e11
<pre>
       Editors notes:

       

       11-8-95 (GB)

       Big thanks to Marty for making the copy available!!

       

       This was scanned from at least a 2nd generation

       photocopy.  The OCR software did an admirable job of

       recognizing most of the characters.  More errors were

       caught during editing and through spell check.  The

       formatting of the document was badly mangled and has been

       recreated to match the original, at least superficially.

       The bulk of this editing work has been performed in

       Microsoft Word for Windows.

       

       The page between pages 27 and A28A was damaged on the

       original-- the left 40% of the page was blank.  At this

       time, I have not attempted to fill in the blanks.

       

       Some spelling errors present in the original document

       were left in for authenticity ("focussed", "travellers"

       for examples).  I personally feel it gives more of the

       original flavor.

       

       Greg

       

       

       11-10-95

       Greg--

       

       I read the entire script with an eye for finding

       missing/misspelled words, etc. At every error, I fixed it

       if it was VERY obvious. If it was only mildly obvious, or

       if I was taking a wild guess, I made the change but I

       marked the word(s) involved. If I had a quetion about a

       word I marked it. I marked word(s) with ### and changed

       the font color to red. To see all the questionable bits,

       just use the FIND feature and search for every ###

       (there's only 20).

       

       ...

       

       Thanks for letting me work on this with you...and thanks

       for making this script available to the group.

                                                    --Kathleen

       

       (GB) Made final edits.

       

                                    Rev. 01/15/89   (Pink)

                                    Rev. 02/16/89   (Blue)

                                    Rev. 03/13/89   (Yellow)

                                    Rev. 03/15/89   (Green)

                                    Rev. 03/23/89   (Goldenrod)

                                    Rev. 04/14/89   (Buff)

                                    Rev. 05/16/89   (Salmon)

                                    Rev. 05/31/89   (Cherry)

                                    Rev. 06/02/89   (Tan)

                                    Rev. 06/07/89   (White)

                                    Rev. 08/21/89   (Pink)

                                    Rev. 08/25/89   (Blue)

                                    

       

       

       

       

                     JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO

                                

                                

                                

                           Written by

                      John Patrick Shanley

                                

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

                                        FIRST DRAFT

                                        September 1987

WARNER BROS. INC.                       (c) 1988

4000 Warner Boulevard                   WARNER BROS. INC.

Burbank, California 91522               All Rights Reserved

       

       Rev. 01/15/89

       

                     JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO

       

       GREY SCREEN

  
190
     

       The TITLE appears in white letters -

       

                     JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO

                                

       MUSIC.  Borodin's "Polovtsian Dances," Chicago Symphony

       Orchestra, begins to play.  The stormy part.

       

       The CREDITS ROLL.

       

       The credits have that depressing, shitty, this is going

       to be one of those lousy bla
fa0
ck and white movies from the

       1950s look.  This is going to be one of those cheap teen

       sci-fi movies about a creature

       

       MUSIC.  When the female star's name appears, Borodin's

       theme, which will later become adapted into "Strangers In

       Paradise," plays.  Then we return to the stormy part,

       which subsides as:

       

       The CREDITS END.

       

       The following LEGEND appears on the field of grey:

       

                         "You only live twice.

                         Once when you're born,

                         Once when you look death in the face."

       

                                       -- James Bond

       

       The LEGEND remains, but the field of grey turns to a rich

       texture of solid gold.

       

       MUSIC.  "The Girl From Ipanema," sung by the likes of Tom

       Waits, sung like it was the Downest blues song anybody

       ever croaked out just before the final curtain.  The

       MUSIC starts as the field turns from grey to gold.  The

       MUSIC PLAYS ON.

       

       

1      EXT. AMERICAN PANASCOPE CORPORATION - DAY                  1

       

       We're in color now, but it's a grey world.  It's an ugly

       building about the size of a city block and a couple of

       stories high.  It's surrounded by hurricane fence topped

       with barbed wire.  Outside the fence is a muddy parking

       lot.  On the fence is a sign that reads:

       

                    AMERICAN PANASCOPE CORP.

                                

                         a subsidiary of

                                

                              ACHI

                                                                 

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                1A.

       

1      CONTINUED:                                                 1

       

       The sign also has an abstract logo; a sort've German

       Expressionist's version of a lightning bolt.  Another

       sign reads:

       

                    HOME OF THE RECTAL PROBE

                                

       It's a grey winter's morning.  It's raining or snowing or

       it just has or it's about to.  There's a guard at a gate

       nodding workers inside the fence.  They trail listlessly

       past him and continue on their way to the building's

       entrance.  Most of them carry or are using grey or black

       umbrellas.  Since they are coming from the parking lot,

       and since the entrance to the building is still almost a

       city block away once inside the fence, this straggling

       line of workers stretches hundreds of yards.  Some of the

       workers wear hats.

       

       We see the line of workers FROM HIGH OVERHEAD

       

       The line is in the same shape as the lightning bolt logo.

       

       One of these workers is JOE BANKS.  Joe is in his early

       thirties.  He's wearing a beat-up black trench coat;

       under the trench coat he's got on a cheap and square

       jacket and tie.  This is a depressed man.  You can see

       where he could be cool, where he could have something on

       the ball.  But he's way too beaten down and depressed to

       be cool.  Joe steps in a puddle.  He pulls his shoe out

       of the water.  He notices the sole is coming loose from

       the shoe.  This depresses him further.  He walks on.  The

       sound of the WATER SQUISHING in his shoe can be heard.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                 2.

       

       

2      INT. PANASCOPE BUILDING - DAY                              2

       

       Joe is shuffling down the main walk in the building.  On

       his left are doors leading to offices.  On his right is

       the factory, which has the feel of an airplane hangar.

       The factory is separated from the walk
190
 on which Joe

       progresses by a heavy wire fence twelve feet high.  Joe

       passes by a sign on this fence that says "Shipping." This

       area is filled with thousands of brown cardboard boxes; a

       shipping clerk among these boxes pulls a lever on a

       device; the device spews out several feet of wet brown

       tape.  Joe continues on.  He passes a sign on the fence

  
fa0
     that says "Canteen."  This area contains a row of vending

       machines and two long tables; a guy who looks like he's

       going to die is sitting at one of the tables eating pink

       Hostess snowballs; he eats them in a slow, dismal way, as

       if they were giant sleeping pills.  Joe continues on.  He

       passes a sign on the fence that says "Quality Control."

       This is the biggest area; it's filled with workers in

       shower caps and worn white jackets; they work a distance

       apart from each other, at long tables; they are

       inspecting terrifying medical instruments.  One of these

       workers, a middle-aged woman named Sally, attaches a

       catheter to an air pump.  The catheter inflates and

       finally explodes.  Sally seems satisfied.  Joe continues

       on, his shoe distantly SQUISHING.  He stops at one of the

       office doors on his left. The lettering on the door

       reads:

       

                     ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT

                                

       Joe opens the door and goes in.  The SONG ENDS.

       

       

3      INT. ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT - DAY                          3

       

       The place is lit with those totally draining, deadening

       fluorescent lights.  DEDE, a secretary in her late

       twenties, is sitting at her desk, typing.  She's pretty,

       maybe a little hard.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                 3.

       

3      CONTINUED:                                                 3

       

       She types like an automatic weapon.  Her makeup doesn't

       really work under these lights.  She nods briefly to Joe,

       and goes on with her typing.  Joe tries to hang up his

       hat, but it keeps falling off the hook.  He is endlessly

       patient.  It's the sound of the typewriter that makes him

       miss.  At last he succeeds.  Behind Dede, at a bigger

       desk, is MR. WATURI.  He's leaning back in an executive

       chair, talking on the phone.  He's middle-aged, olive

       skinned, in a dark suit that shows up his significant

       dandruff.  His teeth are yellow as rancid butter.  And

       there's enough grease shining on his forehead to coat a

       skillet.  He's talking into the phone.

       

                                WATURI

                    Yeah, Harry, but can he do the

                    job?  I know he can get the

                    job, but can he do the job?

                    I'm not arguing that with you.

                    I'm not arguing that with you.

                    I'm not arguing that with you

       

       Mr. Waturi waves absently at Joe and goes on talking into

       the phone.

       

                                WATURI

                    Who told you that?  No.  I

                    told you that.  Me.  What?

                    Maybe. Maybe.  Maybe.

       

       Joe hangs up his coat on the coat rack and goes to the

       coffee set-up at the rear of the office.  He snaps a

       disposable plastic coffee cup into a permanent plastic

       holder.  He puts a spoonful of instant coffee in the cup.

       Then a spoonful of powdered creamer.  Then two spoonfuls

       of sugar.  He takes a plastic stirrer and stirs the

       powders.  He pours in the hot water and stirs.  Little

       clumps of undissolved stuff rise to the top.  Joe tries

       to break them up with the stirrer and partially succeeds.

       He feels the glands in his throat.  Maybe they're a

       little swollen.  He rubs his eyes.  They're burning a

       little.  He takes his coffee and walks past Mr. Waturi

       and into his own office.

       

       

4      INT. ADVERTISING LIBRARY - JOE'S OFFICE - DAY              4

       

       The same fluorescent lighting.  There's a small wooden

       des
190
k which has on it an old electric typewriter and an

       out-of-place lamp; it's a lamp Joe brought from home. The

       rest of the office is almost entirely taken up with grey

       industrial shelving.  On these shelves are brochures

       depicting various medical instruments.  Samples of each

       brochure are taped to the appropriate shelf.  Behind

       Joe's desk is a pipe th
fa0
at runs floor-to-ceiling and is

       painted fire-engine red.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - 5/16/89                      4.

       

4      CONTINUED:                                                 4

       

       In the center of this pipe is a big wheel valve.  Hanging

       from this valve is a printed metal sign.

       

       The sign reads:  THE MAIN DRAIN.  Another sign reads: Do

       Not Touch.  Joe turns on the lamp, which casts a small

       ring of golden light, and sits down with his coffee.  He

       takes off his shoe and examines it.  He tries to huddle

       close to the lamp, like a cold creature trying to get

       warm.  Dede comes in.

       

                                JOE

                    Good morning, Dede.

       

                                DEDE

                    Hi, Joe.  What's with the

                    shoe?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm losing my sole.

       

                                DEDE

                    Yeah. How you doin'?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm a little tired.

       

                                DEDE

                    Yeah.

                           (she hands him some

                           labels)

                    Here.  Each one gets sent five

                    catalogs.

       

                                JOE

                    Can't do it.

       

                                DEDE

                    Why not?

       

                                JOE

                    I only got twelve catalogs

                    left altogether.

       

                                DEDE

                    Okay.

       

       She leaves.  Joe puts his shoe back on.  Mr. Waturi comes

       in.  Joe cowers.  He's threatened by Mr. Waturi.

       

                                WATURI

                    How you doin', Joe?

       

                                JOE

                    Well, I'm not feeling very

                    good, Mr. Waturi.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               A4A.

       

4      CONTINUED:   (A1A)                                         4

       

       Mr. Waturi chuckles.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                4A.

       

4      CONTINUED:  (1A)                                           4

       

                                WATURI

                    So what else is new? You never

                    feel good.

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah. Well. That's the

                    problem. Anyway, I got the

                    doctor's appointment today.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             5.



4      CONTINUED:  (2)                                            4

       

                                WATURI

                    Another doctor's appointment?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                                WATURI

                    Listen, Joe.  What's this Dede

                    tells me about the catalogs?

       

                                JOE

                    I've only got twelve.

       

                                WATURI

                    How'd you let us get down to

                    twelve?

       

                                JOE

                    I told you.

       

                                WATURI

                    When?

       

                                JOE

                    Three weeks ago.  Then two

                    wee
190
ks ago.

       

                                WATURI

                    Did you tell me last week?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                WATURI

                    Why not?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.  I thought you

                    knew.

       

            
fa0
                    WATURI

                    Not good enough, Joe!  Not

                    nearly good enough!  I put you

                    in charge of the entire

                    advertising library...

       

                                JOE

                    You mean, this room.

       

                                WATURI

                    I gave you carte blanche how

                    to deal with the materials in

                    here...

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             6.

       

4      CONTINUED:  (3)                                            4

       

                                JOE

                    You put the orders into the

                    printer, Mr. Waturi, not me.

                    That's how you wanted it.

       

                                WATURI

                    You're not competent to put

                    the orders into the printer!

                    That's a very technical...

       

                                JOE

                    I thought you were going to

                    explain it to me.

       

                                WATURI

                    I was going to do better than

                    that.  I was going to make you

                    assistant manager.  I want to

                    make you assistant manager.

                    But you, you're not flexible!

                    You're inflexible.

       

                                JOE

                    I don't feel inflexible.

       

                                WATURI

                    You're inflexible.  Totally.

                    And this doctor appointment!

                    You're always going to the

                    doctor!

       

                                JOE

                    I don't feel good.

       

                                WATURI

                    So what!  Do you think I feel

                    good?  Nobody feels good.

                    After childhood, it's a fact

                    of life.  I feel rotten.  So

                    what?  I don't let it bother

                    me.  I don't let it interfere

                    with my job.

       

                                JOE

                    What do you want from me, Mr.

                    Waturi?

       

                                WATURI

                    You're like a child.  What's

                    this lamp for?  Isn't there

                    enough light in here?

       

                                JOE

                    These fluorescent lights

                    affect me.  They make me feel

                    blotchy, puffy.  I thought

                    this light would...

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             7.

       

4      CONTINUED: (4)                                             4

       

                                WATURI

                    Get rid of the light.  This

                    isn't your bedroom, this is an

                    office. Maybe if you start

                    treating this like a job

                    instead of some kind of

                    welfare hospital, you'll shape

                    up. And I want those catalogs.

       

                                JOE

                    Then please order them.

       

                                WATURI

                    Watch yourself, Joe.  Think

                    about what I've said.  You've

                    gotta get yourself into a

                    flexible frame or you're no

                    place.

       

       He starts to leave, but stops and looks back.

                                

                        
190
        WATURI

                    Take that light off your desk.

       

                                JOE

                    I will.

       

                                WATURI

                    Take it off now.

       

       Joe unplugs the light and takes it off his desk.

       

                                WATURI

                    Good.

       

       Waturi leave
fa0
s.  Joe sits at his desk, shrinking in the

       fluorescent light.  He sips his coffee. The PHONE RINGS

       and he answers.

       

                                JOE

                    Advertising library.  Fifty?

                    I'm sorry, we don't have that

                    many in stock.  I don't know

                    why.  The catalog is a

                    thing... I don't know.  It's

                    here and it's gone.  I can't

                    explain.  It's a mystery.

       

       He hangs up the phone.  Dede has quietly come in.  She's

       looking at Joe.  She speaks to him in a low voice.

       

                                DEDE

                    Why do you let Waturi talk to

                    you like that?

       

       

                                JOE

                    Like what?

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             8.



4      CONTINUED:  (5)                                            4

       

                                DEDE

                    What's wrong with you?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't... feel very good.

       

       She looks at him.  She's frustrated with this guy.  This

       is somebody who she could go for, but he's just lying

       there like a dog waiting to be kicked.  He looks at her.

       If he had the strength, if he were feeling a little

       better, he'd make a play for this woman.  But he's

       helpless.  He just doesn't feel very good.  Absently, he

       feels the glands in his throat.

       

                                DEDE

                    What's the matter with you?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.

       

       She stares at him.  She's angry, frustrated.  She turns

       and walks out. Joe's eyes are shining with tears that

       will not fall.  He is powerless to help himself.  He

       mutters to himself, fierce and impotent.

       

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.

       

       He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes.

       

       

5      INT. DOCTOR'S WAITING ROOM - DAY                           5

       

       We discover Joe with the heels of his hands pressed into

       his eyes.  This room is fluorescently lit, too, and

       perhaps at first we don't realize we have gone somewhere

       else.  A nurse's voice is heard.

       

                                NURSE (O.S.)

                    Mr. Banks?  Mr. Banks?

       

       Joe, startled, takes his hands from his eyes. The CAMERA

       PULLS BACK and we see we're in a doctor's waiting room.

       And now we see the NURSE.  She is a very conservative,

       W.A.S.P. Nurse .

       

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah?

       

                                NURSE

                    Doctor Ellison will see you

                    now.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                 9.

       

6      INT. DR. ELLISON'S OFFICE - DAY                            6

       

       The lighting in the doctor's office is the first warm,

       relaxing light we've seen.  It comes from lamps and a

       little frosted window.  The office itself is full of old

       wood and books.  DR. ELLISON sits in a comfortable chair,

       at an old desk.  He is the last word in doctors.  He's a

       large, respectable, distinguished, greyed-haired M.D.

       He's a specialist.  You get the feeling he may be a

       genius.

       

                                ELLISON

                    How are you feeling, Mr.

                    Banks?

       

                                JOE

                    Pretty much the same.  I feel

                    puffy, blotchy.  I never s
190
eem

                    to have very much energy.  I

                    get these little sore throats.

                    I just don't feel good.

       

                                ELLISON

                    And how long have you felt

                    this way?

       

                                JOE

                    Well.  Pretty much since I

                    left 
fa0
the Fire Department.  On

                    and off. But since then.

                    'Bout eight years.

       

                                ELLISON

                    What did you do in the Fire

                    Department?

       

                                JOE

                    Well, ah, you know, I put out

                    fires.

       

                                ELLISON

                    Was it dangerous?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.  Ahm, pretty rough

                    stuff. But I came out of it

                    okay.  The hard part was not

                    feeling good all the time.  I

                    started not feeling good all

                    the time.  So I hadda quit.

       

       Ellison nods.

       

                                ELLISON

                    Yes.  I've gotten the results

                    of your tests.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 10.

       

6      CONTINUED:                                                 6

       

                                JOE

                    I've got cancer.

       

                                ELLISON

                    No.

       

                                JOE

                    This new venereal...

       

                                ELLISON

                    No.

       

                                JOE

                    Is there something wrong with

                    my blood or urine or...?

       

                                ELLISON

                    No, they're fine.  But there

                    is something.

       

                                JOE

                    Tell me.

       

                                ELLISON

                    You have a brain cloud.

       

                                JOE

                    A brain cloud.

       

                                ELLISON

                    There's a black fog of tissue

                    running right down the center

                    of your brain.  It's very

                    rare.  It will spread at a

                    regular rate. It's very

                    destructive.

       

                                JOE

                    And it's incurable.

       

                                ELLISON

                    Yes.

       

                                JOE

                    How long?

       

                                ELLISON

                    Six months.  You can pretty

                    much count on it being about

                    that. It's not painful.  Your

                    brain will simply fail.

                    Followed abruptly by your

                    body.  You can depend on at

                    least four and half or five

                    months of perfect health.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 11.

       

6      CONTINUED:  (2)                                            6

       

                                JOE

                    But what are you talking

                    about, Doctor?  I don't feel

                    good right now.

       

                                ELLISON

                    That's the ironic part,

                    really. Mr. Banks, you're a

                    hypochondriac. There's nothing

                    wrong with you that has

                    anything to do with your

                    symptoms.  My guess is your

                    experiences in the Fire

                    Department were extremely

                    traumatic.  You experienced

                    the imminent possibility of

                    death.  Several times?

190

                           (as Joe nods numbly)

                    You survived.  But the

                    cumulative anxiety of those

                    brushes with death left you

                    habitually fearful. About your

                    physical person.

       

                                JOE

                    I'm not sick?  Except for this

                    
fa0
terminal disease?

       

                                ELLISON

                    Which has no symptoms.  That's

                    right.  It was only because of

                    your insistence on having so

                    many tests that we happened to

                    discover the problem.

       

       Joe laughs, a little maniacally, then stops abruptly.

       

                                JOE

                    What am I going to do?

       

                                ELLISON

                    Well, if you have any savings

                    you might think about taking a

                    trip, a vacation?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't have any savings.  A

                    few hundred bucks.  I've spent

                    everything on doctors.

       

                    ELLISON

                    Yes.  Perhaps you'll want a

                    second opinion?

       

                                JOE

                    A brain cloud.  I knew it.

                    Well, I didn't know it, but I

                    knew it.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                12.

       

6      CONTINUED:  (3)                                            6

       

                                ELLISON

                    Yes.

       

                                JOE

                    What am I going to do?

       

                                ELLISON

                    You have some time left, Mr.

                    Banks. You have some life

                    left. My advice to you is:

                    Live it well.

       

                                JOE

                    I've got to go.  I'm on my

                    lunch hour which is over.

       

       Joe gets up and Ellison follows suit, putting out his

       hand.

       

                                ELLISON

                    I'm sorry for what I had to

                    tell you. I wish the news had

                    been better.

       

       Joe doesn't take his hand.

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah .

       

       Joe leaves. Ellison starts to sit down. Joe comes back

       in.

       

                                JOE

                    I'm sorry I didn't shake your

                    hand.

       

       Joe takes the doctor's hand and shakes it.  Then he drops

       it and exits abruptly.  Ellison sits there a moment, not

       moving.  Then he opens a drawer in his desk and takes out

       a flask.  He pours himself a drink and begins to drink

       it.

       

       

7      EXT. MEDICAL LEAGUE BUILDING - DAY                         7

       

       This is the building Ellison's office is in.  Joe's car

       is parked out front.  Joe comes slowly out.  It's still

       overcast, but lighter and dryer than it was earlier. As

       Joe walks down the steps, an elderly woman approaches

       with her dog, Molly, a mutt.  Joe sees the dog and stops,

       fixed on it.  He pats the dog on the head.  The elderly

       woman thinks this is nice.

       

       Then Joe embraces the dog, and kneeling down, hugs it

       intensely.  The elderly woman is alarmed and pulls the

       dog away.  Joe looks after them.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                13.

       

7      CONTINUED:                                                 7

       

       Then he gets in his car, which is beat-up and beige.

       Drives off.

       

       

8      EXT. AMERICAN PANASCOPE CORPORATION PARKING LOT - DAY          8

       

       Joe drives INTO FRAME.  He gets out and we FOLLOW him as

       he approaches the GUARD at the gate.  The Guard nods 
190
him

       in.  He starts to walk past.  Then he goes back to the

       Guard.

       

                                JOE

                    What's your name?

       

                                GUARD

                    Fred.

                                

                                JOE

                    Fred.

       

       He thinks that over and then goes on his wa
fa0
y.

       

       

9      INT. PANASCOPE BUILDING - DAY                              9

       

       Joe standing outside the door marked Advertising Dept. He

       is thoughtful.  He goes in.

       

       

10     INT. ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT - DAY                  10

       

       Joe comes in.  Dede is typing away.  Mr. Waturi is on the

       phone.  Joe hangs up his coat.  He misses with the hat

       again because of Dede's typing.  He leans over and

       switches the typewriter off.  Then he picks up his hat,

       dusts it off and throws it in the garbage can.

       

                                WATURI

                           (on phone)

                    No.  No.  You were wrong.  He

                    was wrong.  Who said that?  I

                    didn't say that.  If I had

                    said that, I would've been

                    wrong.  I would've been wrong,

                    Harry, isn't that right?

       

       Mr. Waturi's attention is split between his call and Joe,

       who is walking around the office like a tourist.

       

                                WATURI

                    Listen, let me call you back,

                    I've got something here, okay?

                    And don't tell him anything

                    till we finish our

                    conversation, okay?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 14.

       

10     CONTINUED:                                                10

       

       Mr. Waturi hangs up the phone.  Joe is looking at the

       coffee set-up.

       

                                WATURI

                    Joe?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah?

       

                                WATURI

                    You were at lunch three hours.

       

                                JOE

                    About that.

       

       Joe wanders away, into his office.  Waturi looks after.

       

       

11     INT. JOE'S OFFICE - DAY                                   11

       

       Joe is staring at the big wheel valve sporting the sign

       that says Main Drain.  Mr. Waturi comes in as Joe moves

       forward and, with great effort, rotates the wheel to its

       opposite extreme.  This scares Waturi.

       

                                WATURI

                    Joe, what are you doing?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm opening, or closing, the

                    main drain.

       

       Nothing happens.

       

                                WATURI

                    You shouldn't be touching

                    that.

       

                                JOE

                    Nothing happened.  Do you know

                    how long I've been wondering

                    what would happen if I did

                    that?

       

                                WATURI

                    What's the matter with you?

       

                                JOE

                    Brain cloud.

       

                                WATURI

                    What?

       

                                JOE

                    Never mind.  Listen, Mr.

                    Waturi. Frank.  I quit.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                15.

       

11     CONTINUED:                                                11

       

       Joe starts to take some stuff out of his desk.  He looks

       at his lamp, gets the cord, plugs it in, and turns it on.

       

                                WATURI

                    You mean, today?

       

                                JOE

                    That's right.

       

                                
190
WATURI

                    That's great.  Well, don't

                    come looking for a reference.

       

                                JOE

                    Okay, I won't.

       

                                WATURI

                    You blew this job.

       

       Joe takes in the little room.

       

                                JOE

                    I've been
fa0
 here for four and a

                    half years.  The work I did I

                    probably could've done in

                    five, six months. That leaves

                    four years leftover.

       

       He's been filling up a shopping bag with stuff from his

       desk:  three books (Romeo and Juliet, Robinson Crusoe and

       The Odyssey), an old ukulele and his lamp.  Now he's

       finished.  He walks out of the room without even looking

       at Waturi.  Waturi goes after him as he exits.

       

       

12     INT. ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT - DAY                         12

       

       Joe is walking towards the front door.  Waturi follows

       him in.  Joe stops at Dede's desk. She's typing.  He

       looks at her.  She stops typing.

       

                                JOE

                    Four years.  If I had them

                    now. Like gold in my hand.

                    Here.  This is for you.

                           (gives Dede the lamp)

                    'Bye-bye, Dede.

       

                                DEDE

                    You're going?

       

                                WATURI

                    Well, if you're leaving,

                    leave.

                             (MORE)

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 16.

       

12     CONTINUED:                                                12

       

                                WATURI (CONT'D)

                    You'll get your check.  And, I

                    promise you, you'll be easy to

                    replace.

       

                                JOE

                    I should say something.

       

                                WATURI

                    What are you talking about?

       

                                JOE

                    This life.  Life?  What a

                    joke. This situation   This

                    room.

       

                                WATURI

                    Joe, maybe you should just...

       

                                JOE

                    You look terrible, Mr. Waturi.

                    You look like a bag of shit

                    stuffed inna cheap suit.  Not

                    that anyone would look good

                    under these zombie lights.  I

                    can feel them sucking the

                    juice outta my eyeballs. Three

                    hundred bucks a week, that's

                    the news.  For three hundred

                    bucks a week I've lived in

                    this sink. This used rubber.

       

                                WATURI

                    Watch it, mister!  There's a

                    woman here!

       

                                JOE

                    Don't you think I know that,

                    Frank? Don't you think I'm

                    aware there's a woman here?  I

                    can taste her on my tongue.  I

                    can smell her.  When I'm

                    twenty feet away, I can hear

                    the fabric of her dress when

                    she moves in her chair.  Not

                    that I've done anything about

                    it.  I've gone all day, every

                    day, not doing, not saying,

                    not taking the chance for

                    three hundred bucks a week,

                    and Frank the coffee stinks

                    it's like arsenic, the lights

                    give me a headache if the

                    lights don't give you a

                    headache you must be dead,

                    let's arrange the funeral.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89     
190
            17.

       

12     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           12

       

                                WATURI

                    You better get outta here

                    right now!  I'm telling you!

       

                                JOE

                    You're telling me nothing.

       

                                WATURI

                
fa0
    I'm telling you!

       

                                JOE

                    And why, I ask myself, why

                    have I put up with you?  I

                    can't imagine but I know.

                    Fear.  Yellow freakin' fear.

                    I've been too chicken shit

                    afraid to live my life so I

                    sold it to you for three

                    hundred freakin' dollars a

                    week! You're lucky I don't

                    kill you! You're lucky I don't

                    rip your freakin' throat out!

                    But I'm not going to and maybe

                    you're not so lucky at that.

                    'Cause I'm gonna leave you

                    here, Mister Wa-a-Waturi, and

                    what could be worse than that?

       

       Joe opens the door and leaves.  Mr. Waturi and Dede are

       frozen.  The door reopens and Joe comes halfway back in.

       

                                JOE

                    Dede?

                                

                                

                                DEDE

                    Yeah?

                                

                                JOE

                    How 'bout dinner tonight?

       

                                DEDE

                    Yeah, uh, okay.

       

       Joe smiles for the first time since we've met him, and

       closes the door again.

       

                                DEDE

                    Wow.  What a change.

       

                                WATURI

                    Who does he think he is?

       

13     INT. "THE SPANISH ROSE" RESTAURANT - NIGHT                13

       

       Joe and Dede are sitting at a table, steaming plates of

       food before them.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                18.

       

13     CONTINUED:                                                13

       

       They are drinking red wine.  Joe is caught up in a big

       idea.  Dede is mesmerized.

       

                                JOE

                    I mean, who am I?  That's the

                    real question, isn't it?  Who

                    am I? Who are you?  What other

                    questions are there?  What

                    other questions are there,

                    really?  If you want to

                    understand the universe,

                    embrace the universe, the door

                    to the universe is you!

       

                                DEDE

                    Me?

       

                                JOE

                    You.  Me.

       

                                DEDE

                    You are really intense.

       

                                JOE

                    Am I?  I guess I am.  I was.

       

                                DEDE

                    What do you mean?

       

                                JOE

                    I mean, a long time ago.  In

                    the beginning.  I was full of

                    piss and vinegar.  Nothing got

                    me down.  I wanted to know!

       

                                DEDE

                    You wanted to know what?

       

                                JOE

                    Everything!  But then, I had

                    some experiences... I was

                    talking to this guy today, he

                    says I got scared.

       

                                DEDE

                    Scared of what?

                    

                                JOE

                    Have you ever been scared?

       

                                DEDE

                    I guess so.  Sure.

       

                                                
190
      (CONTINUED)

       

                                                            19.

       

13     CONTINUED: (2)                                            13

       

                                JOE

                    What scared you?

       

                                DEDE

                    A lot of things.  At the

                    moment, you scare me a little

 
fa0
                   bit.

       

                                JOE

                    Me?

       

                                DEDE

                    Yeah.

       

       Across the room, at another table, three guys with

       guitars, in traditional Spanish costumes, sing a happy

       Castilian song.  Dede and Joe turn and take in the

       singers.

       

                                JOE

                    Why would I scare you?

       

                                DEDE

                    I don't know.  There's

                    something going on with you.

                    This morning you were like a

                    lump and now you're... How do

                    you feel?

       

                                JOE

                    I feel great.

       

                                DEDE

                    See?  You never feel great.

       

                                JOE

                    No, I never do.

       

       He laughs.

       

                                DEDE

                    What's funny?

       

                                JOE

                    I do feel great.  And that is

                    very funny!

       

                                DEDE

                    Where are you?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm right here.

       

                                DEDE

                    I wish I was where you are,

                    Joe.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               19A.

       

13     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           13

       

                                JOE

                           (nodding)

                    No, you don't.  Did I ever

                    tell you that the first time I

                    saw you, I felt I'd seen you

                    before?

       

       She shakes her head.

       

       

                                JOE

                    Wait a minute.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                20.

       

13     CONTINUED:  (4)                                           13

       

       Joe gets up, goes over to the three guys with guitars,

       slips them a fin, confers briefly, and returns to the

       table.

       

                                DEDE

                    What'd you do?

       

                                JOE

                    I bribed them to sing a song

                    that would drive us insane and

                    make our hearts swell and

                    burst.

       

       Whereupon the three guys with guitars arrive at the table

       and launch into an extremely passionate Castilian love

       song.  The song makes conversation impossible.  Joe pours

       Dede some more red wine.  They toast, looking into each

       other's eyes.  The scene ends, but the SONG CONTINUES

       through the following.

       

       

14     EXT. SPANISH ROSE - NIGHT                                 14

       

       Against a slightly tilting lamp post leans a sailor in

       uniform.  Joe and Dede emerge from the restaurant and get

       in his beat-up car.  The car pulls away.  The SONG

       CONTINUES through the following.

       

       

15     EXT. STATEN ISLAND FERRY - JOE'S CAR                      15

       

       The ferry pulls away from the shore.  Joe and Dede go to

       the railing and look back at Manhattan, all lit up,

       receding.  They kiss and look again.  The song continues

       through next.

       

       

16     EXT. STATEN ISLAND - THREE FAMILY HOUSE - NIGHT           16

       

       Joe's car pulls to a stop in front of it, and he and Dede

       get out.  There are some
190
 steps.  He kisses her and

       carries her up the steps.  Then he puts her down to open

       the door.  The SONG ENDS.

       

       

17     INT. JOE'S APARTMENT - FOYER - NIGHT                      17

       

       Joe throws open the door with one hand.  He's got Dede on

       his arm.  They kiss passionately.  Joe reluctantly ends

       the kiss.

       

                    
fa0
            JOE

                    Listen.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                21.

       

17     CONTINUED:                                                17

       

                                DEDE

                    What happened to you?

       

                                JOE

                    Huh?

       

                                DEDE

                    What happened to you that

                    you're ... so alive?  I can

                    see it.

       

                                JOE

                    The doctor told me I've got

                    this thing wrong with my

                    brain.  It's not catching.

                    But I've just got five or six

                    months to live.

       

                                DEDE

                    What?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm gonna die.  And it's made

                    me. very appreciative of my

                    life.

       

       Dede shrinks from him, clutching her coat, suddenly cold.

       

                                DEDE

                    I've gotta go.

       

                                JOE

                    Please don't.

       

       He reaches for her.  She steps back.

       

                                DEDE

                    I've gotta go home.  You

                    may've quit, but I got the job

                    in the morning.

       

                                JOE

                    Dede, I really want you to

                    stay.

       

                                DEDE

                    You're gonna die?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah, but so what?  Stay!

                    Just tonight.  Tomorrow'll

                    take care of itself.

       

       She hesitates on the brink of staying, lifts her hands to

       say yes, but her courage fails her.

       

                                DEDE

                    I can't handle it, Joe.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               21A.

       

17     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           17

       

       She drops her hands, grabs the doorknob, and opens the

       door.

       

                                DEDE

                    Sorry.

       

                                

       She quickly goes, slamming the door after her.  Joe looks

       after her blankly.  Then he takes off his coat, tie and

       jacket, and throws them on the floor.  He walks off down

       the hall.

       

       

18     INT. JOE'S KITCHEN - PREDAWN                              18

       

       Joe is making some real coffee.  He's changed into

       bathrobe.  He's got a little lamp on, not the overhead

       light.  He opens the refrigerator and takes out a loaf of

       white bread.  He puts a couple of slices in the toaster.

       Then he looks at his little tin dining table and at

       window.  The window is so dirty it's opaque.  You'd like

       to open it to see out.  He pulls the table over to

       window.  Then he pulls a chair over to face the window.

       The window looks out on a long little street.  At the end

       of the street is a brightness, where the sun will be.  He

       brings his coffee to the table, and a napkin, and a a

       spoon. He hears the TOAST POP.  He gets it, puts it on a

       plate, butters it, and brings it to the table.  He sits

       down. He takes a sip of coffee and a bite of toast.  He

       1ooks out the window.  The sun is just starting to come

       up. He looks at the coffee, at the little whiff of steam

       rising from the cracked cup.  The crack's in the shape
190
 of

       ACHI logo.  He looks at the toast with one bite missing

       and the butter melting into the golden bread.  He 1ooks

       at the sun's splendid red rim.  These things are so

       beautiful.  His eyes well up.  He takes another bite of

       the toast and another sip of the coffee and looks at the

       rising sun.  It's so great that he's here to experience

       these t
fa0
hings, and so sad that he's leaving.  He goes back

       to the refrigerator and takes out the loaf of bread. He

       puts a couple of more slices in the toaster and the

       almost full loaf of bread next to the almost full pot of

       coffee.

       

       

19     INT. JOE'S KITCHEN - MORNING (COUPLE OF HOURS LATER)           19

       

       The loaf of bread is almost gone and the pot of coffee is

       empty.  Now we PULL BACK and see Joe sitting by the

       window with his feet up, some crusts of toast lying on

       the plate next to him.  The sun has risen a goodly bit,

       and can no longer be seen by us.  But Joe is dappled with

       sunlight.  He is no longer in the thrall of a big

       emotion, but he is extremely deep in the thought.  The

       DOORBELL RINGS.  Joe doesn't move.  It RINGS AGAIN.  Did

       he hear the doorbell?  It RINGS AGAIN.  He is now

       satisfied the doorbell is ringing.  He gets up and out

       into the foyer.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                22.

       

20     INT. JOE'S FOYER - DAY                                    20

       

       The DOORBELL starts to RING AGAIN as Joe opens the door.

       In the hallway is a powerful, glittering-eyed old man of

       seventy, MR. GRAYNAMORE.  He's wearing a long, black

       cashmere overcoat, a dramatic but not silly black fedora,

       and cowboy boots.  He carries a vacuum-sealed can of

       Planter's Peanuts in his pocket.  He's got a cane with a

       duck's head.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Joe Banks?  Mr. Joe Banks?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Have I come at a bad time?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.  No.  I don't know how

                    to answer that question.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Can I come in? Can we talk?

       

       Joe throwing the door open.  He's in his bathrobe.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    You're not dressed?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Doesn't bother me if it

                    doesn't bother you.

       

       Graynamore strides past Joe into Joe's living room.  Joe

       looks after, in a bit of a daze.  Then he follows.

       

       

21     INT. JOE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY                              21

       

       It's modest, to say the least.  It's messy and cheaply

       furnished.  An enormous crack runs up the wall and across

       the ceiling.  Graynamore takes the room in.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Not a nice place you have

                    here, Joe.  Mind if I call you

                    Joe?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

       Graynamore smacks a hole in the wall with his cane.

                                                                 

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                23.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (Al)                                          21

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Dingy, shabby, dinky, not

                    much.

       

       He rips off his coat with gusto and tosses it away.  He

       sings a little of "Someone's in the Kitchen With Dinah."

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                24.

       

21     CONTINUED:                                         21

       

       He's a rich man, from out West, and that's what
190
 his

       clothes look like.  He seems to be enjoying himself very

       much.  He sticks out his hand to Joe.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I see it as a sign of

                    tremendous sophistication that

                    you haven't demanded my name

                    or asked me what I'm doing

                    here.  My name is
fa0
 Samuel

                    Harvey Graynamore.

       

       They shake hands.

       

                                JOE

                    Joe Banks.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I know.

                           (stares into Joe's

                           face)

                    I'm trying to see the hero in

                    there.

                    

                                JOE

                    What do you mean?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    You dragged two kids down a

                    six-story burning staircase.

                    That was brave.  But then you

                    went back up for the third.

                    That was heroic.  Com'on,

                    you're a hero.

       

                                JOE

                    That was a long time ago.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Yes, it was.

       

       Graynamore opens the nuts and dumps them on the table.

       

                                JOE

                    How do you know my name?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I know all about you.  As much

                    as I could learn in twenty-

                    four hours, anyway.  Peanuts?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89               24A.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (1A)                                          21

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Quit your job, huh?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Well, sounded like a dumb job.

                    No family?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 25.

       

21     CONTINUED: (2)                                            21

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Good for you.  Families are a

                    pain in the neck. What do you

                    know about superconductors ?

       

                                JOE

                    Nothing.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Me neither.  But I own a huge

                    company that dominates the

                    world market for

                    superconductors.

       

                                JOE

                    Really.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Yes.  Sit down.

       

       Graynamore sits down, suddenly grounded and serious.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I got a call from Dr. Ellison.

                    You were at his office

                    yesterday?

       

       Joe nods.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    He told me your news.  I hope

                    you won't be angry with him.

                    He thought you and I might be

                    able to help each other.  Got

                    any whiskey?

       

       Joe shakes his head.  Graynamore produces a pipe.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I want to hire you, Joe Banks.

                    I want you...

       

       Graynamore strikes an enormous match and lights up.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    to jump into a volcano.

       

       Joe jumps up.

       

                                JOE

                    I do have some wh
190
iskey.

       

       Joe pulls a bottle of cheap scotch out of a cabinet,

       along with two glasses.  He pours them both a drink and

       sits down.  Graynamore downs his whiskey which makes his

       eyes glitter all the more.  He leans forward and speaks

       with great intensity.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE V
fa0
OLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 26.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           21

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    There's an island in the South

                    Pacific called Waponi Woo. The

                    name means 'The Little Island

                    With the Big Volcano.' The

                    Waponis are a cheerful people

                    who live a simple existence

                    fishing in the lagoon and

                    picking fruit.  They have one

                    fear.  That's a big volcano,

                    they call it The Big Woo. They

                    believe an angry fire god in

                    the volcano will sink the

                    island unless, once every

                    hundred years, he is appeased.

                    It's been ninety-nine years,

                    eleven months, and eleven days

                    since the fire god got his

                    propers and the Waponis are

                    scared.

       

                                JOE

                    How's the god appeased?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Of his own free will, a man's

                    got to jump into the volcano.

                    Now as you might imagine, none

                    of the Waponis are anxious to

                    volunteer for the honor of

                    jumping into the Big Woo.  And

                    the problem is that whoever

                    does it gotta do it of his own

                    free will so what do you do?

       

                                JOE

                    What do you do?

       

       Graynamore gets up and starts to move around the room.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    You do some tradin'.  There's

                    a mineral on that island, Mr.

                    Banks. It's called bubureau.

                    I don't know anywhere else on

                    the planet where you can find

                    more than a gram of this

                    stuff, and believe me I've

                    looked.  Because without

                    bubureau I can't make my

                    superconductors.  I've tried

                    to get the mineral rights from

                    the Waponis, but I don't seem

                    to have anything they want.

                    But they do want a hero, Mr.

                    Banks.  And they'll give me

                    the mineral rights if I find

                    them one.

       

                                JOE

                    Why would I jump into a

                    volcano?

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 27.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (4)                                           21

       

       Graynamore moves behind Joe.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    From your exploits in the Fire

                    Department, I think you've got

                    the courage.

       

                                JOE

                    You do?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Does it take more guts to

                    twice traverse a staircase in

                    flames, or to make a onetime

                    leap into the mouth of a

                    smoking volcano? Damned if I

                    know, kimosabe.  All I know is

                    when you're making those kind

                    of calls, you're up in the

                    high country. From your

                    doctor, you know you're on

                    your way out anyway.  You

                    haven't got any mon
190
ey.  I

                    checked.

                           (grabs Joe by the

                           shoulders)

                    Do you want to wait it out

                    here, in this apartment?  That

                    sounds kind a grim to me.

                    It's not how I'd wanna go,

                    I'll tell you that.

       

       Graynamore lets go of his
fa0
 shoulders.  He takes out his

       wallet and lays out four credit cards on the stereo

       console:  Diner's Club, Gold Visa, Gold Master, and Gold

       American Express.  The cards have Joseph Banks printed on

       them.  Joe looks at the cards.  We hear Graynamore's

       voice as we look at the cards.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE (O.S.)

                    These are yours if you take

                    the job.  It'd be twenty days

                    from today before you'd have

                    to actually jump in the Big

                    Woo.  You could shop today,

                    get yourself some clothes, you

                    know, for an adventure.  Then

                    tomorrow a plane to L.A. first

                    class, naturally. You'll be

                    met.  Stay in the best hotel.

                    Then the next day, you board a

                    yacht.  My competitors

                    sometimes watch the airports.

                    The yacht's a real beauty.

                           (produces wallet photo

                           of the yacht)

                    It belongs to me.  Gourmet

                    chef.

                             (MORE)

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                ### - continued & page number

       missing

                                GRAYNAMORE (O.S.) (CONT'D)

                       You sail to the South Pacific.

                       Then, fifteen days. The Waponis

                       come out to meet you, a total

                       red carpet situation, you're a

                       national hero. You're Charles

                       Lindbergh. It's wine, women and

                       song in the sweetest little

                       paradise you ever saw. Then you

                       jump in the volcano. Live like a

                       king, die like a man, that's what

                       I say. What do you say?

       

                       (picks up the credit cards and looks

                       ###ks at Graynamore.

       

                                JOE

                       Alright. I'll do it.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                       Here's my card and your plane

                       ticket. American, noon out of

                       Kennedy tomorrow.

       

                       (picks up his coat and hat and 

                       heads for door)

       

                                JOE

                       Mr. Graynamore?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                       Yes?

       

                                JOE

                       What if I use the cards and take

                       the plane and go on the yacht and

                       party on the island and then I

                       change  my mind and I don't jump in

                       the volcano?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                       Why then I'd kill you in a very

                       slow and painful way.  But you'll

                       jump.

       

                       (laughs in a warm and wonderful way, 

                       goes to door, opens it, and leaves.)  

                       

                       Joe stands there,

                       ###er him for a moment, and then 

                       pulls out the

                       ###s.  He flips through, finds what 

                       he wants, and      

                       ### number.

       

                                JOE

                 Hi, I'd like to rent a limousine

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89              A28A.

       

21     CONTINUED:  (6)                                           21

       

                    
190
            JOE (CONT'D)

                    Thank you?  Yes, I do.

                    American Express.  The Gold

                    Card.  Can I have a white

                    limousine?

       

       Joe smiles, looking at the card in his hand.

       

       

22     EXT. WHITE LIMOUSINE IN LOWER MANHATTAN - DAY             22

       

       The car has just emerged from Staten 
fa0
Island Ferry

       traffic.  We see the friendly face on the front grill of

       the limousine.  It is a slightly overcast day.

       

       

23     INT. LIMOUSINE - DAY                                      23

       

       Joe is sitting in the back, idly plucking his ukulele,

       looking out the windows, stretching his legs. Driver is a

       middle-aged black man; his name is MARSHALL.  He's

       wearing a jacket and tie and sunglasses. He seems

       reserved and efficient

       

                                MARSHALL

                    So where would you like to go?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - -Rev. 3/23/89              28A.



23     CONTINUED:  (A1)                                          23

       

                                JOE

                    Excuse me?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                            29.

       

23     CONTINUED:                                                23

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Where would you like to go,

                    sir?

       

       Joe thinks for a moment.

       

                                JOE

                    I thought I might like to do

                    some shopping.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Okay.  Where would you like to

                    go shopping?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.

       

       Marshall is disgruntled, but hides it behind his reserve.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Alright.

       

                                JOE

                    Where would you go shopping?

                                

                                MARSHALL

                    For what?  What do you need?

       

                                JOE

                    Clothes.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    What kind of clothes?  What is

                    your taste?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't exactly know.

       

       Marshall pulls the car over and stops.

       

                                JOE

                    Why'd you stop?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    I'm just hired to drive the

                    car, mister.  I'm not here to

                    tell you who you are.

       

                                JOE

                    I didn't ask you to tell me

                    who I am.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                30.

       

23     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           23

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You were hinting around about

                    clothes.  It happens that

                    clothes are very important to

                    me, Mister..

       

                                JOE

                    Banks.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Banks.  Clothes make the man.

                    I believe that.  You say to me

                    you wanna go shopping, you

                    wanna buy clothes, but you

                    don't know what kind.  You

                    leave that hanging in the air,

                    like I'm going to fill in the

                    blank, that to me is like

                    asking me who you are, and I

                    don't know who you are, I

                    don't wanna know.  It's taken

                    me my whole life to find out

                    who I am and I'm tired now,

   
190
                 you hear what I'm say in'?

                    What's your name?

       

                                JOE

                    Joe.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    My name's Marshall, how you

                    do?

       

       They shake hands quite seriously.

       

                                MARSHALL

                 
fa0
   Wait a minute.  I'm coming

                    back.

       

       Marshall gets out of the driver's seat, goes back and

       gets in next to Joe.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Now what's your situation?

                    Explain your situation to me?

       

                                JOE

                    I'm going away on a long trip.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Okay.

       

                                JOE

                    I've got the opportunity to

                    buy some clothes today.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Yes.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                31.

       

23     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           23

       

                                JOE

                    Money's no object.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Good.  Where you going?

       

                                JOE

                    Well.  I'm going out tonight

                    in the city.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Nice places?

       

                                JOE

                    I hope so.  Then tomorrow I'm

                    flying to L.A.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    First class?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

                    

                                MARSHALL

                    Good.

                                

       

                                JOE

                    Then I'm getting on a yacht

                    and sailing to the South

                    Pacific.

       

                    MARSHALL Hawaii?

       

                                JOE

                    No.  A really unknown little

                    island.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    No tourists?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't think so.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Good.

       

                                JOE

                    Then I'll be on the island for

                    a couple of weeks, then that's

                    it.

                                

                                MARSHALL

                    And what do you got in the way

                    of clothes now?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 32.

       

23     CONTINUED:  (4)                                           23

       

                                JOE

                    Well, I've got the kind of

                    clothes I'm wearin'.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    So you've got no clothes.

                    We'll start with basics.

                    We'll start with underwear.

                    We'll start with Dunhill.

       

       Marshall gets out of the car and heads back for the

       driver's seat.

       

       He thinks.  Marshall puts the car in gear and pulls away

       from the curb.

       

       

24     EXT. DUNHILL - DAY                                        24

       

       The white limo pulls up. Two dog bars bracket the

       entrance to Dunhill with two big matching dogs, probably

       great Danes, drinking at each of the dog bars.  The dogs

       are held on leashes by a man in a business suit and a

       woman in a pretty coat.

       

       

25     INT. WHITE LIMO - DAY                                     25

       

       Joe's getting ready to get out.

       

                             
190
   JOE

                    So just socks and underwear?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Conservative underwear is the

                    only way to go.  White cotton

                    broadcloth boxers.  Silk

                    shorts make you feel like a

                    whore, so none of that.  But

                    with the tee shirts, Egy
fa0
ptian

                    cotton, all right?

       

       

                                JOE

                    Alright.

       

       Joe gets out of the car and goes in.

       

       

26     INT. DUNHILL - UNDERWEAR COUNTER - DAY                    26

       

       A conservative UNDERGARMENT SALESMAN is helping Joe.

       

                                UNDERGARMENT SALESMAN

                    How many pairs of boxer shorts

                    would you like, sir?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 33.

       

26     CONTINUED:                                                26

       

                                JOE

                    How many does a man need?

       

       The Salesman pauses, thinks and replies.

       

                                UNDERGARMENT

                    SALESMAN Eight pairs.

       

       

27     EXT. DUNHILL - DAY                                        27

       

       Marshall's leaning against the limo, reading a copy of

       The Scientific American.

       

       A WOMAN appears dressed as the Statue of Liberty.  She

       looks at Marshall.  He returns the glance.  She has a tin

       can in her hand.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    What?

       

                                STATUE (WOMAN)

                    How about a dollar for the way

                    I look?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Shoot.  How 'bout a dollar for

                    the way I look?

       

       He gives her a dollar.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Yeah.

       

       She exits.  Joe comes out of the store with a shopping

       bag.  Marshall opens the door for him.

       

                                JOE

                    They've got a changing room.

                    I'm wearing the underwear.

                    

                                MARSHALL

                    I knew that. I could see it on

                    your face.

       

       

28     INT. LIMO - STILL AT CURB BY BROOKS - DAY                 28

       

                                MARSHALL

                    What else you need?

       

                                JOE

                    Ah, well, some kind of

                    overcoat. I don't know, maybe

                    like a English trench coat.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 34.

       

28     CONTINUED:                                                28

       

                                MARSHALL

                    English trench coat?  That's

                    foul weather wear, man.

                    You're goin' west!

       

                                JOE

                    What would you get?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You're a sexual man?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Not that I mean to be crude,

                    but I'm trying to express

                    something.  Armani.  That's

                    what you want.  And how 'bout

                    a haircut?

       

                                JOE

                    What's wrong with my hair?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    I can't express it.  It looks

                    like freedom without choice.

                    It looks wrong.

       

       While he's talking, he has picked up the car phone and

       punched some numbers.  He speaks into the phone.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Salon Salo
190
n, please.

       

       He breaks the connection and dials again.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Hi, gimme Cassie Cimorelli,

                    please. Hello, Cassie?  It's

                    Marshall, how you?  Good.

                    Listen, I got somebody who

                    needs you today, can you help

                    me out?  2:30
fa0
?  Great, good,

                    thanks.

       

       He hangs up.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    We gotta get moving.

       

       He puts the car in gear and pulls away.

       

       

29     EXT. GIORGIO ARMANI'S - DAY                               29

       

       The white limo pulls up.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                35.

       

30     INT. LIMO - DAY                                           30

       

                                JOE

                    So what do I ask for?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    This is too complicated.  I

                    gotta come in with you.  If I

                    getta ticket it can't be

                    helped.

       

       

31     EXT. LIMO OUTSIDE ARMANI'S - DAY                          31

       

       Joe and Marshall get out and go in.

       

       

32     INT. ARMANI'S - DAY                                       32

       

       Joe is standing on a fitting stool in a beautiful suit.

       He's being ministered to by an ITALIAN TAILOR, as

       Marshall supervises.  Marshall murmurs to the Tailor.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    I still think the full break

                    over the shoe is the way to

                    go.

       

                                TAILOR

                    No more than half this year, I

                    swear to you.

                           (to Joe)

                    You can take it off now, sir.

       

       Points the way to Joe and walks off.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Hey, Joe, how about a tux?

       

                                JOE

                    What for?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Something'll come up.  There's

                    nothing a man looks better in.

       

                                JOE

                    I'll get one if you get one.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    I can't be buying no Armani

                    tux. I'm a working man.

       

                                JOE

                    You're getting paid to drive

                    the car.  Nobody's paying you

                    to give me all this advice.

                    Let me buy you the tux and

                    we'll call it even.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                35A.

       

32     CONTINUED:                                                32

       

       Marshall thinks it over.

       

       

33     INT. ARMANI'S - TEN MINUTES LATER - DAY                   33

       

       Marshall is standing on the fitting stool in an Armani

       tuxedo. The Tailor is doing his cuffs.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Gimme the full break over the

                    shoe, Pietro.  It's my

                    preference.

       

                                TAILOR

                    Whatever's your pleasure, sir.

       

       

34     EXT. ARMANI AT CURB - JOE AND MARSHALL - DAY              34

       

       emerge.  Marshall opens the door to the limo for Joe and

       urges him to speed it up.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Come on, kid!  We're on a

                    roll!

                           (as he walks around to

                           the driver's side)

                    Didn't even get a ticket.

       

       Marshall gets in, starts it up, and pulls away.

       

       

35     EXT. HORN OF AFRICA - LIMO OUTSIDE - DAY                  35

       

       Two Tiki heads bracket either side of the entrance.

       

       

36     INT. THE
190
 HORN OF AFRICA - DAY                             36

       

       Joe is trying on a safari jacket.  Two salesmen stand by.

       Joe nods.  Now one of the salesmen puts a particularly

       dashing safari hat on Joe.  He looks in a mirror.  He

       really, really likes it.

       

       

37     INT. SALON SALON - DAY                                    37

       

       It's a lar
fa0
ge, bustling beauty center in midtown.  There

       must be fifteen hairdressers spread out over a spacious,

       well-windowed area.  It's a festive place with glossy

       magazines and coffee and water running and blow dryers

       going.  Happy BRAZILIAN MUSIC is playing on the sound

       system.  Now we zero in on Cassie's corner.  CASSIE is in

       her thirties, with a short fetching up-to-the-minute

       haircut.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 36.

       

37     CONTINUED:                                                37

       

       She's also got a terrific personality; she's the salt of

       the earth.  And she's cutting Joe's hair.  Marshall sits

       on a nearby chair.  He's reading B, a trendy magazine.

       

                                JOE

                    How you making me look?

       

                                CASSIE

                    I'm undoing this cut from

                    before. This is some piece of

                    geography. Where'd you get

                    this?

       

                                JOE

                    In one of those subway barber

                    shops.

       

                                CASSIE

                    It has that reality.  Grim.

                    You're a very handsome guy,

                    I'm just gonna bring that out.

                    Marshall, which one is that?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    It's the in and out issue.

       

                                CASSIE

                    That's the best!  What's in?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Carrie Fisher, Barcelona,

                    African-Americans, happy

                    endings, The New York Dally

                    News, tomato salads, God,

                    garlic, wristwatches you have

                    to wind up, and true love.

       

                                CASSIE

                    Did you say Carrie Fisher?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You don't like Carrie Fisher?

       

                                CASSIE

                    I love Carrie Fisher!  I can't

                    believe it!  So intelligent!

                    So dry!  That's a totally

                    great list. What's out?  Read

                    it slow.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Kafka, C.D.'s.

       

                                CASSIE

                    That's true.  I've had it with

                    Kafka.  Those little eyes...so

                    full of misery.

                    

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                 37.

       

37     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           37

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Stand-up comedy...

       

                                CASSIE

                    Stand-up comedy makes me

                    nervous.

                                

                                MARSHALL

                    All restaurants that haven't

                    been in existence for at least

                    thirty years.

       

                                CASSIE

                    Yes.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Paloma Picasso.

       

                                CASSIE

                    No, I don't agree with that.

                    I love Paloma Picasso.  Those

                    lips! So red, so big!

       

                                MARSHALL

                    New money and old money.

       

                                CA
190
SSIE

                    Okay.

                                

                                MARSHALL

                    All camp, all trash, all

                    trivia...

                                

                                CASSIE

                    Oh com'on, take a risk.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    And The New York Times.

fa0

       

                                CASSIE

                    Finally somebody said it!

                    What rag!

       

       Cassie finishes cutting Joe's hair.  It's a great cut.

       

                                CASSIE

                    Very gratifying.  Thank you,

                    Marshall.  Well, here you are.

       

                                JOE

                    I look good.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You're coming into focus, kid!

                    I can see you now.

       

       Marshall nods approval.  Cassie and Joe exchange a smile.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                37A.

       

38     OMITTED                                                   38

       

       

39     EXT. HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER - DAY                            39

       

       The limo pulls up.  Joe goes in. Marshall stays in the

       car.

       

       

40     INT. HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER - DAY                            40

       

       ANGLE ON the indoor golfing practice green.  Joe putts a

       golf ball into the hole.

       

                                JOE

                    I'll take it.

       

                                SALESWOMAN

                    Yes, sir.

       

       Joe walks OUT OF FRAME. CLOSEUP PAN ACROSS the glass

       counter top of a Swiss army knife, a world band travel

       radio, shaving kit, lantern and a violin case that

       doubles as a bar; until we COME TO a large light colored

       umbrella which is pointed AT us.  The umbrella closes,

       revealing Joe.

       

                                JOE

                    I'll take this, too.

       

                                HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER SALESMAN

                    Will that be all?

       

       Joe walks away.

       

                                                      CUT TO:

40A    PICTURE CUT-OUT                                          40A

       

       of a woman demonstrating the walk on water shoes.  Joe

       approaches.  The SALESWOMAN appears as well.  Joe is

       really looking at the shoes.

       

                                SALESWOMAN

                    Does that interest your

       

                                JOE

                    You mean you can walk on

                    water?

       

                                SALESWOMAN

                    With a little help.  Yes.

       

                                JOE

                    I'll take a pair.

       

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/7/89                37B.

       

40A    CONTINUED:                                               40A

       

                                SALESWOMAN

                    Alright.  Very good, sir.

                    Thank you.

       

                                JOE

                    Thank YOU.

       

       

41     INT. WHITE LIMO IN FRONT OF ARMANI - DAY                  41

       

       Two uniformed attendants from Armani are handing the last

       of the boxes to Joe, who's now sitting in front with

       Marshall.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                38.

       

41     CONTINUED:                                                41

       

       The back of the car is completely loaded with stuff.  The

       attendants head back to the entrance where they stand at

       parade rest on either side of the door.  Joe calls after.

       

                                JOE

                    Thanks!

       

       Marshall pulls away from the curb.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You know what you need?

       

                                JOE

                
190
    What else could I need?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    How you gonna carry this

                    stuff? You need luggage!

       

                                JOE

                    I didn't think of that.

       

       

42     INT. SMALL EXCLUSIVE LUGGAGE STORE (J. RUSS) - DAY        42

       

       It's as quiet as a church.  A few 
fa0
pieces of extremely

       high quality leather luggage are on display.  The

       SALESMAN, a small neat man in a quiet suit, is the

       store's representative.  He's talking with Joe.  He's a

       very serious, understated man.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    Have you thought much about

                    luggage, Mr. Banks?

       

                                JOE

                    No, I never really have.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    It's the central preoccupation

                    of my life.  You travel the

                    world, you're away from home,

                    perhaps away from your family,

                    all you have to depend on is

                    yourself and your luggage.

       

                                JOE

                    I guess that's true.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    Are you traveling light or heavy?

       

                                JOE

                    Heavy.

                                                                 

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                39.

       

42     CONTINUED:                                                42

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    Flying?

       

                                JOE

                    Flying.  And by ship.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    An ocean voyage?

       

                                JOE

                    Yes.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    Ah.  Yes.  So.  A real

                    journey.

       

                                JOE

                    And then I'll be staying on

                    this island, I don't even

                    really know if I'll be living

                    in a hut or what.

       

                                LUGGAGE

                    SALESMAN Very exciting.

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    As a luggage problem.  I

                    believe I have just the thing.

       

       The Luggage Salesman rolls out an absolutely gorgeous

       steamer trunk of dark, wine-colored leather and brass

       fittings.

       

                                JOE

                    Wow.

       

       The Luggage Salesman opens it. It has hangers, drawers, a

       mirror, the works.

       

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    This is our premier steamer

                    trunk.  All handmade, only the

                    finest materials.  It's even

                    water-tight, tight as a drum.

                    If I had the need and the

                    wherewithal, Mr. Banks, this

                    would be my trunk of choice. I

                    could face the world with a

                    trunk like this by my side.

       

       Joe is moved.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 40.

       

42     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           42

       

                                JOE

                    I'll take four of them.

       

       This is the classiest thing the Luggage Salesman's ever

       heard.

                    

                                LUGGAGE SALESMAN

                    May you live to be a thousand

                    years old, sir.

       

       Not normally a demonstrative man, he slowly raises hand,

       offering it to Joe.  Joe takes it and they shake.

       

     
190
  

43     EXT. STREET OUTSIDE LUGGAGE STORE - DAY                   43

       

       Marshall and Joe have just finished securing the four

       trunks to the top of the white limo.  They get in the

       car.

       

       

44     INT. LIMO - DAY                                           44

       

       Marshall starts it up.

       

                                JOE

        
fa0
            I'm through shopping.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Fair enough.  Where to? Back

                    to Staten Island?

                    

                                JOE

                    Yeah, I guess so.  No.  A

                    really good hotel.  The Plaza?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    The Plaza's nice.

       

                                JOE

                    Where would you go?

       

                                MARSHALL

                           (lighting up)

                    The Pierre!

                    

                    

45     EXT. THE PIERRE HOTEL - DUSK                              45

       

       Seven bellboys and girls are unloading the white limo and

       carrying its contents into the hotel.  They wear classic

       bellboy uniforms and caps.  Marshall and Joe are

       watching.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                41.

       

45     CONTINUED:                                                45

       

                                JOE

                    Marshall?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Yeah?

       

                                JOE

                    I wonder if you'd want to have

                    dinner with me tonight?

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Can't do it.  I got my wife

                    and kids at the end of the

                    day, you know?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

       The HEAD BELLMAN informs Joe.

       

                                HEAD BELLMAN

                    Everything's at check-in when

                    you're ready, sir.

       

       The Bellman departs within.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    Listen, ain't you got nobody?

       

                                JOE

                    No.  But there are certain

                    times in your life when I

                    guess you're not supposed to

                    have anybody, you know?  There

                    are certain doors you have to

                    go through alone.

       

                                MARSHALL

                    You're gonna be Alright.

       

       Joe shrugs.  He and Marshall shake hands.  They look at

       each other.  We see Marshall get in the limo and pull

       away.  We see Joe look after him, then turn and go into

       the hotel.

       

       MUSIC:

       

       A instrumental jazz version of "Do You Know The Way To

       San Jose" plays through the following scenes.

       

       

46     INT. SUITE IN THE PIERRE HOTEL - NIGHT                    46

       

       Joe has one of his trunks open.  He's hanging his tuxedo

       up in it.  He's been taking stuff out of boxes and

       packing it into the trunks.  He opens another box and

       takes out his new suit.  The MUSIC CONTINUES through the

       next.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 42.

       

47     INT. MAIN RESTAURANT IN THE PIERRE HOTEL - NIGHT          47

       

       This is an incredibly beautiful, quiet restaurant.  Joe's

       discovered, sitting alone at a table. The Pierre waiter

       is just walking away.  Joe's sipping a glass of wine, his

       entree before him.  The MUSIC CONTINUES through next.

       

       

48     EXT. CENTRAL PARK SOUTH - JOE - NIGHT                     48

       

       Walking along.  As he approaches The Plaza, two cabs pull

       up and eight theatregoers from out of town disembark.

       They are all middle-aged, wearing their best clothes,

       having a good time.  They cross in front of Joe on their

  
190
     way into the hotel.  He watches them go by and disappear.

       It makes him smile and it makes him feel alone.  He goes

       on.  The MUSIC CONTINUES through next.

       

       

49     EXT. DEPARTMENT STORE WINDOW - NIGHT                      49

       

       Joe walks by and stops, struck by the contents of the win

       dow.  It's a female dummy, dressed as Patricia will be 
fa0
on

       the yacht.  Behind the dummy is a photo mural of the

       yacht.

       

       

50     INT. TUESDAY'S (JAZZ BAR) - NIGHT                         50

       

       We've arrived at the place where the music is coming

       from.  Joe sits at a little table listening to a good

       jazz quartet.  They are a pasty-faced English quartet.

       Everyone in the club is black except Joe, the bartender

       and the band, which is playing "Do You Know The Way to

       San Jose."  Everyone is drinking martinis.  They form a

       straight line down the bar each with a giant green olive

       in it.  Joe finishes a martini and waves for the check.

       The MUSIC CONTINUES through the next.

       

       

51     EXT. FIFTH AVENUE - 30 FEET FROM THE PIERRE - NIGHT            51

       

       Joe, weaving ever so slightly, walks up the street and

       approaches the hotel.  The MUSIC CONCLUDES.

       

       

52     INT. THE PIERRE HOTEL - JOE'S SUITE - NIGHT               52

       

       The lights are out.  Joe's in bed, staring at the

       ceiling.  We look DOWN on him.  It's very, very silent.

       Finally, he closes his eyes and turns his head.

       

       

53     EXT. AMERICAN AIRLINE IN FLIGHT - DAY                     53

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               42A.

       

54     INT. AMERICAN FLIGHT - FIRST CLASS CABIN - DAY            54

       

       In the flight to L.A.  Joe is sitting on the aisle.  Next

       to him is a grey-haired, wholesome priest named FATHER

       CONROY.  The clergyman is most way through a drink,

       wrapped up in his own thoughts.  Joe is deeply aware that

       he's sitting next to a priest; he's uneasy, shifting in

       his chair.  The STEWARDESS notices Joe and approaches.

       

                                STEWARDESS

                    Can I get you anything, sir?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                43.

       

54     CONTINUED:                                                54

       

                                JOE

                    No, thank you.  No, I changed

                    my mind.  Some club soda,

                    please.

       

                                STEWARDESS

                    Alright.

       

       Father Conroy catches her eye and slightly raises his

       almost empty drink.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    I think I'll have one more.

       

                                STEWARDESS

                    Alright.

       

       The Stewardess heads off, down the aisle.  Joe catches

       the priest's eye.

       

                                JOE

                    Have you ever been to

                    California before?

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Oh, many times.

       

                                JOE

                    I've never been anywhere.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    I was a chaplain there, years

                    ago.  For the Marines.  Camp

                    Pendleton.

       

                                JOE

                    I don't believe in God

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Okay.

       

                                JOE

                    I did when I was a kid, but I

                    lost my faith in high school.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Uh-huh.

       

                                JOE

                    And then, when I was in danger

                    - I was a fireman - in the

                    middle of the fire, I never

                    like turned around and fell to

                    my knees and started 
190
praying.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                            44.

       

54     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           54

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    No?

       

                                JOE

                    No.  There are atheists 
fa0
in

                    foxholes.

       

                                FATHER CONVOY

                    I'm sure there are.

       

                                JOE

                    But I've come to a place in my

                    life where I've come face to

                    face with the facts of life

                    and death. I mean, it's a

                    chance happening I'm alive,

                    it's a miracle, I'm so lucky!

                    And it's not going to last.

                    It's like a shooting star. So

                    beautiful, so fleeting, make a

                    wish before it's gone, you

                    know? I'm so moved.  But cut

                    off.  If there is a God, if

                    there is some kind of music

                    going through everything, I

                    can't hear it.  I'm alone.  I

                    really feel I'm alone. I'm

                    walking down this little path

                    by myself.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Yes.

       

                                JOE

                    Can you help me?

       

       The Stewardess has returned with their drinks.

       

                                STEWARDESS

                    Hi.  I have your drinks.

       

                                JOE

                    Oh, yeah.  Thank you.

       

       She serves the priest a little bottle of bourbon and a

       glass of ice.  He gives her his old glass.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Thank you.

       

       Joe is still focussed on Father Conroy.  The good Father

       carefully pours the little bottle of bourbon over the

       ice.  Joe is very intense.

       

                                JOE

                    Can you help me?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 45.

       

54     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           54

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    Do you see an analyst of some

                    kind?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't need an analyst.

                    That's not the kind of problem

                    I have.

       

       Inspirational light shines through the cabin window.

       

                                FATHER CONROY

                    If you need a guide.  If

                    you're a seeker and you need a

                    guide, someone to counsel you

                    so you can find your way

                    forward into a spiritual

                    realm.  And you're on an

                    airplane.  Don't look in first

                    class.

       

       Father Conroy raises his glass of bourbon in a little

       toast to Joe, and then takes a healthy swallow.

       

       

55     EXT. L.A. AIRPORT - RUNWAY - DAY                          55

       

       The American flight lands.

       

       

56     INT. L.A. AIRPORT TERMINAL - DAY                          56

       

       Joe and his fellow travellers are just entering the

       terminal proper.  A commercial airplane presses its nose

       inquisitively against a visible window.  It is surrounded

       by orange trees.  Joe is surrounded by blond California

       guys as he gets off the plane.  We see a homemade banner

       "Welcome to L.A. St. Dymphna's Girls Academy."  Of the

       six people waiting, five of them look like Brezhnev.  The

       sixth is ANGELICA, she is holding aloft a sign which

       reads "JOSEPH BANKS."  She looks like Dede.  Joe does a

       take, he goes to her.  Several Catholic school girls run

       by.

       

                            
190
    JOE

                    Hi.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Hi, are you Joe Banks?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.  Who are you?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I'm the daughter of the guy

                    who hired you.  Angelica

                    Graynamore.

     
fa0
  

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 46.

       

56     CONTINUED:                                                56

       

       Joe shakes her hand.

       

                                JOE

                    Nice to meet you.  Again.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    What?

       

       Joe shakes his head.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Daddy told me to tell you that

                    I don't know what he hired you

                    for, and not to tell me.  That

                    I'm totally untrustworthy.

                    I'm a flibberti-gibbet.

                    C'mon, let's get outta here.

       

                                JOE

                    I've got some luggage.

       

       

56A    OMITTED                                                  56A

&                                                                 &

57                                                               57

       

       

58     EXT. TAXI FULL OF STEAMER TRUNKS - DAY                    58

       

       The taxi is going along a highway.  We LEAVE the taxi and

       MOVE FORWARD TO a red convertible.  In the red

       convertible are Angelica at the wheel, and Joe beside

       her.  They are driving alongside the blue ocean.  Green

       palm trees wave overhead.  All is beautiful and fresh.

       

                                JOE

                    I've never been to L.A.

                    before.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    What do you think?

       

                                JOE

                    It looks fake.  I like it.

       

       

59     EXT. SHANGRI-LA HOTEL - SUNSET                            59

       

       The red convertible pulls up to the entrance and we hear

       Angelica say:

       

                                ANGELICA (O.S.)

                    Daddy wanted to put you up in

                    Bel Air, but I said no way!

                    Shangri-la, Shangri-la!

                                                                 

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                46A.

       

59     CONTINUED:  (Al)                                          59

       

       The taxi pulls up behind them.  Angelica gets out of the

       car and goes back to the cab.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                47.

       

59     CONTINUED:                                                59

       

       She gives the DRIVER money.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Thanks.  That's for you.  And

                    put everything on the curb,

                    please.

       

                                DRIVER

                    Thank you.

       

       Joe gets out of the convertible.  Two deco-porters emerge

       from the hotel with luggage carriers, and assist the

       Driver in transferring the trunks.  Angelica jumps back

       in her car and calls to Joe.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Check in, fresh up, I'll be

                    back for you at seven.  We'll

                    have dinner.

       

       Angelica drives off.  Joe looks after, then turns and

       goes into the hotel.

       

       

60     INT. CHINOIS - NIGHT                                      60

       

       Fancy "fun" restaurant.  A big platter of Dungeness crabs

       being carried through the restaurant.  It's placed on a

       table where Joe and Angelica are sitting.  There are

       already two other platters of exotic food on th
190
e table.

       Now we see the waiter and waitress, a slick blond named

       RALPH and a redheaded waitress named RITA.

       

                                RITA

                    Black bread with sour cream

                    and golden caviar.

       

                                RALPH

                    The Dungeness crabs.

       

       Joe looks at this dish with alarm
fa0
. Ralph and Rita depart.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    What's the matter?

       

                                JOE

                    Nothing.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    They do look like little

                    monsters or something.

                           (picks one up and

                           attacks it)

                    But they're good little

                    monsters.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 48.

       

60     CONTINUED-                                                60

       

       Joe tentatively takes one, and small portions of the

       other dishes.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    What'd you do before you

                    signed on with Daddy?

       

                                JOE

                    I was an advertising librarian

                    for a medical supply company.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Oh.  I have no response to

                    that.

       

                                JOE

                    What do you do?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Why do you ask?

       

                                JOE

                    Uh, I don't know.

       

       Angelica produces and takes two pills.  Suddenly, she

       gets very defensive.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I'm a painter.  And a poet.

       

                                JOE

                    Really?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Yes.  Does that bother you?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    People from New York usually

                    look down on painters.  And

                    poets.

       

                                JOE

                    I didn't know that.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    They think if you live in

                    L.A., and you say you're an

                    artist, you really do nothing!

       

                                JOE

                    Why?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You don't think I do nothing?

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               48A.

       

60     CONTINUED:  (1A)                                          60

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You believe me when I say I'm

                    a painter?

       

                                JOE

                    And a poet.  Sure.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                49.

       

60     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           60

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Well, you're right.  There's a

                    painting of mine right there.

                                                 CUT TO:

60A    PAINTING OF CAR                                          60A

       

       in a yellow pool of light overlooking a lit-up city

       below.  And --

       

                                                 CUT BACK TO:

60B    JOE AND ANGELICA                                         60B

       

       looking.

       

                                JOE

                    It's terrific.  Where you get

                    your ideas?

       

                                ANGELIC
190
A

                    I'll show you.

       

                                                 CUT BACK TO:

60C    PAINTING                                                 60C

       

                                                 DISSOLVES INTO:

61     EXT. HILL WITH STREETLIGHT - NIGHT                        61

       

       The streetlight casts a pool of light just like in the

    
fa0
   painting, and the city glitters below.  When Angelica's

       car pulls into the pool of light and stops, the picture

       is complete.

       

                                JOE

                    Nice view.  It's like looking

                    down at the stars.

                                

       Angelica takes two more pills.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Do you want to hear one of my

                    poems?

       

                                JOE

                    Sure.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Long ago, the delicate tangles

                    of his hair, Covered the

                    emptiness of my hands.

                           (to Joe)

                    Do you wanna hear it again?

       

                                JOE

                    Okay.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Long ago, the delicate tangles

                    of his hair, Covered the

                    emptiness of my hands.           (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                50.

       

61     CONTINUED:                                                61

       

       She has tears in her eyes.  Joe looks at her, concerned.

       

                                JOE

                    What's the matter?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Did you ever think about

                    killing yourself?

       

                                JOE

                    What?  Why would you do that?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Why shouldn't I?

       

                                JOE

                    Some things take care of

                    themselves.  They're not your

                    job. Maybe they're not even

                    your business.  I like your

                    poem.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I'm a grown woman and I live

                    on my father's money.  That

                    restaurant that had my

                    painting up, that's my

                    father's restaurant.

       

                                JOE

                    Why are you telling me?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I don't know.

                           (making a joke out of

                           it)

                    I'll tell anybody who'll

                    listen.

                           (dropping it)

                    No, that's not true.  I don't

                    know why I'm telling you.

       

                                JOE

                    Listen to me.  If you have a

                    choice between killing

                    yourself and doing something

                    you're scared of doing, why

                    not take the leap and do the

                    thing you're scared of doing?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You mean stop taking money and

                    leave L.A.?

       

                                JOE

                    You see?  You know what you're

                    afraid of doing.  Why don't

                    you do it?  See what happens?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 51.

       

61     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           61

       

       Inspired by him, she hesitates on the brink of courage.

       For a moment she finds it and lifts her hands to say

       "yes," but her courage fails her. She gets a chill.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You must be tired.

       

       She starts up the car.

       

 
190
                               ANGELICA

                    Thanks for listening, but I'm

                    a little high, and you don't

                    know me from Adam, I mean, I

                    guess, Eve.  Anyway, forget

                    it.

       

                                JOE

                    I don't mind talking.

       

       Suddenly, she's very angry.


fa0
       

                                ANGELICA

                    Well, I do! This is one of

                    those typical conversations

                    where we're all open and

                    sharing our innermost thoughts

                    and it's all bullshit and a

                    lie and it doesn't cost you

                    anything!

       

                                JOE

                    Look.  I don't know you.  I

                    don't think I know anybody.

                    You're angry.  I can see that.

                           (he quietly gets upset)

                    I'm very troubled.  I'm not

                    ready to... There's only so

                    much time and you wanna use it

                    well. So I'm here talking to

                    you, I don't wanna throw that

                    away. You seem...

                    

                                ANGELICA

                    I seem what?

       

                                JOE

                    You seem far away.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I have no response to that.

       

                                JOE

                    Maybe you better take me back

                    to the hotel.

       

       His eyes are shining.  She looks at him.  She puts the

       car in gear and pulls out.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                52.

       

62     EXT. SHANGRI-LA HOTEL - NIGHT                             62

       

       The red convertible pulls up.  Joe gets out.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You want me to come in?  I

                    could come up with you?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Alright.  Will you have

                    breakfast with me?  I'm

                    supposed to get you to the

                    boat by ten, but I could meet

                    you for breakfast.

       

                                JOE

                    Okay.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I told you I was a

                    flibbertigibbet.

       

       She drives off.  Joe turns to go into the hotel, changes

       his mind, and walks out into the street.  We FOLLOW him.

       He dodges a lone car, and makes it to the other side

       where the palm trees grow.

       

       

63     JOE - NIGHT                                               63

       

       Joe making his way through some greenery.  He parts some

       tall grass, and we see what he sees --

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 53.

       

64     EXT. BEACH AND OCEAN - JOE'S POV - NIGHT                  64

       

       A couple of stars vaguely twinkle overhead.  There's the

       DULL BOOM of the SURF.

       

       

65     DOWN WHERE BEACH MEETS OCEAN - NIGHT                      65

       

       Joe arrives at this spot and sits down in the sand.  He

       looks out at the ocean, at the horizon, where the night

       presses down on the water.  Time passes.  The sky gets

       lighter.

       

       MUSIC.

       

       The VAGUE beginnings of something MAGICAL and very, very

       big are heard.

       

       A band of golden light hits Joe in the back of the head.

       He turns around and it's in his eyes.  We see the fake

       sun rising over a row of palm trees.  Just a touch of red

       on the horizon.

       

       The MAGICAL MUSIC CEASES.

       

       But the sun continues to rise.  And rise.  Until it

       clears the horizon and is a discreet orange-blue disk in

       the morning sky.

       

       

66     INT. SUNNY RESTAURANT - DAY                               66

       

       The sun turns 
190
into an orange-yellow yolk of a sunnyside-

       up egg.  The CAMERA PULLS BACK.  Joe and Angelica are

       eating breakfast.  Joe is dressed like Jungle Jim.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I'm so tired.  You take that

                    stuff, it just ruins your

                    sleep. I'm sorry I was so

                    abusive, immature, h
fa0
ostile,

                    and needy last night.

       

                                JOE

                    You were fine.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    I disappointed you.  So, what

                    did Daddy hire you to do?

       

                                JOE

                    It's real complicated.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 54.

       

66     CONTINUED:                                                66

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Okay. I don't even know where

                    you're going on the boat.

                    Patricia won't tell me.

       

                                JOE

                    Who's Patricia?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    She's my half-sister. She's

                    the one who's sailing you

                    wherever you're going.

       

                                JOE

                    She is?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You didn't know?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Daddy loves a secret almost as

                    much as he loves money.  Can I

                    ask you something?

       

                                JOE

                    What?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Why are you dressed like

                    Jungle Jim?

       

                                JOE

                    You think this is

                    inappropriate? For the boat?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    No, it's fine.  We'd better

                    get going.  I gotta guy

                    dropping your trunks off at

                    the marina who may not have

                    understood my travel

                    directions.

       

       They get up to go.

       

       

67     EXT. BIG MARINA - MANY BOATS LIKE RESTLESS HORSES - DAY        67

       

       At the end of a long narrow dock is a yacht about 7 feet

       long.  It dwarfs all the other vessels.  We hear a CAR

       DOOR SLAM and hear Angelica.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                55.

       

67     CONTINUED:  (AA1)                                         67

       

                                ANGELICA (O.S.)

                    Here we are.

       

       Now we see Angelica and Joe approach the dock and start

       walking down it.  We see them FROM the back and hear them

       talking.

       

                                JOE

                    Is that it?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Yeah.

       

                                JOE

                    It's big.

       

       They approach the yacht, which is called The Tweedle Dee.

       It has on its hull a single arrogant eye that looks

       haughtily at Joe.  On the dock by the yacht are the four

       steamer trunks.  Sitting on a piling, staring balefully

       at the trunks is a magnificent, athletic, truly feminine,

       blonde, blue-eyed woman in her late twenties.  This is

       PATRICIA.  On The Tweedle Dee two boat boys, MIKE and

       TONY, ready the yacht for departure; they are young and

       shining and strong.  Joe and Angelica arrive at the slip.

       Patricia looks just like Dede and Angelica.  Joe does a

       take.

       

                                JOE

                           (to Angelica)

                    You say this is your half-

                    sister?

       

              
190
                  ANGELICA

                    Yeah.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    What's the trunks, Felix?

       

                                JOE

                    They're my... My name's not

                    Felix, it's Joe.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I know.

                           (callin
fa0
g out)

                    Mike!  Tony!  Find a place for

                    these boxes.

       

       Mike and Tony jump off the yacht and proceed to load the

       trunks.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    That outfit's wearing you,

                    Felix.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. l/18/89               55A.

       

67     CONTINUED:  (Al)                                          67

       

                                JOE

                    Why are you calling me Felix?

                    My name's Joe.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I'm calling you Felix because

                    I do what I want.  Hello,

                    Angelica.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 56.

       

67     CONTINUED:                                                67

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Hello, Patricia.

       

                                PATRICIA & ANGELICA

                           (simultaneously)

                    Do you know where Daddy is?

       

                                PATRICIA (to Joe)

                    We never know where our father

                    is and we always suspect that

                    the other one knows.  But it's

                    all phone calls and telegrams,

                    hey, Angelica?

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Well, you're in a rotten mood.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    It's the sunshine.  It gets me

                    down.

       

       The boat boys have finished bringing aboard the last

       trunk.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Where are you going?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Can you believe it?  Dad said

                    not to tell you.  Goes with my

                    theory. Power makes you

                    paranoid.

       

       Mike calls out from the yacht.

       

                                MIKE

                    All set.

       

       Patricia hops off the piling.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Well, get ready to heave,

                    Felix.

                                

       Joe gets angry.

       

                                JOE

                    My name is Joseph or Joe.

                    

       Patricia deflates a bit.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Alright.  Joe.  Get ready.

                    We're leaving.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                57.

       

67     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           67

       

       Joe turns to Angelica and speaks to her privately.

       

                                JOE

                    'Bye.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    'Bye.

       

                                JOE

                    Listen.  Don't take drugs.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Okay.

       

                                JOE

                    Wish me luck.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    Good luck.

       

                                

       He takes her hand and gives her a little kiss on the

       cheek.  She notes his hand.  She's puzzled.

       

                                ANGELICA

                    You're shaking.

       

       He smiles, examining his hand.

       

                                JOE
190


                    Am I?  A little.

                           (looks at the land in

                           the distance behind

                           her)

                    Yeah.

       

       He runs up the gangway.  Patricia has already boarded the

       boat.  The boat boys are casting off.  Patricia takes the

       wheel.  But we are still WITH Angelica on the dock.  S
fa0
he

       stands there.  Slowly, as the yacht pulls away, she

       waves. Joe stands at the railing, the sails still furled

       behind him.  He waves back.

       

       Now we are WITH Joe on the yacht, at the railing.  He

       waves a little, and then his eyes rove the shore.

       

       

68     JOE'S POV - SHORE - DAY                                   68

       

       Joe looks at the flag on the stern of The Tweedle Dee. He

       looks up from the flag at his departing homeland.  A

       ghost image of the flag follows his glance up so that he

       sees the following through that image.  He sees Angelica

       on the dock, and then the boats behind her, and then the

       parking lot behind that.  And then the hills in the

       distance off to his left.  And the rich people's houses

       off to his right.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/21/89                58.

       

68     CONTINUED:                                                68

       

       And cars on roads.  And a smokestack.  He sees all this

       through the ghost image of that American flag.  He sees

       his homeland.  Receding.  He's leaving his homeland.  He

       will never see it again.  And now we see again:

       

       

69     JOE - AT RAIL - DAY                                       69

       

       Staring, moved, determined.  His clothes are a bit much,

       but he almost fills them in this moment.  A wind comes up

       and sweeps his safari hat off his head, into the ocean.

       He flinches slightly at the loss.

       

       

70     HAT - DAY                                                 70

       

       swirling away into the wake.  But now we see again:

       

71     JOE                                                       71

       

       And after a glance, he gives up the hat without regret.

       He continues to look after the receding land.  Without

       the hat he looks great.  His hair blows in the wind and

       he stares and stares.

       

72     EXT. YACHT - FROM FEW HUNDRED YARDS AWAY - DAY            72

       

       The Tweedle Dee has cleared the harbor and the boat boys

       have started unfurling the sails.  The huge, snowy sails

       fill with a rich wind.

       

73     INT. YACHT - GALLEY - DAY                                 73

       

       The chef, a German named DAGMAR, is laying out lovely

       nicoise salads. Tony awaits Dagmar's pleasure.

       

                                DAGMAR

                    Have you put out the

                    sunflowers, yet?

       

                                TONY

                    Yeah.

       

                                DAGMAR

                    Good! Go.

       

       Tony picks up the salads and exits.

       

74     EXT. DINING TABLE - SUNSET                                74

       

       Which is shaded by a canopy.  At the table sit Joe and

       Patricia.  On the table are place settings, white wine,

       and glasses.  Tony serves their plates and goes.

       

                                JOE

                    Looks delicious.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89            58A/59.

       

74     CONTINUED:                                                74

       

                                PATRICIA

                    We eat well aboard The Tweedle

                    Dee.

       

                                JOE

                    The Tweedle Dee?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    That's the name of this boat.

       

                                JOE

                    Oh.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89      
190
           60.

       

74     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           74

       

                                PATRICIA

                    So we're going to the island

                    of Waponi Woo.

       

                                JOE

                    I guess so.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Why?

       

    
fa0
                            JOE

                    You don't know?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    No.

       

                                JOE

                    Have you ever been there?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    No.  All I know about Waponi

                    Woo is that the name means

                    'the little island with the

                    big volcano,' and that the

                    people, the Waponis, like

                    orange soda.

       

                                JOE

                    They like orange soda.

       

                                PATRICIA

                           (produces a book called

                           History of Polynesia)

                    Yeah.  But here!  I've got a

                    book. 'Eighteen hundred years

                    ago, a Roman galley with a

                    crew of Jews and Druids, got

                    caught in a huge storm off

                    Carthage.  They were swept a

                    thousand miles off course, and

                    ended up on the wrong side of

                    the horn of Africa.  Thinking

                    they were returning to Rome,

                    they sailed deep into the

                    South Pacific, and finally

                    ended by colonizing a lightly

                    populated, Polynesian island

                    which they named Waponi Woo.

                    Thus was born the Waponi

                    culture - a mixture of

                    Polynesian, Celtic, Hebrew and

                    Latin influences.  The Waponis

                    are known throughout Polynesia

                    as having a peculiar love of

                    orange soda and no sense of

                    direction.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 3/13/89               60A.

       

74     CONTINUED:  (2A)                                          74

       

                                JOE

                    Why'd you talk to me so snotty

                    back on the dock?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Because you work for my

                    father. And I'm angry with my

                    father.  But he's not around

                    to give him a shot.  So you

                    work for him, I give you a

                    shot.

       

                                JOE

                    Why you angry with him?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 1/15/89                61.

       

74     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           74

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Because he's never around.

       

                                JOE

                    If you're angry with him, and

                    he's never around, why are you

                    working for him?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I don't work for him.  My

                    transport of you is strictly a

                    favor.

       

                                JOE

                    You do favors for people

                    you're mad at?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I don't work for him!

                                

                                JOE

                    Alright.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 62.

       

74     CONTINUED:  (4)                                           74

       

                                PATRICIA

                    He 
190
said he'd give me this boat

                    if I took you.

       

                                JOE

                    Wow.

       

                                PATRICIA

                           (defensive)

                    He's got two of them.  This is

                    The Tweedle Dee.  There's a

                    Tweedle Dum, too.

       

       She gets up.  Sh
fa0
e's flustered.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I've got the wheel tied up,

                    which is not good sailing.

                    Excuse me.

       

       She goes toward the stern.  Joe is left alone to finish

       his supper.

       

       

75     EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - DAY                                75

       

       is cutting through the blue.  The sun is setting.

       

       

76     EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - NIGHT                              76

       

       is anchored and lit up.  It's a dark and starless night.

       

       

77     INT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - CABINS - NIGHT                     77

       

       Patricia is showing Joe his berth.  The whole interior of

       the boat is made of beautiful wood.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Is this okay for you?

       

                                JOE

                    Sure.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    The boys like to sleep in the

                    hull.  Dagmar sleeps on deck

                    when the weather's good.  So

                    you've pretty much got things

                    to yourself. I'm in the little

                    stateroom.

       

                                JOE

                    Great.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 3/23/89                63.

       

77     CONTINUED:                                                77

       

       But Patricia lingers.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I'm sorry I was so rude on the

                    dock.

       

                                JOE

                    That's okay.

       

       She finished, but again she lingers, awkward.  Finally,

       she blurts out.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Did you sleep with my sister?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Actually, she's my half-

                    sister.

       

                                JOE

                    No, I didn't.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Okay.

                           (again awkward)

                    Do you like to fish?

       

                                JOE

                    Sure.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Maybe tomorrow we'll do some

                    fishing.

       

       She goes to the entranceway and fingers a switch on the

       wall.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    This is the light switch.  Did

                    Mike show you how to work the

                    bathroom?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Good.  Do you want me to turn

                    off the light while I'm going?

       

       

                                JOE

                    Okay.

       

                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                            64.

       

77     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           77

       

       She turns off the light.  Only the light from the

       entranceway illuminates her now, and Joe is not visible.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I love my sister.  I know

                    she's screwed up.  I love my

                    father, even though I never

                    see him and he's not so great

                    when I do see him.  I'm very

                    nervous about this trip.  My

                    f
190
ather didn't tell me anything

                    and you don't seem to be

                    telling me anything.  But it's

                    more than that.  I've always

                    kept clear of my father's

                    stuff since I got out on my

                    own.  Now he's pulled me back

                    in.  He knew I wanted this

                    boat a
fa0
nd he used it and he got

                    me working for him, which I

                    swore I would never do. I feel

                    ashamed because I had a price.

                    He named it.  And now I know

                    that about myself.  I don't

                    know who you are.  I don't

                    know anything about you.  But

                    you're working for him, too,

                    and that makes us two of a

                    kind. I could treat you like I

                    did back on the dock, but that

                    would be me kicking myself for

                    selling out.  Which isn't fair

                    to you and doesn't make me

                    feel any better. I don't know

                    what your situation is.  But I

                    wanted you to know what mine

                    is.  Not just to explain some

                    rude behavior.  But because

                    we're on a little boat for a

                    while and I'm soul sick and

                    you're gonna see that.  Like

                    my sister.  She's soul sick,

                    too.  And if you'd slept with

                    her I would've known something

                    about you.  But you didn't.

                    You didn't.  I believe you.

       

                                JOE

                    I'm glad you believe me.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Have you ever slept on a boat

                    before?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 65.

       

77     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           77

       

                                PATRICIA

                    It really affects your dreams.

                    I look forward to it.  Even

                    though, sometimes, the dreams

                    really shake me up.  Okay.

                    Good night.

       

                                JOE

                    Good night.

                                

       She departs through the entrance way.  The light goes

       out, and it's dark and quiet.

       

       

78     EXT. STERN OF THE TWEEDLE DEE - DAY                       78

       

       It's a really beautiful sunny day.  Tony is at the wheel,

       the sails are full and, sitting in two chairs hard by the

       stern are Joe and Patricia.  They both are holding deep

       sea fishing rods; they're trolling.

       

       MUSIC.

       

       "The Girl From Ipanema," the famous recording by Getz and

       Gilberto, is playing now.

       

       Patricia reels in her line.  A beautiful fish is flapping

       on the end of it.  Joe reels in his line.  Nothing.  He

       watches as Patricia unhooks her catch and tosses it in a

       hamper.  Dagmar appears, looks in the hamper, and nods

       approvingly.  Then she looks at Joe.  Where's Joe's fish?

       Then he walks away again.  Joe casts again, while

       Patricia rebates her hook.  Then Patricia casts again.

       Mike arrives with a beer for Patricia, who accepts it.

       Mike leaves.  Patricia gets another strike, asks Joe to

       hold her beer, which he does.  She reels in another

       beautiful fish.  She unhooks it and throws it in the

       hamper.  Dagmar appears, looks in the hamper, nods

       approvingly, and then looks at Joe.  Where's Joe's fish?

       Joe looks at Dagmar, and then ignores her. Dagmar

       departs.  Joe goes back to fishing.  Now Joe gets a

       strike.  It's a big one!  The line goes burning out his

       reel.  Patricia notices.  She offers to help him.  He

       waves her off.  Dagmar appears.  She offers some advice.

  
190
     But Joe's completely focused on his rod.  The rod, which

       is substantial, starts to bend.  Mike comes back to

       watch.  The rod is almost bent double.  Then it goes

       madly to the left.  Offers of help are made, but Joe

       shouts them back.  Then the rod goes madly to the right.

       Dagmar runs OUT OF VIEW, and reappears with an enormous

       gaff, which she bra
fa0
ndishes excitedly.  A sudden powerful

       tug almost pulls Joe off the back of the boat, but Mike

       grabs him just in time.  Joe is a man possessed.  He

       reels and pulls with superhuman determination.  Without

       warning, a huge head, the head of a hammerhead shark,

       appears at the stern.  Its eyes turn inboard and look at

       Joe.  Everybody drops everything and runs away.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                66.

       

79     EXT. DINING TABLE - TWILIGHT                              79

       

       The sun has just sunk beneath the horizon's rim so

       there's still all that sun setting light in the sky.  The

       first evening star has appeared.  Joe and Patricia are

       the last left at the dinner's end.  The bones of the fish

       Patricia caught earlier are on a platter at the table's

       center. Mike appears and removes the platter and a couple

       of stray plates, and disappears into the galley.  There

       are balloon glasses by Joe and Patricia's places and, by

       Patricia, a bottle of cognac.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Do you like cognac?

       

                                JOE

                    Cognac?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Yeah.

       

                                JOE

                    I guess so.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I make a point of not knowing

                    about certain things.  One of

                    them's cognac. I like cognac.

                    But I don't want the accepted

                    wisdom about cognac, you know

                    what I mean?  I mean I want

                    glimpses of the myth about it.

                    You see people drink it out of

                    these big glasses, and

                    smelling it forever.  That's

                    interesting to me, that sight

                    of them doing that. But I

                    don't want them to talk to me

                    about it, you know what I

                    mean?  I want to figure it out

                    based on what I've seen from

                    other people, and what I

                    personally get from it.

       

       She opens the bottle and pours them both some.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    So this is what I've got.  So

                    far. To say about this:  Most

                    cognac is French.  It's very

                    volatile. Like gasoline or

                    model airplane glue.  And when

                    you taste it, in my opinion,

                    it tastes like gasoline or

                    model airplane glue. That's

                    because it's for smelling

                    really.  And I figure that's

                    because the French,

                    physically, tend to have big

                    noses.  They get the pleasure

                    of the cognac through the

                    nose.

                             (MORE)

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                67.



79     CONTINUED:                                                79

       

                                PATRICIA (CONT'D)

                    You could really just smell it

                    and pour it down the sink.

                    But this isn't French cognac.

                    This is Italian cognac.  It's

                    probably generally considered

                    inferior.  But the news is, it

                    tastes good.  Maybe it doesn't

                    smell as good -- it smells

                    okay - but it tastes good.

                    And when I came to t
190
hat fork

                    in the road, between the nose

                    and the tongue, I chose the

                    tongue.  So, here's to the

                    tongue.

       They toast.

       

                                JOE

                    To the tongue.

       They drink a little.

       

                                JOE

                    It's good.  Don'
fa0
t the Italians

                    have big noses, too?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Yeah.  And that really messes

                    up my theory.

       

       

80     EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - NIGHT (HOUR AND A HALF LATER)           80

       

       We see it bobbing gently on the sea.  Many stars are

       coming out, some waxing quite bright.  A half moon, pale

       and small, hangs in the western sky.

       

       

81     EXT. DINING TABLE ABOARD BOAT - NIGHT                     81

       

       Joe and Patricia have been talking and sipping cognac for

       an hour and a half.  Patricia is quite mellow, as is Joe.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    So my understanding, as far as

                    I understand it, is I'm

                    leaving you on this island.

       

                                JOE

                    That's right.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    How long are you going to stay

                    there?

                                                                 

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               67A.

       

81     CONTINUED:  (Al)                                          81

       

                                JOE

                    For the rest of my life.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Really.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                            68.

       

81     CONTINUED:                                                81

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I can't imagine that.

       

                                JOE

                    I couldn't have imagined any

                    of this.

       

       He looks at the stars.

       

                                JOE

                    Are you used to this?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    What?

       

                                JOE

                    The ocean, the stars.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    You never get used to it.  Why

                    do you think I want this boat?

                    All I want to do is sail away.

       

                                JOE

                    Where would you go

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Away from the things of man.

       

                                JOE

                    Do you believe in God?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I believe in myself.

       

                                JOE

                    What's that mean?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I have confidence in myself.

       

                                JOE

                    I've done a lot of soul

                    searching lately.  I've been

                    asking myself some tough

                    questions.  You know what I've

                    found out?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    What?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                            69.

       

81     CONTINUED:  (2)                                           81

       

                                JOE

                    I have no interest in myself.

                    I think about myself, I get

                    bored out of my mind.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    What does interest you?

       

              
190
                  JOE

                    I don't know.  Courage.

                    Courage interests me.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    You're going to spend the rest

                    of your life on a tiny island

                    in the South Pacific?

       

       She pours them both a drink.

       

                                JOE


fa0
                    Well, up till now I've lived

                    on a tiny island called Staten

                    Island, and I've commuted to a

                    job in a shut up room with

                    pumped in air, no sunshine,

                    despicable people, and now

                    that I've got some distance

                    from that situation, that

                    seems pretty unbelievable.

                    Your life seems unbelievable

                    to me.  All this like life,

                    seems unbelievable to me.

                    Somewhat.  At this moment.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    My father says almost the

                    whole world's asleep.

                    Everybody you know, everybody

                    you see, everybody you talk

                    to.  He says only a few people

                    are awake.  And they live in a

                    state of constant total

                    amazement.

       

       They think about that for a while.

       

                                JOE

                    I have less than six months to

                    live.  The Waponis believe

                    they need a human sacrifice or

                    their island's going to sink

                    into the ocean.  They have a

                    mineral your father wants.

                    He's hired me to jump in their

                    volcano.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    What?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/21/89                70.

       

81     CONTINUED:  (3)                                           81

       

                                JOE

                    You're not going to make me

                    say that again, are you?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    No.

       

       A silence falls.

       

                                JOE

                    Aren't you going to say

                    anything?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I don't know what to say.  You

                    tell me you're dying, you tell

                    me you're jumping into a

                    volcano, my mind is a blank.

       

                                JOE

                    I can understand that

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Is this disease catching?

       

                                JOE

                    No.

       

       She gets up.  As she leaves she says:

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Good night.  I'll see you in

                    the morning.

       

       

82     INT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - SLEEPING BERTHS - NIGHT            82

       

       Joe enters, undresses to his new underwear, and climbs

       into the berth.  Then he remembers the light, gets up,

       turns it off, and climbs back into his berth.  It's dark.

       We see his face.  He thinks for a moment, and then goes

       to sleep.  And he has a dream.

       

       

82A    DREAM SEQUENCE                                           82A

       

       In utter darkness we hear Joe describe his dream.

       

                                JOE (V.O.)

                    So I fell asleep and I had

                    this dream.  I dreamed I was a

                    cowboy in the wilderness.  I

                    dreamed I was a cowboy and I

                    saved this girl...

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/21/89                71.

       

82A    CONTINUED:                                               82A

       

       Everything goes dea
190
d black.  There is the sound of WIND.

       Then Joe's face suddenly lifts up out of the dream into a

       CLOSEUP.  Startled, he bangs his head.  He has awakened

       from his dream.

       

       END OF DREAM SEQUENCE

       

       

83     OMITTED                                                   83

&                                                                 &

84          
fa0
                                                     84

       

       

85     INT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - JOE IN HIS BERTH - DAY             85

       

       It's the morning, though you can't see that in here. The

       boat is rocking Joe around in his berth.  He looks

       around, bewildered.  He realizes he was dreaming.  Then

       he realizes the boat is rocking a lot.  He starts to get

       up.

       

       

86     INT.  GALLEY AREA - DAY                                   86

       

       Patricia is trying to get the weather on the RADIO, but

       there's nothing but STATIC.  She puts on a set of

       headphones and adjusts the dial again; the radio is

       silent now, only she can hear it.  Joe comes into the

       galley, his hair still rumpled from sleeping on it

       

                                JOE

                    Little weird today, huh?

       

       Patricia waves for him to be quiet.  She listens at the

       phones another moment, adjusting the dial.  She hears

       something.  She's glad.  She listens.  Her face darkens.

       She tears off the phones angrily.

       

       Dagmar appears in the hatchway.  She greets Joe.

       

                                DAGMAR

                    There's a typhoon warning.

                    Good morning, Mister Banks.

       

                                JOE

                    Good morning.

       

                                DAGMAR

                    Looks like we're in for a

                    blow.

       

       Joe exits.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/21/89                72.

       

87     EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE'S FORWARD DECK - DAY (OVERCAST)           87

       

       The ocean which until now has been blue, turns green.

       Mike is tying up the sails, which have all been taken in.

       Patricia comes up and starts to assist him.  A wind comes

       up.  Patricia looks in the direction of the wind.  Joe

       appears on the forward deck, near Patricia.

       

                                JOE

                    Can I help?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Yeah.  You could tie that up.

                    It feels dead, doesn't it?

       

                                JOE

                    Yes.  It does.

             

                                PATRICIA

                           (yells)

                    Mike, get below!  Start the

                    engine.  Tell Tony to head us

                    into the wind and keep us into

                    the wind!

       

                                MIKE

                    Okay.

       

       Mike runs off to do her bidding.

       

                                JOE

                    There isn't any wind.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    There will be.

       

                                JOE

                    Are you worried?

                    

       

       Patricia looks in the direction the wind is coming from.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I think we'll be Alright.  The

                    hatches are down, the sails

                    are down, we're ahead of the

                    game.

       

88     PATRICIA'S POV - STORM COMING                             88

       

       It's dark and it's big.

       

       

89     PATRICIA                                                  89

       

       still staring at the storm.  Joe looks where she is

       looking.  The ENGINE CRANKS UP.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/21/89               72A.

       

89     CONTINUED:                                                89

       

                                JOE

                    What exactly is a typhoon?

       

      
190
                          PATRICIA

                    You know, Joe, I think you're

                    going to find out.

       

       The shadow of the coming storm comes down the deck from

       forward and envelopes them.

       

       

9O     OMITTED                                                   90

       

       

91     EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - DAY                          
fa0
      91

       

       on the unhappy sea.  The sea has turned very dark,

       perhaps even black.  The storm breaks with a rising wind,

       a great BOOM of THUNDER, and a flash of lightning.  It

       starts to rain, for a moment thinly, and then heavily.

       White caps appear.  The Tweedle Dee begins to ride up and

       down the high waves.  Its eye now has a frightened look.

       

       

92     EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - WHEEL                              92

       

       In the storm.  Mike and Tony wrestle with the wheel to

       keep the bow into the wind.  They are pummeled by the

       rain and wind.

       

       

93     INT. GALLEY                                               93

       

       In the storm.  Patricia is trying to send a distress

       signal on the radio.  Joe watches.  Dagmar is absent.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Mayday, Mayday, Mayday,

                    latitude 10 degrees, 8 minutes

                    south, longitude approximately

                    150 degrees, 18 minutes west.

                    We are in severe distress.

                    Mayday, Mayday, latitude 10

                    degrees, 8 minutes south,

                    longitude approximately 150

                    degrees, 18 minutes west.

       

                                JOE

                    What should I do?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Don't go on deck!  Check on

                    Dagmar.  She went forward to

                    look at the engine.

       

       

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/21/89                73.

       

94     INT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - HALLWAY                            94

       

       In the storm.  Dagmar has just finished lifting the

       floorboards and she's checking the gauges on the engine

       with a flashlight.  Joe approaches.

       

                                JOE

                    Everything okay?

       

                                DAGMAR

                    Looks good, but I'm going to

                    stay with it.

       

       

                                JOE

                    Okay.

       

       Joe departs.  A little water drips down on Dagmar.  She

       looks up.

       

       

95     EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - WHEEL                              95

       

       In the storm.  A huge wave engulfs Mike and Tony.  They

       disappear within the wall of the water, and then re

       appear, still hanging onto the wheel.  This happens a

       second time.  They withstand the onslaught.  Then Mike

       sees something forward and points it out to Tony.  He

       leaves Tony at the wheel and starts to crawl forward.

       Lightning flashes nearby.

       

       

96     INT. GALLEY                                               96

       

       In the storm.  Patricia is still trying to get through on

       the radio.

       

       Joe looks out the cabin window and sees a fish swimming.

       He is uneasy, but says nothing.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Mayday, Mayday!  Latitude 10

                    degrees, 8 minutes south,

                    longitude approximately 150

                    degrees, 18 minutes west.

                    Severe distress!  Severe

                    distress!

       

       She drops the mike as Joe enters.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    No way is anybody getting

                    this. How's Dagmar?

       

                                JOE

                    She's fine.

       

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/21/89            74-76A.

       

96     CONTINUED:                                                96

       

               
190
                 PATRICIA

                    Good.

       

       The hatch bursts open, Mike falls in amidst water and the

       ROAR of the STORM.  He and Joe struggle and close the

       hatch.

       

                                MIKE

                    The main boom doesn't look

                    secure!

                    

                                PATRICIA

      
fa0
              What?

       

                                MIKE

                    I think it's gonna bust loose.

       

       Without another word, Mike goes back out the hatch again.

       Joe shuts it behind him.  Patricia rips open a cabinet,

       and pulls out a coil of nylon rope.

       

                                JOE

                    What are you doing?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    It's my boat.

       

       She goes out the hatch.  Joe follows her.

       

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 77.

       

97     EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE                                      97

       

       In severe distress in the storm.  Patricia and Joe crawl

       along the deck, battered by the raging typhoon. Patricia

       looks up.

       

       

98     PATRICIA'S POV - MAIN BOOM                                98

       

       There's too much play in it.  It's swinging from side to

       side.  If it swings much longer, it's going to snap its

       stays.

       

       

99     PATRICIA AND JOE                                          99

       

       continue to crawl toward it.  Patricia clutching the coil

       of rope.  Lightning flashes.

       

       

100    EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - WHEEL                             100

       

       In the storm.  Mike and Tony wrestling with the wheel and

       being inundated with water.

       

       

101    INT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - DAGMAR AT ENGINE                  101

       

       In the storm.  A little steady stream of water is

       splashing on Dagmar, which she ignores.  She's adjusting

       the timing of the engine with a fat screwdriver.

       

       

102    EXT. ERRANT BOOM - JOE AND PATRICIA                      102

       

       In the storm.  With Joe's help, she starts to secure the

       boom, but a sudden roll of the boat throws them back,

       pinning them against a cabin wall.

       

       

103    ANOTHER ANGLE                                            103

       

       Joe and Patricia pinned against the wall.  The rain

       pouring over their faces.  They are close, looking at

       each other, panting, illuminated by lightning.  They

       lunge toward each other, careless of danger, and

       passionately kiss.  The kiss ends.  They look at each

       other.  The boat rolls the other way, breaking the spell.

       They are thrown toward the boom again.

       

       

104    BOOM                                                     104

       

       At this moment, the boom breaks free.  Joe has fallen to

       the deck, while Patricia is still standing.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 3/23/89                78.

       

104    CONTINUED:                                               l04

       

       The boom swings over Joe and slams into Patricia,

       knocking her unconscious and into the raging sea.  Joe

       stands up and, still holding the coil of rope, dives into

       the ocean after her.  A SLOW-MO stylized leap.

       

       

105    JOE                                                      105

       

       in the raging sea looking for Patricia in the storm.  He

       dives under the water once, twice, but he doesn't find

       her.  He looks around desperate.  He sees something.

       

       

106    JOE'S POV - PATRICIA'S HAND                              106

       

       disappearing under the waves.  Illuminated in a single

       flash of lightning.

       

       

107    JOE                                                      107

       

       Swims and dives.  He pulls her up, so her head's above

       the surface of the water.  She's unconscious and

       battered.  A flash of lightning catches Joe's attention.

       He looks.

       

   
190
    

108    EXT. THE TWEEDLE DEE - JOE'S POV                         108

       

       Lightning forks around the ship once, twice, and then the

       third time it strikes.  A massive bolt that sunders the

       yacht.  It's the same German expressionist's bolt as at

       the beginning of the story:  ACHI's logo.

       

       

109    JOE                                            
fa0
          109

       

       Joe's stunned face illuminated by the great flash.  He is

       holding the unconscious Patricia.

       

       

110    JOE'S POV - THE TWEEDLE DEE                              110

       

       sinking, in the storm.  The Tweedle Dee's eyes have

       turned to Xs.  The yacht swamps and disappears beneath

       the swirling waves.

       

       

111    JOE                                                      111

       

       getting tired, holds Patricia's head above water.  He

       accidentally swallows a gulletful of seawater, chokes,

       splutters, and recovers himself.  But he's panting.  How

       long can he hold on?  But then he sees something!

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 3/23/89                79.

       

112    JOE'S POV - STEAMER TRUNK                                112

       

       One of the steamer trunks bobbing.

       

       

113    JOE                                                      113

       

       towing Patricia, starts swimming for the trunk.

       

       

114    ANOTHER ANGLE                                            114

       

       Joe reaches the trunk.  He grabs on to it gratefully,

       recovers his breath, and then hoists Patricia as high up

       on it as he can.  He takes the nylon rope and lashes her

       to the trunk.  Then he gets a good grip on the trunk

       himself, and braces against the storm.

       

       

115    JOE AND PATRICIA - DAY (LIGHTLY FOGGY)                   115

       

       Joe and Patricia on the trunk.  Patricia is still

       unconscious and Joe is asleep, exhausted.  The storm is

       over, and the sky is overcast.  Joe blinks and wakes up.

       He tries to wake Patricia.

       

                                JOE

                    Patricia?  Patricia?

       

       But she's out cold.  He looks around.  He sees something.

       

       

116    JOE'S POV - OTHER THREE STEAMER TRUNKS                   116

       

       The sun shines through a crack in the clouds and lands,

       sparkling, on the three other trunks which are floating

       in the same area.  They are all that survived the

       sinking.

       

       

117    JOE                                                      117

       

       lights up upon seeing his trunks.  He tentatively moves a

       little away from Patricia on her trunk and, satisfied

       that she's not going to go under, he swims off.

       

       

118    ANOTHER ANGLE                                            118

       

       Joe arriving at one of the other trunks, grabs it by the

       handle and starts towing it back towards Patricia's

       trunk.

       

       

119    ANOTHER ANGLE                                            119

       

       Joe arriving at Patricia's trunk with the second.  He

       lets it go and swims back for another.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                80.

       

120    ANOTHER ANGLE                                            120

       

       Joe towing the fourth trunk into proximity with the

       others.  He takes out his Swiss Army knife and cuts some

       rope from Patricia's truss.  He uses it to tie two of the

       trunks together.

       

       

121    ANOTHER ANGLE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER                     121

       

       Joe with three trunks tied together.  He is easing

       Patricia's unconscious form on to the three ganged-

       together trunks.  Having accomplished this, he slides the

       fourth trunk into position with the other three and

       begins to secure it with the remaining rope.  The four

       trunks together make up a raft of ten feet square.  Joe

       crawls onto the raft, totally exhausted, reaches out a

       hand to the still form of Patricia, and passes out.  The

       fog begins to thin.  A few shafts of sunlight dapple the

    
190
   raft.

       

       

122    SUN                                                      122

       

       

       The sun sets into the South Pacific and night begins to

       fall.

       

       

123    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - NIGHT                                 123

       

       Under the stars, Joe and Patricia, he asleep and she

       unconscious, lie unknowing under an enormou
fa0
s canopy of

       stars.  The universe is great and they are small.

       

       

124    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - DAY                                   124

       

       The little raft in bright, fresh sunlight.  Joe stirs and

       wakes.  He tries to wake Patricia, but to no avail.  He

       looks in all directions.  Nothing but blue horizon. After

       a moment's thought, he opens one of the trunks. But it's

       the wrong one.  He secures it and opens another. He takes

       out a violin case and opens it; it's a bar masquerading

       as a violin case, the one he bought at Hammacher

       Schlemmer.  It contains two bottles of Moet champagne,

       two champagne glasses and two bottles of Pellegrino

       water.  Joe takes out one of the bottles of water and

       closes the case.  Then he gets his little world-band

       radio out of the trunk and sets it down.  He opens the

       Pellegrino water and starts to drink.  But then he

       thinks.  He looks at Patricia.  Her lips are a little

       parched.  He looks up at the sun.

       

       

125    JOE'S POV - SUN                                          125

       

       The sun looks kind of powerful.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89                81.

       

126    JOE                                                      126

       

       looks again at the bottle of water.  He decides not to

       drink any.  He pours a little into the bottle cap, and

       presses the cap to Patricia's lips.  He repeats the

       process and then, satisfied, screws the cap on the bottle

       again and puts it away in the case.  Then he puts the

       case back in the trunk and fastens the lid.  He turns ON

       the RADIO.  STATIC.  Turns the dial.  The VOICE of a

       GERMAN ANNOUNCER speaks confidentially.  Joe turns the

       dial.  A JAPANESE ANNOUNCER's VOICE solemnly intones a

       short statement in Japanese ending with "Elton John." Joe

       immediately switches the station.  The song "Goodbye

       Cruel World" begins to play.  Joe sits listening for what

       seems a long time.

       

       

127    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - NIGHT                                 127

       

       Joe is discovered with his ukulele, looking at the sky.

       He is staring at the millions of stars overhead.  He is

       full of wonder.  He is singing.  He is singing "The

       Cowboy Song."

       

                                JOE

                    Ee he o he-o cowboy

                    Ee he o he-o oooo

                    Ee he o he-o cowboy, cowboy,

                    cowboy

                    Under the moon

                    

                    I was riding my horse

                    By the Rio Grand-ee

                    And all the coyotes singin'

                    In a prairie symphony

                    I was ridin' my horse

                    Down by the Rio Grand-ee

                    When I seen me a cowboy,

                     cowboy, cowboy

                    Ridin' towards me

                    

                    Ee he o he-o cowboy

                    Ee he o he-o oooo

                    Ee he o he-o cowboy, cowboy,

                    cowboy

                    Under the moon

                    

                    He was twirling his guns

                    And he had a guitar

                    And we sang us up a sweet old

                     song about love

                    Under the stars

                             (MORE)

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89              A81A.

       

127    CONTINUED:                                               127

       

                                JOE (CONT'D)

                    Ee he o he-o cowboy

                    Ee he o he-o oooo

                    Ee he o he-o cowboy, c
190
owboy,

                    cowboy

                    Under the moon

                    

                    Giddyup

       

       

127A   EXT. LITTLE RAFT - DAY                                  127A

       

       Joe is chipping golf balls on his Hammacher Schlemmer

       practice green.  Occasionally making a shot, occasionally

       hitting one into the water.  One of the golf b
fa0
alls gets

       tossed back onto the raft.  Joe looks.  There is a

       mischievous DOLPHIN who LAUGHS and then submerges.

       

                                JOE

                    Thank you.

       

       

127B   JOE SITTING ON RAFT - NIGHT                             127B

       

       Joe is listening to the radio.  A Hawaiian disk jockey

       comes on.  His name is PETE.

       

       

                                PETE (V.O.)

                    This is K.R.U., Honolulu,

                    speakin' ta ya from the shadow

                    of the Koolau Mountains.  And

                    here's one that was a hit when

                    I was a kid. Sukiyaki.

       

       

       

       The song "Sukiyaki," which became a pop hit in America,

       even though it's sung in Japanese, begins to play.  Joe

       is satisfied and lies back to listen.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89               81A.

       

128    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - DAY                                   128

       

       Radio is off.  Joe is trying out his aquatic shoes.  Just

       trying his first tentative steps, he accidentally

       punctures one of his shoes so it deflates.  He topples

       over to one side.  He swims back to the raft, abandoning

       his shoes.  He turns the RADIO ON, but it's only giving

       out a little STATIC now.  He checks on Patricia, but gets

       no response.  He tries to get something on the radio, but

       the batteries are too weak now.  He turns it OFF.  He

       notices he's sweating.  He shifts, knocking the radio in

       the ocean.  Irritated, he looks up.

                                                            82.

       

129    JOE'S POV - SUN                                          129

       

       The sun looms down, hot and white and huge.

       

       

130    JOE                                                      130

       

       looks at the sun with concern.  He gets out the violin

       case.  He gets the water out and fills the cap and

       ministers to Patricia.  His lips are parched, but he

       takes none for himself.  He takes off his now well-

       seasoned safari jacket and puts it over Patricia, to

       protect her from the sun.  We hear a sound, like the HISS

       of something being SEARED in a SKILLET.

       

       

131    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - NIGHT                                 131

       

       Again, the sky is ablaze with stars.  They're even

       brighter than previously.  Joe is looking at them.  He's

       shaking.  He's got a fever.  He closes his eyes and then

       opens them again.  He looks at the stars again.  And

       shakes his head in disbelief.

       

       

132    JOE'S FEVERED POV - STARS                                132

       

       What's this?  the stars are all connected together with

       little pale blue lines, and over that are boldly visible

       the astrological signs:  The Flying Horse, The Archer,

       The Twins, etc.

       

       

133    JOE                                                      133

       

       shakes his head, bewildered and amazed.  He blinks and

       looks again.

       

       

134    JOE'S POV - STARRY NIGHT                                 134

       

       All of the lines and pictures are gone.

       

       

135    JOE                                                      135

       

       looks and looks.  But no, they are gone.  It's just a

       starry night.  He relaxes, closes his eyes, and quakes

       with fever.

       

       

136    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - DAY                                   136

       

       Joe, very ill with fever, checks the water supply.

       There's a little less than half a bottle of water left.

       His lips are deeply cracked.  But still he takes no water

       for himself.  He looks up at the sun.  The so
190
und of

       SIZZLING.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                83.

       

137    SUN                                                      137

       

       The sun burns down, bright and big.

       

       

138    JOE                                                      138

       

       pours a capful of water and gives it to Patricia.  She is

       still unc
fa0
onscious, but she looks pretty good.  It's Joe

       that's really going down the tubes.

       

       

139    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - NIGHT                                 139

       

       We come in on Joe's face.  Joe quakes with fever.  Then

       he sees something.  Joe is entranced by what he sees.

       

       

140    OMITTED                                                  140

       

140A   JOE'S POV - NIGHT SKY                                   140A

       

       The astrological signs have appeared in the sky again as

       they did the night before.

       

       

141    JOE                                                      141

       

       stares.  He's half mad with fever.  What is he seeing?

       

       

142    OMITTED                                                  142

       

142A   JOE'S POV - NIGHT SKY                                   142A

       

       The dome of astrological signs begins to rotate from

       horizon to horizon so that the full panoply of the

       ancient mythology is revealed.

       

       

143    JOE                                                      143

       

       is frightened, moved.  His eyes fill with tears.

       

       

144    OMITTED                                                  144

       

144A   SIGNS CONTINUE TO TURN                                  144A

       

       

144B   JOE RUBS HIS EYES AND LOOKS AGAIN                       144B

       

       

144C   SKY - NIGHT                                             144C

       

       The sky has returned to its ordinary self.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 84.

       

145    JOE                                                      145

       

       wonders if he really saw the astrological signs.

       

146    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - DAY                                   146

       

       Another scorching day under the sun.  Joe looks very bad.

       He's got a fever.  He's slowly dying of thirst.  He gets

       out the bottle, gives a capful to the still unconscious

       Patricia, and then looks at the water level.  There's a

       quarter of a bottle left.  He puts the bottle away.  He

       crawls to the raft's edge and plunges his head in the

       sea.  A dolphin sticks his head out of the water and

       looks at Joe.  Joe lifts his head out of the water and

       finds himself looking at a dolphin who is looking at him.

       Man and fish are just a few feet apart.  They regard each

       other.

       

                                JOE

                    Hello.  My name is Joe.

       

         The DOLPHIN makes SOUNDS.  It could be talking.

                                

                                JOE

                    I'm dying.  Ahead of schedule.

                                

       The Dolphin disappears back beneath the water.  Joe

       lowers his head and lies still.

       

       

147    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - NIGHT                                 147

       

       Again, it is a great starry night.  Joe, weak and sick

       and bleary-eyed, looks up at the stars.  He closes his

       eyes.  He opens them again.  Again, he is astonished.

       

       

148    JOE'S POV - HEAVENS                                      148

       

       All the lines and astrological signs are back, brilliant

       and splendid.

       

       

149    JOE                                                      149

       

       rouses himself, crawling to his knees to look.  He stares

       in utter wonder.

       

       The signs begin to rotate again.

       

       MUSIC.

       

       Earlier, in L.A. Joe stared at the horizon, just before

       dawn, and big, magical music began to play.  But then it

       stopped prematurely.  That MUSIC begins to play now, but

       this time it does not stop.  It's the big, dramatic pas

      
190
 de deux music from "The Nutcracker."

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                85.

       

149    CONTINUED:                                               149

       

       The astrological signs melt away into Disney dust as a

       light appears at the horizon.

       

       

149A   ANOTHER
fa0
 ANGLE ON HORIZON                                149A

       

       A light appears at the horizon's edge.

       

       

149B   ENORMOUS MOON                                           149B

       

       with slow majesty rises from the glittering sea, directly

       to Joe's front.

       

       Joe and his little raft are utterly dwarfed by this great

       heavenly body.

       

       

149C   JOE ON HIS RAFT - NIGHT                                 149C

       

       Though he is on the verge of utter collapse he is so

       moved by what he sees he clambers his way to his shaky

       feet and raises his arms over his head in complete

       reverence.  He is dwarfed.  He's a bug.  The raft is a

       mote in the eye of God.  Joe is deeply moved, humbled,

       awestruck.  The moon continues to ascend up and up and

       out of view.

       

       

150    OMITTED                                                  150

thru                                                           thru

151A                                                           151A

       

       

15lB   JOE                                                     151B

       

       looks at the stars that are simply stars.  Sinking to his

       knees, he presses his hands to his breast.

       

                                JOE

                    Dear God, whose name I do not

                    know, thank you for my life.

                    I forgot how big... Thank you

                    for my life

       

       Joe slowly crumbles, physically crumbles from thirst and

       fever and exhaustion.  His eyes dim.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 3/23/89                86.

       

152    JOE'S POV - STARS                                        152

       

       We watch the stars DISSOLVE, and BLACKNESS closes in.

       

       Then the blackness starts to FADE, become rosy.  We hear

       the sound of LABORED BREATHING.  WATER being POURED.

       Someone COUGHING a little, CHOKING a little, and then

       recovering.  Then we hear Patricia's voice.

       

                                PATRICIA (O.S.)

                    Joe?  Joe?  Didn't you drink

                    any water for yourself?  Joe?

       

       

153    JOE'S POV - LIGHT FOG - DAY                              153

       

       begins to clear. And there, above him, ministering to

       him, is Patricia.  She has the bottle at his lips giving

       him a little to drink at a time.

       

       

154    JOE'S HEAD - DAY (LIGHT FOG)                             154

       

       is cradled in Patricia's arm. She has the bottle at his

       lips.  He pushes it away, croaking weakly.

       

                                JOE

                    That's for you.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    How long have I been

                    unconscious?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.  Days.  You woke

                    up.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I guess I did.

       

                                JOE

                    Good.

       

       She gives some more water over his weak resistance.  The

       bottle has one more sip in it.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Finish this.

                                

                                JOE

                    No.  You need it.

                                

                                PATRICIA

                    I feel pretty good.  You look

                    like shit.

       

                                JOE

                    It's good to hear you talking.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 2/16/89                87.

       

154    CONTINUED:      
190
                                         154

       

                                PATRICIA

                    C'mon, drink it.  Don't you

                    wanna be in good shape for the

                    Waponis?

                                

                                JOE

                    I'll never make it.

       

                                PATRICIA

         
fa0
           What are you talking about?

                    Look.

       

       She points.  Joe looks where she points.

       

       

155    EXT. TWO ISLANDS SIDE BY SIDE - FROM JOE'S POV - DAY           155

       

       One island is small and barren.  The other island sports

       a big volcano.  A little steady stream of smoke issues

       from the volcano's mouth.  We hear Patricia's voice.

       

                                PATRICIA (O.S.)

                    It's a miracle.  We must've

                    lucked into the right tidal

                    current.

       

       

156    PATRICIA                                                 156

       

       looks at Joe.  She makes him take the last sip of water.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    What happened to the yacht?

       

                                JOE

                    Struck by lightning.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    No sign of Dagmar or the boys?

       

                                JOE

                    Everything went under.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Except your trunks.

       

                                JOE

                    Except my trunks.

       

       He takes a look at the island.

       

                                JOE

                    So that's Waponi Woo.

       

       

157    JOE'S POV - ISLAND                                 l57

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                88.

       

158    ANOTHER ANGLE                                            158

       

       We FLY OVER the surface of the ocean TO the island.  TO:

       

       

159    ONE HILL ON ISLAND                                       159

       

       on which stands a lookout.  The lookout's name is EMO.

       Emo is scanning the sea with an old telescope on a stand.

       In his free hand, he holds a can of orange soda called

       Jump.  He sips from this with great relish.  Then he

       spots something with the telescope.  It's the raft!  He

       carefully puts down his soda, cups his hands, and lets

       out with a mighty formal cry.

       

                                EMO

                    Ah bey!

       

    We now hear fifty voices answer from all over the island.

       

                                VOICES (O.S.)

                    Ho!

       

                                EMO

                    Ah bey!

       

                                VOICES (O.S.)

                    Ho!

       

                                EMO

                    Kimo Sabby Sah!

       

                                VOICES (O.S.)

                    Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

       

       

160    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - DAY                                   160

       

       Joe and Patricia hear the cries and look at each other.

       

                                JOE

                    What's that?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I think we've been spotted.

       

       

161    EXT. ISLAND - LONG STRETCH OF BEACH - DAY                161

       

       Outrigger canoes lay along the shore.  The EXCITED CRIES

       of running NATIVES are heard approaching.  And now we see

       them.  It's the Waponis!  They are a motley lot, used to

       the good life.  They sport big orange dots on their fore

       heads.  They carry fruit, garlands of flowers, and cans

       of Jump.  They leap into their canoes and head out toward

       the raft.  Their eyes are enhanced with liner.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 3/23/89               88A.

       

162    EXT. LITTLE RAFT - DAY                                   162

       

       as the canoes reach it.  The leader of the welcoming

       group, BAW, calls out to Joe in a formal way.

       

         
190
                       BAW

                    Whooa!  Are you Joe?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                89.

       

162    CONTINUED:                                               162

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                             
fa0
   WELCOMING GROUP

                           (impressed)

                    Whooa!

       

                                BAW

                    Are you Joe Banks?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

                                BAW

                           (to group)

                    Pelica beeble bum bum!

       

       The welcoming group goes crazy, showering the little raft

       with a thousand flowers.  Joe and Patricia exchange a

       look through the shower of flowers.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I guess they're glad to see

                    us.

       

       They're both handed cans of Jump.  Natives grab the pop

       tops with their teeth and rip them off, smiling.  Joe and

       Patricia drink from the cans of Jump.  All the natives

       cheer.  Then hands reach out and pull them gently off

       their raft and into the canoes.  Another canoe's

       occupants get a grass rope and tie it to the raft.  Now

       we see:

       

       

163    WHOLE FLOTILLA OF CANOES - DAY                           163

       

       Joe and Patricia, and the whole welcoming group, covered

       with flowers and drinking Jump, head for the island. With

       the raft of trunks in tow.  The welcoming group, led by

       Baw, sing a Polynesian "Song of Happiness."

       

       

164    EXT. SHORE OF ISLAND - DAY                               164

       

       as the canoes arrive.  Upon reaching the shore, Joe and

       Patricia are hoisted onto the shoulders of the natives

       and carried inland.  Then we see other natives hoisting

       the trunks onto their shoulders and following.

       Everybody's singing.

       

       

164A   EXT. SHORE OF ISLAND - DAY                              164A

       

       Two guys hoisting an enormous spool of homemade red

       carpet on a wooden yoke lead the way into the jungle

       providing the "Red Carpet Treatment."

       

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89               89A.

       

164B   EXT. STRETCH OF JUNGLE - DAY                            164B

       

       The red carpet unrollers run through a stretch of Jungle.

       Through a thin veil of greenery we see unrollers pass by

       us on a jungle path.  After a second they are followed by

       Joe and Patricia and the full happy entourage.

       

       

165    EXT. CENTER OF VILLAGE - DAY                             165

       

       Exhausted, our carpet men, their spindle all but spent,

       stumble into the village's center.  Their carpet reaches

       its tail.  They drop to the ground, gasping and proud.

       The welcoming group arrives with Patricia and Joe and the

       whole village turns out and goes nuts.  Some of them

       carry ducks.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                90.

       

165    CONTINUED:                                               165

       

       Then from the biggest hut emerges the CHIEF.  Instantly,

       everything stops and all the natives are lying face down

       on the ground, utterly silent.  Only Joe and Patricia are

       left standing to face the Chief.  The Chief is a big,

       impressive man with grey hair and in totally traditional

       native costume.  Most of the other natives have some

       element of Western dress about their person.  The Chief

       has a sad, rich voice, a voice full of memory and

       knowledge.  He holds a tiki teddy bear.  It has atrophied

       little arms and legs; its hair is standing on end.

       

                                JOE

                    What is that?  A teddy bear?

       

                                CHIEF

                    No.  It is my soul.

       

                                JOE

 
190
                   I hope you don't lose it.

       

                                CHIEF

                    So do I.  I am Tobi.  Chief.

       

                                JOE

                    This is Patricia Graynamore.

                    I'm Joe Banks.  You speak

                    English.

       

                                CHIEF

                    I have learned.
fa0
  You have come

                    to stop the anger of the Woo?

       

       The Chief points upward.  Joe looks where he points.

       

       

166    FROM JOE'S POV - VOLCANO (BIG WOO) - DAY                 166

       

       Smoke issues from the mouth of the Big Woo steadily.

       

       

167    JOE                                                      167

       

       looks away from the volcano.  He looks into the eyes of

       the chief.

       

                                JOE

                    Yes.

       

                                CHIEF

                    There was worry that you would

                    not come.  You were to come

                    before this.

       

                                JOE

                    Well.  I'm here now.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89               90A.

       

167    CONTINUED:  (A1)                                         167

       

       The Chief nods sadly.  He looks at Patricia.

       

                                CHIEF

                    You're with him?

       

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Yes.

       

       The Chief nods sadly.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                            91.

       

l67    CONTINUED                                                167

       

                                CHIEF

                    Tonight, we will have a big

                    feast. And then, at the end of

                    the feast, we will climb to

                    the top of the Big Woo, and

                    you will jump in. Okay?

       

                                JOE

                    Okay.

       

                                CHIEF

                    The women will take this woman

                    and make her clean for the

                    feast.

                           (shouts to the native

                           women)

                    Pelica!  Pelica!

       

       The native women rise quickly to their feet, giggling and

       excited, and make off with Patricia.  She calls out as

       she's taken.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Joe!

       

                                JOE

                    Patricia!  Is she gonna be

                    Alright?

       

       The Chief nods wearily.

       

                                CHIEF

                    And the men will take you and

                    make you right for the feast.

                           (shouts to the native

                           men)

                    Oliva!  Oliva!

       

       The native men leap up with a shout, seize Joe, and carry

       him off.  Other native men follow, carrying the trunks.

       The Chief, weary, heads back inside his hut.

       

       

168    EXT. CLEARING - DAY                                      168

       

       which has been set up to clean Joe.  What can only be

       described as a giant bassinet made out of beautiful, soft

       greenery has been set up in the clearing, along with many

       coconut bowls.  Into this a violently protesting Joe,

       stark naked, is being pressed by the laughing native men.

       They dump many bowls of water over him while he

       desperately tries to hide his genitals, first with his

       hands, and then by turning face down in the bassinet.

       Then the men take mounds of fresh fruit that has been cut

       up and rub it into Joe's flesh.  Then six of the native

       men produce big shining fish.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89                92.

       

168    CONTINUED:            
190
                                   168

       

       They hold these fish by the tails.  Other men hold Joe

       still.  Then the men rhythmically beat Joe with the fish.

       They hum to keep time.  They are giving him a massage. At

       first he reacts by screaming, but then he starts to

       groan, as one does from an important massage.

       

       

168A   EXT. CLEARING - D
fa0
AY                                     168A

       

       One of the natives holds forward a tray covered with a

       thin blue material.  Joe looks at it with interest.  The

       native gently, physically closes Joe's eyes, then blows

       the contents of the tray, a thin, bright blue powder

       directly into Joe's face.  Joe opens his eyes, a wiser

       man.  They lick the powder off his face.

       

       

169    EXT. CLEARING - DAY (WHILE LATER)

       

       They are dousing Joe with water again, only he's sitting

       up now, eating a piece of fruit.  Emo, the lookout,

       offers him a Jump, but Joe shakes his head.  Emo looks

       amazed and comments to the others in a low voice, in

       another language.  Their reply to Emo's comment is a low

       Whoa!; they are incredulous.  Then they go back to

       dousing Joe.  He likes this treatment by now.  Then a

       look of concern passes over his face and he looks down.

       

       

170    FROM JOE'S POV - JOE'S BARE FEET                         170

       

       Two natives are chewing the toenails on his two feet.

       

       

170A   BACK TO SCENE                                           170A

       

                                JOE

                    Hey, stop that!

       

       The two natives look at him blankly, and go back to what

       they're doing.  Joe accepts it.  Another native is

       massaging his scalp, adding a little oil to Joe's hair.

       The native combs the hair with his fingers.  Joe's

       starting to look like his old self.  Something on the

       edge of the clearing catches his eye.

       

       

171    FROM JOE'S POV - FOUR STEAMER TRUNKS                     171

       

       A little stained with salt, but otherwise none the worse

       for wear.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89               92A.

       

172    JOE                                                      172

       

       looking at the trunks, gets an idea.

       

       

173    EXT. ANOTHER CLEARING - DAY                              173

       

       Patricia is near the end of a make-over by the native

       women.  They are adorning her freshly-washed hair with

       beautiful flowers, and wrapping her sparkling body in a

       pretty sarong.

       

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/25/89                93.

       

174    EXT. SUN                                                 174

       

       sets behind the Big Woo.

       

       

174A   EXT. BONFIRE - NIGHT                                    174A

       

       Going full blast in the village.  MUSIC.

       

       

175    EXT. VILLAGE                                             175

       

       Fire plays on Patricia's face, as she's escorted by four

       village women into the village feast.

       

       

176    PATRICIA'S POV                                           176

       

       Handheld, as she walks through the village.

       

       

176A   ON PATRICIA (INTERCUT)                                  176A

       

       As she's led through village.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Where's my friend?

       

       

177    PATRICIA'S POV - HANDHELD                                177

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Where's Joe Banks?

       

       a.  Men dancing on dusty drums.

       b.  Natives criss-cross jumping over fire, with the band

       in the b.g.

       c.  A pig on a spit over a fire.

       

       

177A   ON PATRICIA (INTERCUT)                                  177A

       

       As she's led through the village.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Is my friend here?

       

       

178    PATRICIA'S POV - HANDHELD                                178

       

       a.  Fire-eaters on either side of
190
 a small volcano.

       

       The MUSIC changes to a new cue: the drum vamp.

       

       b.  The Fire-God emerges from the small volcano.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/25/89               93A.

       

179    PATRICIA                                                 179

       

       She reacts and looks at:

       

       

180    EXT. VILLAGE - BAW - NIGHT               
fa0
                180

       

       

       Baw comes into the playing area, a half-moon circle of

       natives.  He clicks the sticks of his fingers.  He looks

       side-to-side, sternly, with his hands on his hips and

       cries out.

       

                                BAW

                    Oliva!

       

       This is the cue for the story-telling MUSIC to begin.

       Baw does a little Waponi dance in a tight circle, as he

       recites.

       

                                BAW

                    A whila way Waponi Woo

                    I sangda wangda offda blue

                    I sangda wangda and I aw saw

                    The whorl in all a raw

                    dindour!

                    Meckalecka?

                    Yapa

                    Yapaya

                    Yapa

                    Yapaya

                    Yapa

                    Yapaya

                    Sup up vulca

       

       The women scream.

       

                                BAW

                    Terra not firma.

                    To take to Tobi, put the

                    pants!

       

       The men cheer and Baw picks up the Tiki doll to hand it

       to the Volcano God who then goes back into the volcano.

       

       

181    INT. VILLAGE - NIGHT                                     181

       

       Patricia is standing.  Everyone else is BELOW FRAME and

       there is dead silence.

       

       

182    PATRICIA'S POV - CHIEF - NIGHT                           182

       

       He's decked out, and he sits in his chair.  His Tobi is

       in another and there are empty chairs on each side.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/25/89                94.

       

182A   PATRICIA                                                182A

       

       is gestured to sit in the chair on the Chief's left.

       

       

182B   TWO SHOT                                                182B

       

                                CHIEF

                    You look good, now.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Thank you.

       

                                CHIEF

                    Joe Banks said your name is

                    Graynamore.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Yes, it is.

       

                                CHIEF

                    I've had talks with Samuel

                    Harvey Graynamore.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    He's my father.

       

       The Chief nods sadly.

       

                                CHIEF

                    Your father is like the Big

                    Woo. He must be fed or he will

                    destroy the world.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Do you know where my friend,

                    Joe Banks, is?

       

                                CHIEF

                    Maybe he ran away?  Maybe he

                    don't want to jump in the Big

                    Woo. Maybe he's swimming to

                    someplace else.  Maybe he swam

                    to that no good island over

                    there.

       

       The Chief now calls to the natives.

       

                                CHIEF

                    Oliva! Oliva! Bum bum bum.

       

       

183    EXT. VILLAGE - NIGHT                                     183

       

       Two natives swing on grass ropes, from the TOP of the

       FRAME.  They pass each other on their way to the gongs

       which hang at either end of the frame.  They slam into

       the gongs and then fall into two little broken piles.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev . 8/25/89               95.

       

183A   THE CHIEF                                               183A

       

       He reacts.

       

       

183B   E
190
XT. VILLAGE - NIGHT                                    183B

       

       Back to the gong scene (but under cranked) as the

       stretcher bearers carry the men away and big drums are

       upended and rolled away in the wake of the stretchers -

       off to the right.

       

       

183C   EXT. VILLAGE - NIGHT                                    183C

       

       The natives all 
fa0
rise and face Woo and sing.

       

                                NATIVES

                    Wo-o-o-o-o.

       

       

183D   EXT. VOLCANO                                            183D

       

       It erupts.

       

       

183E   CHIEF                                                   183E

       

                                CHIEF

                    The Woo wants his flesh!

       

       

183F   EXT. VILLAGE - NIGHT                                    183F

       

       Natives react and scream and the screams turn to cheers,

       as we --

       

                                           CUT TO-

       

       

184    JOE BANKS                                                184

       

       He appears at the top of a grand staircase.  He descends

       (as the MUSIC resumes).

       

       The crowd faces him and cheers, as they turn with him as

       he walks across to the Chief and stands before him.

       

                                CHIEF

                    So.  You didn't run away.

       

                                JOE

                    No. I made a deal and I'll

                    stick by it.

       

       The Chief nods sadly.  Joe sits down in the third chair.

       

                                JOE

                    How do you like my tux?

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/25/89               95A.

       

184    CONTINUED:                                               184

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Pretty great.

       

                                JOE

                    I thought I might as well go

                    out in style.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    You're really going to do it?

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah.

       

       Joe and Patricia have been talking across the Chief,  who

       sits between them.  Now a groaning native, holding his

       jaw, comes forward and, after prostrating himself, speaks

       excitedly to the Chief, addressing him as Tobi, and

       continuing in another language.  The Chief listens and

       then waves him away.  The groaning native departs.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    What's wrong with that man?

       

                                CHIEF

                    His teeth have holes in them

                    from drinking orange soda.

                    Jump.

       

       The Chief hates Jump.

       

                                JOE

                    What did he want you to do

                    about it?

       

                                CHIEF

                    There are those who want a man

                    who will fix the holes.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    A dentist

                                

                                CHIEF

                    Yes.

                                

       The Chief hates this idea.  The VOLCANO THUNDERS again.

       This time it shakes the ground a little.  They look.

       

       

185    CHIEF AND COMPANY'S POV - BIG WOO - NIGHT                185

       

       The volcano lets out with two tongues of flame this time,

       and a shower of sparks.

       

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/25/89                96.

       

186    CHIEF AND COMPANY - NIGHT                                186

       

       looking at volcano.  The Chief then looks at Joe.

       

                                CHIEF

                    Joe Banks.  We are the

                    children of children and we

                    live as we are shown.  Now a

                    change has come. The Waponis

                    like this soda, and no one

                    among 
190
my people will jump into

                    the Big Woo.  They trade with

                    this man, your father, for a

                    hero.  We have no hero-of our

                    own.  So we give this man the

                    right to dig holes in the

                    ground under us like the Jump

                    digs holes in our teeth and in

                    s
fa0
ome short time we will be

                    nothing but holes.  I am the

                    Tobi. I cannot be the hero.

                    It is my place to hope for my

                    people.  But the Woo calls and

                    no one from among my people

                    says, I will go to my end for

                    the rest of you.  Joe Banks.

                    We are not your people.  Let

                    us die. Take a boat and your

                    woman and go to that no good

                    island over there.

                           (jerks his thumb)

                    Don't jump in the Big Woo.

       

                                JOE

                    I have no people of my own,

                    Chief. I'm my only hope for a

                    hero.

       

       The BIG WOO THUNDERS AGAIN -  they all look.

       

         The feast grows quiet and somber.

       

                                CHIEF

                    Once more I'll call among the

                    Waponis for a hero.

       

       The Chief stands.  The Waponis abase themselves.  The

       Chief speaks to them solemnly.

       

                                CHIEF

                    Who knew woe sue-weigh?

                    Who knew woe?

                           (he waits; as no one

                           moves; he calls out

                           once more)

                    Drama said, said sue-weigh?

                           (he waits; as no one

                           moves; he is disgusted

                           with them; he speaks

                           with finality and

                           dismissal)

                    I na box, bum, pelica.  Box.

                    

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/25/89                97.

       

186    CONTINUED:                                               186

       

       The Waponis slowly get up, shamefaced.  The Chief sits.

       He speaks to Joe and Patricia.

       

                                CHIEF

                    They are all afraid to die.

                    There is no hero among them.

                    They deserve to die.

       

       Joe stands.

       

                                JOE

                    Take me to the volcano.

       

       Natives cheer.  They form an aisle again, leading off in

       the direction of the Big Woo.  Flaming torches dot the

       aisle.  The natives start the same call and response they

       had going when Joe's raft was first sighted.  Emo calls

       and the natives respond.  This call and response

       continues through all the following.  Joe walks off, down

       the aisle.  The Chief follows him.  Before Patricia can

       follow the Chief, the crowd closes in, following Joe up

       the mountain.  Patricia tries to reach Joe.

       

       

186B   EXT. VILLAGE - NIGHT                                    186B

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Joe!  Joe!

       

       But she can't be heard above the din of the call and

       response.  She's restrained by the women in the village.

       

       

186C   EXT. FOOT OF TRAIL - NIGHT                              186C

       

       A head torch man leads the way up the mountain path.  He

       carries a heavy, lit torch that he swings from side to

       side with a ritual motion.  With each swing he lights

       another permanent tiki sconce along the path's upward

       progress.  He is followed by Joe, dapper and alone.  Joe

       in turn is followed by the Chief, who walks with a ritual

       movement, not unlike the bent-kneed gait of a Sumo

       wrestler, leaning first on one leg then on the other.  He

       is assisted in this gyration by two lackeys, one to his

      
190
 left, one to his right, who catch him as he leans to his

       most extreme angle and gently shoves him back the other

       way.  Behind the Chief, comes the general native

       population all of whom carry torches.

       

       

186D   WHOLE VILLAGE - PATRICIA' S POV                         186D

       

       is going up the trail, with Joe and the Chief at the head

       of th
fa0
e column.  Some of the natives carry ducks.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 8/25/89            98-98A.

       

187    EXT. SIDE OF BIG WOO - TRAIL - NIGHT                     187

       

       Flaming torches now delineate the trail up the mountain.

       The line they describe looks very like a German

       expressionist version of a lightning bolt.  The Big Woo

       is RUMBLING more and more.  The whole sky over the

       mountain is suffused with red.

       

       

187A   OMITTED                                                 187A

       

       

188    EXT. WITHIN COLUMN - NIGHT                               188

       

       Patricia struggles.  She's slowly struggling up the

       length of the column.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                 99.

       

188    CONTINUED:                                               188

       

       She's starting to get hysterical.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Joe!  Joe!  Don't do it!

                    Don't do it!

       

       

189    EXT. HEAD OF COLUMN - JOE AND CHIEF - NIGHT              189

       

       They are silent and solemn and focussed.  They arrive at

       a spot just below the rim of the volcano.  There is a

       little well worn trail leading from they stand to where

       the rim.

       

                                JOE

                    Is there any ceremony or

                    anything?

       

                                CHIEF

                    No.  You just jump in.

       

       Joe nods.  Patricia breaks through the crowd and throws

       herself at Joe's feet.  She's sobbing.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Don't do it!  Please don't do

                    it, Joe!  I love you!  I've

                    fallen in love with you!  I've

                    never loved anybody!  I don't

                    know how it happened!  And

                    I've never even slept with you

                    or anything and now you're

                    going to kill yourself!

       

       Joe pulls her to her feet.  The Chief takes a step away,

       to give them privacy.

       

                                JOE

                    You love me?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Yes, I love you!  I can feel

                    my heart!  I feel like I'm

                    going crazy!  You can't die

                    and leave me here on this

                    stinking earth without you!

       

                                JOE

                    I've got to do it.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Why?  The Chief doesn't even

                    want you to do it.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev . 6 / 2 / 8 9          100.

       

189    CONTINUED:                                               189

       

                                JOE

                    'Cause I've wasted my whole

                    life.  And now I'm going to

                    die.  I've got a chance to die

                    like a man and I'm going to

                    take it!  I've got to take it!

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I love you!

       

                                JOE

                    I love you, too.  I've never

                    loved anybody, either.  It's

                    great. I'm glad.  But the

                    timing stinks.

       

       Joe kisses her, waves to the Chief, and starts to walk up

       the little path.  The natives are silent, staring.  The

       Chief is sad.  Patricia is rooted, staring after him,

       stricken.  When Joe has just about reached the summit,

       Patricia wakes from her trance,
190
 and bolts up the little

       path after him.

       

       

189A   EXT. UNDERSIDE OF PLATFORM - NIGHT                      189A

       

       Throughout the following, occasionally we CUT TO a carved

       wooden figure of an alarmed but committed little man, who

       is under the platform holding it up.  Of course, he's

       actually an inanimate strut, but as his little knees

fa0

       quake ever more violently under the platform's oppressive

       weight, we fear for the moment when he and therefore the

       platform on which Joe and Patricia stand will give way

       and fall into the volcano.

       

       

190    LITTLE SHELF ON MOUTH OF WOO - PATRICIA AND JOE - NIGHT        190

       

       Behind them are flames and sparks and smoke.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Joe!

       

                                JOE

                    Get out of here!  Go back

                    down!

       

                                PATRICIA

                    No.

       

                                JOE

                    Please let me do what I've got

                    to do!

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89              100A.

       

190    CONTINUED:  (A1)                                         190

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Marry me!

       

                                JOE

                    What!

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Marry me!

       

       She shouts down the hill.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Chief!  Chief!  Could you come

                    up here, please?

       

                                JOE

                    What the hell are you doing?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                           101.

       

190    CONTINUED:                                               190

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I want him to marry us.

       

                                JOE

                    I'm jumping into a volcano!

       

                                PATRICIA

                    So marry me and then jump into

                    the volcano.

       

       The Chief arrives.

       

                                CHIEF

                    What?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Could you marry us?

       

                                CHIEF

                    Okay.

       

                                JOE

                    I don't want to get married!

       

                                PATRICIA

                    What's the problem? You afraid

                    of the commitment?  You'll

                    have to love me and honor me

                    for about thirty seconds!  You

                    can't handle that?

       

                                JOE

                           (to the Chief)

                    Alright.  Marry us.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Thank you!

       

                                JOE

                    You're welcome!

       

                                CHIEF

                    Do you want to marry her?

       

                                JOE

                    Yes!

       

                                CHIEF

                    Do you want to marry him?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Yes!

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                102.

       

190    CONTINUED:  (2)                                          190

       

                                CHIEF

                    You're married.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Thank you, Chief.

       

                                CHIEF

                    I'm going now.

       

                                

       The Chief leaves.  The volcano has been ROARING LOUDER

       and LOUDER.  Joe stares into it.

      
190
 

                                PATRICIA

                    Don't jump in.

       

                                JOE

                    I want you to listen Patricia,

                    because these are my last

                    words.  I gotta be brave. I

                    gotta jump in.

       

       He braces to jump.  She lifts her hands.  She hesitates.

       Courage 
fa0
floods her soul.  She completes the gesture for

       the first time.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I'm jumping in with you.

       

                                JOE

                    Oh no you're not'

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Whither thou goest!

       

                                JOE

                    I'll knock you out!  I'll

                    throw you down!

       

                                PATRICIA

                    And take away my freedom of

                    choice?

       

                                JOE

                    Why do you love me?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    On the raft.  You gave me the

                    water.  No one's ever put my

                    life ahead of theirs.  So I

                    love YOU and I'm jumping into

                    this volcano with you!

       

                                JOE

                    Did I ever tell you that the

                    first time I saw you, I felt

                    like I'd seen you before?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                103.

       

190    CONTINUED:  (3)                                          190

       

       She shakes her head.  They kiss.  There's a big

       EXPLOSION.  The ground shakes.  They lose their balance

       and grab each other.  There's a second EXPLOSION.  He

       loses his balance.  She catches him.

       

                                JOE & PATRICIA

                    Whoa!  Whoa!

       

                                JOE

                    This is it!

       

       They look at each other.  They jump in. A SLOW-MO

       stylized leap.  Right after they jump in, the platform

       slides into the volcano.

       

       

191    WHOLE ISLAND - NIGHT                                     191

       

       Which looks like a face.  The face grimaces.  We hear a

       GASTRONOMIC GROAN.  Then the volcano spits out Joe and

       Patricia who are holding hands.

       

       

192    JOE AND PATRICIA - NIGHT                                 192

       

       rocketing

       

       Against a background of fire and EXPLOSIONS, come

       rocketing RIGHT AT us and BY the CAMERA.

       

       

193    CHIEF AND HIS PEOPLE - NIGHT                             193

       

       They watch Joe and Patricia, out of view, go by overhead.

       The Waponis scream and take off down the hill.  The Tobi

       smiles and stays.  He speaks to the Woo.

       

                                CHIEF

                    So. You did not want them.

                           (to the retreating

                           natives)

                    I won't go to that no good

                    island!

                           (to himself)

                    For me, this is the end.

                                

                                

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               104.

       

194    JOE AND PATRICIA - NIGHT                                 194

       

       leaving a trail of smoke, land in the ocean.

       

                                JOE

                    What happened?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    It just spit us back out

                    again. Joe, we're rejects!

       

                                JOE

                    Well, I did it.  I did it.  I

                    did my job.  I jumped into the

                    volcano.  We jumped into the

                    volcano.

       

       

195    STRETCH OF BEACH WITH BOATS - NIGHT                      195

       

       The Waponis grab their ducks under their arms, grab their

       boats and launch th
190
emselves.

       

       

195A   OMITTED                                                 195A

       

       

196   JOE AND PATRICIA - NIGHT

       

       in the water

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Look!

       

       

196A   OMITTED                                                 196A

       

       

197    JOE AND PATRICIA'S POV - NIGHT  
fa0
                        196A

       

       We see the Waponis fleeing the exploding island, heading

       for the lousy island.

       

       

198    EXT. VOLCANO - NIGHT                                     198

       

       The VOLCANO EXPLODING completely.  The whole island is on

       fire and breaking apart.

       

       

199    JOE AND PATRICIA                                         199

       

       watch while paddling.

       

                                

200    EXT. ISLAND OF WAPONI WOO - NIGHT                        200

       

       The island is sinking.  The Waponis are fleeing.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89              104A.

       

201    JOE. AND PATRICIA                                        201

       

       looking at this amazing sight.

       

                                JOE

                    So the Waponis were right.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89               105.

       

201    CONTINUED:                                               201

       

                                PATRICIA

                    What do you mean?

       

                                JOE

                    They said if there wasn't a

                    sacrifice, their island would

                    sink.  And it did.

       

       Joe and Patricia exchange looks.  Then Patricia looks

       past Joe, seeing something.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Oh my God, look!  Look!

       

       Joe looks where she's looking.

       

       

202    EXT. YACHT - NIGHT                                       202

       

       A yacht just like the one they were on.  This yacht has

       friendly eye of another color.

       

       

203    JOE AND PATRICIA                                         203

       

       in the water.

       

                                JOE

                    A boat!

       

                                PATRICIA

                    It's The Tweedle Dum!

                           (shouts)

                    Ahoy!  Ahoy!

                           (to Joe)

                    Come on!

       

       They start to swim.

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89              105A.

       

204    EXT. THE TWEEDLE DUM - NIGHT                             204

       

       Picking up Joe and Patricia.  Patricia's crew is on

       board, that is Dagmar and the boat boys.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    It's my crew!  They're alive!

       

                                DAGMAR

                    We were saved.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    That's wonderful!  That's

                    amazing!

       

                                DAGMAR

                    We were very lucky.

       

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89               106.

       

205    EXT. STERN OF THE TWEEDLE DUM - NIGHT                    205

       

       Graynamore is watching the island sink through a

       telescope.  Meanwhile, two boat boys wrap Patricia and

       Joe in blankets.  Graynamore, oddly calm and detached,

       given the circumstances, looks away from the eyepiece of

       the telescope.  He says to no one in particular.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    There goes my dream of beating

                    the shit out of the

                    competition.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Daddy?

       

       Graynamore ignores her.  During this scene the island is

       slowly sinking in the b.g.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    You kept your bargain, Mr.

                    Banks. To the letter.  The

                    miracl
190
e of course is that you

                    kept the bargain and you're

                    alive.

       

                                JOE

                    So what?  My number's about up

                    one way or the other.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Yes.

       

       He's a trifle uneasy.

       

                              
fa0
  PATRICIA

                    Daddy?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I thought you were dead, young

                    lady.  I thought you drowned.

                    Both of you for that matter.

                    I just got here to see what

                    kind of alternate deal I could

                    cut with the Chief.  But the

                    Chief, I'm afraid, is history.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    You don't show any sign of

                    being glad I'm alive.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Oh, I'm glad.  I'm just

                    disappointed about losing

                    these mineral rights.  It

                    meant a lot to me.  It was a

                    real opportunity.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    You are so... full of holes.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                107.

       

205    CONTINUED:                                               205

       

       Graynamore looks at her, a little irritated and puzzled.

       But then his attention shifts to Joe.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    This is a small boat, Mr.

                    Banks. Too small to keep a big

                    secret all the way back to

                    L.A.  Come out, Kenneth!

       

       Kenneth emerges from the shadows where he's been

       skulking.  It's Dr. Ellison; the doctor who told Joe he

       was going to die.  He's got a drink and he looks nervous.

       

                                JOE

                    Dr. Ellison.

       

                                KENNETH

                    Or words to that effect.

           

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    His name is Kenneth Hindmick.

                    Business Affairs.  He works

                    for me.

       

                                KENNETH

                    Hi.  Need your taxes done?

       

                                JOE

                    Kenneth Hindmick.

       

                                KENNETH

                    Need any terrible job done?

                    I'm your man.

       

                                JOE

                    Not Dr. Ellison.

       

                                KENNETH

                    Kenneth Hindmick.  I'm not a

                    bad guy, really.  I just have

                    an unfortunate tendency to do

                    what I'm told.

       

       Joe nods numbly.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Joe?

       

                                JOE

                    His name is Kenneth Hindmick.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    And he made believe he was a

                    Dr. Ellison.

                             (MORE)

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                108.

       

205    CONTINUED:  (1A)                                         205

       

                                GRAYNAMORE (CONT'D)

                    And he told Joe here that he

                    had something called a brain

                    cloud, and that he was going

                    to die. So that Joe here would

                    agree to jump in the volcano.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Oh!  That's dastardly.  You're

                    both dastards.

       

       Joe, still focused on Hindmick, pushes her aside.

       

                                JOE

                    I don't have a brain cloud?

       

                            
190
    KENNETH

                    No, you don't have anything.

                    You're just a hypochondriac.

                    Sorry.  Or, looking on the

                    bright side, congratulations!

       

       Joe takes a step for Kenneth.

       

       Kenneth takes out a gun and points it shakily at Joe.

       

                                JOE

                    You 
fa0
know, I'm gonna beat you

                    up!

       

               

                                KENNETH

                    Hold it!  Don't make me kill

                    you when there's nothing wrong

                    with you!  I feel bad enough

                    already.  I told you he'd be

                    mad.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    So we'll just take turns

                    watching him till we get back

                    to L.A. Nobody'll believe his

                    story anyway.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I will.  I'll back him up.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Now, Patricia, when we get

                    back, I'm going to give this

                    boat to you, and you can sail

                    off into the distance with it

                    and be done with us all.

                    

                                PATRICIA

                    No deal.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89               108A.

       

205    CONTINUED:  (1B)                                         205

                                GRAYNAMORE

                           (talking to Kenneth)

                    So we'll take turns watching

                    the two of them till we get

                    back to L.A., and then we'll

                    turn them both loose, and I'll

                    keep the boat.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               109.

       

205    CONTINUED:  (2)                                          205

       

                                PATRICIA

                    That's fine with me.

       

                                JOE

                    You've forgotten one thing.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    Oh, I have?  Nothing comes

                    readily to mind.

       

       Joe is still facing Kenneth.

       

                                JOE

                    I've looked into the volcano,

                    Mr. Graynamore.  You know what

                    I mean?  After that, the hole

                    in the front of a gun doesn't

                    scare me at all.

       

                                KENNETH

                    Stay back.

       

                                JOE

                    I'm gonna take the gun away

                    from you, Kenneth.

       

                                KENNETH

                    Do you think I won't shoot?

       

                                JOE

                    I don't know.  That's your

                    part.  I can't make you shoot

                    me and I can't stop you.  I

                    can only do my part.  I'm

                    going to take the gun away

                    from you.

       

       Joe, after slowly approaching, swiftly takes the gun away

       from Kenneth.

       

                                KENNETH

                    Just as well.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    If I'd had the gun, you'd be

                    dead now.

       

                                JOE

                    We'll never know.  Patricia,

                    tell Dad the happy news.

       

                                

                                PATRICIA

                    We got married.  The Chief

                    married us.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89              109A.

       

205    CONTINUED:  (3)                                          205

       

        
190
                        JOE

                    And I was wondering where you

                    thought we should go on, you

                    know, a honeymoon?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I have no idea

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 4/14/89               110.


fa0
       

205    CONTINUED:  (4)                                          205

       

                                JOE

                    I thought we might like to go

                    on a sailing trip.  How's that

                    sound?

       

       Graynamore doesn't answer.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    I think that sounds great!

       

                                JOE

                    Does this thing have like a

                    rubber raft or something?

       

                                PATRICIA

                    It has a dinghy.

       

                                JOE

                    Let's break it out.  I think

                    your father's tired of this

                    ostentatious life style.

       

       

206    EXT. SIDE THE TWEEDLE DUM - NIGHT                        206

       

       As Graynamore and company are just finished getting into

       a dinghy.  Joe and Patricia stand on the deck, Joe still

       pointing the gun.  Patricia's crew stands by.

       

                                KENNETH

                    What if there's a storm?

       

                                JOE

                    Then you'll drown.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    You'll pay for this.  I'll see

                    to that!

       

                                JOE

                    You know what I think, Mr.

                    Graynamore?

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89               111.

       

206    CONTINUED:                                               206

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    What?

       

                                JOE

                    I think that you don't scare

                    me at all.  Maybe you can do

                    some stuff to me - if you make

                    it back home. If I come back.

                    And maybe you can't.  It

                    remains to be seen.  But what

                    I think, and I say this to you

                    from the bottom of my heart,

                    sir.  I don't fear you at all.

                    I don't fear any man.  Because

                    every day is a gift, and I'm

                    just glad as hell it looks

                    like I may have a few. And

                    beyond that, to be scared or

                    glad of anything beyond that,

                    why a man's just got to be a

                    fool!

       

       Joe laughs a laugh, wild and free, a laugh unweighted by

       fear, a laugh of pure joy.  Patricia goes below.  Only

       here does the island finally go under completely.

       

       

207    EXT. THE TWEEDLE DUM - NIGHT                             207

       

       starts up.  And pulls away from the dinghy.  Joe is still

       laughing and waving, one hand on the wheel. Patricia

       comes up from below.  He puts his arm around her.

       

       

207A   EXT. DINGHY - GRAYNAMORE AND KENNETH - NIGHT            207A

                                

       Graynamore is thoughtful.  He starts to smile.

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I like that boy!  Good for

                    her!

       

                                KENNETH

                    Good for her?  What about us?

       

                                GRAYNAMORE

                    I like a tight spot.  Maybe I

                    have gotten a little greedy.

                           (produces a paddle and

                           hands it to Kenneth)

                    Start paddling while I re-

                    assess my values.

                           (as Kenneth doesn't

            
190
               start)

                    Start paddling.

       

                                KENNETH

                    You paddle.

       

                                                      (CONTINUED)

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89                112.

       

207A   CONTINUED:                                              207A

       

                             
fa0
   GRAYNAMORE

                           (lights a pipe)

                    Alright.  Fair enough.  We'll

                    both paddle.  'And all I ask

                    is a tall ship and a star to

                    steer her by!' Com'on, let's

                    put our backs into it.

                           (stops rowing)

                    You know, I have a good

                    feeling about this.  Maybe

                    we're going to become friends.

       

       

208    OMITTED                                                  208

       

                                KENNETH

                    I doubt that.  You're just too

                    overbearing.

       

       Graynamore begins to sing "Someone's in the Kitchen with

       Dinah" as they paddle out of view.

       

       

208A   EXT. THE TWEEDLE DUM - NIGHT (COUPLE OF MINUTES LATER)  208A

       

       The dinghy has gone.  The boat is passing over the spot

       where the island went down.  A lot of bubbles and steam

       are still coming up.  A few empty cans of Jump come up.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    So what's the end of Waponi

                    Woo.

       

                                JOE

                    Yeah, and the Chief.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Where are we going?

       

                                JOE

                    Away from the things of man! I

                    gotta get away from the things

                    of man for a while.

       

                                PATRICIA

                    Look!

       

       

209    FROM JOE'S POV - BUBBLING SURFACE                        209

       

       His trunks start rising to the surface, one after the

       other.  Until three trunks are bobbing on the surface.

       

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 6/2/89              A112A.

       

209A   BACK TO SCENE                                           209A

       

                                JOE

                    I'll tell you one thing.

                    Wherever we're goin'.  We're

                    taking this luggage.  Help me

                    fish it out.

       

       

209B   JOE'S POV - BUBBLING TO THE SURFACE                     209B

       

       The Chief comes up on the last trunk.  He is holding his

       Tiki teddy bear.

       

                                JOE (O.S.)

                    Chief!

       

                                CHIEF

                           (triumphantly gasping)

                    Look!  Look, Joe Banks, I

                    still have my soul!

       

                                JOE (O.S.)

                    Me, too.  Me, too.

       

       JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO - Rev. 5/16/89              112A.

       

209C   BACK TO SCENE                                           209C

       

       Joe and Patricia smile at each other and help the Chief

       up onto the boat.  We STAY where we are, LOOKING AT the

       horizon OVER the railing of the boat.

       

       MUSIC.

       

       The big, dramatic pas de deux music from the NUTCRACKER

       starts to play.  A moon, with its volcanic aspect

       emphasized, a moon that's simply too big to be real,

       starts to rise from the sea.  It rises into and up OUT OF

       the FRAME while:

       

       THE CREDITS ROLL.

       

       

210    EXT. THE TWEEDLE DUM - NIGHT (FEW MINUTES LATER)         210

       

       The moon hangs in the sky off to the right of the boat.

       We see, FROM a distance, Joe and Patricia just getting

       the last trunk on deck. Then Patricia goes below. The

       ENGINE STARTS up. The boat turns and heads straight for

       the moon.

       

       MUSIC.

       

       DUSTY SPRINGFIELD, singing "You Don't Have To Say You

       Love Me" beg
190
ins to play.

       

       We watch them grow fainter and fainter, a smaller and

       smaller speck in the eye of the Man in the Moon.  UP

       CLOSE to us, the DOLPHIN sticks his head out of the water

       again, makes his NOISE once more, and disappears forever

       beneath the gentle waves.  One of the craters on the

       craterous moon shakes and erupts, puffing out a bunch o
cb 
f

       white smoke which forms the words: "The End."

                                                    FADE OUT.

       

       

       

       

       

                             THE END


0