My Sister, My Sitter                                    Written by Dan Greaney
                                                       Directed by Jim Reardon
==============================================================================
Production code: 4F13                     Original Airdate on FOX: 02-Mar-1997
Capsule revision C (26-Feb-2000)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis  {jmb}
==============================================================================
   Lisa's reputation as a first-rate baby-sitter is jeopardized when she's put
   in charge of Bart while their parents attend the opening of Springfield's
   new waterfront promenade.

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Couch:          Couch is on a rocking ship.  When family sits done a wave
                washes over and all is left is a floating television.
                (another good one!)  {hl}

==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... the man inflating balloons on the wharf resembled the shady cable
       installer from "Homer vs. Lisa and the Eighth Commandment (7F13)"?
   ... Flanders is wearing a yellow ribbon?  ({ddg} claims orange)
   ... "Robot Rod" is "two space-years" older than "Robot Todd", although Todd
       is supposed to be older than Rod according to 2F06?
   ... Marge apparently _didn't_ return her new Chanel dress like she said she
       would (in [3F11])?  ({ddg} suggests it's a cheap knockoff, {ljs}
       suggests it may be a different dress.  See "Comments and Observations"
       section.)
   ... the "Poochie Closeout" sign in the I&S Store?
   ... Maggie waves at the people at the grand opening of the Squidport?

Dale G. Abersold:
   ... Homer wasn't wearing a tie in church?
   ... Lisa's grin when Marge tells Bart that Lisa will be in charge?
   ... Homer is the only one in black tie at the black-tie gala?
   ... the sandwich guys were eating their own sandwich?
   ... Lisa gets a facial tic when dealing with Bart?

Amy Anderson:
   ... that even though Dr. Nick makes an appearance, he never says his catch
       phrase ("Hi, everybody!")

Stephan Bonneville:
   ... Everyone looks fairly uninterested at church?
   ... the table is in an unusual spot in the kitchen?
   ... Homer is wearing gloves?
   ... Homer' monocle makes him look somewhat similar to Colonel Clink during
       his appearance in 1F07?
   ... Marge doesn't try to stop Homer from driving through the pedestrian
       mall?
   ... Barney looks unusually forlorn?
   ... Lisa's hair gets curly when she's mad?
   ... Lisa has meat on her plate?
   ... Dr. Nick's picture in the phone book has been drawn by a less than
       qualified artist?  (maybe himself.)
   ... Smithers is trying to hold his shirt _down over his pants_ ?
   ... we don't see Captain McAllister in any of the harbour scenes?
   ... in this episode we see Sanjay but not Apu?
   ... the "harbour" seems to be mostly waist-deep mud?

Michael Chapman:
   ... Bart's arm seemed to be fine when he was banging his head on the door.
       (He had both hands palms to the door while he was banging his head, so
       his arm did not seem dislocated)

Anthony Dean:
   ... Maggie didn't fall in this episode (even when she was running in one
       scene)?
   ... Lisa has a phone in her room?
   ... there isn't a pattern behind the "Eye On Springfield" logo, as in past
       appearances?
   ... Dr. Hibbert's a radiologist?
   ... only Homer and Marge dressed up for the waterfront festival (and
       Marge's dress looked a lot like the one she wore in 3F11)?
   ... Rod and Todd still have the "Trouble"-like board game from 9F08 (making
       it at least 8 years old)?
   ... Bart didn't seem to suffer too much pain from being injured (that is,
       when he was conscious)?

Don Del Grande:
   ... Maggie is wearing boots in the opening (only the second time, after
       1F21, that she wears shoes of any sort)?
   ... this is Janey's first speaking role since 3F03?
   ... Ned is wearing an AIDS-style ribbon, but it's orange?
   ... the "Good Samaritan" game no longer has its Pop-O-Matic, like it did in
       9F08?
   ... Bart was born on or slightly after June 25?  (His birthday is 38 days
       before Lisa's, which was on, or immediately after, the 100m Butterfly
       swimming final at the 1984 Olympics, which took place on August 2)
   ... Principal Skinner is talking to Mrs. Krabappel outside of "Just
       Rainsticks"?
   ... Sherri, Terri, Wendell, and Lewis are looking at the tattoo of the
       friend of Nelson's from 7G05 outside of "My First Tattoo"?
   ... Sherri, Terri, Nelson, Martin, Wendell, and Lewis were all at the
       waterfront (and their parents apparently nowhere in sight), yet Bart
       (and Lisa) had to stay at home?
   ... Snake and Herman are talking outside of "Crypto Barn"?
   ... Nelson is about to beat up Martin outside of the Itchy & Scratchy
       Store?
   ... Lisa bathed Maggie in the bathtub?  (Marge bathes her in the kitchen
       sink)
   ... in the scenes where Maggie is just wearing her diaper, she doesn't have
       her hair ribbon on?
   ... Wiggum told Lisa to walk with traffic, when walking is supposed to be
       done against traffic?  (Bicycles and other vehicles go with traffic)
   ... when Lisa is wheeling Bart and Maggie, nobody is left at home to watch
       SLH and Snowball II?
   ... the Simpsons have Call Waiting?
   ... kids still sell seeds?
   ... Bart apparently didn't get any punishment for what he did?  (Yet...)

Jason Hancock:
   ... the singing of "The Simpsons" in the opening credits is captioned for
       the first time?
   ... "Springfield" is written in the "traditional" Simpsons font?
   ... the cowboy hat and "Springfield #1" pennant hanging on Rod and Todd's
       bedroom wall?
   ... Maggie isn't wearing her bow when Lisa tries to send her to bed?
   ... it takes five men to carry the party sub?
   ... Mrs. Glick, Sanjay, and Lunch Lady Doris are among the people laughing
       at Homer?

Darrel Jones:
   ... Hibbert pays Lisa's babysitting bill in all ones?
   ... Hans drives a pink Cadillac?
   ... Hibbert diagnoses Bart with "negligent babysitting", almost like in
       Lisa's nightmare?
   ... Hibbert is a red belt in judo?

Joe Klemm:
   ... Maggie's spits her pacifier after seeing Bart's stairs fall?

Diego Kontarovsky:
   ... Bart refers to Patty and Selma by first names?

Haynes Lee:
   ... Homer looks like his caricature from Mount Lushmore in [2F08]?
   ... Air Force scientist from [1F13]?
   ... dancing chick from Homerpalooza on wharf?
   ... Quimby between the Blue Brothers on the wharf?
   ... Homer getting sprayed right up the butt by the water fountains?

Ido Lewit:
   ... Rod & Todd's box-game has Jerusalem and Jericho on it?

Ondre Lombard:
   ... Lisa has a bookmark in her Babysitter Twins book?
   ... the Babysitter Twins made four dollars, which is as many fingers Janey
       could hold up on one hand?
   ... Homer, Marge and Lisa seem to have new Church attire?  (I really like
       Homer's new sweater!)
   ... Ralph wore his pyjamas upside down, but nothing hung through the neck
       of them?
   ... at the "Itchy & Scratchy" store, there is a "Poochie Close-Out?"
   ... Nelson is grabbing Martin by the shirt near the I&S store?
   ... Maggie's sucking sound is sped up when she's hyper on caffeine?
   ... the emergency men don't know a Sisterectomy doesn't exist?
   ... Blinky, the three-eyed fish on the cover of the phone book?
   ... Lisa staggers about, as if she's on drugs?

Dennis Mickey:
   ... when Bart fell down the stairs, he said, "Son of a ..."?
   ... Bart called for an emergency SISTER-ectomy?

Dallas J. Pesola:
   ... Todd Flanders is normally a bed-wetter?  (Ned comments to Lisa
       surprisingly that [Todd] is "as dry as a bone.")
   ... Dr. Nick's address is '44 Bow Street'?  ("pincus@aracor.com" notes that
       this is the street address of "The Harvard Lampoon.")
   ... Smithers presumably had something stuck in his rectum?  (He was the
       only one *not* sitting down [nor holding a wheelbarrow] in Dr. Nick's
       waiting room and he appeared a bit uncomfortable while standing.)

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... in the couch gag, the Simpsons' rain gear is the same "fleshtone" color
       that they are?
   ... the phone quivers when the 911 operator hangs up on Lisa?

Liam J. Scanlan:
   ... this episode magically has a non-Smithers homosexual reference?  (See
       "References")
   ... Lunch Lady Doris at church?
   ... Dr. Hibbert can drive a car without looking?
   ... Maggie's pupils shrink when she eats the ice-cream?
   ... OFF has call waiting?

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Outhouse Guy  {dga}, Krusty, Quimby, Hans
        Moleman, Sideshow Mel)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders, Ralph, Maggie
        {dga})
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Chief Wiggum, Moe, Ghanaian Chauffeur, Sub Delivery Man
        {ol}, Comic Book Guy, Snake, Nick Riviera)
   - Harry Shearer (Kent Brockman, Rev. Lovejoy, Ned Flanders, Julius Hibbert,
        Yuppie at Moe's, Paramedic, Air Force Captain, Ranier Wolfcastle,
        Smithers, Jasper, Skinner, Lenny, Otto)

- Also Starring
   - Pamela Hayden (Janey)
   - Tress MacNeille (Nurse, 911 Operator)
   - Maggie Roswell (Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + "My Sister, My Sister" (movie)
      - title of this episode similar  (This movie is about two lesbian
        sisters, which is the non-Smithers gay reference.)  {ljs}

   + "Adventures in Babysitting" (movie)
      - Everything goes wrong for Lisa, and one adventure to another leads her
        to the location her parents are dining at (replace Lisa's name with
        whoever the babysitter was in this movie)  {rj}

   + "The Babysitter Club" (series of books)
      - Janey and Lisa are reading the "Babysitter Twins"
      - the cover artwork is similar, as well  {bjr}
      - [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]

   + Fozzie Bear (Muppet)
      - Flanders having a "fozzie of a bear" is a reference to this Muppets
        character.

   - Universal Citywalk, Hollywood, CA  {jh}
      - The seafront looked awfully like the Universal Citywalk in Hollywood,
        right down to the open fountain.

   - "Blank Check" (movie)  {fhc}
      - character trapped in middle of fountain, like Homer is

   + Chevy's (a chain of restaurants)  {hl}
      - Name of a restaurant chain that had Chevy cars sticking out the
        building.  They had to close because of the name Chevrolet was heavily
        trademarked
      - (Roger Smith says, "They're still around.  For example, there is one
        in the Crossroads area of Walt Disney World.)

   + "It's a Wonderful Life" (movie)  {jk}
      - It's the Wonderful Knife store inspired by this movie

   + "Much Ado About Nothing" (movie)  {jk}
      - Much Ado About Muffins gets title from this Shakespeare play

   + The Disney Store
      - "Itchy & Scratchy Store" based on this chain of novelty stores

   + Mr. Peanut (commercial mascot)
      - Homer looks like this advertising character when dressed in his tuxedo

   + Planet Hollywood (restaurant chain)  {mss}
      - "Planet Hype" Springfield's version of this famous restaurant  (Joe
        Klemm writes that Planet Hollywood is a restaurant chain owned be
        Arnold Schwarznegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Bruce Willis.)
      - the ringed planet logo is similar  {ddg}

   - "Wings," NBC (TV series)
      - Giant hoagie referred to as a "big sandwich"  {dk}

   - "12 Monkeys" (movie)
      - The camera angle during Lisa's dream, bright lights, the flash/camera
        angle switch.  (I've seen it somewhere, but I'm pretty sure it was in
        12 monkeys)  {rj}

   - "My Left Foot" (movie)  {jk}
      - Lisa carrying Bart on a wheelbarrow

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Long Line Of Bart's Emotionally Shattered Babysitters  {hl}
   - [7G01] Babysitter Bandit.
   - [7F07] Lisa's nightmare of accusation is somewhat similar to the "It's
            all your fault!" dream.  {sb}
   - [7F20] Grampa.
   - [7F20] Babysitter screams after flashback of Bart.
   - [8F03] "seemingly endless parade of emotionally shattered babysitters..."
            at Bart's trial.
   - [9F03] Grampa.
   - [9F06] Abigail (had nervous breakdown).
   - [9F06] Laura Powers.
   - [1F03] Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law.
   - [2F06] Ashley Grant (grad-student).
   - [3G01] Grampa.
   - [3G03] Sherri Bobbins (I know this from other a.t.s. posts).  {mss}
   - [4F13] Lisa (well, d'uh!).

- [7G01], [7F20], [9F06], [2F06] Episodes in which Homer and Marge leave with
         a baby sitter watching the kids.  {ol}
- [7G04], [2F31] The word "ogre" is used
- [7G05] Homer and Marge go for a splendid night out.  {ljs}
- [7G05] One of Nelson's henchmen, the one who ate Lisa's cupcakes, is the kid
         with the tattoo.  {ddg}
- [7G13], [1F01] Episodes where a Simpson falls down stairs.  {ol}
- [7F06], [7F10] Bart takes a blow to the head.  {mss}
- [7F06] Otto making a remark about dumping body bottom of ravine.  {hl}
- [7F07] Bart ruins something of Lisa's, and ultimately apologizes.  {ol}
- [7F10] Dr. Hibbert's Diagnosis: a bump on the head and a broken limb.  {ljs}
- [7F20] Kids left minimally supervised.  {bjr}
- [8F05] Krusty is in OFF's house.  {mss}
- [8F12] Somebody gives Maggie a bath.  {ddg}
- [8F19], [9F11] Extremely long sub sandwiches.  {ol}
- [9F07] Homer advertises his Mr. Plow services at church (cf. Rev. Lovejoy
         advertising Lisa's babysitting services for her in church).  {ol}
- [9F08] Rod and Todd play biblical board game.  {hl}
- [9F09], [1F04] Hans Moleman getting into an auto accident.  {ol}
- [9F11] Lisa getting high (cf. Maggie high on caffeine).  {ol}
- [9F13] Lisa and Ralph get together  {mss}
- [1F01] Homer says "Sonofa...!" while falling down stairs (cf. Bart says
         "Sonofa...!" while falling down stairs).  {ol}
- [1F13] The guy from NASA appears.  {il}
- [1F22] Bart in a cast (cf. yet again in 4F13).  {ol}
- [1F22] Bart breaks a limb.  {ljs}
- [1F22] Bart's injured body part takes an L-shape.  {ol}
- [2F01] Lisa pushes Bart in a wheelbarrow
- [2F07] Bart thinks he saw a UFO.  {ol}
- [2F08] Homer looks like his match Guy Incognito.  {ljs}
- [2F08], [3F07], [3F17] Maggie crying.  {ol}
- [2F18] Someone can snap their head very quickly.  {ljs}
- [2F31] The last time we saw "Eye on Springfield".  {ol}
- [3F01] Homer wears a monocle  {mss}
- [3F11] Marge wears a purple dress  {mss}
- [3F15] Troy McClure's unusual sex practice involving fish.  {hl}
- [3F20] The writers uses a reference of "Much Ado About Nothing"  {il}
- [3F22], [4F06] Bart not wanting to brush his teeth.  {ol}
- [3G03] Bart: "More... more... more..." (got this from a promo for 3G03)
         {mss}
- [4F01] Nelson says, "You're Dead" (cf. Bart says "You're Dead" in 4F13
         Coincidentally, they're both Lisa episodes).  {ol}
- [4F05] A Simpson kid breaks their arm.  {ljs}
- [4F07] Eye twitch used as indicator of stress  {bjr}
- [4F12] The aftermath of the Poochie experiment is still with us  {mss}

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- books for babysitters  {djp}

    Jamie was reading
      The Baby Sitter Twins #20, "The President's Baby is Missing"

    Lisa was reading
      The Baby Sitter Twins #??, "The Formula Formula"

- balloons at the Squidport  {jh2}
   - "Shoplifters Will Be Prosecuted"
   - "You Break It, You Bought It"
   - "No Refunds".

- sign outside the church  {ol}

        First   Church
        of Springfield
             N O
       S Y N A G O G U E
         P A R K I N G

- Recognizable people at the Grand Opening of the South Street Squidport  {ol}

    (in alphabetical order)
    - Apu               - Ms. Krabappel
    - bully from 7G05   - Lewis
    - Carl              - Martin
    - Chalmers          - Nelson
    - Prof. Frink       - Sanjay
    - Mrs. Glick        - Sherri (and Terri)
    - Hans Moleman      - Skinner
    - Herman            - Snake
    - Ms. Hoover        - Troy McClure
    - Jack Marley       - Wendell

- shops at the Squidport  {ddg} {hl} {bjr}

    - Turban Outfitters
    - Just Rainsticks
    - Coffee Kart
        [this was a mobile cart, rather than a permanent store]
    - It's a Wonderful Knife
        [this store had a giant Swiss army knife mounted above the door,
         with a blade that swung down and threatened to decapitate the
         customers!]
    - My First Tattoo
    - "Children's' Tattoos" painted on the window
        [One of Nelson's old confederates from "Bart the General (7G05)"
         shows his tattoo to an appreciative crowd in front of the store]
    - Much Ado about Muffins
       - Slogan: "To eat or not to eat"
        [A little girl tugs on her daddy's arm, and points excitedly to
         the tattoo parlor]
    - Crypto Barn:  A Place for Codes
       - Sign in one window:  Loads of Codes
       - Sign in the other:   Secret Code Clearance
       - Sidewalk sign:       The Right Password
        [Outside, Herman and Snake hold a little discussion]
    - The Itchy & Scratchy Store
       - Sidewalk Sign:  "POOCHIE CLOSE-OUT"
        [Nelson shakes down Martin outside of this store]
    - Malaria Zone
        [Okay, Marge points this out explicitly, so this isn't a "true"
         FFF item.  I've put it here so we'd have a complete store list.]
    - Planet Hype
        [See above item.  Also, that's a 1959 Cadillac that Moleman
         drove into the building]
    - Moe's Brewing Company
    - Bloaters at the Squidport
        [The place to go for Jell-O Shooters]

- the real Yellow Pages

    002 PHYSICIANS
    --------------------------------------
    |  CERTIFIED |                       |
    |            |                       |
    |   [ AMA  ] |                       |
    |   [SYMBOL] |     [photo]           |
    |            |                       |
    |  PHYSICIAN |                       |
    |            ------------------------|
    |     JULIUS M. HIBBERT, M.D.        |
    |              555-3642              |
    |  o FAMILY MEDICINE    o PEDIATRICS |
    |  o INTERNAL MEDICINE  o PHYSICAL   |
    |  o EMERGENCIES        o SURGERY    |
    |  o FRACTURES/SPRAINS  o RADIOLOGY  |
    |  MOST INSURANCE PLANS ACCEPTED     |
    --------------------------------------

    --------------------------------------------
    |               DR. NICK'S                 |
    |             WALK-IN CLINIC               |
    |                          44 BOW STREET   |
    |                           SPRINGFIELD    |
    |                             555-NICK     |
    |                                          |
    |     [drawing]                COMPLETE    |
    |                          CONFIDENTIALITY |
    |                                          |
    |                        SE HABLA ESPANOL  |
    |       "AS GOOD AS DR. HIBBERT"           |
    --------------------------------------------

- Dr. Nick's door  {djp}

    DR. NICK RIVIERA
        "We Stitch
    and don't Snitch"

- Dr. Nick's Patient Diagnosis Form  {hl}

    PATIENT DIAGNOSIS

    [ ] Unusual Sex Practices
    [ ] Looter's Hernia
    [ ] Mexican Stand-Off
    [ ] Prison Tunnel Syndrome
    [ ] Armed Homeowner
    [ ] Allergic Reaction
       _ Mate
       _ Pepper Spray
       _ Bullets
    [x] Liquor Store Robbery
    [ ] John Gotti's Disease

- Recognizable people waiting at Dr. Nick Riviera's walk-in clinic.  {ol}

    - Legs      - Moe
    - Jasper    - Prof. Frink
    - Smithers  - his monkey
    - Barney    - Comic Book Guy

- Overseas Animation: Akom  {ddg}
==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
=  Ned seems to have a beard in the shot of the entire church audience.  {ol}

+  The Flanderses should be in church, why can't they name the topic of the
   day's sermon?  {ol}

*  Marge so kindly pointed out for us, 8-year-olds can't baby-sit.  Also, it's
   illegal to leave children under 12 home alone.  {mss} [Although, that may
   not be the law in North Takoma...  -Ed.]

+  In 3F02, Rod turns ten.  In 8F16, Todd is in Bart's class.  Here Rod is two
   years older meaning Todd is in grade two, eight years old.  {ljs}

+  Doesn't Dr. Hibbert have a teenage son?  {ljs}

-  The mansion across the street from OFF's house is gone.  {dk}

=  The walls in OFF's house are orange in some scenes and pink in some scenes.
   {dk}

c  When Homer is trapped in the fountain the captioning says repeatedly, "I
   can't get out," but Homer just whines and cries.  {bm}

=  When Maggie is first fed the coffee, her head occasionally "snaps" from one
   frame to the next.  {ddg}

=  When Bart falls down the stairs there are at least 34 stairs but when he
   goes back up there are 19.  {il}

c  When people that were "tricked" by Bart are leaving the closed captioning
   says, "I'll bill them later," but no one says it.  {bm}

*  Why doesn't Bart's dislocated arm hurt as he waves it at Lisa?  {ol}

=  When Lisa dialed 911, she hit the keys for 199.  {sl}

+  Lisa has met Dr. Riviera before -- remember "Bart Gets Hit by a Car (7F10)"
   -- and she knows he's not as good as Dr. Hibbert.

-  When Lisa opens the door of Dr. Nick's clinic, Smithers is not seen in the
   waiting room.  {ol}

+  Doctor Nick is losing his accent.  {ddg}

+  In 1F10, 555-NICK, (6425) was for the Bite Back TV show office.  Here it's
   for Dr. Nick's clinic.  {ljs}

*  Maybe Dr. Nick isn't a quack after all.  Frink is pretty bad shape while in
   the wheelbarrow line at Dr. Nick's, but a few minutes later, he's healed
   completely when he's in the crowd at the waterfront watching Lisa pull Bart
   out of the mud.  Or maybe Frink's latest experiment was to clone himself.
   {jr} {cc}

*  Snake is out at the Squidport talking to Herman.  But then later, he's at
   the Dr. Nick's place.  And presumably, he had time to rob a liquor store,
   er, fall on a bullet...  {jr}  (Or maybe that's his relative that was
   dealing 3-Card Monte with him in 2F21?)  {ddg}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold:  I may be in danger of sounding like a broken record here,
   but I loved this episode.  The trials of life as a babysitter were
   accurately and humorously portrayed by Dan Greaney, proving himself once
   again to be the best writer on the staff.  Only Bart's apology at the end
   (Why?  He'd be gloating at his victory.) marred the episode for me.  (A)

Greg Bigoni:  It was surprising to me that this episode was penned by the same
   writer as "Summer of 4 Ft.2," another Lisa story that was much more
   innocently likable than this one.  I thought the Bob Saget joke was funny,
   and so was Homer getting stuck in the fountain, but the overtone of "My
   Sister, My Sitter" just seemed a little too black, even disturbing, to
   me....  I'm sure I'm not the only fan of the show that never really
   expected to see Lisa wheelbarrowing a badly injured Bart down the highway
   in the middle of the night.  Not terrible, but like "The Homer They Fall,"
   it felt too bizarre to fit into the characters' world.  (C+)

Jennifer M. Blaske:  I thought this episode was implausible and downright
   aggravating at times.  I kept thinking that in real life parents would
   probably go to jail if they left kids that young alone.  Bart's behavior
   went far beyond silly pranks and into psychotic, hateful behavior.  His
   apology was meaningless and almost insulting, a far cry from scenes in
   "Bart vs. Thanksgiving" or "Stark Raving Dad."  The last act was the worst
   - the people's reactions were so ridiculous I thought Lisa really was about
   to wake up from a dream.  I got the impression this episode was thrown
   together very quickly without much thought.  Some cute bits, like "Planet
   Hype," made me generous enough to give it a  (C+)

Stephan Bonneville:  As usual, the first act was excellent but was nullified
   by the poor, substandard others.  Ralph "dressing himself" was an absolute
   riot, and so was the two-level outhouse gag.  But Bart was just too
   immature, mean and stupid in this episode, besides which his twisted arm
   (even though it is a cartoon) was pretty disgusting.  As well, the premise
   of Bart deliberately injuring himself by bashing his head on the door was a
   bit sickening.  Overall, too farfetched.  (D)

Vince Chan:  What an episode!  I can't believe that the writers tried to pass
   this off as Simpsons material!  The episode started off great, it reminded
   me of the episodes in the fifth and sixth season, great humor.  The second
   act was not all that funny, and the rest of the episode just collapsed
   after that.  The only improvements I see about the show are the couch gags.
   Those are short yet funny.  I might be looking forward to the couch gags
   instead of the show if this keeps up.  (B-)

Chris Courtois:  "My Sister, My Sitter" featured the return of character we
   haven't seen for awhile, Lisa Simpson.  Not PC-thug Lisa, not Stupid Lisa
   Science Queen, but just plain old Lisa.  It was nice to see her come back
   in this low-key episode.  While not gut-bustingly funny, this episode did
   enough amusing moments to counteract the overly familiar sibling rivalry
   sitcom storyline.  The Squidport subplot provided some good freeze frame
   fun, although Homer was a bit too stupid for my taste this time around.
   Overall, a charming  (B)

Jonathan Haas:  Worst episode ever, first truly to deserve that crown.  A
   sadistic and hate-filled Bart torments Lisa for no apparent reason other
   than sheer malice (with maybe a touch of envy over her moneymaking thrown
   in, not that that would excuse anything.)  I honestly can't think of any
   high points, although there might be some.  But I haven't the heart to
   watch this episode again.  I'm marking the tape with a big black "X" so I
   don't accidentally see a few seconds of this episode while looking for
   something else.  Grade (as if I need to say it): F. Or possible "U" for
   "Unacceptable".  "Unsatisfactory" is not strong enough.  (F)

Jason Hancock:  This one was gunning for "best of the season" but fell short
   thanks to a third act that stumbled about as badly as Bart falling down the
   stairs.  Nonetheless, there were plenty of highlights in this one  -- most
   notably seeing Maggie on caffeine -- so I'll give it a  (B)

Ryan Johnson:  The babysitting plot was pretty weak, but everything with Homer
   and Marge's night out was great.  Maggie's caffeination was worn a bit thin
   over the course of the episode though.  My only big peeve about this
   episode is that it seems as if some scenes were cut near the end as seemed
   pretty sudden.  (C)

Diego Kontarovsky:  Although Bart's cruelty got old pretty fast, it was good
   to see his mischievous side again.  Recent episodes have weakened his
   character.  But I do admit he went way out of hand and I would rather see
   his destructive side released on people who deserve it, like when he and
   Lisa teamed up against Sideshow Bob or when he raced against Nelson in the
   Downhill Soapbox Derby Race.  The REAL Bart, in the end, is the one who
   mouths off to teachers and parents.  That's what made him who he is!  Just
   check the episodes that made this show famous in the first place and
   started the big Bart craze ...  (C)

Ido Lewit:  It was interesting to see Lisa in a problem and there was some
   nice sarcasm but the general execution wasn't good enough, the jokes
   weren't funny and the episode generally was kind a boring. My diagnosis-bad
   episode.  (C-)

Ondre Lombard:  The new best of the season (so far).  This story goes back to
   the simplicity of the first seasons, which such a simple plotline as Lisa
   babysitting Bart.  Bart's tantrum and hyperactive Maggie are just some of
   the hilarious bits in this episode.  Yeardley Smith has nice vocal work
   too. My only problem would be a weird act 3 that was funny, but still iffy,
   spotty and strange in some areas.  (A-)

Werner Peeters:  Hmm ... Although this is supposed to be a 'Lisa' episode, the
   real star in this one is Bart.  This was the Bart we know from the old
   days, not the Bart who didn't dare to shoot an animal like in [4F11], but
   the malicious, no-good little hellraiser who stole the show over the whole
   line.  The scene where Lisa baby-sits Rod and Todd was also classic (moth
   alarm!), as well as Maggie who has eaten coffee ice cream!  (B+)

Abhi Ray:  I thought this episode was mediocre.  There were some laughs,
   especially the moth attack, but I can't remember too many memorable quotes
   or scenes.  I thought it was interesting when the writers just let the
   story's conflict add up on its own.  (B)

Liam J. Scanlan:  I'm trying desperately for an episode this season that
   sucks, but their all too funny.  This one had the best laughs, especially
   with a caffeine-enhanced Maggie.  (I think [Don Del Grande] would have
   liked it)  And Homer stuck in the fountain, pure hilarity.  I give it a
   solid A, because a + was given away by the not so funny ending.  (A)

Daniel Sheiner:  This episode is one of my all time favorites.  I was laughing
   so hard through most of it that I had to go back and watch the tape I'd
   made to catch a lot of jokes I'd missed the first time because I was
   laughing so hard.  What an excellent blend of realism and comedy!  On a
   scale of one to ten, this gets a ten.  (A+)

Marge Starbrod-Simpson:  What the hell was that?  This episode (which was
   doomed from the start) was too surreal by my standards, and there weren't
   enough good jokes.  An eight-year-old being the perfect baby-sitter?
   Gimmie a break!  And I've said it before and I'll say it again: what kind
   of ending was that?  This is the third worst episode ever.  (D-)

Aaron Varhola:  Dan Greaney is the best writer on the series now, and proves
   it with this episode.  Tight, funny writing, and an exceptional study of
   the Bart/Lisa relationship.  Greaney has proven he can write for Lisa; he
   now proves his expertise with Bart, and he even knows how to handle Maggie.
   This is probably the third-best of the post-Season 4 episodes.  (A+)

Yours Truly:  This episode is not without controversy, both in setting up the
   premise, and in developing Lisa's character.  The gutsy moves worked for
   me.  The terrific rivalry between Bart and Lisa was one of the highlights,
   and Lisa's slide into desperation was interesting to see.  On top of that,
   is was one of the more quotable episodes I've seen in a while.  Excellent!
   (A)

AVERAGE GRADE:  B- (2.76)   Std Dev.: 1.0893   (29 reviews computed)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> Writer Watch

Dale Abersold watches and reports:  Dan Greaney has been one of the most
   successful writers on the staff of The Simpsons.  While his freshman
   effort, "King-Size Homer" [3F05] received mixed reviews, his "Summer of 4
   Ft. 2" [3F22] was considered by many to be a classic, and many believed
   "The Genesis Tub" to be the best segment of "Treehouse of Horror VII"
   [4F02].  Greaney's next assignment is "The Love-Matic Grampa", a segment of
   the upcoming "Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase"  [4F20].


>> The true background of "Eye on Springfield"

Ondre Lombard gives us some TV history:  Eye on Springfield is a parody of a
   show that aired in the mid-80s on a local TV station in Los Angeles called
   "Eye on L.A."  It was hosted by Chuck Woolery and had the same style theme
   song, with topics about news and events occurring in Los Angeles.  KABC
   Channel 7, an ABC affiliate in Los Angeles, carried the show.


>> Ah, so that explains it

Ondre Lombard:  3F22 ["Summer of 4' 2", for you folks who haven't memorized
   all the production codes -- Ed.] gave off the impression that Lisa has no
   friends, even though Janey is her friend, and is even seen here.  However,
   I believe Dave Hall once reported that there were scenes that didn't make
   it to the final draft of 3F22 which showed Lisa being abandoned by her
   friends.  I suppose Lisa reunited with her fair-weather friend Janey.


>> Young female fiction victim speaks out

Jeanna Fazzalaro gives us this irreverent background for The Baby Sitter
   Twins:  Don't know if another victim of female Young Adult fiction has
   already mentioned it, but I think the "Babysitter Twins" referred not only
   to the beloved _Babysitters_Club_ books of my elementary years, but to the
   equally beloved (and far more insipid) _Sweet_Valley_Twins_, which features
   two middle school-aged twins--plucky, all-American, pretty, skinny,
   California blue-eyed blondes.  A lingering description of their looks
   appeared in the first chapter of every book, in case the reader had missed
   the rest of the series.  Sweet Valley books can be authenticated by the use
   of the phrase "sun-kissed blond hair and Mediterranean blue eyes."

   The _Twins_ series was a spin-off of the original _Sweet_Valley_High_; same
   characters, just a few years younger.  The twins solved world hunger and
   tried out for cheerleading.  They also spent a lot of time struggling with
   the fact that Elizabeth was studious and Jessica was flighty.  Throughout
   it all, they dressed well and maintained beautiful smiles.  Today 50% of
   the mental illnesses that occur in twentysomething women can be traced
   directly to reading the exploits of the Wakefield sisters during formative
   years.  Blessedly, their popularity abated somewhat when the more normal,
   identifiable girls of the _Babysitters_Club_ were introduced.


Sarah Culp adds:  The Baby-Sitters Club is an insanely popular series of books
   about several young girls who are best friends and enjoy baby-sitting.  A
   sub-series, The Baby-Sitters Club Mysteries, have these girls doing things
   such as cracking counterfeiting rings, solve dognapping cases, and
   explaining sightings of ghosts.  The Mysteries have been negatively
   criticized for, among other things, the fact that with each book the city
   police have no recollection of the girls, yet just the book before, the
   club has usually been written up in the town newspaper.

   Sweet Valley Twins is another moderately successful series, about two
   California twin girls and their trials and tribulations of teen life.  It
   has been VERY negatively criticized for lack of content; i.e., many people
   (especially parents and teachers) think of the books as pieces of
   meaningless fluff.  Yet both these series continue to be best-sellers.


Ondre Lombard adds:  The books Janey and Lisa are reading are a spoof of the
   popular books, "The Baby-Sitters' Club" (right down to the BSC logo),
   hundreds of which were written by Ann M. Martin.  The books had a standing
   on Prodigy as well, and became an averagely successful movie, August of
   1995.  Also, an album called "Songs for my Best Friends" was released under
   the label "The Baby-Sitters' Club.."  Generally, the stories are about teen
   life amongst teenaged babysitters.


>> A Tale of Two Bobs

Benjamin Robinson:  Bob Seger is a rock singer with an America's heartland-
   Average Joe persona.  His big hits include "Feel Like a Number," and the
   Chevrolet Truck Theme Song, er, I mean, "Like a Rock."  Bob Saget is an
   actor and comedian known for his role in "Full House" and his hosting of
   "Americas Funniest Home Videos."  (Don't look for him now, though.  "Full
   House" is defunct, and he's left "Home Videos".)  He's tried his hand at
   stand-up comedy from time to time, but hasn't been as successful at is as
   he has been on television.


Jason Hancock adds:  Bob Seger is a rock singer from Michigan who is famous
   for songs like "Night Moves" and "Old-Time Rock and Roll."


Ken Alper defends:  I've seen Saget do standup, (and in fact, I heard him on
   Stern this morning) -- and I've always thought he was utterly hilarious
   when doing spontaneous-type live stuff like that, as opposed to the horrid
   experience of watching him on Full House or America's Funniest Home Faces
   of Death or whatever it is.

   I know, I know, people always say I'm nuts when I tell them Saget does
   great standup, but he really does.


>> You're the Birthday, You're the Birthday, You're the Birthday, Boy or Girl

Benjamin Robinson consults his calendar:  Bart mentions that he is two years
   and thirty-eight days older than his sister.  Let's assume his numbers are
   right.  If Lisa was born on August 2nd, the most widely agreed-upon date,
   then Bart's birthday is on June 25th.  Some people (all right, just me)
   think that March 12th is a possible birth date for Lisa.  If so, that would
   suggest a February 2nd birthday for Bart.  That assumes there's no Leap Day
   between Bart and Lisa's births.  If one happened, then Bart's birthday
   would really be February 3rd.  Be sure to send a card.


Dale Abersold takes this further, even trying to pin down the year:  Okay,
   maybe I have a little too much time on my hands, but, based on Bart's claim
   that he is 2 years and 38 days older than his sister, we can work out
   Bart's exact birthday.  Well, kinda.  Benjamin J. Robinson's exhaustive
   research came up with two likely dates for Lisa's birth: August 2 and March
   12, both in 1984.  Thus, Bart was born on either June 25 or February 2 or
   February 3 (depending on whether or not Bart counts a leap day) 1982.


>> Annoy Your Babysitter the Ghandi Way!

Benjamin Robinson:  Mahatma Ghandi sought independence for his home country of
   India through passive, non-violent methods.  It worked -- Britain granted
   India her independence in 1947.  Ghandi said the ideas of Henry David
   Thoreau inspired his passive resistance campaign.  Bart, on the other hand,
   probably just picked up the idea from Lisa.


>> The violentest store on earth!

Joe Klemm describes the latest in merchandising:  Itchy and Scratchy's
   creators must have copied Disney and Warner Bros. in the idea of studio
   stores.  These stores sell merchandise inspired by the studio's movies,
   music, and TV shows.  Each of these stores also have animation cels for
   sale and a giant TV screen showing clips of the studios works.  While the
   Disney Stores are more common, the WBSS is in lesser malls.  In fact the
   closest one is near the school I go to.


>> Dining with the nobodies

Stephan Bonneville de-hypes Planet Hype:  "The Planet Hype" is a direct
   takeoff of "Planet Hollywood", a cluttered restaurant owned by Demi Moore
   and Bruce Willis and opened in a few large cities.  The parody in this
   episode is quite accurate, as many of the restaurants have a few big names
   at their showy "grand openings" and never see any Hollywood actors after
   that.


>> Here Come The Men In Black

Jeff Cross:  There exists an urban legend about a group of people referred to
   as "men in black;" this was the source of inspiration for the cult Lowell
   Cunningham comic book that was later made into the blockbuster Will Smith-
   Tommy Lee Jones movie of the summer of 1997.  Whenever somebody makes a
   claim about seeing flying saucers or aliens, they are supposedly visited by
   gaunt men dressed like the Blues Brothers and driving late model black
   American luxury cars who convince them to change their minds.  It's a
   popular topic of conspiracy-mongers.


>> Kids, don't try this at home!

Smithers' presence at Dr. Nick's clinic drew the attention of a number of
   viewers.  Although he never specifies exactly what is wrong, most people
   suspect that he was practicing a sexual technique clinically known as,
   "stuffing something up your bum."  Specifically, most alt.tv.simpsons
   readers figured that Smithers had shaved a small animal, like a hamster or
   a gerbil, for this purpose.  (Marty Kelley suggests that this strains
   credulity, though.  "Anyone giving it a moment's thought," he wrote, "would
   recognize it's at the outer limits of physical possibility.")  Jay DeKing
   offers a different possibility:  "Everybody else seems to fixate on the
   hamster thing.  Ask any emergency room worker, lots of people come in with
   things stuck up there but none are living furry critters with teeth and
   claws.  Some interesting things show up, though.  ('I must have sat on it,
   Doc!')"


Someone known only as "Kelly" expands on the subject.  Those with delicate
   sensibilities may wish to skip to the next comment item:  While I too have
   heard the 'urban legend' of gerbils being inserted into ones rectum for
   pleasure.  I think it's more likely a torture method(to the person AND to
   the gerbil!), than a means of pleasurement.  I'm sure the writers based
   Smithers' problem on something much more real, and even common.  My sister
   is a nurse at the local hospital.  On three separate occasions within the
   last two years, a man presented himself at the emergency room complaining
   of having a foreign object stuck in his rectum.  On all three of those
   occasions the object turned out to be a vibrator.  And on all three of
   those occasions the men claimed it happened accidentally.  That they had
   accidentally fallen on it.  (yeah sure!)

   While my sister has never personally witnessed a patient arriving with this
   problem, she(and the whole hospital staff) have seen proof of it.  In each
   case, x-rays were taken of the men before any extraction procedure was
   performed.  The vibrator is easily seen in these.  These x-ray films have
   since been passed around to everyone in the hospital.  As if that isn't
   funny enough, in two of the films the vibrator was clearly outlined with a
   blur.  This is because it was still ON!

   FYI: Since I'm sure you're wondering.  Of the three cases that I'm aware
   of, two of them were resolved via normal extraction methods.  But, the
   third required surgery!

   Poor Smithers...


And finally, from Dale G. Abersold:  At least nobody has mentioned "Superdude"
   yet...


>> Well, no episode's perfect

Margaret H. Jones points out the biggest (well, only) misgiving of Lisa fans
   for this episode:  Is it just me, or was Lisa acting way out of character
   in "My Sister, My Sitter?"  I was really surprised that she allowed Bart to
   fool her as much as he did, and some of her initial worries about taking
   Bart to the doctor were very illogical, IMHO.  Being a perfectionist
   myself, I know how easy it is to dream up some really farfetched "worst
   case scenarios," but I always saw Lisa as being too practical to give in to
   such ideas.  I also found it astounding that she fell for Dr. Nick's line
   "As good as Dr. Hibbert" (or somesuch; it may not be verbatim, but that is
   the gist of what his advertisement in the phone book said), especially
   since she surely knows by now that Dr. Nick is a quack.


>> Point/Counterpoint

After "My Sister, My Sitter" aired in the US, an interesting debate arose as
   to whether Bart's had gone too far in tormenting Lisa.  Since it was
   eloquently argued on both sides, I'm going to present some highlights here.


Jonathan Haas fired the opening salvo:  I am referring to the portrayal of
   Bart.  He's a major character in this episode, and he gets a lot of screen
   time.  And throughout, he is portrayed not as a fun-loving prankster of a
   boy, but as a cold-hearted monster who deliberately puts his own sister
   through Hell.  After he accidentally falls down the stairs while tormenting
   her, he refuses first aid and *deliberately makes his injury worse* to make
   Lisa look bad.  He *beats himself senseless* for no other purpose than to
   make Lisa look even worse than she undoubtedly would have looked if he had
   been found with only a dislocated shoulder instead of a gaping head wound.
   Lisa, true to character, went to superhuman lengths to help him (although
   it was surprising to see her choose Dr. Nick's clinic over Dr. Hibbert's).
   But I simply cannot believe that Bart would do such a malicious thing.  Are
   we to believe that Bart hates Lisa so much?  Even Itchy is kinder to
   Scratchy.

   And Bart's "apology" at the end ... was that supposed to be some kind of
   sick joke?  He mumbles a meaningless, insincere "sorry", and Lisa, of
   course, accepts unquestioningly.  Does Bart say "sorry I deliberately
   inflicted injury on myself just to wreck the joy and self-respect you get
   from babysitting?"  Does he say "sorry I  played *so* many malicious and
   potentially life-threatening pranks on all the people of Springfield, that
   you were unable to get help for me after I injured myself so badly?"  How
   about "sorry I deliberately drugged the baby, so she'd be impossible for
   you to control and maybe even do permanent damage to herself?"  Does he
   even say "thank you for trying so hard to get me help even after  I was
   such a bastard to you?"  Or "I'll never do anything like this  again?"

   Lisa, in the end, gets to keep her babysitting service.  How nice.  She
   suffered a hellish, emotionally-scarring night at the hands of her brother,
   who goes unpunished.  She's acquired a reputation as a drug-using child
   beater, and even her own father thinks she used drugs.  But hey, she's
   still in business!  Everything's all right.


Daniel Sheiner defends:  The critics of this week's episode have sunk to a new
   low--arguing about the unbelievability of the episode out of pure
   ignorance.

   Either you have not ever had to babysit your sibling(s), or it was so long
   ago that you just can't remember what it was like (unless your siblings are
   all perfect angels and you all loved each other and had a perfect family
   and nobody ever fought and you'll become catatonic in a few years when all
   of your suppressed traumatic memories resurface).

   It has been claimed that Bart was portrayed as "evil" and as hating his
   sister.  Well, when I was a child, my brother and I certainly believed that
   we hated each other (although we're now very close friends), but that is
   because we were *children*!  Bart, a ten year old boy, can not be expected
   to act as if he has grown up, because he has not yet grown up.

   Here is a list of things that hit home for me, bringing back memories of
   babysitting *my* brother.

   1)  When Lisa said Bart was acting like a baby, he went ahead and took her
   literally.  In fact, the first thing he said was "ga ga goo goo!"  I've
   seen dozens of young children use those very words when told that they're
   acting like a baby.

   2)  Bart's translation of "go to bed" into "go to bread."  Children LOVE to
   twist people's words, and many will also go to great lengths to avoid going
   to bed.  "You didn't say which bed!" was also priceless.

   3)  The most "powerful" example was when Lisa said "You are going to be in
   so much trouble when mom and dad get home!"  Of course, we never see Bart
   get punished, although it's likely that Homer or Marge told him that he
   *would* be punished if he didn't go to Lisa's room immediately and
   apologize to her.  (Let's get a show of hands.  How many people have done
   something bad to a sibling, and been told that they would be punished if
   they didn't apologize right away?  I know it happened to me a lot when I
   was younger)

   Yes, Bart was being vindictive--and that was a perfectly natural response.
   Ever hear the phrase "Kids can be cruel"?  It's absolutely true.  Go work
   with kids sometime--you'll swear they're possessed by demons.


>> Miscellaneous, Etc.

The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is:  Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter
   is on Drugs


Chris Courtois:  The "Poochie Close-out" sign at the Itchy and Scratchy store
   must be the quickest previous episode reference in series history.  (4F13
   refers back to 4F12).


Katrina and Michael Harris (it took two people to write this, apparently):  I
   haven't seen it posted yet, but the upcoming church function the reverend
   mentioned during service would have music by "Testament."  "Testament" is a
   heavy metal band from the 80's whose music is anything but holy.


Liam J. Scanlan:  Many people believe that the dress Marge wears to the
   Waterfront Gala is the unreturned Chanel from [3F11].  It isn't.  The
   Chanel had black stripes going down the dress.  This dress didn't.


==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary  {ol}
==============================================================================
% Kent Brockman hosts another installment of Eye on Springfield, its
% eye currently headlining the world's first two-story outhouse and a
% comedy nurse.  "Okay, how many of you are here for shoulder surgery,
% huh?"  Various patients painstakingly raise their hands.  The nurse
% says, "Gotcha!"  But first, Kent reports that the waterfront, "once
% the center of a thriving squid-gutting industry, now abandoned by all
% but a few longshoremen and allied tradespeople" is being turned into a
% promenade, which will kick off with a black-tie gala this Saturday.
% Marge and Homer are interested.

Marge:    Ooh, that sounds fabulous, Homer.  Stores throw the best
          parties.
Homer:    You like parties, huh?  Well, I just remembered they're
          having a big one down at the waterfront this weekend.
Marge:    You didn't remember that.  You just saw it on TV.
Homer:    The important thing is I didn't imagine it.
-- "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Janey's in Lisa's room with Lisa reading "The Baby Sitter Twins"
% books.

Janey:    I can't get enough of "The Baby Sitter Twins."  They arrested
          the counterfeiters, rescued the President, _and_ made _four_
          dollars.
Lisa:     I love everything about the world of babysitting.  The
          responsibility, the obligations, the pressure...
Janey:    And full refrigerator privileges!
Lisa:     That's a trust, Janey.  A sacred trust.
Janey:    Geez.  Lighten up, Lisa.
-- "My Sister, My Sitter"

% At church, Rev. Lovejoy makes two announcements:

Lovejoy:  Friday, you will have the chance to [waving hands] _party
          down_ in the church basement to the Jesus rock stylings of
          Testaments. That's on Friday, 6 p.m. sharp.
Bart:     [scoffs] All the best bands are affiliated with Satan.
-- Just ask Amy Grant, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% The second announcement is for Lisa's affordable and reliable
% babysitting service, the cost of which is discounted by a dollar for
% anyone who can name the topic of the day's sermon.  No one can answer.
% The mystery topic: love.
%
% Lisa waits by the phone, disappointed that no one's called.  Marge
% explains that parents may want someone older to be prepared for
% anything that could happen, then Lisa sticks up for her advanced
% maturity.

But I'm _very_ mature for my age.  People often mistake me for nine!
-- Lisa, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% At the door is Ned, in need of a babysitter because he has to rescue
% Maude and her mother from Tyre and Sidon ("the Twin Cities of the Holy
% Land"), where they are being held prisoner.  Homer tries to come up
% with an excuse to keep from watching Rod and Todd, but finds himself
% unable to come up with a good story.  Then, Lisa eagerly asks for the
% job.  Ned is hesitant, explaining what a handful his kids can be.

Todd's been pinching everyone lately.
-- Ned, explaining how rambunctious and wild his kids can be, "My
   Sister, My Sitter"

% Ned asks Homer's permission, and despite Lisa being there, expressing
% immense desire for the job, Homer says, "I'll have to ask her," and
% slams the door in Ned's face.
%
% Lisa gets the job.  At the Flanderses, Lisa plays a religious board
% game with Rod and Todd.

Lisa:     Where are the dice?
Todd:     Daddy says dice are wicked.
 Rod:     We just move one space at a time.  It's less fun that way.

% Lisa picks up the board game box cover and out flies a moth, scaring
% Rod and Todd.  Lisa tries to calm them by telling them moths are no
% more harmful than a ladybug, frightening them more.

They're gonna get eaten alive in Middle School.
-- Lisa comments on Rod and Todd's panic over a moth, "My Sister, My
   Sitter"

% It's bedtime, and Rod and Todd are in prayer.  Rod thanks God for
% sending Lisa to protect them from the moth.  Todd prays for a bedtime
% story -- about robots -- named Rod and Todd.  Lisa is there listening,
% and gives Rod his wish.

Lisa:     [tucking in Rod] Once there was a robot named Todd.
Todd:     Did he have a brother?
Lisa:     Yes, he had a brother named Rod, who was two space years
          older than him.
Todd:     [frightened, pulling up his blanket] I don't like this story!
-- The horror tales of two robotic brothers, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Ned is impressed with how calm the boys are after a "bug attack," and
% the fact that Todd didn't wet himself over it.  Ned decides to put in
% a good word for Lisa.
%
% The Wiggums are off to see Bob Seeger, but Clancy accidentally got
% tickets to Bob Saget instead.  Anyway, Lisa is in charge.  Lisa helps
% Ralph get into his pyjamas.  Emerging from a room with his pyjamas on
% upside down, Ralph proudly says, "I dressed myself!"
%
% Bart skids by pizza-eating Homer, who he notices is dressed unusually
% in a fancy tuxedo.  Homer rented it for the gala party tomorrow.  He's
% only wearing it now because, like with a rented car, "Get all the
% mileage you can, then ball it up and cram it through the mail slot."
%
% At night, Bart finds Lisa getting dropped off home and paid by Dr.
% Hibbert for babysitting.  Dr. Hibbert admires Lisa's competence, then
% suffers from the incompetence of Volvo mechanics.
%
% Bart sees Lisa counting her babysitting gains.

Bart:     You made all that money for sitting around and watching TV
          and eating food??
Lisa:     There's a lot more to it than that, Bart.  I don't just
          babysit.  I sell peace of mind for a dollar an hour.  Two
          dollars after nine o'clock.
-- Lisa Simpson, humanitarian and businesswoman, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% With that kind of money, Bart would be gone, he says.
%
% The next day, Homer and Marge descend the stairs dressed fancily,
% drawing the compliments of Bart and Lisa.

You could be Abe Lincoln's father's boss!
-- Bart compliments Homer on his classy attire, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Homer hopes no one notices the pie stain he left on his suit.  Bart
% asks when Grampa will be coming to babysit.  But Marge says Lisa will
% be babysitting instead, playing up Lisa's reputation of reliability.

Take it like a man, boy, and do everything your sister says.
-- Homer, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Bart is quite vocal on the issue, saying it's an injustice for him to
% be babysat by someone 2 years and 38 days younger than him.  Marge and
% Homer then slip out the house.  Marge parts by telling Lisa, "Make
% sure he brushes his teeth."  Bart glares at Lisa, who looks nervously
% at Bart.
%
% [End of Act One.  Time:   6:51]
%
% In the kitchen, Lisa tries to warm Bart up to her.

Lisa:     Bart, I know you're not wild about having me for a
          babysitter, but I'm not some ogre.  I think you will find me
          fair and fun.
Bart:     You're dead.
Lisa:     You should wash up for dinner.  To make it fun, you can use
          the Mr. Bubbles.  It'll be like giving your fingers a bubble
          bath.
Bart:     You are so dead.
-- Breaking the ice, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Homer drives the car down the waterfront at the South Street
% Squidport grand opening, saying, "I love these pedestrian malls.
% There's practically no traffic."  Everyone tries to get out of the way
% of the car, in a funk over Homer's driving through.  Marge thinks they
% shouldn't be driving here -- even the Mayor is yelling at them.
% ("Stop, you idiots!")  Homer parks the car in the middle an emblem
% saying "Children's Message of Peace" on the waterfront.
%
% Meanwhile at home, Bart starts making things difficult for his
% babysitter during a dinner of lima beans.

Bart:     May I have some more lima beans, please?
Lisa:     Certainly. [gives him a few]
Bart:     More than that.
Lisa:     Certainly. [gives him more]
Bart:     More. [gives him more]
          More. [gives him more; Bart has a small pile of lima beans on
          his plate]
          More.
Lisa:     Uh, maybe you should eat the ones you have.
Bart:     I didn't say I was gonna eat them.  I just want to look at
          them because they're so gross.  [pushes plate away]
-- "My Sitter, My Sister"

% Bart asks for dessert, and while fetching for it, Lisa chides Bart.

Lisa:     Bart, if you don't want to have a babysitter, maybe you
          should stop being such a baby.
Bart:     Oh, I'm a baby, huh?  Well then I'll act like a baby. [takes
          a huge bite of his chocolate ice cream] [it spills onto his
          shirt] [Bart fills his cheeks with ice cream, his lips
          covered in chocolate]
          Ga-ga goo-goo!
Lisa:     Even babies know how to open and close their mouths.  You
          need a bib. [straps a bib on Bart]
Bart:     Oh baby hate bib!  Waah!  Waah! [starts banging his spoon on
          Lisa's plate] [Maggie starts bawling]
Lisa:     Oh, look, Bart!  Now you got Maggie all upset!
Bart:     Relax, I'll give her some ice cream. [feeds all his ice cream
          to Maggie] [Maggie's eye pupil shrink]
Lisa:     Bart, that's coffee ice cream.  It has caffeine in it!!
          [Maggie starts twitching her head and body around
          hyperactively]
Bart:     Welp, at least that'll make things more interesting for you,
          now won't it?
-- Bart, putting the "baby" in babysit, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Homer and Marge take in all the sights at the Squidport.

Marge:    Ooh, it's so beautiful!  This is what I imagine Paris must be
          like.
Homer:    You've never been?
Marge:    I'm so honored that Springfield has been chosen to host to
          all these upscale chain stores.  I guess that makes us
          yuppies, huh, Homie?
Homer:    Ehh.  I'm really more of a slacker.
-- Yuppies, slackers, same difference, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% They stop by the "Malaria Zone," where Marge says the explorers shop.
% Homer spots "Planet Hype," a restaurant owned by celebrities.
% Currently, Rainer Wolfcastle is being interviewed by the press.

It's true!  The entire menu was personally approved by my secretary.
-- Rainer Wolfcastle at the opening of Springfield's "Planet Hype," "My
   Sister, My Sitter"

% Marge thinks it's clever that they made it seem as if a Cadillac
% crashed into the side of Planet Hype's building.  But Hans Moleman
% arises from the car, meekly crying, "Help me!"
%
% Homer is even amazed that Moe's moved to a fancier location.  Inside
% his elegant new place of business is just one very long tunnel leading
% to the low-level shack Moe's has been in all this time.  A tourist is
% confused.

Tourist:  Hey, this isn't faux dive.  This is a dive.
Moe:      You're a long way from home, yuppie boy.  I'll start a tab.
-- Moe's latest desperate attempt to boost business, "My Sister, My
   Sitter"

% Lisa, meanwhile, is trying to get a hyper Maggie down off of the
% shower curtain rod.

Lisa:     If you come down, I'll give you some more coffee!  Lots more
          coffee!  Are you getting ready for bed, Bart? [Bart yells "I
          am!" from downstairs]
Bart:     [on the phone in the TV room] That's right.  I want the
          twenty five foot Italian party sub.  And don't skimp on the
          vinegar. [hangs up]  It's time Lisa learned what babysitting
          Bart Simpson is all about. [dials someone else]  Um, yes, I'd
          like to host an AA meeting?  Tonight, if possible.
-- Don't skimp on the psychopathic drunkards, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Lisa is still dealing with over-caffenated Maggie, who is aiming
% around in the nursery with the baby powder bottle.  Maggie squeezes
% it, clouding the entire room and covering Lisa with powder.
%
% Lisa finds Bart on the couch, and orders him to bed.  Making himself
% as heavy as possible, Bart is dragged off the couch by Lisa with much
% effort.

Lisa:     [dragging Bart back to the stairs] Why do you have to make
          this so hard?!
Bart:     I'm using non-violent resistance.
-- So that makes it okay to be a pain in the butt, "My Sister, My
   Sitter"

% Bart runs up the stairs, sits and watches Lisa answer the door and
% encounter the ensuing hardships Bart scheduled.  A few men enter,
% carrying a twenty five foot long sub-sandwich, swimming in vinegar,
% and costing $225, plus tip.
%
% The doorbell rings.  Krusty barges in, shouting, "Hey hey!  Are you
% ready to get rowdy!?"  Lisa says, "Excuse me?"  Apparently, Bart hired
% Krusty to perform at an "emergency" bachelor party, and he won't leave
% till he gets paid.  He asks for $500 just for saying "Hey hey!"
%
% Emergency men show up asking for the person who called for an
% emergency Sisterectomy.  Lisa growls at Bart, who takes a picture.
% Next visit is by an official, who got a report that Lisa saw a UFO.
% Lisa angrily yells, "I didn't see any UFO!"  "That's right, Miss.  You
% didn't," says the official. A scientist puts away some kind of drug
% and walks off with the man.
%
% A chauffeur arrives.

 Man:     I'm here to pick up the Ambassador from Ghana.
Lisa:     Well he's not here!  Nobody's here!  And none of you should
          be here!!  You've all been tricked!
 Man:     Why would the Ambassador do such a thing?
-- Because he couldn't get a sisterectomy? "My Sister, My Sitter"

% When all the unwanted visitors leave, Lisa rails on Bart, telling him
% that he will be in trouble when Mom and Dad return.  Angrily, she
% orders him again to go to bed.  Bart seems to comply this time.
%
% When Lisa goes into the kitchen, she sees Bart eating bread.

Lisa:     I thought I told you to go to bed!
Bart:     Yeah right, bread.  You said: go to bread.
Lisa:     [clenching her teeth] I said, go to bed!
Bart:     Yeah.  Go to bread.
Lisa:     B-E-D!  BED!
Bart:     Ohhhhh, bed!  Ohh!  Anything you say, sis!
Lisa:     [growls] [twitches her eye]

% Lisa checks on Bart, and he's not in his room.  She finds him jumping
% up and down on Homer and Marge's bed.

Bart:     You didn't say which bed!
Lisa:     Go to _your_ bed!
Bart:     Make me.
Lisa:     I'll make you! [lunges after him; Bart leaps off the bed]
Bart:     If you want me, you gotta catch me!
-- Bart's Rules to Taking Advantage, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Every time Lisa lunges at Bart, he leaps backward, causing her to
% leap into the floor.  This continues until Bart accidentally falls
% down the stairs. Krusty returns, agreeing to call it even as long as
% he can have some of that big sandwich, then sees Bart lying
% unconscious and says, "I'll come back later."  Lisa gasps worriedly.
%
% [End of Act Two.  Time:   13:03]
%
% Bart's got a lump on the head -- and his arm is now dislocated.  Bart
% decides against emergency help since he wants to use his injured arm
% as evidence to smear Lisa's reputation as a good babysitter.
%
% Meanwhile, Homer gets stuck in the water fountain floor.  Marge goes
% to get help.  The tourists start laughing and pointing at Homer.

Don't laugh at me!  I was once like you!
-- Homer pleads for his dignity after getting stuck on a fountain
   floor, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Lisa can't convince Bart to come out his room for help.  Suddenly, a
% banging against the door starts.  Bart is hitting his head against the
% door to enlarge the lump on his head.  Lisa orders Bart to stop, and
% the sound stops. The silence worries Lisa.  Lisa climbs out the
% nursery window and scales a tree branch.  Outside Bart's window, Lisa
% sees Bart is unconscious on his floor.
%
% Lisa can't get 911 assistance because "she" has already called before
% for a sisterectomy, a severe case of butt rot and a leprechaun bite.
% She goes to call Dr. Hibbert, but thinks against it, envisioning
% losing her good credentials as a reliable babysitter.

The boy was studying quietly, when the girl, drunk on her own sense of
power, beat him silly with a block of frozen lima beans.
-- Chief Wiggum's analysis of the incident, as imagined by Lisa, "My
   Sister, My Sitter"

% The dream concludes with Marge's disappointment in Lisa.  Back to
% reality. Lisa decides she has no choice but to give up her reputation
% as a good babysitter.  But then she sees an ad for Dr. Nick Riviera's
% walk-in clinic, which guarantees "Complete Confidentiality."

I'm sure he's as good as Dr. Hibbert.  It says so in this ad.
-- Lisa finds an ad for Dr. Nick Riviera's walk-in clinic, "My Sister,
   My Sitter"

% "What's the matter, Marge?  I thought you loved Jello shooters," asks
% Homer. Marge is worried about the kids, but Homer assures her by
% saying that Lisa's in charge, and she's the responsible one.
%
% Just then, Lisa loads Bart into a wheelbarrow.

Lisa:     Don't worry, Bart.  Everything's gonna be just fine.  I'm
          gonna get you to a doctor, [puts Maggie in the barrow] he
          will fix you up, and by this time tomorrow, we'll all be a
          happy family.  [nervously] Happy, happy, happy family.
          [Maggie is restless and playing around with Bart's face]
          Maaaggie!! [Lisa looks around and eyes the cat carrier]
          
% Now, Maggie is in the cat carrier, which is in the wheelbarrow.  She
% begins to rock around, shifting the carrier back and forth.

Lisa:     [weakly] Please, Maggie...  Please... Go to sleep!!
-- What to do when your baby sister is hyper, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Lisa wheels Bart into Dr. Riviera's clinic, where Snake's belly is
% covered in, no doubt, ketchup as Snake makes up a story.

Yo, um, I must've, like, fell on a bullet, and it, like, drove itself
into my gut.
-- Snake at Dr. Nick Riviera's walk-in clinic, "My Sister, My Sitter"

Hey don't worry.  You don't have to make up stories here.  Save that
for court!
-- Dr. Nick Riviera to Snake in his walk-in clinic, "My Sister, My
   Sitter"

% Lisa asks Smithers if he can go ahead of him, but Smithers says no.
% Jasper points Lisa to the wheelbarrow line.  The line consists of:
%
% Rescuer: Moe.  Victim:  Barney.
% Rescuer: A monkey (apparently in a body-switching experiment).
%                 Victim: Prof. Frink.
% Rescuer: a burger guy.
%                 Victim: Comic Book Guy.  ("Oh, loneliness and
%                             cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix!")
%
% While wheeling Bart to a hospital, Lisa is stopped by Chief Wiggum.
% Lisa takes Maggie out the wheelbarrow and tries to hide her.

Wiggum:   Hold it right there.  [gets out his car]  Well, if it isn't
          Springfield's finest little babysitter, Lisa Simpson!
Lisa:     Hi!  How are you??
Wiggum:   Um, I'm fine.  Now, Lisa, when you're walking down the side
          of the road, always wanna be sure to go _with_ traffic, okay?
          Well... is that with traffic, or against traffic?  No, it's
          with traffic.  With traffic.  Anyway, good night.
Lisa:     Whew.
Wiggum:   Uh, hold on a minute!  Let me have a look at that
          wheelbarrow, please.
Lisa:     Okay.  [Lisa looks up at Wiggum, feeling the jig is up]
Wiggum:   Just as I thought!  It's a Yard King!  That is a quality
          barrow.  Well, I gotta run.
-- Nothing gets past him, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Wiggum drives off, and Lisa wonders what happened to Bart.  She looks
% over the side of the road to see Bart tumbling down into the mud.
% Lisa rushes down the cliff and falls into the mud.  "Oh Bart, I'm so
% sorry!  It's all like a bad dream!"  Suddenly, a light flashes on.
% Lisa and Bart are at the South Street Squidport.

 Quimby:  Citizens of Springfield, I officially declare this... what
          the hell is that?!
Skinner:  Why, it's Lisa Simpson!  And look what she's doing!?
-- "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Caught in the act, Lisa is exposed in the night with Bart's muddy
% body in the wheelbarrow with Maggie aboard as well in the cat carrier.

Maude:    She's murdered her brother!
Lenny:    And she's trying to dump the body in the harbor!
 Otto:    Well, duh!
  Mel:    And, as a grim finale, she intends to drown that poor caged
          baby!
-- And her butt sticks out, too! "My Sister, My Sitter"

 Lisa:    [shielding her eyes from the light; wobbly] What's happening?
          Where am I??
Helen:    And she's on drugs!
-- Thank you, Nancy Reagan, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% Homer asks Lisa to hand over the drugs, and then Marge sees Bart's
% arm and his general condition.  Just like in Lisa's dream, Dr. Hibbert
% blames Lisa and everyone gasps in shock.
%
% The next day, Lisa lies on her bed when Bart comes in wearing a cast.

Lisa:     Hey, Bart.  How's your arm?
Bart:     It's all right.  I was hoping they'd give me one of those
          steel claws, but what are you gonna do...
Lisa:     Mm.
Bart:     I'm -- sorry I was such a jerk last night.  Guess I sorta
          ruined your babysitting business.
Lisa:     Yeah, well, that's okay.  I can always sell seeds.  You want
          some seeds?
Bart:     No thanks.
Lisa:     [depressed] Ohh.
          [the phone rings; Lisa picks up]
          Hello.  World's worst babysitter speaking.
Hibbert:  Lisa!  I'm glad I reached you.  Are you available to babysit
          tonight?
Lisa:     Aren't you afraid I might take drugs and injure your
          children?
Hibbert:  Yes, that is a concern, but it's so hard to find a sitter,
          and I've got judo tonight!
Lisa:     Um, okay, I'm sorry, can you hold on, please? [takes another
          call]  Hello?
Ned:      Lisa, Ned Flanders.  You available, tonight?
Lisa:     Didn't you hear I almost killed my brother?
Ned:      You did?  Just a minute.  [long pause]  What time can you
          come over?
-- Hey, nobody's perfect, "My Sister, My Sitter"

% [End of Act Three.  Time:    21:12]

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{bm}  Blaine Moller
{cc}  Chris Courtois
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dga} Dale G. Abersold
{djp} Dallas J. Pesola
{dk}  Diego Kontarovsky
{fhc} Fernando H. Canto
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{il}  Ido Lewit
{jh}  Jonathan Haas
{jh2} Jason Hancock
{jk}  Joe Klemm
{jr}  Jeremy Reaban
{ljs} Liam J. Scanlan
{mss} Marge Starbrod-Simpson
{ol}  Ondre Lombard
{rj}  Ryan Johnson
{sb}  Stephan Bonneville
{sl}  Shangrong Liu

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson.  It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@snpp.com).  All quoted material and episode summaries
remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox.  All
other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors.  The
transcript itself is Copyright 1997 Ondre Lombard.  Unleaded fuel only.

This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie,
Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are
today.  Also, thanks to Dave Hall, for the use of his extensive a.t.s. article
archives.