it?'

There was an awkward pause. The imp coughed. `Um, no one

reads the reports, Insert Name Here. They appear to be what we in

the trade call write-only documents.'

`Wasn't anyone supposed to be reading them?' Vimes demanded. There was another thundering silence.

`I rather think you were, dear,' said Sybil, paying attention to her

darning.

`But I'm in charge!' Vimes protested. `Yes, dear. That's the point, really.,

'But I can't spend all my time shuffling bits of paper!' `Then get someone else to do it, dear,' said Sybil. `Can I do that?' said Vimes. `Yes, sir,' said Carrot. `You're in charge.'

Vimes looked at the imp, which gave him a willing grin. `Can you go through all of my in-tray-' `. floor.. :murmured Sybil. `-and tell me what's important?'

`Happy to, Insert Name Here! Only one question, Insert Name

Here. What is important?'

`Well, the fact that the dunnikin divers are carting a whole lot

more muck out of the city is pretty damn important, don't you

think?'

`I wouldn't know, Insert Name Here,' said the imp. `I do not, in

fact, think as such. But I surmise that, if I had drawn your attention to such a fact a month ago you would have told me to stick my head up a duck's bottom.'

`That's true,' said Vimes, nodding. `I probably would. Captain Carrot?'

`Sir!' said Carrot, sitting up straight.

`What's the situation on the street?'

`Well, troll gangs have been wandering around the city all day. Dwarfs, too. Now a lot of the dwarfs are hanging around in Sator Square, sir, and a fair number of trolls are congregating in the Plaza of Broken Moons.'

`How many are we talking about here?' said Vimes.

`About a thousand, all told. They've been drinking, of course.' `Just in the mood for a fight, then.'

`Yes, sir. Just drunk enough to be stupid but too sober to fall over,' said Carrot.

`Interesting observation, captain,' said Vimes thoughtfully.

`Yes, sir. The word is that they'll start at nine. Arrangements have been made, I gather.'

`Then I think before it gets dark there should be a load of coppers in the Cham, right between them, don't you?' said Vimes. `Get the word out to the Watch Houses.'

`I've done that, sir,' said Carrot.

`And get some barricades sorted out.'

`All arranged, sir.'

`And call out the Specials?'

`I put the word out an hour ago, sir.'

Vimes hesitated. `I've got to be there, captain.'

`We should have enough men, sir,' said Carrot.

`But you won't have enough commander,' said Vimes. `If Vetinari hauls me over the coals tomorrow because there was a major riot in the city centre, I don't want to tell him I was having a quiet evening at home.' He turned to his wife. `Sorry, Sybil.'

Lady Sybil sighed. `I think I shall have to have a word with Havelock about the hours he makes you keep,' she said. `It's not doing you any good, you know.'

`It's the job, dear. Sorry.'

`It's just as well I got the cook to make up a flask of soup, then.'

`You did?'

`Of course. I know you, Sam. And there's some sandwiches in a bag. Captain Carrot, you are to make sure he eats the apple and the banana. Dr Lawn says he must eat at least five pieces of fruit or vegetable every day!'

Vimes stared woodenly at Carrot and Sally, trying to project the warning that the first officer to crack a smile or even mention this to anyone, ever, ever, ever, would have a very hard time of it indeed.

`And, incidentally, tomato ketchup is not a vegetable,' Sybil added. `Not even the dried stuff round the top of the bottle. Well, what are you all waiting around for?'

`There is something I didn't want to mention in front of her ladyship,' said Carrot, as they hurried down to the Yard. `Er, Hitherto is dead, sir.'

`Who's Hitherto?'

'Lance-Constable Horace Hitherto, sir? Got walloped on the back of the head last night? When we were at that meeting? When there was that, er, "disturbance"? Got sent to the Free Hospital?'

`Oh, gods. .: said Vimes. `It seems like a week ago. He'd only been with us a couple of months!'

`They said at the hospital his brain died, sir. I'm sure they did their best.'

Did we do ours? Vimes wondered. But it was a bloody melee, and the cobblestone came out of nowhere. Could have hit me, could have hit Carrot. Hit a kid, instead. What'll I tell his parents? Killed while doing his duty? But his duty shouldn't have been to stop one lot of idiot citizens murdering another lot of idiot citizens.

It's all got out of hand. There aren't enough of us. And now there's a few less.

`I'll go and see his mum and dad tomor-' he began, and his sluggish memory shifted at last. `Does- Didn't he have a brother in the Watch?'

`Yessir,' said Carrot. 'Lance- Constable Hector Hitherto, sir. They

joined together. He's down at Chittling Street.'

`Then get hold of his sergeant and tell him Hector is not allowed

on the street tonight, okay? I want him introduced to the joys of

filing. In a cellar, if possible. And wearing a very thick helmet.' `I understand, sir,' said Carrot.

`How's Angua?'

`I think she'll be fine after having a lie-down, sir. The mine really got to her.'

`I'm really, really sorry about that-' Sally began.

`Not your fault, lance-constable ... Sally,' said Vimes. `It was mine. I know about the vampire and werewolf thing, but I needed you both to be down there. It's just one of those decisions, okay? I suggest you take the evening off. No, that's an order. You've done very well on your first day. Off you go. Get your head down ... or whatever.'

They watched her out of sight before continuing down the street.

`She is very good, sir,' said Carrot. `She picks things up fast.'

`Yes, very fast. I can see she's going to be useful,' said Vimes thoughtfully. `Doesn't that strike you as odd, captain? Up she pops, just when we need her.'

`She has been in Ankh-Morpork for a couple of months, though,' said Carrot. `And the League vouches for her.'

`A couple of months is about the same time as Hamcrusher's been here too,' said Vimes. `And if you wanted to find things out, we're not a bad outfit to join. We're official prodnoses.'

`Sir, you don't think-'

`Oh, I'm sure she's a Black Ribboner, but I don't think a vampire comes all the way from Uberwald to play the cello. Still, as you say, she does a good job. Vimes stared at nothing for a moment and then said thoughtfully, `Doesn't one of our Specials work for the clacks company?'

`That'd be Andy Hancock, sir,' said Carrot.

`Oh gods. You mean "Two Swords"?'

`That's him, sir. Very keen lad.'

`Yes, I saw the dockets. Normally a training dummy lasts for months, captain. You're not supposed to chop through three in half an hour!'

`He'll be down at the Yard now, sir. Do you want a word with him?' said Carrot.

`No. You have a word with him:

Vimes lowered his voice. So did Carrot. There was whispering. Then Carrot said, `Is that strictly legal, sir?'

`I don't see how. Let's find out, shall we? We haven't had this little conversation, captain.'

`Understood, sir.'

Ye gods, it was so much better when there were just four of us up against that bloody great dragon, Vimes thought as they walked on. Of course, we nearly got burned alive a few times, but at least it wasn't complicated. It was a damn great dragon. You could see it coming. It didn't get political on you.

It had started to rain a fine invasive rain by the time they arrived at Pseudopolis Yard. Vimes had, with extreme reluctance, to hand it to Carrot. He certainly could organize. The place was bustling. Wagon-loads of yellow and black barricades were being trundled out of the old lemonade factory. Watchmen were pouring in from every street.