*Dummm da dum dummm.... dummm da-dum dum dummm....*
Narrator: The legend you are about to hear is true, only the needle should be changed to protect the record.
*Dummm da dum dummm.... dummm da-dum dum dummm....*
St. George: This is the countryside, my name is St. George, I'm a knight. Saturday, July 10th, 8:05 p.m. I was working out at the castle out on the night watch when a call came in from the chief: A dragon had been devouring maidens. Homicide. My job: Slay 'em.
*Dummm da dum dummm.... *
St. George: You call me chief?
Chief: Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens. The king's daughter may be next.
St. George: Mmmhmm...You got a lead?
Chief: ...eeh, Nothing much to go on. Say did you take that 45 automatic into the lab to have them check on it?
St. George: Yeah, you were right.
Chief: I was right?
St. George: Yeah, it was a gun
*Budumm budumm dumm da-dummmm*
St. George: 8:22 p.m. I talked to one of the maidens who had almost been devoured.
*knock knock knock* [door opens]
St. George: Could I talk to you Maam?
Maiden: who er you?
St. George: I'm St. George ma'am. Homicide ma'am. I want to ask you a few questions ma'am. I understand you were almost devoured by the dragon is that right ma'am?
Maiden: It was terrible, he breathed fire on me, he burned me already!
St. George: How can I be sure of that ma'am.
Maiden: Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth!
*Dummm dummm dum dum da-dummmm!*
St. George: 11:45 p.m. I rode over to the king's highway, I saw a man, I stopped to talk to him. Pardon me sir, could I talk to you for just a minute sir?
Knave: Sure I don't mind.
St. George: What do you do for a living?
Knave: I'm a knave.
St. George: Didn't they pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts?
Knave: Yeah, so what do you want make a federal case out of it?
St. George: No sir. We heard there was a dragon operating in this neighborhood. We just wanted to know if you'd seen him.
Knave: Sure I've seen him.
St. George: Mmhmm, could you describe him for me?
Knave: What's to describe, you see one dragon you've seen 'em all!
St. George: Would you try and remember sir, just for the record. We just want to get the facts sir.
Knave: Well, he was, you know, he had orange polkadots...
St. George: Yes sir.
Knave: ...purple feet, breathing fire and smoke,
St. George: mmmhmm
Knave: ...and one big bloodshot eye, right in the middle of his forehead, and uh, like that.
St. George: Notice anything unusual about him?
Knave: No, he's just the run of the mill dragon, you know.
St. George: Mmhmm, yes sir, you can go now.
Knave: Hey, hey! by the way, how you gonna catch him?
St. George: I thought you'd never ask. A dragon net.
*Dummmmmm duuummmm dum dumm dummmmmmmmmm....*
St. George: 3:05 p.m. I was riding back in to the courtyard to make my report to the lab, then it happened.
*Du-dummmm*
*Roar!*
St. George: It was the dragon
Dragon: Hey, I'm da fire breden dragon, you must be St. George right?!
St. George: Yes sir.
Dragon: I see you got one of those new 45 caliber soards
St. George: That's about the size of it.
Dragon: Wuhaaahahayayahaaaagh, you slay me!
St. George: That's what I came here to talk to you about.
Dragon: Wuh do yuh mean?
St. George: I'm take'n you in on a 502, you figure it out.
Dragon: What's the charge.
St. George: Devouring maddins out of season.
Dragon: OUT OF SEASON! YOU'LL NEVER PIN THAT RAP ON ME, DO YOU HEAR ME, COP!
St. George: Yeah. I hear ya. I got you on a 412 too.
Dragon: A 412! WHAT'S A 412?!
St. George: Overacting. Let's go.
*Dumm du-dummm, dum da-dum da-dum*
Narrator: On September the 5th the dragon was tried and convicted. His fire was put out and his maiden devouring license revoked. Maiden devouring out of season is punishable by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years.
*Dumm du-dummm, Dummm, Dummm Dummmmmmmm...*