The Dumbbell Indemnity                                    Written by Ron Hauge
                                                   Directed by Dominic Polcino
==============================================================================
Production code: 5F12                     Original Airdate on FOX: 01-Mar-1998
Capsule revision A (5-May-2005)
==============================================================================
>TV Guide Synopsis
==============================================================================
   None submitted.

   [Here is a synopsis: To save his new, costly relationship, Moe involves
   Homer in an insurance fraud scheme which results in Homer's imprisonment.
   Can he get Homer out of jail without jeapordising his new love interest?]

==============================================================================
>Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard: SILLY STRING IS NOT A NASAL SPRAY
            SILLY STRING IS NOT A at cutoff

Couch:      The family are crushed into a cube; written off car-style.

==============================================================================
>Didja notice...
==============================================================================

Philip Chien:
   ... Moe wears two-tone shoes when he's on the make?
   ... Both "Simpsons" and "Melrose Place" this week uses railroad tracks
       and bars to commit crimes?
   ... The Chimp's Air Force One airplane is correctly drawn as a Boeing 747?
   ... Homer stands 6 ft. tall in his mugshot photo?
   ... Springfield has a large mountain by the water, and an extremely deep
       drop-off?
   ... Moe uses a carbon dioxide fire extinguisher to try to put out the fire
       in his bar?
   ... Apparently OFF's bathroom has a condom dispenser when it becomes Moe's
       temporary location?

Anthony Dean:
   ... Maggie is being held by Homer at the "new" Moe's? And (once again),
       she doesn't fall in this episode?
   ... a picture of a chimp dressed like George Washington is seen in the
       movie "Hail to the Chimp"?
   ... Krabappel and Skinner are at the charity cruise?
   ... Homer's belt is visible while at Stu's Disco?
   ... apparently, Moe changed his mind about Barney's advice on keeping the
       fire extinguishers (in [3F02])?

Jordan Eisenberg:
   ... Renee was a brunette, when Helen Hunt is blonde?
   ... The water was coming from their chimney?
   ... Marge's hair was wet?
   ... Sanjay was on the sign in front of 'Stu's Disco'?
   ... Mrs. Glick was in the park feeding the birds?
   ... The dogs in the park, barking at each other?
   ... The lobster had a sombrero?
   ... Homer needed to steal an ashtray?
   ... Moe's car had a coonskin foxtail?
   ... Moe's car had a replacement door?
   ... OFF was eating meatloaf?
   ... Homer planned on being in the car when the train came?
   ... Mrs. Krabappel was dancing with Skinner on the cruise but left with
       Kirk?
   ... A cop that looked like Eddie was passed out after the cruise?
   ... Moe's car was airtight?
   ... Homer's prison number was 5F124670? (5F12 is this episode's production
       code!)
   ... In the Hawaii setup, a surfer was spearing a shark?
   ... Bart got the cigarettes from under his shirt?
   ... Homer never went to the interrogation chair?
   ... Homer's ghost had a beer?
   ... Renee called Moe 'Momo'?
   ... Hans's jacket said something?
   ... The match slowly burning down?
   ... Barney had a rolled-up newspaper?

Andrew Gill:
   ... The water heater ran on natural gas (note fume hood), so it really
       could blow?
   ... Moe admits that he has small ears (compare to 2F19)?
   ... Hans Moleman now works at the place where he was executed (I can't
       begin to tell you what's wrong with that)?

Don Del Grande:
   ... Helen Hunt's character sounds a lot like Marcia Wallace?
   ... Mickey Dolenz doesn't get any sort of credit for "I'm A Believer"?
   ... rather than having Neapolitan ice cream, they have separate cartons
       of vanilla and chocolate (with nuts - it's not exactly Rocky Road
       since there weren't any marshmallows in it)?
   ... when Homer ran out of the flooding house, he apparently left the
       kids inside of it?
   ... among the patrons at Stu's Disco was Groundskeeper Willie -
       apparently all is forgiven from 3F20?
   ... Homer is mad at himself that he didn't let Snake steal Moe's car,
       forgetting that the car has to be destroyed (not just stolen) in
       order for Moe to collect the insurance?
   ... Homer is able to fit his head through the jail cell bars?

John Isles IV:
   ... Moe's dartboard isn't properly checked?

Haynes Lee:
   ... Renee is quite buxom?
   ... As Don Del Grande pointed out with Otto's bus in the recent "Das
       Bus", Homer's car is lighter than water?
   ... park vendor looks like the pita cook from the "Twisted World of
       Marge Simpson"?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... Maggie eats with her hands (as opposed to with a spoon, or being
       fed by Marge) this episode?
   ... Chief Wiggum passed out on the deck of the cruise ship?

==============================================================================
>Voice credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, President Chimp, Barney, Hans Moleman)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Waiter, Chief Wiggum, Lou, Snake, politician in "Hail to
        the Chimp", camp policeman)
   - Harry Shearer (Eddie, Lenny)

- Also starring
   - Tress MacNeille (Bacardi girl)
   - Marcia Wallace (Woman in bar)

- Special guest starring
   - Helen Hunt (Renee)

==============================================================================
>Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================

   + "The Double Indemnity" (classic film noir)
     - episode title
     - general plot

   + "Free Willy" (movie) {hl}
     - whale's name is actually a Japanese one
     - is still in an aquarium waiting to be freed

   + "Hail To The Chief!" (Musical piece)
     - "Hail To The Chimp" movie

   + "Bedtime For Bonzo" [movie] meets "Air Force One" [movie]
     - general gist of "Hail to the Chimp" {pc}

   + "(Sailing) O'er the bounding main"
     - Homer's little car theft ditty set to this traditional song {bjr}

   + "The Shawshank Redemption" [novel, movie]
     - Prison book cart indirectly aiding in escape {ag}

   + "The Shining" (classic horror novel and movie) {je}
     - Ghosts are imagined at a bar

   + "A Christmas Carol" (Dickens novel)
     - Homer's ghost resembles Jacob Marley {ad}

   + "Mad About You" (Sitcom)
     - Renee's "Yes, Moe, I'm going to find corpses" sounded awfully
       reminiscent of the character Jamie from Mad About You {je}


   META-REFERENCES:
   - The eight spaces for the fingerprints. {ddg}

==============================================================================
>Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- [7F11] Homer in jail {af}
- [8F02], [8F06] The Gilded Truffle appears (and to the best of my memory,
     the Gilded Truffle had a much different look in 8F02 & 8F06.) {af}
- [8F03] "You killed me" is used {je}
- [8F08] Moe's countertop is set on fire {je} [ie. Flaming Moes --hmw]
         Moe's last date (not counting the "Spinoff Showcase") {ad}
- [9F01], [8F13], [2F07] Someone is saved from a fire {je}
- [9F06] Beer sucked out of a beer tap {ad}
- [1F19] A waiter slips in something {je}
- [2F19] The size of Moe's ears {je}
- [3F05] Homer is paranoid about doing exercise {ji4}
- [4F03] Moe mentions his boxing career {je}
- [4F11] Disaster in basement {hl}
- [4F20] A ghost in Moe's bar {ad}
- [5F04] Moe's mail-order brides {je}
- [5F11] Someone sinks, then pops back up {je}

- MONKEYS ATTACK {hl}
  - [1F11] Organ monkey attacks teenage Homer's face
  - [1F21] Sideshow Mel attacked by orchestra of monkeys

- BIRDS ATTACK {hl}
  - [9F05] Condor crushes Krusty's skull with its claws
  - [1F04] Grampa attacked by buzzards
  - [1F07] SNPP employee attacked by Stuart the duck
  - [2F01] Hans Moleman in phone booth attacked by flock of birds
  - [3F02] Milhouse worried about bird pecking his eyes out
  - [3F18] Bumble-bee man disguised as tree, attacked by woodpecker

==============================================================================
>Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- Stu's Disco entry sign

     YOU
   MUST BE
  AT LEAST
    THIS
   SWARTHY
  TO ENTER

  (Picture of Sanjay dressed snazzily.)


- People in Stu's Disco
   - Princess Kashmir
   - Otto
   - Groundskeeper Willie
   - Luann Van Houten
   - Chase (Luann's boyfriend)


- Attraction in "Marine World"

  " W I L L Y "

   (FORMERLY
    "SHAMU")

==============================================================================
>Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
= In the beginning, Bart was throwing the chocolate ice cream and Lisa threw
  the vanilla, but in Homer's shot, the flavors were coming from opposite
  directions. {je}

* Whatever happened to "Disco Stu doesn't advertise"? (Stu's Disco sign can
  be seen.) {nmd}

* Since when can you charge things to a Players Club card?  Isn't it a
  discount card, and not a credit card? {ddg}

= Homer's beer glass kept changing from full to empty between angles. Even
  when it was empty, suds still went over the top. {je}

* Moe didn't let Homer drive home drunk in 3G01. {ad}

= Moe's daisy has five lobes in its petal when it's going down the cliff,
  but a daisy with six petals comes up to the surface. {pc}

= Moe got the bottle he smashed out of nowhere. {je}

* OFF had a clock in the dining room. {je}

* Last we knew, the womens' bathroom at Moe's was his office. {lp}

= At the end, the jukebox has the numbers 4 and 7 pressed, but it's the kind
  where you select a letter and a number to play a song, so you shouldn't be
  able to select two numbers. {ddg}

==============================================================================
>Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold: Geez, it's been a long time since a really outstanding
   episode.  I haven't felt any particularly strong feelings about any
   episode since the excellent "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace."  At least the
   final act of "Dumbbell Indemnity" was very good, even if the first two
   were so-so.  A good episode of a weak "sweeps month."  (B+)

Chris Courtois: "Dumbbell Indemnity" was one a solid, but unspectacular
   episode. Not much of interest in the way of story, but lots of chuckles
   along the way.There were enough laughs to merit a...  (B+)

Anthony Dean: I thought tonight's episode was fairly enjoyable. The whole
   "Hail to the Chimp" movie was pretty funny ("that's what you get for not
   hailing to the chimp!") We also got to see a few running gags ignored
   lately in the series (Homer choking Bart, "mmm...me").  (B)

Jordan Eisenberg: This was the episode I KNEW the current staff could do!
   Instead of the forced references and vain attempts at Simpsonesqueness
   other episodes this season had fallen back on, this had what the show
   should always be:  A funny, fast-paced, decent plot with tons of
   originality and classic Homer.  For the first time since "The Cartridge
   Family", I don't need to give an episode the benefit of the doubt!  My one
   gripe is that the rest of OFF was almost non-existent.  Too bad.  (A+)

Alex Foley: A rather lifeless outing plot-wise, but a few good gags (Homer
   getting photographs, Hail to the Chimp, and the Tunnel out of Prision Book
   gag) save this episode. Ron Hauge really needs to work on his 3rd acts
   though. So far, every episode he has written, IMO has had a very weak Act
   3 {The Hunting trip (4F11), Santa's Little Helper with Mitchell (4F16),
   and Springfield Vs. Simpsons (5F07?) were all poor, and needed much work}.
   Rushed endings in all of them. Still, much better, and less hateful then
   Miricale on Evergreen Terrace. Oh, and Helen Hunt did a pretty good job.
   (C-)

Andrew Gill: This was a wonderful episode.  Risks were taken, and they all
   paid off. Lisa was back to being a multidimentional female, Homer was
   dumb, but the stupidity sfortzandoed, leaving one with the humor, but
   none of the mental baggage of laughing at one's idiocy.  Bart was the
   typical grifter in this ep., providing the public with the "Bart by the
   'barrowfull," buet not too much.  The plot was good, the humor was good,
   the entire episode was good, with the exception of the subpar final scene.
   (A)

Don Del Grande: The story wasn't anything spectacular, and since there was
   no subplot, nothing spectacular was what we were stuck with, but there
   were the occasional quick laughs.  (B)

John Isles IV: This episode did have some stuff going for it, but sadly, I
   thought the writing dumbed this one down.  I did have a few good laughs--
   primarily the scene where Homer falls out of the car.  The plot was rather
   "ehh" and I think that the writing for Moe neede some work.  An OK
   episode.  (B-)

Haynes Lee: Yet another plotline made threadbare by overuse and a yet
   another abrupt ending. Helen Hunt was refreshing though as a major guest
   star not playing herself.  (C-)

Michael K. Neylon: This episode is rather typical of the Season 9 episodes
   - the plot wandered, the jokes fell flat, and Homer was unamusingly
   stupid (I repeat: Homer is not a terminally stupid person - just not the
   brightest).  The plot seemed to be divided between Moe woing Helen Hunt's
   character, and getting Homer out of jail, but neither plot jumped out are
   grabbed the focus of the show, which made it very confusing to follow (as
   if the writers were writing it off the cuff, instead of planning it out.)
   The jokes were weak and predictible in most cases.  The only thing that I
   got a good laugh out of was the ending with Moe's bar being in the OFF
   household.  Truely, I can't find anything redeaming out of this episode.
   This can't hold a light up to the original OFF.

Benjamin Robinson: For an episode that revolves around a love affair and the
   betrayal of a friend, "Dumbbell Indemnity" is curiously not that involving,
   emotionally.  Helen Hunt is good as Moe's girlfriend, and there are enough
   good jokes to raise this one above mediocrity, but it could have been
   better.  Not as good as it gets, but good enough for a B.  (B)

Yours truly: Hey, I like it! Some genuine laugh out loud moments in this one.
   Good characterization of Moe, too. I enjoyed Chief Wiggum's lines
   especially. Well scripted, a good episode all around.  (B)

==============================================================================
>Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>>Player's Club

Haynes Lee: A reference to Diner's Club, a charge card which seems to have
   lost alot of lustre the past number of years. Even the Canadian government
   dumped it a few weeks ago in favour of Federal Express.


>>Moe's Last Date

Haynes Lee: Besides Moe having a date in the last season's non-sequitur "The
   Simpsons Spinoff Showcase", the last time he got lucky was in third
   season's "Flaming Moe's", six years ago!


>>Helen Hunt/Hank Azaria

Haynes Lee: Hank Azaria the voice behind Moe and and Helen Hunt who did the
   voice for Renee have announced their engagement a few months ago.


>>Musical references

   + "I'm A Believer" performed by The Monkees.

   + "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" by George Thorogood and
      the Destroyers.
     - Closing music at Moe's new "bar"


>>Miscellany

- There really is a "Marine World" park, north of San Francisco (and yes,
  it's a Sea World/Marineland-type of park, at least in part). {ddg}

- MPAA rating: TV PG D

- Hayne's Lee's alterna-title for this episode is "Mad About Moe".

==============================================================================
>Quotes and scene summary
==============================================================================
% Its another day at the Simpsons household, and the kids are up to no good.
% Bart and Lisa are hurling scoops of ice cream at eachother.

Ow! Bart, that has nuts in it!
-- Lisa participating in a simulated snowball fight with ice cream,
  "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Homer makes his way down the stairs.

Homer: Hey, I thought your mother told you to take a bath!
Bart: Yeah, mom says a lot of things.
Homer: Oh, I understand, kids. I'm not a bath man myself. More of a
       cologne man.
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Lisa explains that they can't take a bath, because the water heater is
% broken. Naturally, Homer tries to fix the problem.
% Down in the basement, Homer puts his mask on and begins to beat the heater
% with a metal club. Several dents and loose screws later, the heater begins
% to rumble and water begins to spurt from the loosening seams.

(Pushing the kids aside) Out of my way, she's gonna blow!!
-- Homer: safety inspector, loving husband and caring father,
   "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Homer and the kids evacuate the basement, as water begins to creep up.
% Marge returns from her shopping trip to a house that is literally leaking
% from every orifice. Shocked, she is greeted by Homer, who hastily kisses
% her and leaves for Moes immediately.
% At Moes...

To Marge; and all the years I've blissfully spent hiding from her in this 
bar!
-- A toast; Homer, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% The barflies concur.

Yeah? Big deal. You've got a wife; I've got a rash! Who cares?
-- Moe, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Homer is shocked by Moe's outburst. Moe guiltily calms down.

Ehh, I'm sorry Homer. Its just its been four years since my last date with 
a, whatchacallit, uh, woman.
-- Moe, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

Homer: Whatever happened to your mail order bride?
  Moe: Ohh, she got homesick for her old life; diving for tourist pennies in
       a Micronesian swamp.
Homer: So her career got in the way.
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

  Moe: Ehh, I don't blame her. No girl wants to end up with a Joe
       Pukepair like me.
Homer: Now now, I won't hear of it, Moe! You're a fabulous catch!
  Moe: Oh yeah? Well how come I ain't fending off movie stars with a
       pointy stick?
Homer: (Reassuringly) Oh, its probably due to your ugliness... but that
       doesn't mean we can't find you a woman. Come on, we're going to
       the darkest bar in town!
-- His way with words subtle and graceful, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Homer decides that it is time to find Moe a woman.

% The first club they visit is Stu's Disco, where they take to the 
dancefloor.

  Moe: Ah, I don't know, Homer. Women can smell panic, and right now,
       I gotta be reeking of it.
Homer: (Reassuringly) Relaaax.. all I smell is garlic and fish!
-- Moe trying to pick up some hot chicks, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Moe sighs, and attempts his first pickup.

  Moe: Uhh, you look pretty clean.. mind if I have this dance?
Woman: It's all yours! (Walks away.)
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Moe is discouraged, but Homer pushes him to his next potential woman;
% an attractive lady sat at a table alone with a drink.

  Moe: So hi there. Don't scream!
Woman: Oh, hi! Wanna join me for a Bacardi and soda? (Holding up a drink
       representatively.)
  Moe: (Surprised) Yeah, that'd be great! (Sits down.)
Woman: (Holding up another drink) Or maybe you'd prefer a cool, refreshing
       Bacardi Coloda!
  Moe: Sure, whatever...
Woman: Because Bacardi makes the night come alive - with freshness!
  Moe: Uh, do you work for Bacardi?
Woman: (Voice loses plastic insincerity) No, I'm in love with you. (Slaps
       a "Drink Rum" sticker onto Moe's forehead.)
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% They leave the bar and begin to walk down the street, as Moe tells Homer
% he is going to die a lonely death. They are interrupted by a familiar
% female voice at a flower stand.

Renee: Now hold on, merry sunshine.
  Moe: Huh?
Renee: Cheer up. Here, have a flower.
  Moe: (Taking flower) Alright, come on, what's the catch? A gorgeous
       woman don't just hand ya a free daffy-dil.
Renee: (Tickled) Really? You think I'm gorgeous?
  Moe: Yeah, well, the part that's showing.. I guess you could have
       a load of weird scars or a fake ass or something.
Renee: You don't talk to a lot of women, do you?
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

Renee: You don't talk to a lot of women, do you?
  Moe: Well, n-no, well, no, not a lot. Well, gee, I'm sorry, I used
       to box. My brain's... well, it's kind of in and out.
Renee: (Caringly) Oh, that's awful! And look at your little ears!
  Moe: Yeah, that's extensive cauliflowering.
Renee: Well, your bow-tie is just darling!
  Moe: (Flattered) Haha, well thanks... yeah, it kinda draws the eye
       away from the ol' mug.
Renee: (Touching Moe's cheek) I like a face with character.
Homer: (Bored) Lets get outta here, Moe. This is going nowhere.
-- Judgement skills, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Moe sheepishly asks Renee out on a date, and she is reluctant at first,
% much to Moes disappointment. Although when she tells him she didn't
% actually say no, he is over the moon.

Hot damn! Right, don't eat nothin' for the next three days, 'cause
I'm taking you out for a steak the size of a toilet seat!
-- Moe gets a date, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

Renee: Well, when you put it that way? (Offering hand) My name's Renee.
  Moe: Who cares? You're going out with me!
-- First impressions, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% A short montage of clips begins, accompanied by the classic sixties pop
% rock n' roll number "I'm A Believer" by the Monkees. Moe buys Renee the
% entire stock of a balloon vender (leaving all the chilren crying as they
% walk away). They go rollerblading together. Renee skates away with ease,
% but Moe nervously builds up his momentum. As he gets the hang of it, he
% is mowed down by a briskly travelling horse and cart. At a water-themed
% park, an attendant isn't particularly receptive to Moe's already generous
% bribe. Moe and Renee ride two whales side by side, although Moes whale
% loses control and exits the park frantically.

% At "The Gilded Truffle", Moe calls over the waiter.

   Moe: Hey, hey! Sabu! I need another magnum here, or your best champaigne,
        huh? And bring us the finest food you've got, stuffed with the
        second finest.
Waiter: Excellent, sir. Lobster stuffed with tacos.
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Later in the evening, they have just about finished their meals, and
% enjoy a post-dinner conversation.

So, Renee! It looks like you've taken quite a shine to Moe. (Pause) Do
you mind if I ask why?
-- Marge, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Homer is embarassed by Marge's brutally honest question, but Renee and Moe
% are not phased by it.

To be honest, at first it was just pity!
-- Renee's interest in Moe, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% She and Moe laugh in reflection, acting lovey-dovey all the while.

Renee: He's got this insecure.. sweaty charm!
Homer: Oh yeah, I've got that.
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% At Moes Tavern, Moe is on the phone attempting to order some flowers for
% Renee. Barney finds his attempts at being romantic hilarious, but he
% perserveres all the same. When he attempts to pay using his Players Club
% Card, it is maxed out. He ends the phone call, and panics.

  Moe: Well, that's it, it's all over! Renee ain't gonna wanna hang around
       with no Joe Pinch-penny.
Homer: Oh, come on, Moe! Think of all you have to offer besides money!
  Moe: (Thinks for a moment) I need cash, and lots of it!
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Moe decides to call in everybody's bar tabs. All the barflies evacuate
% the bar as quickly as possible. Moe chases them outside in disgust.
% Homer suggests that Moe sells a kidney, or perhaps his car. Moe sighs;
% his car is worth next to nothing. Then he realises it's insured for $5000.

  Moe: Homer, I need your help. You've gotta steal this car and wreck
       it for me!
Homer: Steal? Oh no, you've got the wrong guy! (A "Moes" ash tray drops
       out of Homer's jacket onto the floor.) You dropped something.
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

Oh, come on, Homer! I'm one of your dearest friends! When everybody said
you were too drunk to drive that time, who gave you your keys?
-- Moe, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Homer reluctantly contemplates doing Moe the favour.

Homer: Hmm, I don't know... I can just imagine what Marge would say!
Marge: (In Homer's imagination) Homer, I insist you steal that car!
Homer: I'll do it!
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% In the dimly lit Tavern, Moe attempts to explain the plan to Homer, much
% to his difficulty; Homer must steal Moe's car while all the cops in town
% are on the police department's moonlight cruise, along with Moe. Then
% Homer will park the car on some rail tracks, leaving it to be demolished
% by the 10:15 train. The insurance company will pay up, and Moe will save
% his relationship.

You're a genius, Moe. All your troubles will soon be over for a couple
of months!
-- Homer, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% At the Simpsons residence, the family are enjoying dinner. Well, aside
% from Homer perhaps, who is wearing all black (typical cartoon burglar
% clothes, complete with the suspicious looking woolen hat) and is clearly
% nervous.

Marge: Why all the black?
Homer: (Defensive) Why all the pearls? Why all the hair? Why anything?
Lisa: You look a little nervous, Dad..
Homer: (Childishly) No, YOU look a little nervous, Lisa!
Bart: You're up to something, aren't ya?
Homer: (Standing up) No! I'm just going out to commit certain deeds.
       (From outside the room, still within earshot) Suckers.
-- Nothing to hide, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% At the Charity Cruise, Chief Wiggum greets the visitors. Among them is
% Moe and Renee.

         Moe: Uh, excuse me, officer. (Leading Chief Wiggum to the side of
              the boat) You see my car there? With the rubber hippy daisy?
              Space 7A?
Chief Wiggum: Uh, yeah, what about it?
         Moe: Uh, I was just thinking what a good parking job I did with it.
Chief Wiggum: Oh yeah! Hey, that is nice! Hey, Lou! Lou, check out that
              park job in 7A!
         Lou: W'hoo-hoo.. that's sweet.
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Meanwhile, Homer is preparing to do the deed.

Homer: Hee hee hee! I'm going to be the best car thief ever!
       (He opens Moe's car door, to find Snake attempting to hotwire the 
car)
Homer: Hey!! Oh no you don't!
       (Homer hurls Snake to the ground outside the car, gets in, and
       drives away.)
Snake: Ow.
-- Insurance Fraud For Dummies, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Soon enough, he's cruising.

Stealing, stealing, stealing a car for Moe! Da da da dah da da da dah,
insurance fraud today!
-- Homer's song, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% He gets distracted by a drive-in theatre showing "Hail To The Chimp". He
% decides he has time to see a movie before wrecking the car.
% Back at the cruise, the couples are having a good time sharing a dance.

Renee: Moe, you seem awfully distracted tonight. And you're sweating a lot,
       even for you!
  Moe: Am I? Ah, I hadn't noticed.
       (A waiter slips in a puddle of Moe's sweat.)
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Relief washes over Moe when he hears the train in the distance.
% Back at the theatre, Homer is sleeping. The train speeds past nearby,
% waking him. He screeches out of the theatre trying to get on the tracks
% in time, but it's too late. He'll have to find another way to wreck it!
% At the cruise, Moe and Renee are pleased with the evening, but it's not
% over yet.

Chief Wiggum: Hey Moe! Isn't that your car up there, with the rubber
              hippy daisy? The one that was parked in 7A?
              (Moe's car is coasting down a sloped cliff in the near
              distance.)
         Moe: Hey!! (Begins acting) Hey, what's it doing there? It was
              supposed to be on the railroad tracks.. (slaps forehead)
              no, I mean.. the parking lot.
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Homer is clearly pleased with his improvisation, and hops out of the
% car door, leaving the car to plunge from the edge of the cliff.
% Unfortunately, he rolls over a sloped rock that throws him back into
% the driving seat of the car, which at that moment falls from the cliff
% and into the water far below. The car sinks to the ocean bottom; the
% rubber hippy daisy symbolically floats to the surface.

Chief Wiggum: Heh, that car thief can't hold his breath forever.
         Lou: And if he can, Chief?
Chief Wiggum: Then God help us all.
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Homer emerges from the water, gasping for breath. He is arrested by
% Springfield's finest immediately.

% Soon enough, Homer is down at the station being taken in. Chief Wiggum
% takes his fingerprints.

Your fingerprints are just like snowflakes. They're both very pretty.
-- Chief Wiggum; criminals, beware! "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% It is night, and Homer sits in a moonlit cell.

  Lou: Simpson! You have visitors.
       (Marge and Maggie, Bart, and Lisa arrive outside Homer's cell.)
Marge: Homer, did you really steal a car?
Homer: (Excitedly) Woah, hang on a minute! The guard said I had
       visitors coming!
Lisa: Dad, we're the visitors!
Homer: (Disappointed) Oh.. (Faking enthusiasm) Oh, oh, oh great!
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% He tries to explain himself, but the family don't seem too convinced.
% The next morning, Moe wakes Homer at his cell window. He thanks Homer for
% his help, but Homer obviously doesn't share Moe's enthusiasm. Moe
% reluctantly agrees to use the insurance money to bail Homer out of jail.

Is everything okay, honey? Your shirt is so dry!
-- Renee (to Moe), "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Moe tries to hide his despair, but is sidetracked when Renee notices a
% travel agency advertising trips to Hawaii. Moe has to choose between
% helping Homer (cue doom and gloom music) or taking Renee on a romantic
% vacation (cue pleasant Hawaiian jig). Naturally, he chooses Renee. Homer
% watches in desparation as Eddie rounds up the inmates for the daily
% exercise session. Outside, Moe sings about going to Hawaii.

       Homer: Hawaii? What about Hawaii? Moe? Who's going to Hawaii?! Am
              I going to Hawaii?
              (Chief Wiggum knocks on Homer's cell bars with a nightstick.)
Chief Wiggum: Stop saying Hawaii in there!
-- The horrors of prison, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Later on...

       Homer: (Rattling his cell bars) Let me out, I'm innocent! I changed
              my mind! I don't want to be in here anymore!!
Chief Wiggum: Forget it, Simpson! You're going to the chair.
       Homer: (Gasp!)
Chief Wiggum: ...the interrogation chair.
       Homer: (Sigh of relief)
Chief Wiggum: Plug it in, boys!
       Homer: (Gasp!)
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% At his Tavern, Moe is packing for Hawaii (a lillypad, some pineapples, a
% beach pistol, a scandelously revealing thong - the usual stuff).

Homer's voice: Going somewheeere?
          Moe: Whaaa!?
               (A ghostly Homer appears at the bar, holding a beer.)
          Moe: Homer!
  Ghost Homer: Moooeee... MOOOOEEE! You killed mmeeeee!
          Moe: (Frightened) Hey, no, you ain't d-dead, you're just in jail!
  Ghost Homer: Oh, right! (Disappears)
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Homer's ghost returns, and continues on at Moe. Ridden with guilt, Moe
% shoo's the ghost away as Renee returns from the ladies room. Moe decides
% to confess.

  Moe: Renee.. there's something I gotta tell ya.
Renee: Oh no. You're gay, aren't you? Oh boy, Renee, you sure can pick 'em!
  Moe: Nah, it ain't that.
Renee: What, so you're married?
  Moe: No, no! I-- hey, why did you say gay first?
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Back in prison, Hans Moleman wheels a cart of books into Homer's cell.

Hans Moleman: Would you care for some reading material?
              (Homer picks up "How To Tunnel Out Of Prison".)
       Homer: Hmm, this could be useful!
              (He knocks Hans unconscious with the hardback book, and
              flees the cell with the cart.)
-- Genius! "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Back at the bar, Moe wraps up his confession. Things look bleak for the
% future of their relationship, until Moe has a plan involving corpses and
% burning down his bar. Moe begins to pour brandy across the bar top
% demonstratively. Renee leaves, disappointed.
% Homer is on the rampage. He is a man on a mission. He is walking with
% a purpose, although he briefly scoots along on the book cart every few
% moments. He confronts Moe at the bar, where Moe is frantically trying to
% put the spreading fire out. The two end up brawling, but succumb to the
% lethal carbon monoxide fumes. Barney shows up at the door, horrified with
% what he sees.

Moe! Homer! (Screams) The booze!!
-- Barney walks in on a burning Moes Tavern, "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Barney's triumphant silhoette, carrying something large on each shoulder,
% kicks open the Tavern's door and escapes from the inferno. He sets down
% two kegs of Duff, and goes back in. He emerges once more with Moe and
% Homer on his shoulders, carrying a crate of Duff in each hand too.

  Moe: Oh, Homer! I've been the world's biggest rat. Can you ever forgive 
me?
Homer: Aww, I could never stay mad at you, Moe. After all.. you get me 
drunk!
       (The two embrace.)
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

  Moe: (Crying) Ah, my poor bar! It's all gone!
Homer: (Comforting) Oh, Moe! Moe.. Moe.. dry those beady little eyes. Your
       buddy Homer will get you back on your feet!
-- "The Dumbbell Indemnity"

% Cut to the Simpsons home, which has been converted to a bar - the new 
Moes.
% Inside, the regulars drink, rock n' roll plays, and Marge tries to protect
% the kids from overexposure to the lifestyle. Outside, more people arrive.

% Roll credits.

==============================================================================
>Contributors
==============================================================================
{ad}  Anthony Dean
{af}  Alex Foley
{ag}  Andrew Gill
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{je}  Jordan Eisenberg
{ji4} John Isles IV
{lp}  Luke Pacholski
{nmd} Nathan Mulac DeHoff
{pc}  Philip Chien

==============================================================================
>Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
[5F12] capsule copyright 2005, Hari Michael Wierny. (The quotes remain the
property of Fox, and the reproduced articles remain the property of their
respective authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.) Not to be
redistributed in public forum without permission.