The cutlass was out in one movement. That was Andy. Whatever it was inside that held back the primeval rage could flick off just like that. And here came the blade with Trev’s future written on it in very short words. And it stopped in mid air and Nutt’s voice said, ‘I believe I could squeeze with enough pressure, Andy, to make your bones grind and flow. There are twenty-seven bones in the human hand. I truly believe that I could make every one of them useless with the slightest extra pressure. However, I would like to give you a chance to revise your current intentions.’

Andy’s face was a mix of colours: a white that was almost blue and a rage that was almost crimson. He was trying to pull away and Nutt stood calmly and was completely immoveable. ‘Get ’im!’ Andy hissed at the world in general.

‘Could I regretfully remind you gentlemen that I have another hand?’ said Nutt.

He must have squeezed because Andy yelped as his hand ground against the weapon’s handle.

Trev knew all too well that Andy did not have friends, he had followers. They were looking at their stricken leader and they were looking at Nutt, and they could see very clearly not only that Nutt had a spare hand, but what he was capable of doing with it. They did not move.

‘Very well,’ said Nutt. ‘Perhaps this has been nothing more than an unfortunate misunderstanding. I am about to release my grip just enough for you to drop the cutlass, Mister Andy, please.’

There was another intake of breath from Andy as the cutlass landed on the stones.

‘Now, if you would excuse us, Mister Trev and I are going to walk away.’

‘Take the bloody cutlass! Don’t leave the cutlass on the ground,’ said Trev.

‘I am sure Mister Andy would not come after us,’ said Nutt.

‘Are you bloody mad?’ said Trev. He reached down, snatched up the cutlass and said, ‘Let ’im go and let’s get a move on.’

‘Very well,’ said Nutt. He must have squeezed a little harder because now Andy slumped to his knees.

Trev pulled Nutt away and towed him through the permanent city crowd. ‘That’s Andy!’ he said, hurrying them along. ‘You don’t expect logic with Andy. You don’t expect him to “learn the error of his ways”. Don’t look for any sense when Andy’s after you. Got that? Don’t try talkin’ to ’im as if ’e’s a human being. Now, keep up with me.’

Dwarf shops were doing well these days, largely because they understood the first rule of merchandising, which is this: I have got goods for sale and the customer has got money. I should have the money and, regrettably, that involves the customer having my goods. To this end, therefore, I will not say ‘The one in the window is the last one we have, and we can’t sell it to you, because if we did no one would know we have them for sale’, or ‘We’ll probably have some more on Wednesday’, or ‘We just can’t keep them on the shelves’, or ‘I’m fed up with telling people there’s no demand for them’ I will make a sale by any means short of physical violence, because without one I am a waste of space.

Glang Snorrisson lived by this rule, but he didn’t like people much, an affliction that affects many who have to deal with the general public over a long period, and the two people on the other side of his counter were making him edgy. One was small and looked harmless, but something so deep down in Glang’s psyche that it was probably stuffed in his genes was making him nervous. The other intru—customer was not much more than a boy and therefore likely to commit a crime any moment.

Glang dealt with the situation by not understanding anything they said and uttering silly insults in his native tongue. There was hardly a risk. Only the Watch learned Dwarfish, and it came as a surprise when the worryingly harmless one said, in better Llamedos Dwarfish than Glang himself spoke these days: ‘Such incivility to the amiable stranger shames your beard and erases the writings of Tak, ancient merchant.’

‘What did you say to him?’ Trev asked, as Glang spluttered out apologies.

‘Oh, just a traditional greeting,’ said Nutt. ‘Could you pass me the ball, please?’ He took the football and bounced it on the floor.

Gloing!

‘I suspect you might know the trick of making brimstoned rubber?’

‘That was my… my grandfather’s name,’ Glang stuttered.

‘Ah, a good omen,’ said Trev quickly. He caught the ball and batted it down again.

Gloing!

‘I can cut out and stitch the outer cover if you will work on the bladder,’ said Nutt, ‘and we will pay you fifteen dollars and allow you a licence to make as many more as you wish.’

‘You’ll make a fortune,’ said Trev encouragingly.

Gloing! Gloing! went the ball, and Trev added, ‘That’d be a university licence, too. No one would dare mess with it.’

‘How come you know about brimstoned rubber?’ said Glang. He had the look about him of someone who knows that he is outnumbered but will go down fighting.

‘Because King Rhys of the dwarfs presented a dress of brimstoned rubber and leather to Lady Margolotta six months ago, and I’m pretty sure I understand the principle.’

‘Her? The Dark Lady? She can kill people with a thought!’

‘She is my friend,’ said Nutt calmly, ‘and I will help you.’

Glenda wasn’t quite sure why she tipped the troll tuppence. He was elderly and slow, but his upholstery was well kept and he had twin umbrellas and it was no fun for trolls to come this far, because the kid gangs would have graffitied them to the waist by the time they got out of there.

She felt hidden eyes on her as she walked up to her door, and it didn’t matter.

‘All right,’ she said to Juliet. ‘Have a night off, okay?’

‘I’ll go back to work with you,’ said Juliet, to her surprise. ‘We need the money and I can’t tell Dad about the fifty dollars, can I?’

There was a small collision of expectations in Glenda’s head as Juliet went on: ‘You’re right, it’s a steady job and I want to keep it an’ I’m so fick I’d prob’ly muck up the other one. I mean, it was fun and all that, but then, I thought, well, you always gave me good advice, an’ I remembered that time you kicked Greasy Damien in the goolies so hard when he was messin’ me around, he walked bent double for a week. Besides, if I go away with them it means leaving the street, and Dad and the lads. That’s really scary. An’ you said be careful about fairy stories, and you’re right, half the time it’s goblins. An’ I don’t know how I’d get on without you puttin’ me right. You are solid, you are. I can’t remember you not bein’ around, and when one of the girls sniggered about your old coat I told her you work very hard.’

Glenda thought, I used to be able to read you like a book–one with big colourful pages and not many words. And now I can’t. What’s happening? You’re agreeing with me and I ought to feel smug about it, but I don’t. I feel bad about it, and I don’t know why, and that hurts.

‘Maybe you ought to sleep on it,’ she suggested.

‘No, I’d mess it up, I know I would.’

‘Do you feel all right?’ Something inside Glenda was shouting at her.

‘I’m okay,’ said Juliet. ‘Oh, it was fun and that, but it’s for nobby girls, not me. It’s all glitter, nuffin’ you can hold. But a pie’s a pie, right? Solid! Besides, who’d look after Dad and the lads?’

No, no, no, screamed Glenda’s voice in her own head, not that! I didn’t want that. Oh, didn’t I? Then what did I think I was doing, passing on all that old toot? She looks to me, and I’ve gone and given her a good example! Why? Because I wanted to protect her. She’s so… vulnerable. Oh dear, I’ve taught her to be me, and I’ve even made a bad mess of that chore!

‘All right, then, you can head back with me.’

‘Will we see the banquet? Our dad has been fretting about the banquet. He reckons Lord Vetinari is going to have everyone murdered.’