I’m told it was a relatively peaceful night during this year’s Ohio State-Michigan game, which is sort of like saying, “It was pretty tasty, for crap.” Still, I did not die, or kill for that matter, and I am happy for that. Also, a guy bought a bunch of stuff with $2 bills, which I promptly bought out of the register and put into my wallet. So now I have a bunch of $2 bills. I cannot wait to spend them.
I didn’t die.
Tomorrow’s comic will detail the events of The Night of the Football Madness.
I hope you enjoyed this, for I go now to my death. See the comic below for details.
I didn’t actually go out and buy a gun for the occasion, but I do have to work on the night of the Ohio State-Michigan football game, which is renowned in the city of Columbus for being one of the most violent, psychotic nights of the year, particularly around the campus area, which is where I work. Here is a list of things which are not exaggerations:
1)Cars will be flipped over.
2)Dumpsters will be set on fire.
3)Someone will die somehow.
4)Police will probably fire off tear gas at some point.
5)The next morning, there will be more beer cans in the street than gravel.
Oh yeah. This is gonna be a fun night for me. I was told by my manager, who worked the last Ohio State-Michigan game, that he was physically ejecting people from the store all night, sometimes several at a time. That’s fine for him– being rather large and capable of flying into a “Customer Rage” at a moment’s notice– but I am a skinny man, slight of figure from too many hours at the webcomic desk. I’m not built for this kind of madness.
Anyway, this is happening on Saturday night, so if you don’t see any more comics after that, you’ll know that I was killed. Wish me luck.
First off, this is true. The mayor’s wife crashed into a parked truck, got picked up by a cop, and blew a 0.27 on the breathalyzer. 0.27 is not “cocktail party at the golf club” drunk. 0.27 is “my frat buddy slipped a pint of whiskey in my beer funnel” drunk. It’s where you forget your own middle name. It’s where you can’t remember what county you’re in. And it’s apparently where parked trucks can crash into you. And yes, she really said that.
I’ve got nothing against a drink or twelve, but this bitch is insane. Her husband is running for governor next term and will probably win. There is no possible fucking way she couldn’t afford a cab.
Side note: I worked for about a year at the place where the police officer asked her if she was drinking at (mind you, it doesn’t say that she was drinking there, but it wouldn’t surprise me if that was the case). I have served drinks to the mayor, and several people on the news in Columbus, including one on the news website linked to above (the second head of the four at top). I may have served the mayor’s wife, but I didn’t know what she looked like until recently, so I really couldn’t say.