Schlock Mercenary - The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

1. Pillage, then burn. (7 February 2002)

2. A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on. (31 July 2009)

3. An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody. (1 November 2009)

4. Close air support covereth a multitude of sins. (14 April 2008)

5. Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart. (21 April 2010)

6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it. (13 March 2005)

7. If the food is good enough the grunts will stop complaining about the incoming fire. (20 April 2011)

8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock. (21 November 2002)

9. Never turn your back on an enemy. (8 March 2003)

10. Sometimes the only way out is through. . . through the hull. (17 January 2009)

11. Everything is air-droppable at least once. (15 April 2008)

12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head. (21 November 2002)

13. Do unto others. (8 March 2003)

14. "Mad Science" means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?" (Resident Mad Scientist, back cover)

15. Only you can prevent friendly fire. (18 November 2010)

16. Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth. (21 November 2002)

17. The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster. (20 February 2012)

18. If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear. (4 January 2012)

19. The world is richer when you turn enemies into friends, but that's not the same as you being richer. (27 October 2012 via twitter)

20. If you're not willing to shell your own position, you're not willing to win. (15 January 2012)

21. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow. (4 April 2004)

22. If you can see the whites of their eyes, somebody's done something wrong. (13 July 2012)

23. The company mess and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart. (27 October 2012 via twitter)

24. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a big gun. (18 March 2012)

25. If the damage you do is covered by a manufacturer's warranty, you didn't do enough damage (25 November 2012)

27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence. (8 March 2003)

28. If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid to bring ammunition home with you. (7 September 2011)

29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less. (8 March 2003) (31 December 2004)

30. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go. (8 March 2003)

31. Only cheaters prosper. (11 May 2003)

34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun. (29 February 2004)

35. That which does not kill you has made a tactical error. (T-shirt sold by Tayler)

36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support. (2 October 2003)

37. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.' (23 February 2004)

Alternate version: There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'time to reload.' (6 March 2004)(Poster sold by Tayler)

38. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients. (26 March 2004)

39. There is a difference between spare parts and extra [parts].[35]

40. Not all good news is enemy action. [36]

41. “Do you have a backup?” means “I can’t fix this.” [37]

42. "They'll never expect this" means "I want to try something stupid."

43. If it's stupid and it works, it's still stupid and you're lucky.

44. If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool. [38]

45. The size of the combat bonus is inversely proportional to the likelihood of surviving to collect it.[39]

46. Don’t try to save money by conserving ammunition.

47. Don't expect the enemy to cooperate in the creation of your dream engagement.[40]

48. If it ain't broke, it hasn't been issued to the infantry. [39]

49. Every client is one missed payment away from becoming a target [41] and every target is one bribe away from becoming a client.[24]

50. If it only works in exactly the way the manufacturer intended, it is defective.[24]

51. Let them see you sharpen the sword before you fall on it.[42]

52. The army you've got is never the army you want.[43] [24]

53. The intel you've got is never the intel you want. [43] [24]

54. It's only too many troops if you can't pay them.[24]

55. It's only too many weapons if they're pointing in the wrong direction.[24]

56. Infantry exists to paint targets for people with real guns.[24]

57. Artillery exists to launch large chunks of budget at an enemy it cannot actually see.[24]

58. The pen is mightiest when it writes orders for more swords.[24]

59. "Two wrongs is probably not going to be enough."[44]

60. Any weapon's rate of fire is inversely proportional to the number of available targets.[24]

61. Don't bring big grenades into small rooms.[45]

62. Anything labeled "This end toward enemy" is dangerous at both ends.[24]

63. The brass knows how to do it by knowing who can do it.[24]

64. An ounce of sniper is worth a pound of suppressing fire.

65. After the toss, be the one with the pin, not the one with the grenade.[24]

66. Necessity is the mother of deception.[24]

67. If you can't carry cash, carry a weapon.[24]

68. Negotiating from a position of strength does not mean you shouldn’t also negotiate from a position near the exits.

69. Sometimes rank is a function of firepower.[24]

70. Failure is not an option - it is mandatory. The option is whether or not to let failure be the last thing you do.[45]