Spike Quotes

"If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. ... I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move." (Ep. 2.03, "School Hard")

"I did a couple Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. (bursts out laughing) Who am I kidding? I love to brag!" (Ep. 2.03, "School Hard")

SHEILA: Who are you?
SPIKE: Who do you want me to be? (Ep. 2.03, "School Hard")

SPIKE: You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my ... Yoda!
ANGEL: Things change.
SPIKE: Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom! (Ep. 2.03, "School Hard")

BUFFY: Do we really need weapons for this?
SPIKE: I just like them. They make me feel all manly. (Ep. 2.03, "School Hard")

BUFFY: You shouldn'ta come here.
SPIKE: No. (indicating the Parent/Teacher night decorations) I've messed up your doilies and stuff. (Ep. 2.03, "School Hard")

SPIKE: How's the Annoying One?
DRUSILLA: He doesn't wanna play.
SPIKE: Figures. Well, suppose I better go make nice. (He walks over to Collin and kneels before him.)
COLLIN: You failed.
SPIKE: I, uh ... I offer penance.
RANDOM VAMPIRE GUY: Penance?! You should lay down your life! Our numbers are
depleted, the feast of St. Vigeous has been ruined by your impatience!
SPIKE: I was rash, and if I had to do it all over again ... (busts up laughing) Who am I kidding? (stands up) I would do it exactly the same, only I'd do this ... (grabs Collin) ... first! (Spike throws Collin in the cage, and locks the door, then starts pulling a chain that lifts the cage off the floor.) From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual ... and a little more fun around here. (He gives the chain a final pull, and the cage is lifted into the sunlight. Collin screams and burns. Drusilla smiles at Spike. He smiles back. They step closer together and hold hands.) Let's see what's on TV. (Ep. 2.03, "School Hard")

DRUSILLA: (to dead bird) You sing the sweetest little song. Won't you sing for me, hmm? Don't you love me anymore?
SPIKE: Darling! I heard a funny thing just now. Lucius tells me that you went out on a hunt the other night.
DRUSILLA: My tummy was growly. And you were out. (to the bird) Come on. (whistles) I'll pout if you don't sing.
SPIKE: You, um, meet anyone? Anyone interesting? Like Angel?
SPIKE: Yeah. So ... what might you guys have talked about, then? Old times? Childhood pranks? It's a little off, you two so friendly, him being the enemy and all that.
DRUSILLA: (to the bird) I'll give you a seed if you sing.
SPIKE: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one. (Drusilla cowers and whines) Oh, I'm sorry baby. I'm a bad, rude man. I just don't like you goin' out, that's all. You are weak. Would you like a new bird? One that's not dead? (Ep. 2.07, "Lie To Me")

FORD: I know who you are.
SPIKE: Yeah, I know who I am, too. So what? (Ep. 2.07, "Lie To Me")

WILLY: (re Angel, whom Spike is hauling away) What are you gonna do with him, anyway?
SPIKE: I'm thinkin' maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know. (Ep. 2.10, "What's My Line, Part 2")

SPIKE: (smiles) Are we feeling better, then?
DRUSILLA: (dreamily) I'm naming all the stars.
SPIKE: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day.
DRUSILLA: I can see them. But I've named them all the same name. (tilts her head toward him) And there's terrible confusion. (Ep. 2.14, "Innocence")

"If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer!" (Ep. 2.17, "Passion")

(sarcastically to Angel, upon first seeing Acathla) "It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big." (Ep. 2.21, "Becoming: Part 1")

(mocking sing-song to Angel when the sword of Acathla rejects him) "Someone wasn't worthy." (Ep. 2.21, "Becoming: Part 1")

"We like to talk big, vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' That's just tough-guy talk ... strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got ... dog racing ... Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real ... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Picadilly. Farewell, Leicester bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?" (Ep. 2.22, "Becoming: Part 2")

"She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was ... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a chaos demon! Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting. She only did it to hurt me. So I said, 'I'm not putting up with this anymore.' And she said, 'Fine!' And I said, 'Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!' And then she said ... she said we could still be friends. (leans over and sobs on Willow's shoulder) God, I'm so unhappy!" (Ep. 3.08, "Lovers Walk")

"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. (points at his temple) Love isn't brains, children, it's blood ... blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it." (Ep. 3.08, "Lovers Walk")

"(high voice) How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing? (low voice) No need, little lady ... your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair! Never the hair! (high voice) But there must be some way I can show my appreciation. (low voice) No, helping those in need's my job -- and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough! (high voice) I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so ... (low voice) Say no more. Evil's still afoot! And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!" (Angel: The Series, "In the Dark")

"You made a bear! ... (frantically scooting his chair away) Undo it! Undo it!" (Ep. 4.08, "Pangs")

"(to Willow and Xander) What's this? Sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still afoot? That's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her! She is the Chosen One after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them! For justice ... and for ... the safety of puppies ... and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something! Oh, come on!" (Ep. 4.11, "Doomed")

"Gotta hand it to you, Goldilocks. You do have bleeding tragic taste in men. I got a cousin married to a regurgitating Frovalox demon that's got better instincts than you." (Ep. 4.14, "Goodbye Iowa")

"Can't any one of your damned little Scooby club at least try to remember that I hate you all?" (Ep. 4.15, "This Year's Girl")

"You know ... you take the killing for granted. (Anya nods nostalgically) And then it's gone, and you're like, 'I wish I'd appreciated it more' ... stopped and smelled the corpses, you know?" (Ep. 4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are")

"I know I'm not the first choice for heroics ... and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once. And, I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But ... (pauses) Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. I wonder if Danger Mouse is on." (Ep. 4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are")

"The thing about the Slayer is ... she is a whiny little thing, but when it comes to the fighting, she does have a slight tendency to win." (Ep. 4.19, "New Moon Rising")

"(to Adam) You're like Tony Robbins. If he was a big ... scary ... Frankenstein-looking ... (reconsiders) You're exactly like Tony Robbins." (Ep. 4.20, "The Yoko Factor")

BUFFY: What are you doing here? Five words or less.
SPIKE: (counting the words on his fingers) Out ... for ... a ... walk ... bitch.
BUFFY: Out for a walk at night by my house. No one has time for this, William.
SPIKE: On your merry way, then. You know, contrary to one's self-involved world-view, your house happens to be directly between parts ... and ... other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day, but I feel I'm outgrowing my whole 'burst into flame' phase.
BUFFY: Fine. Keep going, I cut you a break.
SPIKE: Oh, yeah. Okay, let me guess ... you won't kill me? Wooo ... the whole crowd-pleasing threats-and-swagger routine. How stunningly original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I really hope so, because god knows you need some satisfaction in life besides shagging Captain Cardboard, and I never really liked you anyway and ... and ... you have stupid hair. (Ep. 5.05, "No Place Like Home")

"What can I tell you, baby? I've always been bad." (Ep. 5.07, "Fool For Love")

"I know I'm a bad poet but I'm a good man and all I ask is that ... that you try to see me ..." (flashback in Ep. 5.07, "Fool For Love")

"Come on. When was the last time you unleashed it? All-out fight in a mob, back against the wall, nothing but fists and fangs? Don't you ever get tired of fights you know you're going to win?" (flashback in Ep. 5.07, "Fool For Love")

"Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: Is today the day I die? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it ... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp ... that look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. Every Slayer ... has a death wish. Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world: your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here, but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second -- the second -- that happens ... (claps his hands together inches from Buffy's face) You know I'll be there. I'll slip in ... have myself a real good day." (Ep. 5.07, "Fool For Love")

"(to Riley) Least I still got the attitude. What do you got, a piercing glance? Face it, white bread, Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. Not that she doesn't like you ... but sorry, Charlie, you're just not dark enough." (Ep. 5.08, "Shadow")

"(to Buffy, who is in bed) I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you, and I ... are you naked under there?" (Ep. 5.10, "Into the Woods")

"(to Riley) Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. ... And sometimes I think I got the better deal. To be that close to her and not have her. To be all alone even when you're holding her ... feeling her, feeling her beneath you ... surrounding you ... the scent ... (louder) No, you got the better deal." (Ep. 5.10, "Into the Woods")

"Look, she probably would have skipped off anyway, even if she never found out. She's not just a blob of energy, she's also a fourteen-year-old hormone bomb. Which one's screwing her up more right now, spin the bloody wheel. You'll find her, just in the nick of time ... that's what you hero types do." (Ep. 5.13, "Blood Ties")

"I ... love you. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut ... my throat ... I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you." (Ep. 5.14, "Crush")

"This is Drusilla, girl! You have the slightest idea what she means to me? It's the face of my salvation! She delivered me from mediocrity. For over a century we ... cut a swath through continents. A hundred years, she never stopped surprising me. Never stopped taking me to new depths. I was a lucky bloke, just to touch such a black beauty." (Ep. 5.14, "Crush")

"We have something, Buffy. It's not pretty, but it's real, and there's nothing either one of us can do about it. Like it or not, I'm in your life ... you can't just shut me out." (Ep. 5.14, "Crush")

"(to Buffy) If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me." (Ep. 5.15, "I Was Made to Love You")

"Joyce was the only one of the lot of you that I could stand. ... I liked the lady. Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. Didn't put on airs. Always had a nice cuppa for me. And she never treated me like a freak." (Ep. 5.17, "Forever")

DAWN: What do you know?
SPIKE: I'm a vampire. I know something about evil. You're not evil.
DAWN: Maybe I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good ...
SPIKE: Well, I'm not good. And I'm okay. (Ep. 5.19, "Tough Love")

SPIKE: You ... so you're saying that a ... powerful and mightily pissed-off witch was planning on going and spilling herself a few pints of god-blood until you ... what?... explained?
BUFFY: You think she ... ? No! I told Willow it would be like suicide.
SPIKE: I'd do it. Right person ... person I loved. I'd do it. (Ep. 5.19, "Tough Love")

"Ben came, turned into Glory, snatched the kid, and ... phht! ... vanished. Remember? You do remember? Is everyone here very stoned? Ben. Glory. He's a doctor. She's the Beast. Two entirely separate entities, sharing one body. It's like a bloody sitcom! Surely you remember!" (Ep. 5.21, "The Weight of the World")

"Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea?" (Ep. 6.01, "Bargaining: Part 1")

"Uh ... I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. ... If I'd'a done that ... even if I didn't make it ... you wouldn't've had to jump. But I want you to know ... I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again ... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways ... (softly) Every night I save you." (Ep. 6.03, "After Life")

BUFFY: I just, I feel like I'm spending all of my time trying to be okay, so they don't worry. It's exhausting. And then, I ...
SPIKE: And that makes 'em worry even more. (she nods) You want me to take them out? Give me a hell of a headache, but I could probably thin the herd a little. (she smiles slightly) Knew I could get a grin.
BUFFY: Why are you always around when I'm miserable?
SPIKE: 'Cause that's when you're alone, I reckon. I'm not one for crowds myself these days.
BUFFY: Me neither.
SPIKE: (friendly smile) That works out nicely then. (Ep. 6.04, "Flooded")

"Well, that's bloody funny coming from you! No more games? That's all you've ever done is play me. You keep playing with rules you make up as you like. You know what I am. You've always known. You come to me all the same." (Ep. 6.15, "As You Were")

"It's nice to watch you be happy. For them, even. I don't see it a lot. You, uh ... you glow." (Ep. 6.16, "Hell's Bells")

"Right. Let's not listen to Spike. Might get a bit of the truth on you." (Ep. 6.17, "Normal Again")

"Put a little ice on the back of her neck. ... She likes that." (Ep. 6.17, "Normal Again")

"I hope you don't think this antidote's gonna rid you of that nasty martyrdom. See, I figured it out, luv. You can't help yourself. You're not drawn to the dark like I thought. You're addicted to the misery. That's why you won't tell your pals about us. Might actually have to be happy if you did. They'd either understand and help you, God forbid, or drive you out where you could finally be at peace ... in the dark, with me. Either way, you'd be better off for it, but you're too twisted for that. Let yourself live, already. And stop with the bloody hero trip for a second ... we'd all be the better for it. (pause) You either tell your friends about us, or I will." (Ep. 6.17, "Normal Again")

"I've tried to make it clear to you, but you won't see it. Something happened to me. The way I feel ... about you ... it's different. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself it isn't. It's real." (Ep. 6.18, "Entropy")

"I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, but she was straight about it. That was a virtue." (Ep. 6.18, "Entropy")

"You know, everything always used to be so clear. Slayer. Vampire. Vampire kills Slayer, sucks her dry, picks his teeth with her bones. It's always been that way. I've tasted the life of two Slayers. But with Buffy... It isn't supposed to be this way. It's the chip. Steel and wires and silicon. It won't let me be a monster. And I can't be a man. I'm nothing." (Ep. 6.19, "Seeing Red")

SPIKE: Didn't work. Didn't work. Costume. Didn't help. Couldn't hide.
BUFFY: No more mind games, Spike.
SPIKE: No more mind games. No more mind.
BUFFY: (reaching out to touch his chest, where he tried to cut out his heart) Tell me what happened to you.
SPIKE: (flinching away from her hand, protectively) Hey! Hey hey! No touching! Am I flesh? Am I flesh to you? Feed on flesh. My flesh. Nothing else. Not a spark. (slight pause, then nodding and trembling) Okay, fine. Flesh, then. Solid through. Get it hard, service the girl. (begins to unbutton his pants obediently)
BUFFY: Stop it! (scuffle, Buffy throws him across the church and into some pews, which shatter beneath him)
SPIKE: Right. Girl doesn't want to be serviced. Because there's no spark. (suddenly, looking around church) Ain't we in a soddin' engine?
BUFFY: Spike, have you completely lost your mind?
SPIKE: Well, YES ... where have you been all night?
BUFFY: You thought you would just come back here and ... be with me?
SPIKE: First time for everything. (brief, dry chuckle)
BUFFY: This is all you get. I'm listening. Tell me what happened.
SPIKE: I tried to find it, of course.
BUFFY: (impatient, cold) Find what?
SPIKE: The spark. The missing ... the piece ... that fit ... that would make me fit. Because you didn't want ... (grimaces in agony and turns away) God, I can't ... not with you looking! (scoots into the shadows, where he stands and paces restlessly in the darkness) I dreamed of killing you. (Buffy picks up a stake and wields it warily) I think they were dreams. So weak. Did you make me weak? Thinking of you ... holding myself ... and spilling useles buckets of salt over your ... ending. Angel ... he should have warned me. He makes a good show of forgetting, but it's here. In me. All the time. The spark. (slowly moving into the light, behind Buffy) I wanted to give you what you deserve. And I got it. They put the spark in me, and now all it does is burn.
BUFFY: (softly, disbelieving) Your soul. (GEEZE ... she FINALLY gets it!)
SPIKE: (laughs briefly, humorously) A bit worse for lack of use.
BUFFY: You got your soul back. How? (Is this girl a quick study or what?)
SPIKE: It's what you wanted, right? (looks up, as if toward God) It's what you wanted, right? And ... and now everybody's in here (clutches his head) ... talking. Everything I did ... everyone I ... and Him ... and It ... the Other ... the Thing ... beneath ... beneath you ... it's here, too. Everybody. They all just tell me, "Go." Go. To Hell.
BUFFY: (still gamely struggling with this basic Spike-got-his-soul-back concept) Why? Why would you do that?
SPIKE: (interrupting) Buffy, shame on you. (the rest of this speech is spoken trembling on the edge of tears) Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would never ... To be a kind of man ... (looks at cross on altar, and begins walking toward it) And she shall look on him with forgiveness. And everybody will forgive, and love ... (slight pause) And he will be loved. (pause, then tiredly, softly, weeping subtly) So everything's okay, right? (rests on the cross, begins smoking, leans his face against the arm of the cross) Can we rest now? Buffy ... can we rest? (Ep. 7.02, "Beneath You")