Just one shot, he remembered. But it was one people didn't know you had... On the other hand, the Tooth Fairy probably wasn't responsible for putting it in the pillow, unless she'd been having to face some particularly difficult children lately.
He slipped it back into the bag when he became aware of a light. It was the faintest glow, showing that the door contained a barred window and that there were shadowy figures on the other side of it.
'Are you awake, your grace? This is very unfortunate.'
'Dee?'
'Yes.'
'And you've come to tell me this has all been some terrible mistake?'
'Alas, no. I am convinced of your innocence, of course.'
'Really? Me too,' growled Vimes. 'In fact I'm so convinced of my innocence I don't even know what it is I'm innocent of! Let me out or—'
'—or you will stay in, I am afraid,' said Dee. 'It is a very strong door. You are not in Ankh-Morpork, your grace. I will of course communicate your predicament to your Lord Vetinari as soon as possible, but I understand that the message tower has been badly damaged—'
'My predicament is that you've locked me up! Why? I saved your king, didn't I?'
'There is... conflict.'
'Someone let that chandelier down!'
'Yes, indeed. A member of your staff, it appears.'
'You know that can't be true! Detritus and Littlebottom were with me when—'
'Mister Skimmer was on your staff?'
'He... Yes, but... I... he wouldn't—'
'I believe you have such a thing in Ankh-Morpork as the Guild of Assassins?' said Dee calmly. 'Correct me if I am wrong.'
'He was up at the tower!'
'The damaged tower?'
'It was damaged before he—' Vimes stopped. 'Why would he smash up one of the towers?'
'I did not say he would,' said Dee. The flat calm was still there. 'And then, your grace, it has been suggested that you gave a signal just before the thing came down...'
'What?'
'A hand to the cheek, or something. It has been suggested that you anticipated the event.'
'The thing was swaying! Look, let me talk to Skimmer!'
'Do you have supernatural powers, your grace?'
Vimes hesitated. 'He's dead?'
'We believe he became entangled in the winch mechanism in the process of releasing the chandelier. Three dwarfs were dead around him.'
'He wouldn't—' Vimes stopped again. Of course he wouldn't. It's just that he's a member of this Guild we have, and you certainly know that, don't you—
Dee must have seen his expression. 'Quite so, quite so. Everything will be investigated thoroughly. The innocent have nothing to fear.'
The news that they have nothing to fear is guaranteed to strike terror into the hearts of innocents everywhere.
'What have you done with Sybil?'
'Done, your grace? Why nothing. We are not barbarians. We have heard nothing but good reports of your wife. She is upset, of course.'
Vimes groaned. 'And Detritus and Littlebottom?'
'Well, of course they were under your command, your grace. And one is a troll and the other is... dangerously different. And that is why, and precisely for that reason, they are under house arrest in your own embassy. We do respect the traditions of diplomacy and we will not have it said that we have acted out of malice.' Dee sighed. 'And then, of course, there is the other matter—'
'Are you going to accuse me of stealing the Scone, too?'
'You laid hands on the King.'
Vimes stared. 'Huh? A ton of candlestick was about to fall on him!'
'This has been pointed out—'
'And I'm imprisoned for saving him from an assassination attempt I planned?'
'Are you?'
'No! Look, the thing was coming down, what else should I have done? Tugged at the carpet and tried to drag him away?'
'Yes, yes, I understand. But precedent in this area is very clear. In 1345, when the king at the time fell into a lake, not one member of his staff dared touch him because of the ruling, and the subsequent finding was that they had acted correctly. It is forbidden to touch the King. I have of course explained to the conclave that this is not the Ankh-Morpork way, but this is not Ankh-Morpork.'
'I don't need everyone reminding me about that!'
'You will remain... our guest while investigations continue. Food and drink will be brought to you.'
'And light?'
'Of course. Excuse our lack of consideration. Stand back from the door, please. The guards with me are armed and they are... uncomplicated people.'
The grille on the door was swung back. A glowing cage was put on the ledge.
'What's this? A sick glow-worm?'
'It is a kind of beetle, yes. You'll find that it will very soon seem quite bright. We are very accustomed to darkness.'
'Look,' said Vimes, as the grille was shut again, 'you know this is ridiculous! I don't know what the position is with Mister Skimmer, but I damn well intend to find out! And there's the Scone theft, I'm pretty certain I'm close to working that out, too. If you let me return to the embassy where else could I go?'
'We would not wish to find out. You may just feel that life would be more pleasant in Ankh-Morpork.'
'Really? And how would we get there?'
'You may have friends in unexpected places.'
Vimes thought of the evil little weapon in the pillow.
'You will not be badly treated. This is our way' said Dee. 'I will return when I have news.'
'Hey—'
But Dee was a retreating shape in the crepuscular, almost-not-there light.
In Vimes's cell the glow beetle was doing its best. All it managed to achieve, though, was to turn the darkness into a variety of green shadows. You could find your way around without walking into walls, but that was about the extent of it.
One shot, which they didn't know you had.
That'd probably get him out of the door.
Into a corridor.
Underground. Full of dwarfs.
On the other hand, it was amazing how the evidence could stack up against you when people wanted it to.
Anyway, Vimes was an ambassador! What had happened to diplomatic immunity? But that was hard to argue when you were faced with uncomplicated people with weaponry; there was a risk that they'd experiment to see if it was true.
One shot they didn't expect...
Some time later there was a rattling of keys and the door was pulled open. Vimes could make out the shape of two dwarfs. One was holding an axe, the other was bearing a tray.
The dwarf with the axe motioned Vimes to step back.
An axe wasn't a good idea, Vimes considered. It was always the weapon of choice amongst dwarfs, but it wasn't sensible in a confined space.
He raised his hands and, as the other dwarf walked cautiously over to the stone slab, let them move towards the back of his neck.
These dwarfs were nervous of him. Perhaps they didn't see humans very often. They'd remember this one.
'Want to see a trick?' said Vimes.
'Grz'dak?'
'Watch this,' said Vimes, and brought his hands around and shut his eyes just before the match flared.
He heard the axe drop as its owner tried to cover his face. That was an unexpected bonus, but there wasn't time to thank the god of desperate men. Vimes plunged forward, kicked as hard as he could, and heard an 'oof' of expelled breath. Then he leapt into the patch of darkness that contained the other dwarf, found a head, spun around and rammed it into an unseen wall.
The first dwarf was trying to get to his feet. Vimes fumbled for him in the gloom, pulled him up by his jerkin and rasped: 'Someone left me a weapon. They wanted me to kill you. Remember that. I could have killed you.'
He punched the dwarf in the stomach. This was no time to play by the Marquis of Fantailler rules.
Then he turned, snatched the little cage containing the light beetle and headed for the door.