And often the phrase 'a bastard you don't want to cross, and I didn't say that'.

The UU college porters. Renowned among the entire faculty for the hardness of their skulls, their obtuseness in the face of reasonable explanation, and their deeply held conviction that the whole place would collapse without them.

Except during extreme flood conditions it is extremely difficult to make much progress on the Ankh, and the University rowing teams compete by running over the surface of the river. This is generally quite safe provided they don't stand in one place for very long and, of course, it eats the soles off their boots.

This at least was true. Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream* in another forty-four.

* This is important. Inexperienced travellers might think that 'Aargh!' is universal, but in Betrobi it means 'highly enjoyable' and' in Howondaland it means, variously, 'I would like to eat your foot', 'Your wife is a big hippo' and 'Hello, Thinks Mr Purple Cat.' One particular tribe has a fearsome reputation for cruelty merely because prisoners appear, to them, to be shouting 'Quick! Extra boiling oil!'

Named after the wizard Sangrit Heisenberg and not after the more famous Heisenberg who is renowned for inventing what is possibly the finest lager in the world.

There was still a certain amount of confusion on this point.

KIDS! Only very silly wizards with bad sinus trouble do this Sensible people go off to a roped-off enclosure where they can watch a heavily protected man, in the middle distance, light (with the aid of a very long pole) something that goes 'fsst'. And then they can shout 'Hooray'.

The Ankh-Morpork name for the Counterweight Continent and its nearby islands. It means 'place where the gold comes from'.

In fact, he'd be about the seventy-third to admit it.

Such as Dish of Glistening Brown Stuff, Dish of Glistening Crunchy Orange Stuff, and Dish of Soft White Lumps.

According to the history books. However, in common with every other young student, Rincewind had hopefully looked up 'figgin' in the dictionary and found it was 'a small bun with currants in it'. This meant that either the language had changed a little over the years, or that there really was some horrifying aspect to suspending a man alongside a teacake.

A dismal prospect, especially when the horses keep sinking.

When you're on a desert island, your appetites can become a bit confused.

Much later, Rincewind had to have therapy for this. It involved a pretty woman, a huge plate of potatoes and a big stick with a nail in it.

'Your feet shall be cut off and be buried several yards from your body so your ghost won't walk.'

Except on posters with legends like 'Wanted - Dedd'.

The only sound the Horde had ever heard in temples was people shouting 'Infidel! He has stolen the Jewelled Eye of - your wife is a big hippo!'

'Friendly stab', as it is formally known.