regardless, that's the King's turn. He didn't waste his time extinguishing Pyrov's napalm, so he takes 5d6 more damage, but his Fire Resistance eats it all.
Pyrov: Cheese!
Levinson: Fire Resistance isn't cheese, it's just another situational protection.
Pyrov: Are you kidding? It works against EVERYTHING!
Levinson: Only because you have a braindead one-track spellbook.
GM: Next, Dallal casts Eyebite and attempts to Fear Ingvar.
Ingvar: 'Ingvar fears no-man!' Oops, I failed my... [garbled]... phew, I saved anyway. 'Ingvar fears no-man!'
Levinson: He had Eyebite memorized and he didn't cast it on the first round? It's a free action every round... What a noob.
Pyrov: He didn't fight the fire! He takes... [rolls] ...16 damage from the napalm.
GM: Then Hammurash beats another two charges off Ingvar.
Pyrov: What happened to describing all his fearsome pointy-stick moves?
GM: I'm holding off until he gets through the Stoneskin. Of the remaining guards, well, they all spend their actions trying to put out the flames. It's not that hard a save... but three of them fail and burn to death. All that are left are two guards on Levinson, and one guard on Baron, and the mind-controlled one. And it's back to your turn, though Levinson can hear the sounds of people on the other side of the Stoneshaped doorway trying to break through with swords and hammers.
Baron: Allow me to go first. GM, can you describe the throne again?
GM: Sure. It's a slightly oversized flat chair with serpent-shaped arms sitting on a three-step raised dais, but the back is fashioned into a fearsome cobra-head that looms over King Amamensis' head, hissing. It's entirely covered in gold with large ruby eyes and with blue-painted highlights.
Baron: Is the throne actually built-into the floor, or does it just sit on top?
GM: The base on which it sits isn't gold, hard to tell if it's attached or not, especially with a Huge Scarab in your face and a Blade Barrier in between you and the King.
Baron: One more question; if I use the sudden force application of Telekinesis on an object with a high center of gravity, could I potentially knock over the object even if the object exceeds the maximum weight allowance that I could throw with the spell?
GM: I suppose it would just require an item saving throw.
Baron: Very well, I'll move over here around the Blade Barrier towards Levinson, weathering the bug's attack of opportunity...
GM: Yes, it eats one charge, if you have any charges left.
Baron: Then I'll cast Telekinesis, attempting to topple the Cobra Throne with a concerted thrust near the top of the snake's head.
GM: Really?
Levinson: What the hell are you doing, Baron?
Baron: Just a hunch, and I admit the evidence is very limited, but King Amamensis has yet to fail a single saving throw, whereas his Opal Guardians, who are higher level, have had reasonably mixed results against our spells. I have a suspicion that his throne is an artifact, and that while he sits upon it he cannot fail a save, or at least, has a substancial bonus to all saves.
GM: But you know that if he's 'wielding' a magic item, it would use his saves instead of its own, if they are higher.
Baron: Indeed, however by targeting the item instead of him, it would only get his raw number bonuses, and not recieve its own benefit - at least, if I'm right and is simply lets him auto-save, that certainly would not apply to the throne itself. Arguably, a flat numeric bonus may carry over...
GM: Well you succeed in knocking over the throne, and Amamensis topples out to the other side.
Pyrov: Cool, we've won. Campaign over, divide up the spoils.
GM: Huh?
Pyrov: We already did that thing that the stupid chaos god asked for, the curse is over, we can do whatever we want now.
GM: The curse isn't over, Amamensis is still King of Tavaris.
Pyrov: That doesn't matter, he specifically gave us the Quest to 'dethrone God-King Amanensis'. He was in his throne, and now he's not. We literally dethroned him.
GM: That's not what dethroned means.
Ingvar: Actually, technically Pyrov is right. We did exactly what the Avatar of Naraxus specified, we have broken the curse.
GM: You haven't broken the curse!
Baron: You must admit, a strong argument could be made, based on the wording.
GM: It's not a strong argument, it's a semantic argument!
Levinson: Rules are rules, we did do what the curse said.
GM: Any idiot could tell the intention of the curse was...
Baron: Curses and prophecies in mythology are always about mysterious portents, correctly interpreting the riddles, and the intention is not always apparent.
Levinson: Who are we mortals to comprehend the intentions of the gods...
Ingvar: Especially Naraxus, being a chaos god. Maybe he gets his jollies from royal pratfalls.
GM: That's not how it works!
Pyrov: Wow, we won much earlier than usual. What do we do now?
GM: FINISH THE BLOODY ADVENTURE! THAT'S WHAT! You're still in the middle of combat with a very pissed off pair of heroes, an immense silver beetle and an angry God-King seeking justice for your treachery. Even if one were to stipulate to your ridiculous interpretation of the prophecy, I doubt Dallal the Sorceror and Hammurash the Weapon Master are just going to let you walk out of the palace.
Pyrov: We could fly...
GM: ARarrrgh!There was a little more debate about the curse, but obviously it was silly to take it literally in that fashion, and the villains certainly wouldn't walk away when they were so close to usurping a kingdom and all the treasures of the palace. However, this has become much longer than intended, and I need to determine whether to complete the campaign as Part 3 of these Excerpts, or whether to wrap it up more quickly in comic form as it is still part of AGC.
";