Philosopher's Drinking Song

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable
Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
And Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed

(alternate: David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel)

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