THE SHOVEWOOD

AN AMUSING SEA YARN Able seaman Badger was bolding forth at the bar counter as usual. “Bein’ dropped on, like, for store, keeper at a, minutes notice means you ’as to keep a cool ’cad. ’Any ’lggs, our storekeeper on the “Belligerent” ’e goes into sick bay with a poisonr eil foot. An ’Any ’c says to me, ‘Bill’ ho says ‘you keep that there store book to tally with the stuff in the store. Don’t let none of them theives ’avc no stores without a chit. Make your stocks tally with the store book an’you're right. ’

“An’ I was too. I ’ad it all taped, from spare gratin.’s down to tiu-taeks. Wh en ’Any was a fortnight gone in sick bay I could lay me 'amis on anything. “Then one day I checks orf me store. Went through the book from ‘A’.axes to ‘S’ shoes; an’ them I sees ’Shovewood (one). “I spends the day looking for it. Ah when, you* spends a dny lookin ’ for a thing you wouldn’t rcckcrniso if you see, it begins to tell on yer.. So T asks about. I asks one or two what a shovewood is like an’ they laughs an’ passes it orf. So I asks what it's for, an’ one bloke says it’s for shoving under a baulk of timber— ’like a wedge,’ lie says.

“Me an.' the Navigatin’ Orfieor bein’ pretty thick, an' ’ini ’avin* the cd. dication, I pop’s ’ini the question.' “A shovewood, Badger?’ he says. ‘ Why it’s a a kind of a gadget for er shoving wood. Sort o’ timber-tug, I think like a trolley. ’ ‘.‘With that as a cloo I goes below an’ puts in throe hours ’avin’ another look. Blimey, there wasn’t nothing like it! ■ • “I went to see ’Any ’lggs, but ’c’d been sent ashore to ’orsepittle, ’is foot ’avin,’ took a change for the ■worse. Well it was ’is job, so I thought this ’ere shovewood could wait for ’im “Then one day the Commander ’as all, ’ands on dock, and .says the Admiral’s maltin' inspection next week. The Commander ’c says ’e knows ’ow ’c can rely on all thing bein’ ship.shapc for the inspection, an,’ ’ow ’e will raise all ’oil if they ain’t, “That ’if mo ’ard it did, me bein’ one shovewood short, So two of my "elunms an’ me, usin’ tack with the Engineer Orficer, wo ’ad one made Wheels it ’ad to ’avc —I stuck out for that. Flat it was with springs under the chassis. It was narrer in th'e. bows, an’ rounded in the stern. The Engineer Orficer ’e -couldn’t do enough to it. It fair fascinated ’im, ’c said; but after a bit 'e said it was too like a scooter, an’ ’e ’ad a little steering-wheel put in-. . When it was painted service grey it looked a fair treat. “The Engineer ’e says tor me, ‘There’s ycr flaming shovewood, ’o says an’ you ’idc it away in yor store ready fer a Christmas bazaar on shore, says ’c. “Iputs it down in the store an’ cov. ers it t:>p with a tarpaulin,. Well, we comes to inspection day, tire Admiral aboard, brass ’ats all over the place, and the ’ole ship's company gottin’ in each other’s way. “After ’od bin over the engineroom an’ through the fo’c’stlo, down through the store room ’e comes, an ’ the ’ole edreus— orficers, marines, paymasters an’ clerks. “I stood by me desk, books all in order, shelves all dusted, ’c comes in all smilin’ an’ sayin ’ ‘’'irarsty things polite-like, an’ as’ a look round.

“An' blow me if one o’ thorn attend, ants of ’is, riilnnin’ ’is finger round .things lookin’ for dust, don’t pull the tarpaulin orf of the shove wood! “It catches the Admiral’s eye an,’ ’o pulls up in ’is own length like. Just bo ’ind ’ini whs the Captain, an ’ there was a Commander or two ’angin’ round. “Ah! an’ what ’ave wo ’ere? ’o said. “The Captain ’c’ looked ’ard ’an turned to a Commander. ‘What is it? ’c said. “I stood me ground, dazed-like, an’ then I ’card the bosun’s voice speakin. tor me. ‘Now, ’c says, ‘what’s that? “Bhovewood,’ I says prompt. I ’ftd the book to prove it. The information gits passed up higher an’ the Captain ’e says to the Admiral, very calm, ‘A shovowood, sir. ’ “Ah’ yes of course,’ says the Admiral; ' an,’ the circus moves along. “ When the coast was clear I ■ goes up for air. I wanted some. “Next day ’Any ’lggs comes aboard, dischar. ged from ’orspittle, an’ ’e takes over. “First tiling ’c secs is the shovewpod “Wot's this ’ere for’ ’e says indignantly. “I tolls ’im an,’ ’e says there ain’t no such thing. “It’s in your book, any’ow, ’ I says. ’ere you are “Bhovewood one),’ I says.• “’Ere ’e says, earn’t vow read? That’s shovel wood (one) see? In other words, “One wooden shovel’’ there it is over there. An take that awful looking pram to ’ell out of ’ere!