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<pre>
        =--0-   The Script to This is Spinal Tap, v3.  -0--=
			     
        
        Script completion, correction and coordination by
                         Svein I. Halvorsen
                         (sveini@himolde.no)
        
        Proof-read twice by
                         Michael Wheeler
                         <michaelw@aaa.uoregon.edu>
                          
        Initiated and also proof-read by
                         Scott Hagberg
                         (hagbergs@mari.acc.stolaf.edu)
                         
     	
     	Several others contributed with minor corrections; thanks a lot!
     	
        Please mail me any comments, corrections or whatever. 
     	Svein I
     	
                         
                         
                             This is Spinal Tap

Cast (in order of appearance)

Marty DiBergi			Rob Reiner
Heavy Metal Fans		Kimberly Stringer
				Chazz Dominguez				
				Shari Hall
Mick Shrimpton			R.J. Parnell
Viv Savage			David Kaff
Ian Faith			Tony Hendra
David St. Hubbins		Michael McKean
Nigel Tufnel			Christopher Guest
Derek Smalls			Harry Shearer
Tommy Pishedda			Bruno Kirby
Ethereal Fan			Jean Cromie
New York M.C.			Patrick Maher
John "Stumpy" Pepys		Ed Begley Jr.
Ronnie Pudding			Danny Kortchmar
Bobbi Fleckman			Fran Drescher
Sir Dennis Eaton-Hogg		Patrick MacNee
Bartender			Memo Vera
Mime Waitress			Julie Payne
Mime Waiter		 	Dana Carvey
Angelo DiMentibello		Sandy Helberg
Angelo's Associate		Robin Mendken
Rolling Stone Reporter		Zane Buzby
Morty The Mime			Billy Crystal
Limo Groupie			Jennifer Child
Rack Jobber	  		J.J. Barry
Southern Rock Promoter		George McDaniel
Tucker "Smitty" Brown 		Paul Benedict
Reba				Anne Churchill
Terry Ladd			Howard Hessman
Duke Fame			Paul Shortino
Fame Groupies			Cherie Darr
				Lara Cody
Student Promoter		Andrew J. Lederer
Eric "Stumpy Joe" Childs 	Russ Kunkel
"Jamboree Bop" Dancers 		Diana Duncan
		 	   	Gina Marie Pitrello
Jeanine Pettibone		June Chadwick
Cindy		  		Vicki Blue
Belinda				Joyce Hyser
Airport Security Officer	Gloria Gifford
Artie Fufkin			Paul Shaffer
Room Service Guy		Archie Hahn
Disc 'n Dat Manager		Charles Levin
Janitor	 			Wonderful Smith
Polly Deutsch			Anjelica Huston
Little Druids			Chris Romano
		 		Daniel Rodgers
Lt. Hookstratten		Fred Willard
Joe "Mama" Besser		Fred Asparagus
L.A. Party Guest		Rodney Kemerer
Moke				Robert Bauer

<Film Studio>
Marty:  Hello.  My name is Marty DeBergi.  I'm a film maker.  I
        make a lot of commercials.  That little dog that chases the
        covered wagon underneath the sink?  That was mine.
        In 1966, I went down to Greenwich Village, New York City to a
        rock club called the Electric Banana.  Don't look for it, it's
        not there anymore.  But that night I heard a band that for me
        redefined the word "rock and roll".  I remember being knocked
        out by their, their exuberance, their raw power -- and their
        punctuality.
        That band was Britain's now-legendary Spinal Tap.  Seventeen
        years and fifteen albums later, Spinal Tap is still going
        strong, and they've earned a distinguished place in rock history
        as one of England's loudest bands.
        So in the late fall of 1982 when I heard that Tap was
        releasing a new album called 'Smell the Glove,' and was
        planning their first tour of the United States in almost 6 years
        to promote that album, well needless to say I jumped at the
        chanc
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e to make the documentary, the, if you will, rockumentary
        that you're about to see.  I wanted to capture the, the sights,
        the sounds, the smells, of a hard-working rock band on the road.
        And I got that.  But I got more, a lot more.  But hey -- enough
        of my yakkin'.  Whaddaya say, let's boogie!

<Outside the venue>
Fan 1:  Gives me a lot of energy, makes me hap
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py.
Fan 2:  Heavy metal's deep, you can get stuff out of it.
Fan 3:  The way they dress, the leather.

<JFK Airport, New York>
David:  Which one is this?  Is this LaGuardia or is this-- ?
Ian:  No, this is JFK.  New York, New York.
David:  Oh yes.

<Back outside the venue>
Roadie:  Watch it now, watch it now.

Ethereal fan: It's like you become one with the guys in the band.  I
              mean there's...there's no division, you just...the music
              just unites people...with the players.

<Onstage>
New York M C:  You want it right, direct from hell, Spinal Tap!

     --- Spinal Tap performs 'Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight'---

David:  We are Spinal Tap from the UK you must be the USA!

<Garden Interview I>
Marty:  Let's...uh talk a little bit about the history of the group.
        I understand Nigel you and David originally started the band
        wuh...back in...when was it...back in 1964?
David:  Well before that we were in different groups, I was in a
        group called The Creatures and w-which was a skiffle group.
Nigel:  I was in Lovely Lads.
David:  Yeah.
Nigel:  And then we looked at each other and says well we might as well
        join up you know and uh....
David:  So we became The Originals.
Nigel:  Right.
David:  And we had to change our name actually....
Nigel:  Well there was, there was another group in the east end called The
        Originals and we had to rename ourselves.
David:  The New Originals.
Nigel:  The New Originals and then, uh, they became....
David:  The Regulars, they changed their name back to The Regulars and 
        we thought well, we could go back to The Originals but  
        what's the point?
Nigel:  We became The Thamesmen at that point.

              --- The Thamesmen play Gimme Some Money ---
             ---  British TV: Pop, Look & Listen  1965 ---

Marty:  Your first drummer was uh....
Nigel:  The peeper....
David:  Joe stumpy Pepys...great great...uh...tall blond geek...
        with glasses uh...
Nigel:  Uh.. good drummer.
David:  Great look, good drummer.
Nigel:  Good, good drummer....
David   Fine drummer....
Marty:  What happened to him?
David:  He died, he, he died in a bizarre gardening accident some years back.
Nigel:  It was really one of those things...it was...you know...the 
        authorities said...you know...well best leave it unsolved, 
        really...you know.
Marty:  And he was replaced by...uh....
David:  Stumpy Joe - Eric Stumpy Joe Childs.
Marty:  What happened to Stumpy Joe?
Derek:  Well, uh, it's not a very pleasant story...but, uh, he died...
        uh...he choked on...the ac- the official explanation was he 
        choked on vomit.
David:  He passed away.
Nigel:  It was actually, was actually someone else's vomit. It's not....
David:  It's ugly.
Nigel:  You know.  There's no real....
Derek:  You know they can't prove whose vomit it was...they don't
        have the facilities at Scotland Yard....
David:  You can't print, there's no way to print a spectra-photograph...
Nigel:  You can't really dust for vomit.

<Reception, New York>
Ian:    Here we go...Soho they call this place....
?:		Oh, it's the band!
David:  'So' what?
Bobbi:  How are you?  Ian!  Hi fellas, how you doing... Come over here.
        I want you to meet everybody.
Derek:  Who is that?
Bobbi:  Viv, come over here...everybody.
Ian:    Bobbi Flekman.
Derek:  Who is it ....with the record company?
Bobbi:  Yes, Bobbi Flekman - the hostess with the mostest.  You
        know, you know.  Hi, handsome.  How you doing?  Alright, listen 
        I want you all to meet Sir Dennis Eton-Hogg, now he's the 
        head of Polymer.
Band:   We know, we know.
David:  Oh, she knows...
Bobbi:  (To  Nigel) You don't talk so much - just smile and look smart. 
        Dennis, come here...come here I want you to meet Spinal Tap,
        our guests of honor.
Sir Dennis:  How very nice to meet you!
B
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obbi:  Kids; this is Sir Dennis Eaton-Hogg...this is Nigel.
Nigel:  Hello, Dennis.
Sir Dennis:  Oh, so this is Nigel!
Nigel:  Thanks a lot for letting us uh....
Bobbi:  Let's go over here and we'll all take a picture together.
        Where's Christine?  Where's my photographer?  Come over here 
        honey.  What's your name?  Christine?  Ok, right over here...
        good, good!
Repor
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ter:  You guys look great.  I mean you look fantastic.  You would never
        know that you are almost 40.  I mean if I looked this good and 
        from the stage too it's amazing  you know....
Morty the mime:  I did the bird, do the dead bird...change this, get the dwarf 
        canoles the little ones....
Mime:  I did the bird....
Morty the mime:  C'mon, don't talk back huh...mime is money, let's go 
        come on; move it!
Sir Dennis: Now, we here at Polymer we're all looking forward
        to a long and...and...and fruitful relationship with Spinal Tap.
        We wish them great success on their North American tour and so
        say all of us...Tap into America!

<limo>
Limo driver:  Excuse me...are you reading "Yes I Can"?
Limo groupie: Yeah, have you read it?
Limo driver:  Yeah, by Sammy Davis Jr.?
Limo groupie: Yeah.
Limo driver : You know what the title of that book should be?
              "Yes I Can if Frank Sinatra Says it's Okay".  Cause  Frank 
              calls the shots for all of those guys .  Did you get to 
              the part yet where uh...Sammy is coming out of the Copa...
              it's about 3:00 in the morning and uh...he sees Frank? 
              Frank's walking down Broadway by himself....

(Limo window raised by Nigel)

Limo driver:  Fuckin' limeys.
Marty:        Well you know, ah...they're not uh,...used to that world.
Limo driver:  Yeah yeah.
Marty:        You know Frank Sinatra it's a different world that
              they're in.
Limo driver:  You know, it's just that people like this...you know...
              they get all they want so they don't really understand, 
              you know...about a life like Frank's, I mean, you know
              when you've loved and lost the way Frank has, then you uh
             ...you know what life's about.

Ian:    The Times may even do something.
David:  The New York Times?
Ian:    Yeah, the New York Times.
David:  The bump we've got to iron out here is when do we get the album 
        released. I mean it doesn't matter how good the press is or what
        the stringers....
Ian:    As I explained last night you know we're not gonna saturate
        the New York market....now Philly now that's a real rock 
        and roll town. 
David:  Oh, Philly's great.
Ian:    Be assured that the album will be available all throughout the
        Philadelphia metropolitan area.
David:  So you are hitting that market regardless of how we're selling 
        in New York?
Ian:    We are doing, we certainly are doing, well, I'm doing everything
        I can.
David:  That's right.  We are not blaming you, you know that we're not 
        blaming you.

Marty:  But you don't feel these guys have an effect on an audience,
        I mean, kids go to their concert they have a great time, uhh....
Limo driver:  But it's...it's a passing thing...it's uh....  I mean I would 
        never tell them this but this is uh...this is a fad.

               --- Spinal Tap plays Big Bottom---
              --- at Fidelity Hall, Philadelphia ---

<Garden Interview II>
Marty:  Let's talk about your reviews a little bit...regarding 'Intravenus 
        de Milo': "This tasteless cover is a good indication of the lack of
        musical invention within. The musical growth rate of this band 
        cannot even be charted.  They are treading water in a sea of 
        retarded sexuality and bad poetry."
Nigel:  That's, that's nit picking, isn't it?
Marty:  'The Gospel According to Spinal Tap':  "This pretentious ponderous 
         collection of religious rock psalms is enough to prompt the 
         question: "What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap and couldn't 
         he have rested on that day too?" "
David:  Never heard that one!
Derek:  That's a good one, that's a good one!
Marty:  The review you had on 'Shark Sandwich'...which was merely a two 
        word review - just said "shit sa
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ndwich." Umm....
Derek:  Where'd they print that, where'd they print that?
David:  Where did that appear?
Nigel:  That's not real, is it?
Derek:  You can't print that.

<Recording Industry Convention, Atlanta, Georgia >
Derek: All those arguments about touring or not touring and all
       that it's obvious we belong on tour, you know....
Ian:   I couldn't agree more.  All that stuff about
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 you being too 
       old and you being too white but....
Derek: But what about the album, Ian?
David: Well that's the real problem there's no way to promote
       something that doesn't exist, you know....
Ian:   It's a very unimportant reason, it's just that they're experimenting
       with, with some new uh...packaging materials.  Let me get the door.
Derek: What kind of experimenting?  What they got monkeys opening it or 
       what?
Ian:   Oh there's uhh...the other thing is that the uh...the Boston 
       gig has been cancelled.
Nigel: What?
Ian:   Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it though, it's not a big college town.

Southern rock promoter:  I heard you boys got an album coming out.
David: Yeah, it should be out now, it's called Smell the Glove...
       yeah...yeah, yeah....
Extra: Smell the Glove? It's a provocative title.
David: Wait till you see the cover, wait till you see the cover, 
       very provcative indeed.

Ian:   Bobbi, Bobbi, can I tear you away from all of this?
Bobbi: Do you have a drink? Everything ok?
Ian:   No, I don't, I don't really need one.  But, listen, um...I really,
       I really do have to talk to you a bit about this, uh....
Bobbi: Ian, come on, tell me whatever is on your mind....
Ian:   ...this whole issue of the, uh...the issue of the cover.
Bobbi: Yeah.
Ian:   ...uh, we feel, I mean, we feel and it seems to be facts
       that, uh...the company is rather down on the cover. 
       Is that the case?
Bobbi: Yes.
Ian:   You can give it to me straight, you know.
Bobbi: Listen umm... they don't like the cover, they don't like the cover.
Ian:   Uh huh, well that is certainly straight.
Bobbi: They find it very offensive and very sexist.
Ian:   Well what exactly...do you find offensive, I mean, what's offensive?
Bobbi: Ian, you put a greased naked  woman... 
Ian:   Yes...
Bobbi: ..on all fours...
Ian:   Yes.
Bobbi: ...with a dog collar around her neck...
Ian:   ...with a dog collar...
Bobbi: ...and a leash...
Ian:   ...and a leash...
Bobbi: ...and a man's arm extended out up to here holding on to the leash
       and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff it.   You don't find 
       that offensive, you don't find that sexist?
Ian:   No I don't, this is 1982, Bobbi, come on.
Bobbi: That's right it's 1982 get out of the 60's we don't have this
       mentality any more.
Ian:   Well you shoulda seen the cover they wanted to do.  It wasn't a glove
       believe me.
Bobbi: I don't care what they wanted to do, now see this is something Ian
       that you are going to have to talk to your boys about.
Ian:   We're certainly not laying down any conditions...
Bobbi:  And I don't think that a sexy cover is the answer for why an album
       sells or doesn't sell becuase you tell me...the "White Album",
       what was that? There was nothing on that goddamn cover. Excuse me,
       the phone's ringing. Ian we'll talk about this after.
Ian:   Okay, bye bye.

Bobbi: Hello. Oh, hi Dennis.  Uh oh, okay.  Why don't you tell him? 
       Okay, hold on one minute. Ian? It's Eaton-Hogg, he wants to talk
       to you.
Ian:   Okay.  Thank you darling.
Bobbi: You're welcome.....dear.
Ian:   Hello Sir Dennis.  Hi, how are you? 
      (out of phone)  Oh, fucking old poofdah! (into phone) But it's 
      really not that offensive Sir Dennis come on.  Okay.  I'll call
      you absolutely first thing in the morning.  (slam phone)  Ah, shit. 
      They are not gonna release the album...because they have decided that
      the cover is sexist.
Nigel:  Well so what?  What's wrong with being sexy? I mean there's no....
Ian:    Sex-ist.
David:  -ist, not sexy.
Bobbi:  Okay, listen I wanted to tell you this and and...I was holding back
        because I didn't know what Dennis' decision was going to be...
        but at this point both Sears and K-Mart stores have refused to
        handle the album.  They're boycotting the album on
190
ly because of 
        the cover.  If the first album had been a hit....
Ian:    If the company is behind the album it can shove it right down 
        their throats.
Bobbi:  Money talks and bullshit walks and if the first album  was a hit
        then we could have pressed on them then we could have told them yes...
Ian:    The music....every cut on this album is a hit.
Bobbi:  Let's...I d
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on't give a shit what the album's....
Nigel:  It's a matter of compromise, we made a joke, and it was a long time 
        ago, they're making it like a big deal.
David:  That's true.  You know, if we were serious and we said "yes she 
        should be forced to sniff...smell the glove" then you'd have a 
        point you know but it's all a joke, isn't it, we're making fun 
        of that sort of thing.
Nigel:  It is and it isn't, she should be made to smell it, but...
David:  But not you know over and over again.
Bobbi:  You know, we can probably work something out.  I'll talk to Dennis
        and maybe we can come up with a compromise.  A new design concept
        that we can all live with.

<interview in restaurant>
Marty:  You guys were school mates
Nigel:  We don't...we, we, we're not not university material
David:  What's that on your finger?
Nigel:  That's my gum!
David:  What's it doing on your finger?
Nigel:  I might need it later.
David:  Put it on the table, that's terrible.
Nigel:  Well...I might forget it on the table.
David:  You can't take him anywhere.
Marty:  How old were you guys when you met?
David:  Eight years old.  Eight or nine.
Nigel:  You were eight and I was seven.
David:  That's right, yeah.
Marty:  Do you remember the first song that you guys ever wrote together?
David:  All the Way Home, probably.
Marty:  All the Way Home? 
David:  Yeah.
Marty:  Can you remember a little bit of it?  I'd love to hear it.
David:  Christ.  Some black coffee maybe we could do it.
Nigel:  How's it go?
Nigel and David:  I'm standing out beside the railroad track...and I'm 
        waiting for that train to bring you back....if, if, if,
        if, if she's not on the the 5:19 then I'm gonna know 
        what sorrow means.....and I'm gonna cry cry cry all the
        way home....all the way home....all the way home.....
David:  Cry, cry, cry all the way home.....fairly simple.....there's about 
        six words in the whole song, you know. Just repeat them over and
        over again.
Marty:  Let's talk about your music today...uh...one thing that puzzles me
        ...um...is the make up of your audience seems to be ...uh...
        predominately young boys.
David:  Well it's a sexual thing, really isn't it.  Aside from the 
        identifying the boys do with us there's also a re-reaction to the
        female.....of the female to our music.  How did you put it?
Nigel:  Really they're quite fearful - that's my theory.  They see us on
        stage with tight trousers we've got, you know, armadillos in our
        trousers, I mean it's really quite frightening...
David:  Yeah.
Nigel:  ...the size...and and they, they run screaming.



             --- Spinal Tap performs Hell Hole ---
              --- Chapel Hill, North Carolina ---		

<Vandermint Auditorium>
Nigel: Ian, can I have a word with you for a minute?
Ian:   Yes, of course.
Nigel: ...uh, a couple of problems with the...
Ian:   What?
Nigel: ...arrangments backstage...
Ian:   What exactly?
Nigel: Well, uh..
Ian:   What, I mean...
Nigel: Well, no, there's some problems here, I don't even know where
       to start, alright? This, uh..
Ian:   Soundcheck? Whats, whats, whats wrong?
Nigel: No, no, no, no this....look, look, look, there's a little problem
       with the... look this, this miniature bread. It's like...
       I've been working with this now for about half an hour.
       I can't figure out... let's say I want a bite, right, you've 
       got this...
Ian:   You'd like bigger bread?
Nigel: Exactly! I don't understand how...
Ian:   You could fold this though.
Nigel: Well, no then it's half the size.
Ian:   Not the bread, you could fold the meat.
Nigel: Yeah, but then it, then it breaks up, breaks apart like this.
Ian:   No, no, no, you put it on the bread like this, you see
Nigel: But then, if you keep folding it, it keeps breaking...
Ian:   Why do you keep foldi
190
ng it? 
Nigel: And then you...everyhing has to be folded, and then it's this, 
       and I don't  want this I want large bread so that I can put
       this...
Ian:   Right
Nigel: ...so then it's like this, this does not work because 
       then...it's all....
Ian:   'cause it hangs out like that?
Nigel: Look...
Ian:   Yeah.
Nigel: Would you been holding this?
Ian:   No, I don't want 
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to eat...I wouldn't want to put that in my mouth, no
       you're right, Nigel, you're right...
Nigel: No, alright 'A', exhibit 'A', now we move on to this, look, look
       who's in here? No one! And then in here there's a little guy, look!
       So it's, it's a complete catastrophe.
Ian:   You're right, Nigel, Nigel  calm down, calm down.
Nigel: Calm d...good, no it's not a big deal, it's a joke, it's really,
       it's...
Ian:   I'm sorry, it's just some crappy univeristy, you know
Nigel: I know, Yeah, right, it's a joke, it's all a j-
Ian:   Really, I don't want it to affect your performance.
Nigel: It's not gonna affect my performance, don't worry about it, alright, 
       just hate it, it's really...
Ian:   It  won't happen again.
Nigel: It does disturb me.
Ian:   It's disgusting.
Nigel: But I'll rise above it, I'm a professional, right?
Ian:   Alright.

                 --- Spinal Tap Perfoms Hell Hole ---

<Amid Nigel's Guitar Collection>
Marty:  Do you play all...I mean do you actually play all these or...?
Nigel:  Well, I play them and I cherish them.
Marty:  Mmm-hmm....
Nigel:  This is the top of the heap right here.  There's no question about
        it.  Look at the, look at the flame on that one....
Marty:  Yes.
Nigel:  I mean it's just...it's quite unbelievable.  This o- this one
        is just ah...is perfect...1959...ah...you know, it just, you can
        uh...listen!
Marty:  How much does this....
Nigel:  Just listen for a minute....
Marty:  I'm not....
Nigel:  The sustain...listen to it...
Marty:  I'm not hearing anything.
Nigel:  You would, though, if it were playing, because it really... it's
        famous for its sustain...I mean, you could, just hold it....
Marty:  Well I mean so you don't....
Nigel:  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa....  You could go and have a bite
        an'...aaaaaaaaa...you'd still be hearin' that one.
        Could you hold this a sec'?
Marty:  Sure.
Nigel:  This one...this 'course is a custom three-pickup-'Paul.  This is my
        radio...unit....
Marty:  Oh, I see....
Nigel:  So I strap this...this piece on, you know, right down in here when
        I'm on stage and....
Marty:  It's a wireless.
Nigel:  Wireless, exactly.  And...uh I can play without all the mucky-muck.
Marty:  You can run anywhere on stage with that.
Nigel:  Exactly.  Now this is special, too, it's a...look...see...still got
        the uh...the ol' tagger on it...see...never even played it ...see...
Marty:  You just bought it and....
Nigel:  Don't touch it!  Don't touch it!  No one...no one...no!  Don't
        touch it.
Marty:  Well uh I wasn't...uh I wasn't gonna touch it...I was just pointing
        at it...I....
Nigel:  Well don't point, even.
Marty:  Don't even point?
Nigel:  No.  It can't be played...never...I mean I....
Marty:  Can I look at it?
Nigel:  No.  No you've seen enough of that one.
Marty:  Don't look at it.
Nigel:  This is a top to a, you know, what we use on stage, but it's
        very...very special because if you can see...
Marty:  Yeah...
Nigel:  ...the numbers all go to eleven.  Look...right across the board.
Marty:  Ahh...oh, I see....
Nigel:  Eleven...eleven...eleven....
Marty:  ...and most of these amps go up to ten....
Nigel:  Exactly.
Marty:  Does that mean it's...louder?  Is it any louder?
Nigel:  Well, it's one louder, isn't it?  It's not ten.  You see,
        most...most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten.  You're on ten 
        here...all the way  up...all the way up....
Marty:  Yeah....
Nigel:  ...all the way up.  You're on ten on your guitar...where can you go
        from there?  Where?
Marty:  I don't know....
Nigel:  Nowhere.  Exactly.  What we do is if we need that extra...push over
        the cliff...you know what we do?
Marty:  Put it up to eleven.
Nigel:  Eleven.  Exactly.  One louder.
Marty:  Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top...
        number...and make that a
191
 little louder?
Nigel:  ...these go to eleven.


<Hotel Lobby, Memphis, Tennessee>
Smitty: Are you uh - are you Spinal Tap?
Ian:    Spinal Tap -- this is Spinal Tap.
?:      Tap -- Tap -- Tap -- Tap -- Tap.
Smitty: Welcome to Memphis, gentlemen. We have a slight problem with your
        reservation.  Nothing serious, I'm afraid.
Ian:    How slight?
Smitty: You wanted seven, uh, suites.

fa0

Ian:    Seven.  Seven suites.
Smitty: Yes w-we-he mistakenly put you on the seventh floor with one
        suite.
Ian:    That's considerably more than minor.
Smitty: Well, it's a good-sized room, sir.  It's a, it's a 'King Leisure'.
        We can get you a - something-
Ian:    How are we going to get fourteen people in a 'King Leisure' bed?!
Smitty: Oh-ho-ho don't - don't tempt me, sir.
David:  Have a good time, will you -- we'll be right here.
Ian:    I will, I'll take care of it.
Smitty: Welcome, gentlemen - and very attractive they are, too.
Ian:    Hey!  Hey!  Listen to me:  We want these suites, and we want them
        now!  OK?  These people are tired, we have soundcheck in an hour.
Smitty: Yes, sir.  We can't help you out - Reba - perhaps you can help
        here.
Reba:   What's the problem, sir?
Smitty: Can you give me a hand, please?
Ian:    Yes.  I'll tell you what you can do. OK?  This - twisted old 
        fruit here - tells me that you have fucked up my reservations.
Smitty: I'm just as God made me, sir.

David:  What's the difference between golf and miniature golf?
Derek:  I think it's-uh...
Mick:   The walls.
Derek:  ?The holes are smaller
(Crazed female fans shriek.)
David:  Uh-oh- look out, here they come....
Derek:  Hold your breath.
Fan  :  Duke!  Duke!  Can I have your autograph?
Nigel:  It's Duke.
David:  Duke!  Duke!
Terry:  Get your hands back.
David:  It's OK, we know'm, it's Spinal Tap.
Terry:  Sure.
David:  David St Hubbins, Spinal Tap; Derek Smalls, Spinal
        Tap; Nigel....
Terry:  Look, we gotta get going here.
David:  Listen, uh...uh...where you playing in town?  You you playin' here?
Terry:  We're doin' the...uh...Enormodome whatever it is. It's terrific,
        it's a good house.  We sold it out.
David:  Oh yeah big place outside of town.
Terry:  Very nice.
David:  That's a big place.  You sold it out?!  What's that, twenty-
        thousand seats?
Terry:  We really should run, you know...
Ian:    Good heavens.  How are you, laddy?!  Great to see you, Ter! Terrific
        to see you.
Terry:  Uhhhhm...Liam!
Ian:    Ian.  Ian.
Terry:  Ian.  Yeah, listen, we'd love to stand around and chat, but we've
        gotta...sit down in the lobby and wait for the limo.
Derek:  OK.
David:  OK. Great. Duke, great to see you. Great to see you again, Terry.
Derek:  We'll catch up with you on the road.
Duke:   Cheers.
David:  Duke! Great to see you. See ya. See you, Duke. Good days. Good days.

David:  Fuckin' wanker.
Nigel:  What a wanker.
David:  What a wanker.
Derek:  Total no talent sod.
Nigel:  He's got this much talent -- this much if he's lucky.
David:  We carried him.  We had to apologize for him with our set.
Derek:  That's right.
Mick:   That's right, yeah.
David:  People were still booin' 'im when we were on tour. It's all hype. 
        It's all hype.  It's all bought.

Ian:    Yep.  We got our rooms, big fat suites.
David:  Lemme ask you something - lemme ask you something
Ian:    What?
David:  Have you seen Duke Fame's current album?
Ian:    Um... yes, yes.
David:  Have you seen the cover?
Ian:    Um... no, no, I don't think I have.
David:  It's a rather lurid cover, I mean...ah, it's, it's like naked
        women, and, uh....
Nigel:  He's tied down to this table,
Ian:    Uh-huh.
Nigel:  And he's got these whips and they're all...semi-nude.
David:  Knockin' on 'im and it's like much worse...
Ian:    What's the point?
David:  Well the point is it's much worse than 'Smell the Glove'...he
        releases that he's number three.
Ian:    Because he's the victim.  Their objections were that she was the
        victim.  You see?
Derek:  I see....
Nigel:  Oh...
David:  Ah....
Ian:    That's alright, if the singer's the victim, it's different. It's
        not sexist.
Nigel:  He did a twist on it.  A twist and it s-
Derek:  He did, he did.  He turned it around.
Ian:    We shoulda thought of that....

190
David:  We were so close....
Ian:    I mean if we had all you guys tied up, that probably woulda been
        fine.
All:    Ah....
Ian:    But it's...it's still a stupid cover.
David:  It's such a fine line between stupid an'...
Derek:  ...and clever.
David:  Yeah, and clever.
Nigel:  Just that little turnabout....
Ian:    I have a small piece of bad news.  Although it may not be that bad
fa3
.
Mick:   For a change, you mean?
Ian:    We're-uh.  We're cancelled here.
Derek:  At the hotel?
Ian:    No, we're cancelled - the gig is cancelled....
Derek:  Fuck!
Ian:    Uh...it says "Memphis show cancelled due to lack of advertising
        funds"...

<Ian's office>
Marty: The last time Tap toured America, they where, uh, booked into 
       10,000 seat arenas, and 15,000 seat venues, and it seems that now,
       on their  current tour they're being booked into 1,200 seat
       arenas, 1,500 seat arenas, and uh I was just wondering, 
       does this mean uh...the popularity of the group is waning?
Ian:   Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no...no, no, not at all. I, I, I just think 
       that the.. uh.. their appeal is becoming more selective.
Marty: Yeah. Now, I notice this here, you've got this cricket bat here...
Ian:   Yes.
Marty: Do you play?
Ian:   No, I carry this partly of, uh, I don't know some sort of, uh, I
       suppose what's the word...uh....
Marty: Affectation?
Ian:   Yes, I mean it's, it's, a it's a kind of totemestic thing you know, 
       but to be quite frank with you, it's come in usefull in  a 
       couple of situations. Certainly in the topsy, turvy world of 
       heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is
       quite often...useful.
Marty: mhmh.

<Hotel room, Memphis, Tennessee>
David: I miss you too, darling...uhm, not too well, actually...well, we've
       got some cancellations, that's all, we got to Memphis, and there is no
       gig in Memphis and we found out that this, this promotor in the 
       Mid-West uhh has pulled out St. Louis, and Kansas City, and uh...oh
       Des Moines...I don't know, it's in Indiana or something...
       I thought...oh don't tease me, that's not until April, great! 
       We'll do it, oh good, oh, fucking great...Milwaukee...Milwaukee, 
       Wisconsin...I've no idea, you might have to take the plane to
       New York, and then get, and then go to, uh, to Milwaukee from there
       ...oh, good I love you too...okay, bye...
       Ah, well, my problems are solved, mate!
Nigel: Who's that?
David: Jeanine, she's going to come meet us. She was supposed to do this
       this uh window layout for Neil Kite's Boutique, but it's not until 
       April.
Nigel: Is she coming to drop some stuff off, you know, and then...
David: No.
Nigel: ...and then go back?
David: No, she's coming on her own, she's going to travel with us, gonna
       go on the road with us.
Derek?:Turn it up, turn it up!
David: She says she can hear that I'm eating too much sugar on the phone,
       she says my larynx is fat.
Derek: You uh might want to come next door, the radio is playing a bit of
       your past.
David: Ohooow.....I don't believe it!
?:     Listen to this.
?:     Shhhhh.
?:	   Sounds good.
DJ:    Oh, yeah, going all the way back to 1965 that one....
?:     Shhhhhh-shhh.
DJ:    Don't it feel good, with The Thamsmen and "Cups and Cakes"...
Derek: You're an oldie...you're an oldie!
DJ:    The Thamesmen later changed their names to Spinal Tap they had a
       ?couple of B-side hits they are currently residing in the "where are
       they now" file. Johnny Q with you on Golden 106 and right after we...
Derek: Rock you!

<Elvis' grave, Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee>
David: I'm not really sure this was such a great idea, I mean I don't feel
       any better than I did at the hotel.
Derek: He was going to do a TV special from here, before he died.
David: Yeah, that's right, the musical version of "Somebody Up There Likes
       Me"...(Sung:)Well since my baby left me, I found a new place to 
       dwell... well, it's down at the end of Lonely Street, at 
       Heartbreak Hotel.
Nigel: Do it, do it with the harmony parts.
David + Nigel: Well since my baby left...
David: The same key, though, I think.
David: + Nigel: Well since my baby left me...
Nigel: If I'm going: Well since my 
190
baby left me, meeee
David: No, you can't hit that note!
Derek + David: + Nigel: mmmmm...Well since my baby left me, 
       well, I found a new place to  dwell...
Nigel: That's  alright.
Derek: Not really, not really...voice down...
David: Well it sounds raga, don't want to go raga on this stuff...
Nigel  No, not with this you don't, Well since my baby left me, I found a
       new place t
fe2
o dwell...
David: It sounds...fuckin barbershop...
Derek: Hey!
David: Barbershop raga.
Derek: Hey, watch the, watch the language, you're ?paying homage to the
       King!
David: Oh sorry...well this is thoroughly depressing.
Nigel: It really puts perspective on things, though, doesn't it?
David: Too much, there's too much fucking perspective now.

<garden interview III>
Marty: In 1967, uh, you... that was the first time Spinal Tap 
       came into existence?
Derek: Well, the whole world was changing in those days.
David: And, and we also has the world's ear
Derek  We were changing the world.
David: Because we've just released an enormous selling single:
       "Listen to the Flower People".
Nigel: Flower People!
David: We toured the world, we toured the States...
Derek: We toured the world and elsewhere.
David: It was, it was  a dream come true.
  
  --- Spinal Tap performs "(Listen to the) Flower People" ---
             --- JAMBOREE BOP American-TV 1967 ---

Marty: Now, during the Flower People period, who was your drummer?
David: Stumpy's replacement, Peter James Bond, he also died in 
       mysterious circumstances...we were playing a...
Nigel: Festival...
David: Jazz-blues festival, where was that?
Nigel: Blues-jazz really.
Derek: Blues-jazz festival...
Nigel: It was in the Isle of, it was in the Isle of....
Nigel + Derek: Isle of Lucy.
Derek: Isle of Lucy.
Nigel: Isle of Lucy.
David: Isle of Lucy...jazz-blues festival... 
Nigel: And....it was tragic really...he exploded on stage. 
Derek: Just like that...he just went up...
Nigel: He just was like a flash of green light...and that was it, 
       nothing was left...
David: Look at his face .... it's true, this really did happen.
Nigel: Well, there was a little green globule on his drum seat.
David: Like a stain, really.
Nigel: It was a small stain, a globule, actually, and...
David: You know several...you know  dozens of people spontaneously 
       combust each year, it's just not really widely reported.
Nigel: Right. 

<Sound check, Shank Hall, Milwuakee, Wisconsin>
Nigel:  Hello, hello, hello, hello
David:  Testin',test, test, test, test "This is mike munber one, this is
        mike number one, isn't this a lot of fun?" okay, got the mikes...
Nigel:  Two, two, let's do G. S. M, alright...G. S. M.

       --- Spinal Tap plays  G. S. M.,  (Gimmie Some Money) ---

Jeanine: Hello, darling, hellooo, got a surprise for you.
David:   Hey! Where'd you come from?
Jeanine: Where do you think I came from?  Bloody airplane, didn't I? Right?
?:       David.....David.....David....David
Jeanine: ...feels good, oh I've been wanting to do that for the longest time.
David:   ...carry you about with me...
Jeanine: What's...tell me...
David:   Wh...that's the film crew I told you about, this, this is the film
         crew: Ma...Ma'tn,
Jeanine: Hi, martin...
David:   This is Jeanine.
Marty:   Hello.
Jeanine: Hello.
Ian:     Here it is! 
Derek:   Visitor's Day. isn't it?
Ian:     Here it is, lads! "Smell The Glove"...gather round..
         Where's David?... David, David, get up here!
?:       Come on Ian, you're kidding..
Derek:   David, "Smell The Glove" is here. Hello, Jeanine.
Ian:     The moment we've all been waiting for...Here we go, plenty for
         everybody...here you are.
David:   I never thought I'd see...I never thought I'd live to see the day.
Ian:     What do you think?
Derek:   Is this the test pressing?
Ian:     No, this is it, yes, that's right...
David:   This is "Smell The Glove" by Spinal Tap....
Ian:     That's "Smell The Glove" that's, that's the jacket cover, it's
         going out across the country in every store.
David:   This is the compromise we made...this is the compromise you made?
Ian:     Yes.
Derek:   Is it going to say anything here, or here along the spine?
David:   It's not going to say anything?
Ian:     No, it's not going to say anything.
Nigel:   It's going to be like this, all black...
Ian:     No, it's going to be
190
 that simple, beautiful, classic!
?:       Does look a little bit like, you know, black leather...
Derek:   You can see yourself in... both sides.
David:   I feel so bad, I feel so bad about this...
Nigel:   It's like a black mirror.
David:   Well, I think it looks like death...it looks like mourning.  I mean it looks...
Ian:     David, David, every, every movie, in every cinema is about dea
fa4
th;
         death sells!
Nigel:   I think he's right, there is something about this, that's that's
         so black, it's like; "How much more black could this be?"
         and the answer is: "None, none... more black."
David:   I think, like you've, like  rationalizing this whole thing like
         into something you did on on purpose. I think we're stuck with a 
         very, very stupid and a very, and a very dismal looking album, 
         this is depressing.
Nigel:   David!
David:   This is something you wear around  your arm, you don't put this on
         your fucking turntable.
Nigel:   David, it's a choice.
Ian:     I frankly think that this is the turning point, okay? I think, 
         I think this is...we're on our way now.
Nigel:   I agree, I agree...
Ian:     It's time, time to kick arse!

       --- Spinal Tap performs "Rock And Roll Creation" ---

<Mick Shrimpton in bathtub>
Marty: Given the history of Spinal Tap drummers, uh, in the past, 
       do you have any fears, uh, for your life?
Mick:  When I did join, you know, they did tell me, they kind of took me 
       aside and said "Well, Mick, ah, you know it's like this" and it
       did kind if freak me out a bit, but it can't always happen to every,
       can it?
Marty: Right...right, the law of averages says...
Mick:  The law of averages...
Marty: ...says that you will survive.
Mick:  Yeah.

<Tour Bus>
Viv:  Ohh, quite exiting, quite exiting this computer magic, wheeeee...
Ian:  How many uh planets have you destoyed, Viv?
Viv:  Well, four or five, fifth time around I think...really five galaxies
      gone, you know....

Derek: This is Cindy's first moustache.
Ian:   Is it?

David:   Can I take it off now?
Jeanine: Why? Too hot in here?
David:   No, it's...it's, I thought I might go back to see what they're
         up to back there you know, I don't think they really need to see 
         this until you've finished with it, you know...
Jeanine: Well, you were reading, you can, you can read here...
David:   Yeah, but...they, they've got a game back there, thought I mabye 
         I have a look at the new game, it's like a submarine thing.
Jeanine: You've got, you've got all stuff on you again.

<David and Jeanine interview>
David:   Before I met Jeanine, my life was cosmically in shambles, 
         it was ah...I was using bits and pieces of whatever Eastern
         philosophies happened to drift through my transom and she 
         sort of sorted it out for me, straightened it out for me,
         gave me a path, you know, a path to follow.
Marty:   I wonder if you  have as much influence over his  musical expression?
Jeanine: Oh, yeah, I mean  listen to him when he's experimenting, and
         things like that, don't I? He's, he plays things to me, 
         sometimes when he's worked up, and he's got a new bit he
         wants to tell me about, you know, and I say "Yeah,that's good", or
         "that's bad", or "that's shit" or whatever, you know.
David:   Yes, she is very honest, she is brutally frank.
Marty:   Well, how does that go over with the other band members? I mean,you
David:   Well, what happens is that she gives me the brutally frank version
         and I sort of tart it up for them.
Jeanine: Yes.
David:   Of course, you know, it's so strange because Nigel and Jeanine are 
         so similar in so many ways, but they just can't, they don't 
         dislike each other at all...
Jeanine: No.
David:   There's great love between the two of them...
Jeanine: Oh, yes....
David:   But, they just, there's some sort of communication that's just not, 
         just blocked or something...  	

<Nigel plays piano>
Marty: It's pretty.
Nigel: Yeah, I like it, just been fooling about with it for a few months now,
       very delicate...
Marty: It's a, it's a bit of a departure from the kind of thing you normally
       play.
Nigel: Yeah, it's part of a...trilogy r
190
eally, a musical trilogy I'm doing...
       in... D minor, which I always find is really the saddest of all keys 
       really. I don't know why, but it makes people weep instantly,  
       you play a..baaaaa...baaaaaa.... it's the horn part.
Marty: It's very pretty.
Nigel: ...baaaa, baaaaa, yeah, just simple lines intertwining, you know
       very much like, I'm really influenced by Moz
fa4
art and Bach, It's sort 
       of in between those, really, it's like a Mach piece really, it's...
Marty: What do you call this?
Nigel: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".
Marty: hmm.

<Airport security>
ASO:   Excuse me, sir, do you have any metal objects in your pockets?
Derek: Yeah.
ASO:   Take them out and put them in the bucket.
Derek: Coins, keys, tuning fork. Musician, I have to stay in tune, you
       know, be a moment.
David: One more
ASO:   Ok, would you take this jacket off please?
Derek: Oh, it's the zipper...settin off the machine.
David: Let's go then, let's go hurry up.
ASO:   Step over here, please.....raise your arms....do you have any
       artificial plates or limbs?
Derek: Not really, no....
ASO:   Uh...would you umm......
David: Do it.
Nigel: Do it.



                 --- Spinal Tap plays Heavy Duty ---

<Hotel Room, Chicago, Illinois>
Artie: Hi, Artie Fufkin.
Viv:   Hey, Artie...
Artie: Polymer Records, how are you, hey, how ya doin' you are....Derek?
Derek: Derek, Yeah.
Artie: Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records, how are you, I'm your promo man here
       in Chicago.
Nigel: Wow, that's great.
Artie: I love you guys, and...
Nigel: Yeah.
Artie: And of course, Nigel.
Nigel: Nigel.
Artie: I love you, Nigel Tufnel.
Nigel: Right.
Artie: I love your stuff, I go back with you guys....Artie Fufkin, Polymer
       Records
Nigel: Right, yeah.
Artie: And who are you, darlin'?
Derek: Oh, this is my special new friend, Cindy.
Artie: Hello, Cindy.
Nigel: And this is Belinda.
Artie: Hello, Belinda...
Belinda: Nice to meet you.	
Artie: Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records, promo....and I'm...
       oh...what's  going on here...
Derek: They're making a...
Artie: ...hi, hi guys, Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records, nice to see you, and
       where is David?... David, hi, Artie Fufkin, how are you?
David: It's nice to see you..
Artie: We've got something exiting happening tomorrow....
Mick:  The Food! The Food!...Ahhhhh...owwww...ohhhh
?:     The food!
RSG:   Oh, thank god, civilization! Where do I put this?

<Disk an' Dat autograph session>
Artie: What are you doing to me here?
RO:    I'm not doing anything.
Artie: I thought we had a relationship here ... I don't know what happened?
RO:    Business is terrible, Artie, what can I tell you... this is the truth.
Artie: I know business is terrible, but what happens with the with the
       record store with the promotion, and no one shows up!
RO:    This isn't a personal thing Artie, nobody's coming in the store
       to...
Artie: Forget personal thing. We had a relationship here, forget about
       personal, what about a relationship?... I feel like a shlub, I don't 
       know what's happening, It's me, that's what happening. 
       It's me, I did it, it's my fault.
Nigel: We were told massive radio support.
Artie: We did! We did massive.
Nigel: Vast...they said vast radio support.
Artie: We did massive, we saturated, we over saturated. That's what it is,
       It's me, I did it, I fucked up, I fucked up the timing, that's all,
       I fucked up the timing, I've got no timing, I've got no timing,
       I've got NO timing. You know what I want you to do? 
       Will you do something for me?
Nigel: What?
Artie: Do me a favor, just kick my ass, okay? Kick this ass for a man,
       that's all, kick my ass, enjoy! C'mon, I'm not asking, I'm telling
       with this, kick my ass!

<Xanadu Star Theater, Cleveland, Ohio>
Crowd:  C'mon...c'mon!
Derek:  Well we've kept 'em waiting long enough.  Let's do it to them.
        C'mon Mick!!!
Nigel:  Let's go Mr. Shrimpton!
Derek:  Let's rock'n roll!
Crowd:  C'mon.  Let's hear some rock'n roll!
Derek:  Rock 'n roll!!!
Nigel:  Let's go then!!!
Viv:    Yeah. Yeah mate!!!
Derek:  Going to be a hot one isn't it?
Nigel:  It's going to be a great show.
Derek:  No it's not an exit.  Not an exit.
David:  We don't want an exit.
Derek:  No, that'
190
s true.
David:  Try this way.
Derek:  I hope so.  This way.
David:  Wait, this looks familiar, though...it really does.
Derek:  Listen.
Crowd:  Tap! Tap! Tap...
David:  Shit.
Derek:  Let's not lose it though!  Let's not lose it...Where the fuck is
        Ian?  You know he should be here.
Crowd:  Tap! Tap! Tap....
Derek:  We got to get to it someway.  We've been on stage right?
David:  
ff3
We're in the group.  We're in the group that's playing tonight.
Janitor: You go right straight through this door here, down the hall....
David:   Yeah.
Janitor: ...turn right...
David:   Yeah.
Janitor: ...and then there's a little jog there, about thirty feet...
Derek:   A jog?
Janitor: ...jog to the left...
David:   A jog?
Derek:   We don't have time for that.
Janitor: ...go straight ahead...
David:   We trust you.  We trust you.
Janitor: ...go straight ahead, go straight ahead, turn right the next two 
         corners, and the first door the sign "Authorized Personnel Only"...
David:   Yeah.
Janitor: Open that door, that's the stage!
David:   You think so?
Janitor: You're authorized.  You're musicians aren't you?
David:   We've got guitars yeah.
Janitor: It's on the...
David:   Alright!  Thank you.  Thank you very much.  Rock 'n roll!!!
         Rock and roll!!!
Viv:     Let's get it!  Let's get it!
David:   This way?
Derek:   No, this way.
David:   I see, this way.
Derek:   Straight through. Rock 'n roll! Hello Cleveland! Hello Cleveland!!!
Nigel:   Let's go!
David:   Fuck!
Janitor: You must've made a wrong turn.
Derek:   We gotta go another way.
David:   Other way.  Other way.  Other way.
Derek:   Other way.  Other way.

<Season's Restaurant>
David:   I hate to keep harping on this, but I think that the notion of a
         black album has really cursed us, in a way.
Ian:     Believe me, we're getting some very substantial reports of airplay.
         I don't think we have to worry about that.
Jeanine: You know, it might have been better if the, uh, album had been
         mixed right.
David:   Well I suppose you could cry about that, of course it's true.
         I mean it's true.
Jeanine: It wasn't...it was mixed all wrong, wasn't it?
Nigel:   It was mixed wrong?
Jeanine: Yeah....
Nigel:   Were you there?
Jeanine: ...you couldn't hear the...
Nigel:   How do you know it was mixed wrong?
David:   But she's...she's heard the...she's heard the record.
Jeanine: No, but I've heard the album.
Nigel:   So you're judgement is that it was mixed wrong.
Jeanine: You couldn't hear the lyrics all over it.
David:   You don't agree that you can't hear the vocals?
Nigel:   No, I don't.  I do not agree.  No.
David:   Well I think maybe....
Nigel:   It's interesting that she's bringing it up.
David:   Well she'd like to hear the vocals.
Nigel:   I mean it's like it's me saying, you know, you're using the wrong
         conditioner for your hair.
David:   Don't be stupid.
Jeanine: You don't, you don't do heavy metal in doubly, you know, I Mean...it's
Nigel:   In what???  In what???
Jeanine: In doubly...
Nigel:   In dublin!?!  What's that?
David:   She means Dolby, alright?  She means Dolby, you know?  You know
         perfectly well what she means.
Nigel:   ...ha ha...
David:   We shan't recover from this one.  We shan't recover from this one.
Ian:     Oh, come on.
David:   Can I have...can I have the floor for just one moment because
         I've got, you know, something I'd like to show you. These, uh,
         Jeanine's been working on these very hard. These are a 
         new direction...
Jeanine: Got a new idea for a new presentation.
David:   ...a stage look...for the band fashioned after...
Jeanine: The signs of the zodiac.
David:   ...the signs of the zodiac.
Jeanine: We needed a new presentation.
David:   This is a look for Viv; he's a Libra.  There's sort of the
         ying...yang...
Jeanine: ...ying and the yang...
David:   ...sort of look, this is Nigel.  He's...he's uh... Capricorn.
         Sort of a goat look.
Jeanine: I've given you a little bib. <beard>
Nigel:   Is this a joke?
David:   ...this is the...
Nigel:   Excuse me, is this a joke?
Jeanine: A joke???
David:   Just bear with us for one moment please.  This...I love this.  I
         wish I were...
Derek:   Cancer.
David:   This is your crab face.  Give me a chance!  Give it a chance.
Ian:     David.  David.  David. Wait, please, wait a minute.  Have y
190
ou any idea
         what it will costs to dress up the band as animals?
Jeanine: Oh, it don't cost nothing.  It really doesn't.
David:   They're not animals, they're signs of the zodiac.
Ian:     They're animals.
David:   It's a way to fight the drabs.  You know we've got the drabs.
Nigel:   Well that's true.  I think mine would look good - better in doubly. 
         If it was done in dou
fa4
bly....
Jeanine: Oh shut up!!!
David:   I knew it wouldn't be easy.  I'm quite open minded enough....
Derek:   David.  No, no, David, there are solutions to all problems.  I
         think we know what they are.
David:   I've yet to hear them.  I've yet to hear them....
Derek:   We can take the rational approach; we can say....
Nigel:   May I make a suggestion?  May I make a suggestion?  I've got one
         other suggestion.
David:   Well let's hear yours.  Let's hear your suggestion.
Nigel:   Stonehenge!  Stonehenge.  It's the best production value we've
         ever had on stage.
David:   But we haven't got the equipment.  We haven't got the equipment, 
         we haven't got Stonehenge, we haven't...
Nigel:   Not yet we don't.  Let's start...
David:   We haven't got...
Nigel:   Please, please just a moment.  Musically, musically we all know it.
Ian:     We know it works...I don't think it's a bad idea.
Nigel:   Musically we all know it.  Right?  No problems musically.  We go
         right on stage. And it's quite simple.  This is you know...Ian can
         take care of this...
David:   I know what the Stonehenge monument looks like.  We don't have
         that piece of scenery anymore.
Nigel:   I know, so we build a new one.  And this is it, look!
Ian:     Consider...consider it done.
David:   So you're just going to take care of it like that.  You're going
         to find someone to design it...using that as a plan?
Ian:     Let's try.  Let's try.
David:   If you can do it, I'll do the number.

<interview in storeroom>
Marty: Do you feel that in collaboration with David, that you are...
       afforded the opportunity to express yourself musically the way 
       you would like to?
Nigel: Well, I think I do you know in my solos.  My solos are my trademark.
<cut to Nigel's guitar solo>

<cut to room in Austin, Texas>
Ian:    This looks actually perfect. I mean it's, uh, the right
        proportions.  It'll be this color right?
Artist: Yeah. Yeah.
Ian:    Yeah.  That's...that's...that's just terrific. It almost looks
        like the real thing.
Artist: Well good.
Ian:    When we get the actual, uh, set, when we get the piece,
        it'll...it'll follow exactly these specifications. I mean even
        these contours and everything?
Artist: Um, I'm not understanding it. What do you mean "the actual piece?"
Ian:    Well I mean...I mean when you build the actual piece.
Artist: But this is what you asked for, isn't it?
Ian:    What?
Artist: Well this is the piece.
Ian:    This is the piece?
Artist: Yes.
Ian:    Are you telling me that this is it?  This is scenery?  Have you
        ever been to Stonehenge?
Artist: No, I haven't  been to Stonehenge.
Ian:    The triptychs are...the triptychs are twenty feet high.  
        You can stand four men up them!
Artist: Ian, I was...I was...I was supposed to build it eighteen inches high. 
Ian:    This is insane.  This isn't a piece of scenery.
Artist: Look, look. Look, this is what I was asked to build. Eighteen
        inches. Right here, it specified eighteen inches. I was given this
        napkin, I mean...
Ian:    Forget this!  Fuck the napkin!!!

           --- Spinal Tap performs Stonehenge ---

<Hotel room>
David:   I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was
         down.  I think that the problem may have been...that there was a
         Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being
         crushed by a dwarf.  Alright?  That tended to understate 
         the hugeness of the object.
Ian:     I really think you're just making a much too big thing out of it.
Derek:   Making a big thing out of it would've been a good idea.
Ian:     Nigel gave me a drawing that said eighteen inches.  Alright?
David:   I know he did, and that's what I'm talking about.
Ian:     Now, whether he knows the difference between feet and inches is not
         my problem.  I do what I
190
'm told.
David:   But you're not as confused as him are you?  I mean it's not your
         job to be as confused as Nigel is.
Ian:     It's my job to do what I'm asked to do by the creative element of
         this band.  And that's what I did.  C'mon...
Jeanine: The audience were laughing.
Ian:     So it became a comedy number.
David:   Yes it did!  Yes it fucking well did, and it was not
fa0
 pleasant to
         be part of the comedy on stage.  Backstage, perhaps, it was very
         amusing.
Derek:   Maybe we just fix the choreography.  Keep the dwarf clear.
David:   What do you mean?
Derek:   So they won't trod upon it.
David:   I don't think that's the issue.  I think it's symptomatic that
         maybe you're taking on more than you can...uh...uh...uh...handle.
Jeanine: It's not exactly the first time you've messed things up is it?
David:   I mean there's been some, uh,  gaping holes in the business end.
         If this...if this, uh...
Ian:     "Not the first time"...just a minute. Excuse me. This is a band 
         meeting. Right?  Are you here for some reason?
David:   Don't worry about it.  Don't worry about it.  She's, she's with me.
Ian:     No, but is she now in the band.  Is she singing backup or
         something?
Jeanine: I care what happens to the band.
David:   She's with me alright?
Ian:     David, whenever a single bump or a ruffle comes into this little
         fantasy, adolescent fantasy world that you guys, you guys have 
         built around yourselves...
David:   Hey don't knock at me.  Don't knock at me.
Ian:     ...you start screaming like a bunch of pansy hairdressers. 
         I mean it's just a problem you know.  It get's solved...
Jeanine: It doesn't.
Ian:     ...you can't...you can't live in a bubble.
Jeanine: If it got solved, that would be alright, but it doesn't get
         solved.  I mean what do you think happend out there?  What got 
         solved tonight?
Ian:     For one thing that goes wrong...one...one single thing that
         goes wrong, a hundred things go right.  Do you know what I spend 
         my time doing?  I sleep two or three hours a night.  There's no sex
         and drugs for Ian, David.  Do you know what I do?  I find lost
         luggage.  I locate mandolin strings in the middle of Austin!
David:   Yes.  We've seen you.  We've seen you do that.
Ian:     You know? I prise the rent out of the local Hebrews. That's what
         I do.
Jeanine: Well maybe you should get someone else to find the lost
         luggage, and you should concentrate on what's going on on stage!
David:   Yes, yes.  That's what we're talking about.
Ian:     You mean you want me to be the road manager?
David:   All bad...No, all bad ba...uh, could we...
Jeanine: What Dave is trying to say, if you'd let him get a word
         through, is...you could maybe...do with some help.
Ian:     Some help?
Jeanine: ...managing the band.
David:   It's very simple, it's very simple.
Jeanine: It's that clear.
David:   Maybe there's someone already in the organization.  We don't
         have to pay insurance.  We don't have to pay extra room, etc.  
         Since she's already here, she's already among us, and uh, 
         she can...she is certainly capable of taking over...
Ian:     She?  She?  Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!
David:   Well who do you think I'm talking about?  Who do you think I'm
         talking about?
Ian:     I would...I would have never dreamed in a million years that it was
         her you were talking about!
David:   Why not?
Jeanine: I am offering to help out here.
Ian:     No, you're not offering to help out. You're offering to co-manage
         the band with me.  Is that it?
David & Jeanine:  Yes!
David:   In so many words, that is exactly it.
Jeanine: Exactly!
Ian:     I'm certainly not going to co-manage with some...some...some girl
         just because she's your girlfriend...
David:   Don't call her my girlfriend!
Ian:     Alright, she's not your girlfriend.  I don't know...
Jeanine: Oh girlfriend is it?  You couldn't manage a classroom full of
         kids!  I don't know what you're doing managing a band!
David:   Why don't we just...
Jeanine: Oh shut up!!!
Ian:     Look, look...I...I...this is...this is my position okay?  
         I am not managing it with you or any other woma
191
n, especially 
         one that dresses like an Australian's nightmare.  So fuck you!!!
Jeanine: Fuck you too!!!
Ian:     And fuck all of you...because I quit!  Alright?  That's it!
         Good night!!!
Derek:   Can I raise a practical question at this point?
David:   Yeah.
Derek:   We gonna do Stonehenge tomorrow?
David:   No we're not gonna fucking do Stonehenge!!!

<airport>
Jeanin
fa4
e: OK, we're all set, thank you, alright right fellows, We've got
         the tickets. We're on the 3:10 flight, gate 24, alright. 
         And it arrives at 4:00 in Colorado, and then we've got a 
         limo to take us to the lodge.
David:   That's about a hundred yards from Rainbow Trout Studio.
Jeanine: Uh, what I've done is to arrange a whole load of charts.
David:   Wait till you see this, wait till you see this, this is so great
Jeanine: The band's sign is Virgo, and we see it's Saturn in the third
         house, allright, and it is a bit rocky. But, because Virgo is
         one of the most highly intelligent signs of the Zodiac, 
         we're gonna pull through this, with great bond.
David:   Yeah. It is so clear, it really is, it's so clear...
Jeanine: Nigel hasn't got one, Nigel, Nigel, we've got some pages for you
         here...
David:   He's got one, he's got one...you know, think about what jumble 
         a tour usually is...
Jeanine: If you have a look at this....
David:   No, He's got one, he's got one
Jeanine: Now, what I want to explain to you here is that Denver....

<Interview in storeroom II>
Marty: How would you characterize your relationship with David over the
       years. Has it changed in any way?
Nigel: Not really,  I mean, you know, they go,  we've grown up but really
       it's not, no, not really... we we feel like children much of the 
       time, even when we're playing. We're closer than brothers.
       Brothers always fight, sort of disagreements, and all that. 
       We really have a relationship that's way, way past that.

<Rainbow Trout Studio>
David: Ahhhhhhh...
Nigel: He can't play the fucking guitar anymore.
Derek: You know the part, you did it this morning.
Nigel: No, he doesn't know the fucking...if he knew the fucking part he'd
       play it, wouldn't he?... Are you walking out?  Are you walking out?
Derek: Fuck!
Nigel: Great, just tell me what I'm supposed to do, alright?
David: We're supposed do play the fucking thing, aren't we. We've no
       choice, we've spent an hour and a half...
Nigel: I'm doing my part...make this a  lot simpler, I mean I hate to
       cut right through it here, why don't you play this alone, without some 
       fucking angel hanging over your head, you know what I mean?
Derek: Jesus Christ, this is fucking all we need!
Nigel: You can't fucking concentrate, because of your fucking wife, simple
       as that, alright, it's your fucking wife!
David: She's not my wife!
Nigel: Whatever fuck she is, alright, you can't concentrate, we can't 
       fucking do the track.
David: This is unbelievable! This is unbelievable!
Nigel: No, it's not unbelievable at all...it all leads up to this...it all 
       leads up to this
David: This is unbelieveable. Will you check me on this, am I losing my
       fucking mind? Could you check me on this, am I losing my mind? 
       I-I-I-I don't understand what this has to do with anything.



<Derek's office>
Derek: We're very lucky in the sense that we've got two visionaries in the
       band.
Marty: Right.
Derek: David and Nigel are both like, uh, like poets  you know  like 
       Shelley or Byron, or people like that. The two totally distinct
       types of visionaries, it's like fire and ice, basically, you see and
       I feel  my role in the band, is to be  kind of in the middle
       of that, kind of like lukewarm water, in a sense.

<Limo>
Jeanine: Listen, I don't think you've got time to go to the hotel, I think
         we better go straight to the base.
Nigel:   To the what? 
Viv:     Base?
David:   The gig.
Derek:   To the Civic Arena, right?
David:   No, it fell through.
Jeanine: No.
Nigel:   Wait a sec, wait a sec, hold it, hold it! Do you know about this,
         and we don't know about this? What are you talking about?
Jeanine: We are going to the Air Force base.
Nigel:   Why are we going to an Air Force base?
Je
191
anine: Cause the original gig fell through....

<Lindberg Air Force Base, Seattle , Washington>
Jeanine:  Lieutenant Hookstrat....
Lt Hookstratten: Ahh...Hookstratten..and you are Spinal Tarp?
Jeanine:  I'm Jeanine Pettibone, and this is Spinal TAP.
Lt Hookstratten: Spinal TAP, my mistake, I'm Lieutenant Bob Hookstratten.
          Welcome to the Lindberg Air Force base. This is your gentlem
fa2
en's 
          first visit to a military facility?
Derek:    Yeah...
Lt Hookstratten: Fine, may I start by saying how thrilled we are to have
          you here, we are such fans of your music, and all of your records.
Derek:    That's great
Lt Hookstratten: I am not speaking of yours personnaly, but the whole genre
          of the rock and roll ...
David:    I can understand that.
Derek:    It's a great genre.
Lt Hookstratten: ...of the exiting things that are happening in the music
          today. Let me explain a bit of what's going on. This is our 
          monthly "at-ease weekend", gives us the chance to kind of let down 
          our hair, although I see you all have a head start. 
          These haircuts wouldn't pass military muster, believe me. Although 
          I shouldn't talk I, my hair's getting a little shaggy too, better 
          not get too close to you, they'll think I'm part of the band, 
          I am joking, of course. Shall we go in and I'll show you around. 
          Walk this way, please, right through here. Did you ever run into a
          musical group works out of Kansas City call themselves 
          "Four Jacks and a Jill"? They've been at a Ramada Inn there 
          for about 18 months. If you're ever in Kansas City and want to 
          hear some good music, you might want to drop by.
          I would like to get the playing  on about 1900 hours, if that
          is satisfactory?
Derek:    When will that be?
Lt Hookstratten: I make it now it is about 1830 hours.
Derek:    So that's what? about 50 hours?
David:    120 hours?
Lt Hookstratten: That's actually about 30 minutes, about a half hour, 
          give or take just a few minutes. I don't want to rush you. 
          The idea is that  we get it on and we get it over with and 
          I have just one request, would you play a couple of slow numbers 
          so I can dance.

       --- Spinal Tap performs Sex Farm ---

Jeanine: He totally ruined the gig, there. He walks off and then you know,
         he  can't be expected to sit home and get money, we've got to get
         someone else in there.

<Hotel lobby>
Marty: Has he ever done this before? Has he ever....
David: well, no.
Marty; ...quit the band before?
David: No, but it's....you've got to understand that like in the world of
       rock and roll there are certain changes that sometimes occur,
       and you've just got to, sort of, roll with them, you know. 
       I mean you read... you read... you saw exactly how many people 
       who's been in the band over the years, 37 people's been in this
       band over the years. I mean It's like, you know, six months 
       from now, I can't see myself missing Nigel more than I might miss 
       Ross McLochness, or Ronnie  Pudding, or Danny Upham, or Little 
       Danny Schindler, or any of those, you know, it's...
Marty: I can't...I can't believe it. I can't believe it, you
       know, that, you're lumping Nigel in  with uh you know these people 
       you've played with for a short period of time...
David: Well, I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy
       sedation, but still in all, I mean you've got to be realistic 
       about this sort of thing, you know....
Marty: So, what happens to the band now?
David: What do you mean?
Marty: He's not coming back, or...?
David: No, we, we shan't work together again.

<Themeland Amusement Park, Stockton, California>
Jeanine: Oh, no! I told them once, I told them a hundred times: 
         put "Spinal Tap"  first and "Puppet show" last.
Derek:   It's a morale builder, isn't it?
Jeanine: We've got a big dressing room, though.
David:   What?
Jeanine: Got a big dressing room here...
David:   Oh, we've got a bigger dressing room than the puppets? Oh,
         that's refreshing..
Viv:     I've got some of this Mendocino Rocket Fuel, that's supposed 
         to be really......
Da
190
vid:   Can you play...excuse me, Viv, can you play a bassline, uh, like
         Nigel used to do on "Big Bottom", can you double that? You recall
         the lines in fifths?
Viv:     Oh, yeah. I've got two hands here, yeah I can do it.
David:   So, that's good, you can play that one.
Derek:   "Hole" is out, "Heavy" is out....
David:   "Heavy-Hole" ....
Derek:   Right, right, right, right
fa2
...."America" is out.....
David:   "America" we can't do, that's Nigel's tune, not my tune.
Derek:   We know, we know, we know, we know...That's a nice little set,
         isn't it, that's a cozy ten minutes.
David:   What are we going to do, we've got nothing to play here...
Derek:   I'll tell you what we're gonna have to do...
David:   What?
Derek:   Jazz odyssey!
David:   We're not going about to do a free-form jazz, uh, exploration in 
         front of a festival crowd!
         
               --- Spinal Tap Mark II performs Jazz Odyssey ---
                    ( in front of a festival "crowd" )
           
David: You are witnesess at the new birth of Spinal Tap Mark II, hope
       you enjoy our new direction...
       ...on the bass: Derek Smalls, he wrote this.....

<End of Tour Party, Los Angeles>
Reporter: So tonight's the last show of the tour.  How's that feel? You
          know, is like this your last waltz, are we talkin' the end
          of Spinal Tap, or are you gonna try to milk it for a 
          few more years in Europe, I mean....
David:  Well, I don't, I don't really think that the end can be
        assessed...uh as of itself as being the end because what 
        does the end feel like, it's like saying when you try to
        extrapolate the end of the universe you say the...if the 
        universe is indeed infinite then how what does that mean? 
        How far is is t...is all the way and then if it stops what's
        stoppin' it and what's behind what's stoppin' it, so what's 
        the end, you know, is my...question to you....

Guy:      'Sa good crowd.  Good crowd.
Jeanine:  It is, isn't it?
Guy:      Yeah, it really is.  I mean, you know, some of these things just,
          you know, don't mean much.
Jeanine:  It was hard to get at the last minute, you know, you can't
          arrange it all overnight.

Derek:  David, we had a fifteen-year ride, mate.  'Mean, who wants to be a
        fuck'n forty-five year old rock'n'roller farting around in front of
        people less than half their age?....
David:  So true, so true, yeah....
Derek:  ...cranking out some kind of mediocre head-banging bullshit, you
        know, that we forgot can be?
David:  It would b...it's beneath us...who wants to see that...not me.
Derek:  That's right...absolutely right.  I mean, we could take those
        projects that we thought, you know, we didn't have time for....
David:  Oh, there's dozens, there's so many dozens of projects.
Derek:  You know, we didn't have time for 'em because of Tap and bring 'em
        back to life maybe.
David:  Do you remember what we were...do you remember the time?...
Derek:  At the Luton...at the Luton Palace...
David:  Yes.
Derek:  We were talking about a rock musical based on the life of Jack the
        Ripper...
David:  Yeah,'Saucy Jack.'
Derek:  Right.'Saucy Jack.'  Now's the time to do that.
David:  "Saucy Jack, you're a naughty one, Saucy Jack, you're a haughty
        one, Saucy Jack."
Derek:  Right...
David:  It's a freein' up, idnit?
Derek:  Yeah.
David:  It's all this free time it's suddenly time is so elastic....
Derek:  It's a gift, it's a gift of freedom.  You know.
David:  I've always, I've always wanted to do a collection of my acoustic
        numbers with, the London Philharmonic as you know.
Derek:  We're lucky.
David:  Yeah.
Derek:  I mean people...people should be envying us.  You know.
David:  I envy us.
Derek:  Yeah.
David:  I do.
Derek:  Me too.

<Dressing Room,last gig of the tour>
Derek:   We'll make 'em miss us.
Viv:     Last stop.
David:   I'm in, I'm in tune...the last tuning
Derek:   Last tuning...
Jeanine: ...time to go...shall we go...I think it's time to go.
Derek:   Yeah, we're gonna do a good show, we'll do a dynamite show....

David:   Come to see the show?
Nigel:   Yeah, hi, Mick!
Mick:    Nidge.
David:   So d'you just come here to hang around back stage 
190
like a real rock
         and roller? Is that what you're doing?
Nigel:   I'm really a messenger...
David:   A messenger...
Nigel:   Yeah, I bumped into Ian, and....
David:   Ian...Ian?...oh, the other dead man, yeah.
Nigel:   Seems that "Sex Farm" is on the charts in Japan...
Derek:   Spinal Tap's recording of "Sex Farm".
Nigel:   It's number five, last week, actually. So, he, he, he, 
 
fe5
        um he asked me, to ask you, Tap, if you would be interested 
         reforming and, uh, doing a tour of Japan.
David:   So you've come back to replug our life-support systems in? 
         Is that it? By the grace of your, of your, uh by the stroke 
         of your hand...you...is that what you're gonna do?...you are
         going to bring us back to life? Is that what you've come here for?
Nigel:   No I've come...
David:   I mean it's...I don't...you've a fucking... nerve that you display 
         in com-
Nigel:   No that's it's I'm just passing on information, really...
Jeanine: Yeah, I think it's time to go in, we don't have time to
         discuss this now...

Nigel:   David; do a good show, alright
David:   Yeah, OK.

--- Spinal Tap performs Tonight I'm Going to Rock You Tonight ---
David: Nigel Tufnel, Lead guitar!

<Spinal Tap tours Japan>

<Closing credits>
Marty:  Do you feel that playing rock'n'roll...music keeps you a child?
        That is, keeps you in a state of arrested development?
Derek:  No...no...no, I feel, it's like, it's more like going, going
        to a national park, or something, and there's, you know, 
        they preserve the moose...and that's, that's my childhood up there
        on stage is that moose, you know, and...and...
Marty:  So, when you're playing you feel like a preserved moose on stage?
Derek:  Yeah.

David:  I've been listening to the classics, I belong to a...great series
        um..It's called the 'Namesake Series' of casettes...
Marty:  ah..
David:  And they send you the works of famous authors, done by actors
        with the same last name...so I've got Denham Elliot reading 
        T.S. Elliot on this one...
Marty:  Yeah...well, thats interesting...
David:  I've go... Yes, I've got Danny Thomas doing "A Child's Christmas 
        in Wales" by Dylan Thomas, and...next month it's Mclean Stephenson
        reads Robert Louis Stevenson ah "Treasure Island" problably.
Marty:  That's interesting...It's fascinating.
David:  Yeah.. and there's also something...there's uh shorter works of
        Washington  Irving, read by someone called "Dr. J."
Marty:  Oh, that's Julius Irving...Julius Irving...
David:  Oh!
Marty:  The basketball player.
David:  There you go, keeping  with the series, yes. I didn't know that, yeah.

Nigel:  You like this?
Marty:  It's very nice ...it looks like Halloween...
Nigel:  This is exact... my exact inner structure, done in a T-shirt
        exactly, medically accurate, see.
Marty:  So, in other words, if we were to take all your flesh and blood and
        every....
Nigel:  ..take them off...
Marty:  ...and you'd see..exact...
Nigel:  This is what you'd see...
Marty:  It wouldn't be green, though?
Nigel:  It *is* green! You know, see, see how your blood looks blue?
Marty:  Yeah, well, that's just the vein, I mean the color of the vein, 
        the blood is actually red..
Nigel:  Oh, mabye it's not green...anyway, this is what I sleep in 
        sometimes.
Marty:  Yeah!

Marty:  Dennis Eaton-Hogg, the president of Polymer Records...
Ian:    Yes.
Marty:  ...was recently knighted, what were the circumstances surrounding
        his knighthood?
Ian:    The specific reason why he was knighted was uh for the founding
        of Hoggwood, which is um, a summer-camp for pale, young boys.

Marty:  David St. Hubbins...I ne..I must admit I've never heard
        anybody with that name...
David:  It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's
        not a very well known saint.
Marty:  Oh, there actually is, uh...there was a Saint Hubbins?
David:  That's right, yes.
Marty:  What was he the saint of?
David:  He was the  patron saint of quality footwear.

Marty:  You play to predominantly, uh predominantly a white audience,
        you feel your music is racist in any way?
David:  no!
Nigel:  No, no, of course not....
David:  We pro...we say, we say "love your brother", we don't say it, 
        really, but..
Nigel:  We don
190
't literally say it.
David:  No, we don't say it ...at all.
Nigel:  No, we don't literally mean it, but we're not racists.
David:  No, we don't believe it either, but...that message shuould 
        be clear anyway.
Nigel:  We're anything but racists.

Derek:  You know, we've grown musically...I mean, listen to some of 
        the rubbish we did early on, it was  stupid...
Marty:  Yeah.

a41

Derek:  ...you know. Now, I mean a song like "Sex Farm", we've taken the 
        sophisticated view of the idea of sex, you know, and music-
Marty:  ...and put it on a farm?
Derek:  Yeah.

Marty:  If I were to ask you what your philosophy of life, or your creed...
        what would that be?
Viv:  "Have...a good...time...all the time." That's my philosophy, Marty!

David:  I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what 
        makes me more of a selective human, than someone who doesn't 
        believe anything.

Marty:  Do you have a philosohpy, or creed that you live by?
Mick:   Well...like, personally, I like to think about sex and drugs 
        and rock'n'roll, you know, that's my life...
Marty:  Yeah.

David:  yeah...
Marty:  If you were to have something written as your epitaph...
David:  "Here lies David St. Hubbins...and why not?"
Marty:  You feel that sums up your...your life?
David:  No, 's the first thing I could think of.
Marty:  Oh, I see...
David:  It doesn't sum up anything, really.
Marty:  Yeah.

Nigel:  I'm a real fish nut. I really like fish...
Marty:  What kind of fish?
Nigel:  Well, in the United States, you have cod...I like cod.
        And I love tuna...those little cans you've got here...tuna fish
Marty:  Yeah.
Nigel:  ...no bones!
Marty:  Yeah. 

Marty:  If you could not play rock'n roll, what would you do?

David:  Be a full time dreamer!

Viv:    I'd probably get a bit stupid and start to make a fool of myself in 
        public, 'cause there wouldn't be a stage to go on. 

Derek:  Probably work with children.

Mick:   As long as there is, you know, sex and drugs, I can do 
        without the rock'n'roll.

Nigel:  Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind or...
        or do uh... freelance... selling of some sort of...uh...
        product, you know...
Marty:  A salesman, you think you ....
Nigel:  A salesman, like,  mabye in a haberdasher, or maybye like a...uh
        a  chapeau shop, or something...you know, like: "Would you...what size 
        do you wear, sir?" and then you answer me.
Marty:  Uh...seven and a quarter.
Nigel:  "I think we have that...", you see, something like that I could do.
Marty:  Yeah...you think you be happy doing something like-
Nigel:  "No! We're all out, do you wear black?", see, that sort of thing, 
        I think I could probably muster up.
Marty:  Yeah, do you think you'd be happy doing that?
Nigel:  Well, I don't know, wh-wh-what are the hours?
                              The  end

March 1. 1995 sveini@himolde.no

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