King of the Hill Written by John Swartzwelder Directed by Steven Dean Moore ============================================================================== Production code: 5F16 Original airdate on FOX: 3-May-1998 Capsule revision A (17-May-2003) ============================================================================== > "TV Guide" Synopsis ============================================================================== (Canadian TV Guide) There may be no peaking for the new and improved Homer when two power-bar company men (voices by Brendan Fraser and Steven Weber) come up with a stunt -- one that involves great peril. {hl} ============================================================================== > Title sequence ============================================================================== Blackboard: None. Couch gag: The family in a snow globe! ============================================================================== > Didja notice... ============================================================================== Anthony Dean: ... Jimbo attends the church picnic? ... Homer takes heart medication? Nathan Mulac DeHoff: ... SLH has become excellent at obeying commands? ... Homer only has one pair of underwear? ... the truck says "Springfield News," not "Springfield Shopper"? Jordan Eisenberg: ... the combined commie/nazi logo? ... McBain's shirt is set-up to rip on cue? ... McBain's plane remains in flight after it is bombed? ... CBG is reading "Zebra Girl" in the porta-potty? ... Homer's underwear is pink? ... OFF eats dinner at 5:05? (Or 1:25, but not likely) ... Marge has a recipe list hanging in the kitchen? ... this episode had practically no good DYNs? Andrew Gill: ... Marge wasn't one-dimensional in this ep? ... both the paper boy and the paper man toss two papers out per house? Don Del Grande: ... that McBain movie was made in the days when kids carried around UNICEF boxes at Halloween? ... Ranier Wolfcastle sounds different than usual? ... Santa's Little Helper managed to open the door when he dragged Homer back (after Snowball II closed it when they left)? ... Grampa's dentures match the indentations made by his original teeth? ... if we take Bart's word for it, the Murderhorn is at least 20,000 feet (6144m for metric users) high? ... technically, Homer wasn't the first to climb to the top of the Murderhorn, since someone else reached the "new" top first? Tony Hill: ... Bart mourns a commie Nazi? ... Homer didn't know what dumbbell meant? ... Lisa's as weak as a little girl? John Isles IV: ... McBain's voice seems higher-pitched? ... Two copies of the "Springfield Times" was being delivered to each house? ... Even with his newly-created muscles, Homer was still round in the stomach area? ... The "O" in "Powersauce" is an apple? Haynes Lee: ... devilled eggs look like extra eggs on Homer's head? ... Captain McAllister has some landlubber ancestors? Benjamin Robinson: ... Homer arrives at the Kwik-E-Mart at just before 2:00am? ... Fred, the PR guy with a ponytail, wears one of those power crystal necklace thingies? ... although the next episode is "Lost Our Lisa," she isn't even mentioned in the teaser? Nice to see the network has confidence in her... Mike Smith: ... Harry Shearer & Nancy Cartwright is in the commerical of the upcoming movie, "Godzilla", aired just before the episode started? ... despite last week's promise on the chalkboard, Mike Scully happened to messed around with the opening credits (No chalkbroad, recycled Couch Gag from "Miracle On Evergreen Terrace")? ============================================================================== > Voice credits ============================================================================== - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Abe) - Julie Kavner (Marge) - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, Nelson Muntz) - Yeardley Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Legs, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Apu, Sherpa 2) - Harry Shearer (McBain/Rainier Wolfcastle, Reverend Lovejoy, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Ned Flanders, Sherpa 1, Dr. Hibbert) - Special guest starring - Brendan Fraser (Brad) - Steven Weber (Neil) - Also starring - Joe Mantegna (Fat Tony) - Pamela Hayden (Rod Flanders, Milhouse) ============================================================================== > Movie (and other) references ============================================================================== + "King of the Hill" (TV series / children's game {ad}) - title of this episode pays tribute to this other Fox animated series, which airs um ... damn, I forgot! {bjr} + The Matterhorn - Springfield's Murderhorn has a similar name {bjr} + "The Living Daylights" (James Bond movie) {ag} - UNICEF aid (cf Red Cross aid) - style of plane + PowerBar (Or PowerAde?) (energy bar/drinks) - PowerSauce {ag} + Superman's Fortress of Solitude (Fortress of Solitude) - CBG mentions a fortress of solitude {tr} + "Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer" (Animation) - The abominable snowman in Homer's dream sequence looks like the one in the animated story {tr} ("Thought that it looked more like the one from the Bugs Bunny cartoons or maybe acted." -- {ag}) + Donner Pass Party / "Alive" (Movie... based on a true story) - People stranded on mountains reduced to cannibalism, like Grandpa and McAllister {tr} + Scott's expedition to the South Pole - (see comments and other observations) {tr} + "Pumping Iron" (movie) - body building movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger {hl} + "Seinfeld" (TV series) - someone making a big deal about forgetting to wipe sweat off gym equipment {hl} + Mount Everest (really big mountain) {hl} - Sherpas as guides. - oxygen tanks littering the mountain. - a bunch of inexperienced yuppies became frozen popsicles trying to conquer Everest a few years ago. - Himalayas has a population of snow leopards and some sort of abominable snowmen (aka yeti) + "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" (book) - Homer getting egged looked vaguely familiar to a similar scene in the movie {je} ============================================================================== > Previous episode references ============================================================================== - [7G04] Picnic {hl} - [7G10] Homer wants to get into shape {ad} - [7F06] Homer does something dangerous as an example for Bart {ad} - [7F10] Burns runs over a small boy (Bart) {hl} - [7F18] Homer tries to get in shape after his weight causes embarrassment {nmd} - [7F24] Homer has pink clothing {je} - [8F12], [4F10], [9F07] Homer climbs a mountain {je} - [9F06] Family eats grey glop purported to be an actual food item (supposedly eggs according to Marge in [9F06]) {ad} - [9F09] Homer's stomach ripples {ddg} - [1F08] Homer imagines himself with muscular biceps {ad} - [1F18] Someone mentions that they have only one pair of underwear {nmd} - [3F07] Homer doesn't know Lovejoy's name {je} - [3F11], [4F13] Homer drives the car through an inappropriate place {ad} - [3G03] Burns flying a kite {ms} - [4F10] Homer at a mountain {ms} - [4F10] Riding someone's carcass down the mountain to safety {je} - [5F03] McBain trains a Springfieldite {je} - [5F07] Couch Gag {ms} ============================================================================== > Freeze frame fun ============================================================================== - Bart's capture-the-flag team (aside from Homer and Bart) {bjr} - Nelson, Lewis, Richard, and Janey, going by the kids waiting for Homer at the finish line. - People at the park {je} - OFF, Chief Wiggum, Lou, Eddie, Fat Tony & his gang, Moe, Ned, Maude, Reverend Lovejoy, Ruth Powers, Ralph, Smithers, Mr. Burns, Rod, Todd, Jimbo, Sherri, Terri, Nelson, Milhouse, Janie, CBG, Lewis. - Powersauce Bar wrapper {bjr} POWERSAUCE Unleash the power of apples [very small text] Although the text is very small, the first few words look like they could be, "A bushel of apples." If that's the case, the text was probably what Homer read out loud for us: "A bushel of apples packed in each bar, plus a secret ingredient that unleashes the awesome power of apples." - The mountaineer's diary {bjr} What we can see of the left page reads as follows: snowed all he North Face is an the winds are the south attempt in The right page is just what Homer read, up to "My last thoughts..." - Bart's tube of glue {bjr} ETERN-A-BOND NOW WITH [skull] DEATH GRIP Yes, that's technically from episode, but why not get a head start? ============================================================================== > Animation, continuity, and other goofs ============================================================================== * Isn't the object of "Capture the Flag" to take your opponent's flag, not your own? {th} - When Homer poses for himself, the door appears closed in the mirror, but it isn't. {je} c The captions for Bart's line read: "McBain has (is) really buffed up". {je} c When Homer says "The picture looked good where it was", the CC says "The picture looks good where it is". {je} c When Homer says "...King", the captions say it echoes, when it actually doesn't. {ji4} = During the fight scene between McBain and the German pilot, the plane must be at a standstill, since there is no sign of any wind resistance. {ji4} ({bjr} contributes, "Which, come to think of it, would be the case if McBain filmed this in a studio and someone forgot to flip on the wind machine.") * Mount McKinley is the tallest peak in the U.S. - not the Murderhorn! {hl} * Grandpa's being in the climb in 1928 is inconsistent with Homer being 36. {th} = When the top of the mountain collapses, the new top has a little mound on it (so Homer wasn't actually at the top yet), which then disappeared. {ddg} ============================================================================== > Reviews ============================================================================== Dale G. Abersold: All the hallmarks of a later-season John Swartzwelder episode are there: surreal plot, odd plot contrivance. This is a pretty good one, however, partly because of some amusing gags, but mostly because Homer isn't as much of a jerk here as he has often been in later seasons (his "filth" comments to the contrary). Could have been better, could have been worse. (B) A. Bijanki: This episode was quite good, and I found myself laughing nearly throughout. This is classic Homer, including all the specifics of Homerly fatness and stupitidy [Don't you mean "stupidity"? --hmw], but a fake sort of drive to get things done. Bart's part was minimal, but again the show was about Homer. I wonder why they named this King of the Hill - seems like a bad title to me, especially with a show named KOTH having nothing to do with the Murderhorn episode. Chris Courtois: "King of the Hill" was the strongest Swartzwelder outing since "You Only Move Twice". Homer was (mostly) sympathetic for the entire episode, a welcome change from the rampaging asshole of last week's show. I actually felt sorry for him while he was being egged. Although the story was slight, there were lots of good bits along the way, such as the McBain movie, Homer flirting with himself in the mirror (and still having flab - better than an overnight transformation into a buff stud), the Chinese newspapers, the announcement that Homer had switched to the competitor's bar. The Abe cannabilism subplot didn't do much for me, but other than that it was a fun episode. (B+) Anthony Dean: A definite improvement over last week's dismal entry. High points: the McBain movie, "Homer, is that your wallet?". Low points: McBain's voice sounding off. (B-) Nathan Mulac DeHoff: This week's episode really wasn't all that great. The plot wasn't much to speak of, and Homer trying to get in shape has been done before. There were some good laughs, though. The McBain movie, the views of the three mountains, and the ending line were all clever. As for characterization, Marge seemed a little off, and we really didn't see much of the kids (although Bart was a major motivating factor). (C) Jordan Eisenberg: A quite low-aiming and low-acheiving episode if I ever saw one. The jokes seemed to be packed tightly in some areas, and almost semi-annual in others. One of the worst plot concepts I've seen since the AABF series was leaked is improved slightly by a few decent jokes and the picnic sequences. Repeated viewings bring it up to about a C+. Alex Foley: The Best Homer story since "Homer's Phobia" A short Act I, spotty Marge charactization bog this episode down, but Homer wasn’t a jerk, and some good jokes give this a (B). Andrew Gill: This ep was slightly ludicrous, but began strongly. By the end, however, we had a subpar ep (with all of the craziness of Homer riding down the mountain, &c). However, just being subpar isn't enough to ruin the characterization, &c. Technical merits: 4/5(B+) Artistic Qualities: 3/5(B-) Don Del Grande: One of the better efforts this season, but I would have expected a little better from a Swartzwelder episode. Tony Hill: This was a pretty funny ep, and it did a good job of sticking with a single theme from beginning to end. Typical of the ninth season, there was a drop of plastic reality with the sudden appearance of an Alpine range adjacent to Springfield. (Or is this a feature of the "New Springfield" location since "Trash of the Titans" last week.) But since it was just a drop, I'll ignore it and give KOTH an A. Dylan Humphrey: This episode seemed to play upon the viewer's emotions more than usual. I think the communazi's death was one of the most graphic scenes I've seen on the Simpons. Also, the closing of act I was big on emotional content. Lastly, the victorious ending. This almost seemed like a WWF [WW*F*! Ahh, nostalgia! --hmw] match with its emotional choreography! I think that's especially potent for those of us that see similarities between Homer and ourselves. Anyway, the whole ep ended up being a real watchable pick-me-up, due primarily to the emotional content. The amount of hilarity was kept to a minimum, which i suppose is needed in order to have a real emotional response from your audience. Here's hoping for something crazy next week... John Isles IV: OH, MY GOD! A NEAR-PERFECT EPISODE!!! I can't say I hated anything in this showing, 'cuz I didn't. The story was basically Homer was embarrassed that he faltered in front of Bart, goes on a diet/exercise plan, tries to make Bart believe in him-- Just about what anyone else would do, huh? Simply put, this one had a GREAT sense of balance throughout. (A+) Haynes Lee: A good mono-plot episode whose major flaw is the flat voice of McBain/Wolfecastle. (B-) Jake Lennington: Well, it had its funny moments. SLH dragging Homer around cracked a smile, the CBG having the top of the Portapottie knocked off, and Ralph getting chased by Burns when he was "it" were the best scenes, IMO. Overall, the episode was not that funny, but it wasn't grating like the Trash of the Titans. (C-) Ondre Lombard: Easily the best Homer episode perhaps since "Homerpalooza," which is strange because the core plot element here emulates Homerpalooza, in that, Homer does something life-threatening in order to impress Bart. There isn't a lot to laugh at, but Homer is all around likeable and fun to watch in this episode. An emotional, slightly unoriginal tale, with a welcome joyous ending. Swartzwelder seems to have a weird obsession with mountain-climbing though. But it's fortunately a marked improvement over his failed "Mountain of Madness." (B+) MEBuckle66: This was, indeed, a fabulous episode! I was laughing consistently throughout. The McBain movie at the beginning was especially funny, with the "Nazi Commies" as the enemy. I also enjoyed the joke with the Flanderses at the beginning, they'll never change. Another one of my favorite jokes was that whole thing about Ralph tagging Mr. Burns. Put two great charachters together for one scene, and you've got a great joke! I also liked the whole bit about the powersauce bars. Just makes me hate those other commercials that use celebrity endorsement even more. Oh, and it was cool that we could see the comic book guy. Most importantly, the plot was well constructed and left me satisfied. That is all. (A-) Tom Rinschler: Not too bad. Several amusing moments, and a nice, heart-warming story were major plusses. It was nice to see Homer striving for something instead of just being a jerk. Unfortunately, several of the jokes flopped, and there were several slow periods. Overall, however, this episode was solid, though not excellent. (B) Benjamin Robinson: Like Homer, this story must overcome some obstacles -- a lackluster first act, some plot liberties, and more information about Abe than we wanted to know. Like Homer, it more or less succeeds. The second two acts are strong, Homer is neither too jerky nor too dumb, and I liked the guest characters. A more ambitious show than Swartzwelder's "Mountain of Madness (4F10)," and a little better, too. (B) Mike Smith: Nothing worth it, except it's an far better Homer episode than last week's. An better episode than last season's forgettable "Mountain Of Madmess". I wish I would like to tell you more, but, my mother told to tape that dumb movie about some talking pig! I don't care if that's the one with John Goodman! (B) ============================================================================== > Comments and other observations ============================================================================== >> Brutal National Leader Dept. Benjamin Robinson: Although Communists and Nazis are pretty much interchangeable to Americans, they were in reality arch-enemies. Perhaps familiarity bred contempt? Speaking of Communists, Deng Xaioping, the man Homer mentioned, was the former leader of Red China. He did in fact die recently, after surviving about forty or fifty rumors of his imminent death. >> Unleash the power of apples! Benjamin Robinson: Power bars, like the episode's Powersauce, do exist. Despite what Homer seems to think, they are not intended to be your only food source. Instead, they contain nutrients and carbohydrates that might come in handy during a strenuous workout. Or at least, that's what real-life bars contain. A bar like Powersauce, which claims to be made out of applesauce, probably wouldn't contain much of anything. [Actually fruit is a good source of carbohydrate as it is full of fructose which is similar to sugar, which is one of the quickest energy sources! Shame it spikes insulin and is instrumental in fat gain... --hmw] I just pulled a jar of applesauce from the fridge. One serving contains 9% of the daily recommended portion of carbohydrates, 4% of the dietary fiber, 2% of the vitamin C, and zippo of pretty much everything else. Oh, wait, you do get 28 grams of sugar. Tasty, and basically harmless, but not exactly the breakfast of champions. >> Hey, I can see my house from here! Benjamin Robinson: Bart mentions that Homer has "four vertical miles" to go. That means the Murderhorn is at least 21,120 feet tall, plus the distance Homer had already climbed, plus the elevation of Springfield above sea level. By way of comparison the world's tallest mountain, Mt. Everest, is 29,028 feet (just under 5 and a half miles) tall. >> More on Scott's expedition (see References) Tom Rinschler: In 1911, the race to be the first to reach the South Pole was on. Two expeditions, led by Raold Amundsen of Norway and Robert Scott of Great Britain were racing to reach that landmark. Amundsen arrived first, on December 16, 1911, and returned safely. Scott arrived exactly a month later, but disappeared on his way back. His body and those of his expedition weren't found until months later, as was a journal detailing their journey. This revealed what had happened to the expedition in the end; they were caught in a blizzard, ran out of supplies, and eventually froze to death. Similarities between them and McAllister are: Failure to reach an important milestone first Leaving a journal of those last, horrible days. Dying due to inclement weather and inadequate supplies Bodies being found much later, frozen. >> What IS Matterhorn? Haynes Lee explains: Matterhorn is a treacherous peak in Switzerland. There is a novel about a boy trying to climb it whose father froze to death in a cave on the mountain. >> Guest Stars Dale G. Abersold: Why were Steven Weber (of "Wings" fame) and Brendan Fraser ("Encino Man," "George of the Jungle") paired together in this episode? I have no idea. As far as I can tell, they had never previously worked together... the closest thing they have in common is that they both played gay men in movies based on successful Broadway comedies (Fraser in "Twilight of the Golds," Weber in "Jeffrey.") >> Whose episode is it, anyway? Dale G. Abersold: The "Coming Attractions" for next week seem to present the heretofore unknown "wacky subplot" to "Lost Our Lisa." I guess it's easier to sell Bart's antics than Lisa's travails and tribulations. Whatever. >> "Into Thin Air" Everest comparisons and more Neroli: The sherpas dragging Homer up the mountain, then him firing them, nearly freezing to death at the top, sliding down the mountain, etc.: reminiscent of the Mount Everest disaster of May 1996. see Jon Krakauer's book "Into Thin Air". He tells of Sherpas dragging a woman up the mountain who was a socialite/correspondent for NBC and they needed her to be alive and give a good review. One of the leaders of the groups sent his Sherpas back because he wanted to go to the top himself. The higher you get on a mountain (i.e. 20,000 feet and higher), the more oxygen is cut off from your brain and your judgement becomes impaired as you suffocate. One guy lost all judgement and sat down on the mountain and slid down to his death. (Much like Homer did, except he was a cartoon and he lived). >> Energy/protein/meal replacement bars Neroli: The Powersauce bars remind me a lot of the junk they sell in GNC that's supposed to be so good for you...and it tastes like overpriced paste. I wouldn't be surprised if MetRx had Chinese newspapers in it. [I quite like MetRx bars to be honest... but the prices are extortionate! --hmw] >> Other - Sherpas are a tribe from Nepal famous for being part of mountain climbing expeditions in the Himalayas, especially the early attmepts to climb Mt. Everest. {tr} - Deng Xiaoping (Paramount leader of China) died last year, making it perfect timing for a new episode ref to something timely that happened a while back. {ag} - Haynes Lee's alterna-title for this episode is "Pork Chop Hill". - Jordan Eisenberg's alterna-title is "Rocky and Homerwinkle". - My alterna-title is "Homer Climbs a Huge Mountain". - MPAA rating: PG-L {ddg} - Overseas Animation: Akom; N.J. Kim {ddg} - Of course, the pennies collected for UNICEF are not themselves sent to the areas where their value is needed. {th} - Does butter really have any more calories or fat than the cream from which it is made and which a lot of people put in coffee? {th} >> Meta references - Maggie, according to Homer, "doesn't seem to be growing at all." He could make that same observation about everyone in town. {bjr} >> Where is Springfield? - Hmm.. never noticed those mountains before. Maybe Springfield was moved nearer to them after last week's episdode. {tr} - This episode gave the final, obvious clue for the location of Springfield. Springfield is located next the the mountain in the United States that is at least four miles (21,120 feet) high. How many mountains in the U.S. are that high? None. Mt. McKinley is 800 feet short of that figure. Guess Springfield is fictional after all. D'oh! {dga} >> Musical references - I believe another reference is when he said something like "Nobody could believe I could climb the unclimbable mountain." There is a song in Man of LaMancha --"To Dream the Impossible Dream," with lyrics like "To right the unthinkable wrong" and "To fight the impossible foe." {mjs} >> Thoughts N.R.M.D., "From this episode, at least one thing is obvious: The Simpsons peaked long ago. Last week's "milestone" was pretty weak at best, and this week's follow-up was of the same caliber. There was a tremendous amount of material that was just disgusting (Homer's stomach trick at the beginning, for example), and Renier Wolfcastle's terrible performance went beyond the problem with his voice. All in all, it was another in a series of poor Homer performances which started this season in "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace", and have gone unchecked. The only truly good episode from that period has been "Girly Edition", where the Helper Monkey helped Homer be humorous once again. The writers should realize that they can't write for him anymore, and focus on other characters. I don't think I'm the only one who longs for "Homer the Vigilante", and prays that there'll never be another "Joy of Sect". And that's my two cents. ============================================================================== > Quotes and scene summary (transcribed entirely by David McCormick - thanks!) ============================================================================== % McBain, flying a UNICEF plane, is under attack by five "Comi-Nazi" fighter % jets. One plane fires a missile at McBain's plane, and the back end % explodes. They won't stop me from delivering these UNICEF pennies! (he lifts up a pallet and throws it out the plane) Go, pennies! Help the puny children who need you! -- McBain, pilot extraordinaire, "King of the Hill" % While he is throwing the pennies, he rips his shirt, and we see his % six-pack. Bart is lying on the rug watching this on the TV, with Homer % sitting on the couch. Bart: Wow! McBain is really buffed up! You could grate cheese on those abs! Homer: Yeah, but can he do this? [Homer takes a drink from a beer can on his stomach, then crushes the can between the folds of fat.] Bart: [shudders] -- The abilities of Homer's stomach... "King of the Hill" % Back to the TV. McBain jumps out of the plane, still on fire, towards the % Comi-Nazis' planes. He lands on one and breaks its window. The pilot % surrenders, but McBain breaks his neck anyway. Marge: (walking in) That's what I call break-neck speed! (laughs) Bart: Mom, a man just died. Marge: Hmmmm... anyway, it's time for the church picnic. Homer: What? They had a picnic last week. Marge: No, they didn't! You just brought a bucket of chicken to church! Homer: If God didn't want us to eat in church, he'd have made gluttony a sin. -- Homer, professor of theology, "King of the Hill" % Cut to Jebediah Springfield Park. OFF drives in for the church picnic, but % it's also the Annual Policeman's Picnic and the Annual Mafia Picnic. The % police and the mob are seated at facing picnic tables, and when Legs % shoots the police's mustard, it turns out they shot their own mustard; % Chief Wiggum had borrowed it from the Mafia's table. Legs exclaims, "Aw, % nuts!" % % Homer continues driving, and parks on the baseball field, to the distaste % of the players on the field. Homer ignores them and goes to the nearby % picnic table. Lovejoy: Nice to see you, Homer. Homer: [shoving Rev. Lovejoy out of the way] Yeah, out of the way, whoever You are, you're blocking the food. -- Hungry, hungry Homer, "King of the Hill" % Meanwhile, Ralph and another black boy are playing tag. They run past Mr. % Burns' car, who is inside using a three-faced mirror to tan his face. Mr. % Burns inquires about his kite; Smithers pretends it is "soaring % majestically" but in reality it is lying in a heap on the ground. Then % Ralph runs up the back of the car and taps Mr. Burns through the sunroof. Ralph: You're it! Burns: We'll see about that. After him, Smithers! -- Playing tag at the Church Picnic, "King of the Hill" % Smithers steps on the gas, and Ralph runs like hell shouting "You're not % it!" % % Then we see most of the children of Springfield, including Milhouse, Jimbo % and Nelson, lined up in a semicircle with Bart and Rod in the middle. The % game is "capture the flag", and Rod chooses Todd. Bart takes Nelson, % despite Milhouse's protests. Then Rod picks his dad. Ned deliberates this: Ned: Sports on a Sunday? I'd better ask Reverend Love- Lovejoy: Oh, just play the damn game, Ned! -- Another biblical dilemma resolved, "King of the Hill" % Bart argues that if Rod gets an adult, so does he, and promptly picks % Homer, who is sitting on the ground next to a portable toilet. Bart tries % to get him to play, but he says "Daddy's down for the day", but when Bart % says Flanders is playing, Homer promptly hauls himself up. In the process, % he knocks over the toilet, revealing Comic Book Guy sitting inside reading % a "Zebra Girl" comic. Oh, it appears I will have to find a new fortress of solitude. -- Comic Book Guy's dilemma, "King of the Hill" % Five of the kids are guarding the Simpson flag. Homer suggests surrender, % but Bart has a plan requiring Homer's underpants. He uses them as a % pretend flag, and runs, shouting "I got it! I got the flag!" The kids run % after Bart, while Homer steals the real flag. The kids pin Bart down, but % they realise it's not the real thing. Homer runs for the finishing line, % but the kids chase him and gain on him. He collapses just inches from the % line. I don't think he can get up. Let's egg him! -- Nelson, sympathetic as ever, "King of the Hill" % Homer turns over and sees Bart ashamed of him. That night in bed, while % Marge is reading, Homer vibrates his fat and sighs. Homer: Oh Marge, how could you let me let myself go like this? Marge: Me? I'm not the one who puts butter in your coffee. Homer: Well I've humiliated my son for the last time. I'm going to get into shape. Marge: Whatever you say, sweetie. Homer: No, I mean it, I'm really serious this time. Marge: OK, honey, OK. I'll start taking in all your slacks! [laughs] -- Homer decides to get into shape, "King of the Hill" % Later that night, Homer is still awake. He has to push down on his stomach % to be able to see that it's 1:00. He gets up quietly, and puts on his % running gear on the step at the front door, while accidentally letting the % cat in. He starts running, but collapses at the Flanders' mailbox. Santa's % Little Helper drags him in and onto a chair. He looks at a picture of % Bart. Look son, Daddy got in shape! [he knocks over the picture] I've got to keep trying. Or I could just move that picture... No! The picture looked good where it was. Boy! Drag me back outside. -- Homer talking to a photograph, "King of the Hill" % SLH does so and they both go running. Unfortunately, a paper boy starts % cycling alongside them, and each newspaper he throws hits Homer on the % head. Then a "Springfield News" van pulls alongside, and a man starts % throwing bundles of papers onto the ground. Can you guess where they hit? % You got it - Homer's head. % % Homer then runs into the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu is standing at his post, but he % is snoring. Homer coughs suggestively. Apu: So what will it be Mr. Homer? Your usual bucket of ice cream covered with miniature pies? Homer: Don't you have anything healthy here? Apu: Oh, well, we do have some low-salt candy bars and some reduced fat soda, and our beef jerky is now nearly rectum-free! Homer: Hey, these Powersauce bars look pretty healthy. Apu; Oh yes, that is a new item. No bar contains more apple sauce. Homer: [reading] "A bushel of apples packed in every bar, plus a secret ingredient that unleashes the awesome power of apples." Wow! -- Homer buying... gasp! Healthy food? - "King of the Hill" % Homer eats one of these bars as he is jogging. He sees an "All-Night Gym". % He wonders what a "gyme" is, so he goes inside. Oh, right, a "gyme". -- Homer at the gym, "King of the Hill" % Only one other person is there, lifting dumbbells. Homer starts using a % weights machine, but he uses it the wrong way. He lies in such a way that % every time he drops the weight it hits him on the head. Homer: Phew, my head's gonna be sore in the morning. Rainier Wolfcastle: Excuse me, you're doing this station all backwards. Let me show you how to do it like a man. Homer: Rainier Wolfcastle! Oh, I love our movies and your Powersauce bars and your taught... Rainier Wolfcastle: Hey, hey, that's enough. Now step over to the abdominator and I will shout slogans at you. -- Homer meets Rainier Wolfcastle at the gym, "King of the Hill" % He does so. Two months later, Homer is using the dumbbells and is in much % better shape; his arms are muscular, not flabby. He thanks "Wolfy" for % helping him. Back at home, he looks at himself in the mirror. He flexes % his muscles, ripping his shirt. Lisa: Dad! What have you done to your stomach? Bart: And your chest? Marge: And your shirt? Homer: I have been working out secretly at night. And look at me now! Marge: Oh, my goodness gracious! Homer: Go on, try to find some flab. -- Homer tells the family about the "gyme", "King of the Hill" % Unfortunately, they all manage to find some. Homer resigns himself and % asks "just feel my bicep". Bart goes so and is lifted off the ground while % Marge and Lisa look on in awe. Bart gets scared when Homer lifts him too % close to the fan. Later, at the kitchen table, Homer tries to dissuade % Marge and the kids from eating "that filth", i.e. Marge's casserole. I only eat food in bar form. When you concentrate food, you unleash its awesome power, I'm told. That's why I'm compressing 5 pounds of spaghetti into one handy mouth-sized bar. [He eats the bar and swallows. He then dials the phone.] Hospital, please. -- Homer eating a spaghetti-bar, "King of the Hill" % Back at the gym, Homer is lifting weights with his feet. Rainier: Homer, can you please remember to wipe your sweat off the machine? I got a terrible rash yesterday. Bart: Wow, you know Rainier Wolfcastle? Homer: Yeah, he helped me blast through the burn and ride the zone. -- Bart meets Rainier Wolfcastle, "King of the Hill" % Two Powersauce representatives, Brad and Neil, approach Rainier Wolfcastle % and ask him to climb the Murderhorn, the highest mountain in Springfield, % as a promotion for Powersauce. Rainier says they're crazy. "Not for all % the apple sauce in Glückenschabbel". % Bart says that Homer could do it. "He eats $50 worth of Powersauce bars a % day". Brad and Neil agree. They congratulate Homer: "You're going to be % the first man to climb the Murderhorn". He looks out the window and sees % one mountain, but it's actually a much higher one to the right. It % stretches up to the clouds. Bart gives him the thumbs up. % % Back at home, he packs his supplies for the climb. Grampa runs in. Grampa: Son, don't go up that mountain! You'll die up there like I did! Homer: You? Did? Grampa: Sure. -- Grampa, master of the afterlife, "King of the Hill" % Grampa describes how McAllister and he were sponsored to climb the % mountain in the winter of '28. Near the top, McAllister stole the supplies % and headed for the top alone, sending Grampa falling 8,000 feet onto a % pile of jagged rocks. Grampa: Of course, folks were tougher in those days. I was jitterbugging that very night. But that skunk McAllister was never seen again. Homer: If you're trying to scare me, it won't work. I'm 100% focused on my goal. (picks up his cap) Hey, my hat has ear-flaps. -- Homer, focused on his goal... "King of the Hill" % Brad addresses the press at the bottom of the Murderhorn. Homer says he % owes it all to Powersauce. Marge says, "This is all crazy", but Neil % assures her that they are sending two Sherpas along as guides. Sherpa 1: (subtitled) I foresaw your death last night. Sherpa 2: (subtitled) Stop saying that. -- Homer's 'guides', "King of the Hill" Homer: Well, goodbye everyone. Don't touch my stuff. Bart: Dad, wait. You're not risking your life just to impress me, are you? Homer: Well, yes. Bart: Woah, cool. Now get going. Chop, chop! -- Homer says goodbye to the family, "King of the Hill" % Homer starts walking. Meanwhile, Brad talks to the Sherpas. Remember our agreement - he can't fail. -- Brad to the Sherpas, "King of the Hill" % Homer is on his thirteenth oxygen bottle, and he's just a few feet up. But % he manages to get up quite high before nightfall. Bart, sitting on the % house roof with a telescope tells him that he only has four vertical miles % to go. Homer sleeps, but he is being dragged up the mountain by the % Sherpas. He wakes up, amazed that he's climbed so far. He kicks the % Sherpas. Homer: Come on, you lazy Sherpas, wake up! We've got a mountain to climb. Sherpa 1: (subtitled) He shouldn't kick us. Sherpa 2: (subtitled) His toes will fall off soon. -- Homer's wake up call, "King of the Hill" % A Powersauce newsbreak on the television tells the family that Homer's % passed the halfway point. The next night, while the Sherpas are dragging % him up, Homer's sleeping bag is dragged off by accident. Then his pants. % Then his undershorts. When he feels his skin against the snow, he wakes % up. He is indignant with the Sherpas - he thinks no one believes in him. Homer: I'm going to climb this entire mountain on my own! Sherpa 1: Then technically, shouldn't you go back down and start all over? Homer: Shut up! You are so fired. -- Homer fires the Sherpas, "King of the Hill" % Homer radios into base telling Brad and Neil that he's going solo. Brad % says he's crazy, but Homer's got his Powersauce bars. Neil: Wake up, Homer! Those bars are just junk! They're made of apple cores and Chinese newspapers! Homer: (reading a Powersauce bar) Hey, Deng Xiaoping died! -- The truth about Powersauce bars, "King of the Hill" % Nevertheless, he defies them, saying he'll be at the top by noon. In a % Powersauce newsbreak, Brad claims Homer has switched to the "Vita-Peach % Health Lock", and may not have the "mega-nutrients" he needs to reach the % top. Bart: Oh, Dad's gonna die and it's all my fault! Marge: Don't worry, kids, your father will be just fine as long as he's with those Sherpas. % But Lisa points out the two Sherpas across the road from their house % hitching a ride to Nepal. Meanwhile, Homer becomes light-headed, and % hallucinates, when he's really sliding down the mountain. He regains his % composure and climbs: he only has a few feet to go, and he makes it. "I % did it! I made it all the way to th... aw, crap!" It's not the top at all % - there's another massive section yet to climb. He gets cold, so he goes % inside a nearby cave. He finds the body of C.W. McAllister, out of whom % Grampa had taken a bite. % % Homer realises that just as his dad is a disgrace to him, he's a disgrace % to Bart. He plants the "Simpson" flag from the Capture the Flag game at % the level he has reached. He drives it into the mountain with a hammer, % but in doing so, he accidentally induces a massive rockfall, where all of % the higher section of the mountain breaks off and falls. He realises he's % on the new top. I actually did it - I climbed the unclimbable mountain! (shouting) Bow down before me everyone, for I am your king! -- Homer at the peak of the Murderhorn, "King of the Hill" % He then sleds down the mountain on McAllister's body to a waiting crowd. % Dr. Hibbert examines the body. Hibbert: It's too late... he's dead. Looks like someone tried to take a bite out of him... Grampa: What are you looking at me for? You're all crazy, crazy as... (his teeth fall out and attach themselves to the bite marks) OK. Here's what I think happened. (runs away) -- The end of C.W. McAllister finally revealed, "King of the Hill" % Bart asks if Homer made it. He looks through a telescope, and sees a % flagpole, but no flag. But despite that, Bart thinks he's the coolest dad % ever. Marge looks through the telescope and asks Homer, "Is that your % wallet?" D'oh! ============================================================================== > Contributors ============================================================================== {ad} Anthony Dean {ag} Andrew Gill {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {ddg} Don Del Grande {dga} Dale G. Abersold {hl} Haynes Lee {je} Jordan Eisenberg {ji4} John Isles IV {mjs} Mathew J. Sandler {nmd} Nathan Mulac DeHoff {th} Tony Hill {tr} Tom Rinschler ============================================================================== > Legal mumbo jumbo ============================================================================== [5F16] capsule copyright 2003, Hari Michael Wierny. (The quotes remain the property of Fox, and the reproduced articles remain the property of their respective authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.) Not to be redistributed in public forum without permission. Many thanks to David McCormick for his great Q&SS! Thanks to Benjamin Robinson and Frederic Briere for providing me with the a.t.s. archives necessary for completing the capsule to it's fullest.